NO CONFIDENCE

G

Gail May

Guest
At the age of 46 I have been taking riding lessons for 2 months. I never get to ride the same horse twice, but I really enjoyed riding up until 2 weeks ago. The horse walked fine but asked to trot, she just bolted and ran in all directions. I fell off - but remounted straight away. The same thing happened, asked to trot, I lost control and fell off - this time hurting my back quite badly. I still got back and finished the ride by just walking. I was upset more at myself for not having the control. This week I went back for another lesson and was given another horse. I was not unduly anxious. I mounted and walked, but when asked to trot I had the same sensation of being out of control I spent the rest of the hour being paralysed with fear and sobbing!

Has anyone else had this experience or can anyone give me tips or hints as to how to overcome this lack of confidence?

I do not want to give up just because of this one incident.

Gail
 
Sorry to hear of your incident. Are you having group lessons or individual ones? If your confidence is a bit low then individual lessons would be best so that you can rebuild your confidence at a speed you are happy with.

I know it can be a difficult thing to break through. If you are tense you tend to grip up with your legs which then makes your seat and stability worse, so you try to grip more and so it repeats. A good instructor will be able to help you through this. Are there any other schools you could go to? Maybe a different approach would help.

Don't give up.

Mike
 
Hi!

I quite agree with Mike there. I have only been riding for about two months now, but I would probably have given up already hadn't somebody on this site suggested that I take private lessons.

Although nothing 'drastic' happened, I was absolutely overwhelmed and felt completely out of control (partly because I have a few frightening memories of losing control of my horse in my childhood). Determined to continue, I went to another school and started taking private lessons. This helped me tremendously because I could take things at my own pace. I happen to know my instructor thinks I'm over-careful and perhaps too slow, but even if I seem to be managing alright, I still need to get rid of my fears.

I admire you for getting back up again -- don't give up!
 
Just keep at it. As the others have said, private lessons are a great boost, and usually not *too* much extra money.

The first time that I cantered I was thrown (I clung on through the first few times that the horse attempted to throw me - failed at the fourth).

It's perfectly reasonable to ask for a different horse next time - I did. Having said that, I have now ridden that same horse many times since and he canters beautifully. He is a wondeful horse. Horses are unpredictable, but it's probably a one-off bad-mood. Get some experience on another and then come back to it.

P.S. I'm 36, so no youngster either. Riding as an adult can be wonderful.

[This message has been edited by KarlR (edited 13 April 1999).]
 
Thanks to all of you! I really thought that I must be unusual or something. I have an appointment to visit another stables this evening - I have told them my problem and they understand.

What I find difficult to understand is that when I was petrified on Sunday, my instructor did not say a word to me after the lesson, I dont think he could get away quick enough. By the way, I think the idea about private lessons is a good one, as up to now I have been in a group of 5 -12 riders!

Gail
 
Hi again, Gail!

I hope you like the stables you're going to visit!

It's funny what age (and having children?!) can do to you. When I was young, I was absolutely fearless; I didn't ride for a long time then, but I was always oozing with confidence. Now that I took up riding again, all that confidence was gone. I find that many people, even professional instructors, who started riding in their childhood or adolescence, find it hard to understand this "irrational" fear & lack of confidence.

I still lack confidence when in the saddle, but that's nothing compared to how I feel on the ground. I can't count the times I have been asked to do things (like walking the horse to the manege etc.) on my own, without anybody around, while there have been all kinds of machines buzzing around. Child's play to some, but for a complete and utter novice like myself, walking a nervous creature past frightening objects is TERRIFYING (and I now refuse to do it unless there's somebody around). Besides, I don't feel it's responsible. I cannot saddle & bridle a horse, either, because I was only shown twice, and now I'm supposed to do it on my own ("You know where the saddles are...").

Can any of you relate to these things, or am I just a hopeless thicko?
 
Marlena - It is so good to hear that you feel the same as me. Whilst I have been taking lessons for 8 weeks and have not been on a horse before - I have not been told how to put tack on or off and I feel a complete idiot waiting for someone to show me. I have never been told how to hold the reins properly, only shouted at to lower them.

With regard to control of a horse I have not been shown how to use aids and what I am doing is just a question of luck. Is there such a thing as a good teacher - or are they all much the same?

I adore horses and that is the reason I do not want to give up riding at this early stage. But yes, I too feel totally inadequate , clumsy and thick!

Gail
 
Gail,

I would really try and get private lessons if I were you -- nobody ever taught me any aids before I did. You never know, this new place might turn out to be better!

I'm really quite happy with my teacher; even though I had been riding before (&successfully forgotten everything), she made me begin from scratch. The problem is that she's the stable manager so she's really quite busy & teaching the other stuff is left to others, many of whom are quite impatient.

I hope you'll like the stables. Have a good long chat with the teacher & consider private lessons. Good luck!

Bye,
Marlena.
 
Gail,

This reply might sound like i have made it up but it is the truth. I am 36 and started riding again 18mths ago after a break of 17years. I took lessons at a yard near a famous racecourse. i found it difficult at first but warmed to it quickly. i then stopped and returned to the lessons a year later. This time the yard had changed hands and they had changed instructors. By this time i had bought my own horse, a 5 year old grey gelding 17.1HH. I needed confidence lessons on him and paid to have the Yard Manager instruct me. She was probabley a great rider but she was an awful instructor, i had no confidence. Then i thought, hold on, Im paying for this !!, so i changed tactics. If i wasnt happy i said so, if i didnt understand i asked her to get on my horse and show me. I also asked for a couple of stable management lessons and this helped me no end with my confidence and bonding. I thought, if i can handle a horse at ground level then i can handle one at 17,1HH. It worked. My horse is now moved (because i hated the new yard owners too)he is stabled at a yard near a great beach and sand dunes and woodland and river and lovely villages. I have never fallen off him, in fact i have never come off any horse (where is there a piece of wood when you need it?)and i can do most things, including galloping and jumping(ish) That has happened in a matter of months and i seemed to cross a confidence barrier. I know you will find yours, and remember who is paying for the lessons. Tell them what worries you and make them go through it until you are clear. Worked for me. Let us know how it goes?

Regards
Steve
 
Dear Steve

I am so grateful for everyone who has taken the time to respond to me, particularly as I feel very depressed about this at the moment.

I shall certainly enquire about private lessons, as this seems to be the remark that everyone is making.

It worries me that riding schools take the money but obviously assume that most people know more than is actually the case.

If I could just get the confidence I had before the falls I would be so happy.

Will keep you informed of my progress.

Thanks

Gail
 
Gail

I think your situation raises a very important issue - that of the whole approach and attitude to teaching people to ride. From my experience, the topics on this message board and the emails I get, there is much that needs improving (at least in the UK). Some may be lucky and get a good instructor to start them off but I think it is very much down to luck. Often the least qualified and experienced instructors teach the least qualified riders - this surely is not the best approach.

How much unnecessary suffering do we cause the horses as we bounce around trying to get the hang of the trot whilst balancing off the reins and yanking their mouths? (Yes, I been there, done that, and still unfortunately sometimes do). When some proper education early on, both on and off the horse, could have made it so much better for both horse and rider.

I'd like to see an elevation of how riding is taught. Perhaps in some way this site can help the novice to at least know what to expect, ask the right questions, and know when they are being let down.

What do others think?
 
Gail,
The first thing I would do is to investigate all the barns in your area and ask each their views on training. I made the mistake of landing in a Hunter/jumper barn where all the other riders where A levels. So their approach to training was a very advanced one. I'm now at a barn where there is varied styles of riding and levels of ridding. Even though I had been ridding I was put in private lessons on a lunge line, that way I could learn my seat without worrying so much on what the horse was doing. I felt alot safer that way. Also try working with the same horse for awhile. Each horse is different and learning on a sane horse will do wonders for your confidence!
Good luck and keep trying! I now own a very opinionated TB mare that I can handle with ease.
 
Hi Gail!
I'm sorry that you have had a bad start...but I am positive that it will all work out! I agree that you should get private lessons, but also, don't be afraid to ask questions on things that you are unsure about..otherwise you'll never learn! I have suggested this to people before, but once again, you might want to become a working student: I am, and befor I was really nervous around horses on ground, but now I know that I can still control them, even though I am on foot. Probably the best advice that I can give you would be: go out there will all the confidence that you have. (though harder said than done), tell yourself in a strong, level voice that you can do it, you WILL make these horses mind you, and work at your troubles until you achieve your goal. In your mind, think that you are better than you actually are (to an extent) and when you act out what's in your mind, you will realize that you really can do this!!
Also, ask you instuctor to demonstrate what you should be doing if you don't understand it...and ask what you are doing wrong, and ways you can correct it. (i.e. i needed to strengthen my legs and i asked my instructor for excersies to do at home) ALL THE BEST!!!

~alison~*
 
Gail,

If it isn't clear already, then let me say that riding instructors vary *enormously*. I can't tell you how much. I've had an instructor who had only been teaching for a couple of months (my first instructor!); another who spent the first half of the lesson telling you how awful you were, and then the last 10 minutes saying how much better you were now; another who said just enjoy yourself an run around (fun, but not very instructive); but also 3 instructors who are truly excellent (my current one+two stand in's for when she is away). If your instructor doesn't reassure and advise after an incident or demonstrate/explain techniques clearly, then stop them and ask for an explanation - if that doesn't work, then change instuctor: it's your money! There are plenty of other instructors, even if you have to travel a few more miles.

I do not necessarily think that it is a matter of them assuming that you know more - very often they have so little teaching experience and confidence themselves that they just can't tell.

I'm sure that you will find the right instructor for you - one that is interested in you succeeding - they do exist!

Mike - I fully agree. Many of the instructors that I have met are extremely inexperienced as teachers. I cannot see it changing easily though - it's far cheaper for a school to get a student (of theirs) to teach than to pay a qualified intructor several pounds per hour. My current school has three grades (student, qualified, senior) and you can choose and pay for the grade that you want. This alleviates the problem a little, but it is still uncomfortable asking for a better teacher.

Whilst I get the opportunity, let me say that this is an excellent site, and just what was needed for people like ourselves. I searched the Internet last year when I first started - if I have found this site then I would have avoided may of the pitfalls that I fell into. Well done.

Karl
 
I am overwhelmed by all your replies and your kind hints. I am so pleased to have found this site, which I shall visit regularly.

Just to update you - I visited the new stables last night and although small and privately owned, the 2 ladies were genuinely interested and were full of advice and support. I am booked for a private lesson on Saturday afternoon and she has told me she will start on the lunge in order to rebuild my confidence.

So keep your fingers crossed, this will do the trick.

Once again thanks to everyone who has replied - I will let you know of my progress.

Kind regards

Gail
 
Hello Gail,
I started learning to ride for the first time last year at the age of 43 and rode for about four months then had to give up because of a leg injury (hope to return to it this year). The school I started at suggested private lessons which was very good advice and I think you will find it boosts your confidence a great deal. The not quite so good advice they gave was to go for the cheapest lessons given by the student instructors. Although I never had any complaints about their teaching ability (as far as a novice such as myself is able to judge!) they kept changing and I never knew which instructor or which horse I was going to have. This meant there was very little continuity as each new instructor had to assess how much I had learned already and I felt it hindered my progress. If your new school has the option of different grades of instructor then I would certainly go for a qualified one and try to stick with the same instructor. I understand how your bad experience dented your confidence as I had a similar one when I was starting to learn the canter. When I asked my horse to canter he suddenly bolted. Fortunately I managed to stay on, but when I tried it again the same thing happened. I was convinced it was something I was doing wrong but my instructor said it wasn't my fault. It later transpired that the horse had a sore back and this was causing him to react that way, but I didn't find that out until some time later when I next rode him. The week after this happened, I was on another horse and I tried the canter again and guess what - the horse bolted! This time it was because something had spooked her but having had the same thing happen on two different horses I was convinced it must be my fault and after that even though I never had any more problems I was always scared of cantering. I think you are incredibly brave to carry on after your experience which was far worse than mine. I hope you have better luck with your new school.

Best wishes,
Kathy

Congratulations on this wonderful site by the way, Mike.
 
As an adult beginner my problem is not confidence, but I am having difficulties which I hope somebody will be able to advise me on.

I started riding 3 weeks ago, and have so far had 2 1 hour private lessons. I have waited 22 years for the chance to ride - I had a very severe allergy to horses as a child and have only recently recovered sufficiently to give me even half a chance of riding. I do everything I can to make it better, (wear gloves, take antihistamines, wash my hands immediatley after etc) but my eyes still swell up and my skin still itches like mad. Still, it's worth it.

I had a different instructor and horses for both lessons, but both instructors were great, and the two horses I have now ridden will probably be the only 2 I ride because the stables doesn't have many horses to take adults of my height and build.

My problem is that I am finding it difficult to impose my will on the horses and I worryconstantly that I'm pulling too much on his mouth or landing too heavily or whatever. I'm sure you all know that horses can be awkward when they want to be, and I had difficulty making the 2 I have ridden so far keep going. It may sound weird but I don't want to feel I am forcing the horse to do something against it's will, and the I find the constant need to kick them on hard to cope with. The horses I have ridden so far are typical riding school horses,and a little bored because of it, and they both seemed to have the attitude that they were going to get away with as much as they could - forcing me to be very firm. This makes me feel uncomfortable and is threatening to spoil my enjoyment of riding, which I loved instantly.
Does anybody have any comments that may help meto deal with all this? I'd greatly appreciate it.

Emma
 
Dear Emma

Before I fell off, I too had these problems. I am rather soft with animals, and want to treat horses rather like my pet dog.

However, if nothing else, the falls have taught me that horses are rather like children, and need to be shown how far they can go.

But I would still hate to hurt the horse - but I do understand exactly what you mean. I am told all novices feel the same.

Gail
 
Emma,

I'm sorry to hear about your allergy. It is astonishing how different people react so differently. A friend of mine had a similar allergy, but to dogs - his was controllable through particular antihistamines fortunately. In any case, well done for finally starting.

As far as riding is concerned, I'll attempt to advise although most here are more experienced than me. Note to anyone else reading this I don't mind being contradicted!<g>

First of all - take it steady. 2x1hr should get you sat on a horse in vaguely the right position - don't expect miracles. The horse will *know* that you are inexperienced whatever you do at this stage.

From a contact point of view, my instructors always say about 2 lbs in each hand - about a bag of sugar. Ask your instructor to demonstrate how much that is. (Actually I never pull quite that hard, but it's a good guideline.) A consistent pressure is more important.

I think that kicking is a bit of a misnomer unless you are trying to punish the horse, and even then avoid it. I rarely kick, but try to achieve leg pressure - this is usually, IMHO, what instructors really want. I really hate it when people are instructed to kick, kick, kick...that's the way that you get a dead sided horse. If the first kick doesn't get a response then a light tap on the shoulder with the whip in combination with the leg aids is *much* more effective.

To keep the horse in the desired pace, regular (sometimes stong) leg pressure at the right point in the movement cycle is the thing. Of course, at this stage you probably just don't have the leg muscles for it - but you will! Also, try to "kick" in the right place - it does make a difference.

As far as sitting heavily is concerned, the horse can probably withstand it for some time but ask your instructor to show you how far to rise...you don't have to stand bolt upright and then collapse even if that's the impression you get.

Once again let me reiterate - this is very early days yet. There will come a stage where is all seems natural. Then you will *really* know how much fun it is. Good luck.
 
HI Gail,

I am so sorry to hear of your experiences. I have been teaching for thirty years, and when I joined this site, i was not surprised, but still saddened to see the same problems being raised that were around thirty years ago. i have developed a system of teaching riding which is quite unlike any other.It is based on logic and clear explanation and demonstration.

In my view, if the pupil doesn't understand something, it is not because he or she is lacking intelligence, it is the fault of the instructor, who is not making him/herself clear enough. As for instructors that shout, it is the height of rudeness, and is a bit like the English habit of shouting at foreigners in the hope that they will understand! You are paying for the lesson, and the instructor has absolutely no right to treat you as if you are an imbecile.

Quite apart from anything else, if you are nervous, and are making yourself do something that you are afraid of, that is showing courage. People who are naturally fearless are not necessarily brave- they think nothing of it. When you are having to push yourself to overcome your fear, you are being brave.

Whereabouts do you live? I may be able to help advise you better if I know. Email me privately if you prefer on heather@eclipse.co.uk

All the best

Heather
 
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