I'm getting out of the world of horses.

KarinUS said:
I am just still stunned that you can go from 110% full force and 'nothing but' to quitting it completely. :eek: That was unexpected.
Click to expand...

I'm a bit stunned too :help:

Maybe some major decisions are like that: you see things one way:

"An outdoor lifestyle is good for the kids, responsibility is good for the kids, when the girls get more confident/more competent they will like it more, we can afford it, we aren't going hungry and we can pay the mortgage, I deserve 'me' time, Thyme is the loveliest horse ever, I love horses, why shouldn't I be able to..."

To suddenly seeing it another: read post 1! (I don't need to say it all again. I keep having to re-read post 1 to remind myself why.)

It sounds silly but I think I have been a bit like an alcoholic in denial. When I got back into horses after the twins were born I always said I will quit if..... (kids don't like it, it impacts negatively on the family, whatever) and I kept changing the goal posts and refusing to see what was right in front of me.

I don't ride everyday. I ride about 3 times a week. And I take the kids riding twice. I work 4 days - school hours only. Then there are after school activities. So I ride early in the morning, late in the evening, on my day off and at the weekend. Kids have to come up after school just to feed, even if they don't ride. And they have to come up at weekends. I live in a town so need to drive to the yard.

I rode today. I should have been working :redface: She was lovely. Picking up canter nicely in the arena. I will miss her.
 
Yeah that must be hard. It was a big PITA to shuttle everybody to the trainer's yard to visit Minnie while she was gone.
I am so used to having everything in my backyard.
The kids can either go or not go lol. No driving anywhere. Makes it a lot easier...
 
I think a lot also comes in to it Karin in keeping your horses at home or at a livery yard like a lot of us do. When they are at home you can see to them nearly whenever, at a livery yard you've got the time to commute to get there :)
 
Thyme & Me said:
I'm a bit stunned too :help:

Maybe some major decisions are like that: you see things one way:

"An outdoor lifestyle is good for the kids, responsibility is good for the kids, when the girls get more confident/more competent they will like it more, we can afford it, we aren't going hungry and we can pay the mortgage, I deserve 'me' time, Thyme is the loveliest horse ever, I love horses, why shouldn't I be able to..."

To suddenly seeing it another: read post 1! (I don't need to say it all again. I keep having to re-read post 1 to remind myself why.)

It sounds silly but I think I have been a bit like an alcoholic in denial. When I got back into horses after the twins were born I always said I will quit if..... (kids don't like it, it impacts negatively on the family, whatever) and I kept changing the goal posts and refusing to see what was right in front of me.

I don't ride everyday. I ride about 3 times a week. And I take the kids riding twice. I work 4 days - school hours only. Then there are after school activities. So I ride early in the morning, late in the evening, on my day off and at the weekend. Kids have to come up after school just to feed, even if they don't ride. And they have to come up at weekends. I live in a town so need to drive to the yard.

I rode today. I should have been working :redface: She was lovely. Picking up canter nicely in the arena. I will miss her.
Click to expand...

My kids have to come up the yard with me everynight but not weekends to help with the horses. Like you i see it as they need the fresh air, the responsibility will do them good etc and i still see it this way as i would rather them be running around playing tag with each other in the fields than sitting behind a game console or glued to the tv.

Don't get me wrong i did have my doubts when my son got trampled a few years ago and i vowed to get rid and never have horses again, but it was a accident and accidents happen (i still carry a huge amount of guilt despite saying this). My son was very lucky to walk away from it but no doubt if anything did happen to him i would have given up horses and felt guilty for the rest of my life.

Any sport is dangerous, even walking down the road can be dangerous but i can't live my life wondering "what if" otherwise i would have no life at all.
 
I don't regret the fact that my kids have 'done horses' for many years. All those things are true - it is good to be running around, learning responsibility etc. I really hope no-one thinks I am criticising anyone else's choices! The kids have learnt a lot. But they have lots of other activities now: football, swimming, athletics, triathlon, cycling, BMX - and I don't want to say 'no, there;s no time for that, I can't take you, or pick you up. So I've been trying to do it all. Squeeze trips to the yard in between being a kid-taxi-service and managing the house and work too. It's me that can't cope with the stress of meeting myself coming backwards!! It was easier when they were younger and just did what I said we were doing. Now they have their own ideas, but aren't quite old enough to do these things independently.
 
I the things I like now and become as an adult, are the results of seeds down when I was a child. I couldn't deny my own child the same chances I had to become her own person, just because my hobby took over.

There's a difference between having a hobby and having a lifestyle that requires everyone else close to me to have to adapt continually adapt and make allowances for me.
 
Having been in the same situation with the breakdown of my first marriage, working endless hours with two boys, I feel for you, but it sounds the right decision at this time in your life. I was running round like a headless chicken guilty if having horsey time and guilty if not! No money, no time and constantly stressing when I made the decision to part with my horse.

I held out for what I perceived to be the 'right' owner and he is still with the lady now, he is now 24,

In fact if I am totally honest, without doubt the hardest thing I have done in my life, he has actually had a far better life with her and done far more than he ever would have with me, so for him a happy outcome where he is very much loved.
I have come back into the Horsey world as you know and I am sure along the line you will too, but hopefully the kids wnill have grown and have their own interests and finances and time won't be quite as stretched. You can always
Find a horse to have the occasional ride on anyway, maybe even a share down the line a bit, lots of people, including me, are always on the lookout for a reliable person to help out xxxx
 
Last edited:
Thyme & Me said:
I don't regret the fact that my kids have 'done horses' for many years. All those things are true - it is good to be running around, learning responsibility etc. I really hope no-one thinks I am criticising anyone else's choices! The kids have learnt a lot. But they have lots of other activities now: football, swimming, athletics, triathlon, cycling, BMX - and I don't want to say 'no, there;s no time for that, I can't take you, or pick you up. So I've been trying to do it all. Squeeze trips to the yard in between being a kid-taxi-service and managing the house and work too. It's me that can't cope with the stress of meeting myself coming backwards!! It was easier when they were younger and just did what I said we were doing. Now they have their own ideas, but aren't quite old enough to do these things independently.
Click to expand...

I like that 'meeting myself coming backwards':smile: I said that to my son the other day and he said to me 'what the hell does that mean?:frown:' I couldn't really explain so I just said 'you'll find out when you have a family' lol
 
Are you sure you wouldn't consider a part loaner for Thyme? I mean then you could still have your time on your day off and perhaps have horsey time on one weekend day? Then if it still wasn't working then yes sell? I worry if you sell Thyme you may regret it?
 
I am advertising for a sharer locally but my requirements are:

Reliable
Willing to accept full responsibility for everything on their days
Able to contribute financially
Rides in classical/EE/CR type style
Approaches horsemanship in a horse-centred, sympathitic, non-confrontational way...

Plenty of folk like that on here, (which us why it's the only forum I go on having browsed a few). But in 'real' life they are rare, ime.

They also need to be willing to look after Tara too on their days, which is a lot to ask of a pony they won't be riding.

It's an option and if it worked out, great. But I hardly dare hope tbh. I've stopped persuading the children to come to ride Tara. I offer, they say 'not today' I say 'ok then'. (Hence the bareback ride! I'm keeping her fit even if they aren't). They haven't ridden for 2 weeks now....
 
Perhaps it's worth considering offerin Tara as part of the part loan with Thyme? Ie for a mother and daughter? (if L says yes)

I do agree though, finding a like minded rider is going to be tricky! I am having to consider getting a part loaner for Moët in the future and I am dreading finding someone as similar to how I ride her!
 
Have you considered just keeping Thyme and having her in a part livery arrangement? I know that it costs more money but if you went from having 2 horses to 1, would that not provide for the cost of the livery?

I have Ben in part livery. All his day to day care is done for me and all I really have to do is turn up and ride (although in reality I also spend hours grooming him and I always muck out his stable before I go home). I didn't think that I would like this arrangement because I thought that I would miss out on looking after him, but it means that I never have to bring my 2 kids to the yard with me, and if I can't get there at all it doesn't matter. It is expensive but it's the only way that I could manage a horse, kids and job. Last night I rode him at 9:30pm once the kids were in bed, husband was home and all the jobs around the house were done. Many people think that I am crazy to do this, but I look forward to seeing him all day and he is my reward for spending every other second of my life running around after other people. I do lack sleep in my life (went to bed at 11:30pm and got up at 5am) but that's a small price to pay.
 
MP you have a good suggestion there, T&M how did you find things when you just had Charlie?

I think I get the impression the horses are your thing not your girls thing really? Wonder if its worth down sizing to one like MP suggested and have Thyme on part livery and/or with a part loaner?
 
juliecwuk said:
MP you have a good suggestion there, T&M how did you find things when you just had Charlie?

I think I get the impression the horses are your thing not your girls thing really? Wonder if its worth down sizing to one like MP suggested and have Thyme on part livery and/or with a part loaner?
Click to expand...

Sounds like a super idea indeed ;)
 
juliecwuk said:
I think I get the impression the horses are your thing not your girls thing really?
Click to expand...

Well exactly! That's where this thread started. I've always managed to convince myself that the horses were a 'family' thing. It is far too time consuming, stressful (in terms of the impact on everyone else, being late, needing to deal with issues as they arise, domestic chaos etc) and expensive to justify just for MY hobby. That's why they have to go. Once you have 1 horse, you are fully committed and responsible. It's a bit like kids: a huge gulf between zero and 1, then less of a difference between 1 and 2; 2 & 3 etc.

I am looking out for a sharer, but even if someone seemed suitable what happens when the horses are injured or ill, or the sharer is. The buck will still stop with me, no matter what, as long as Thyme is mine....
 
newrider.com
Top Bottom
Back