Does anyone else suffer low self esteem or confidence?

In my mid to late 20's I suffered very much with lack of confidence and low self esteem, but thankfully now I'm 42 it is long behind me, mainly due to starting riding! I met some lovely people when I started having lessons at 34 - and tbh, there was no room for shyness, I just had to get on with it!lol. Everybody was so nice though and I look back on those early days with fond memories!
I don't have many friends, OH is my "best friend" always has been! I have a couple of old friends from way back when, we don't see much of each other these days, but then again, we don't need to! We know that we're always there for eachother when push comes to shove and it is nice to know that we don't have to see a lot of each other to make it work still. (HOpe that made sense my grammar is rather bad this morning!).

I don't know how old you are but I am guessing it might be an age thing? I used to care so much what people thought about me, I chose my words carefully.............(still was a chatterbox though once I got to know someone!). As I've got older and hopefully wiser, I talk a lot still (see how many fluffy posts I write on here is testament to that!) but I don't care what people think so much in real life and I don't over analyse myself.

Its an old chestnut but just be yourself and enjoy your horse hobby - try not to worry too much about how many mates you have or haven't got and if you prefer your own company then so much the better!
 
Joyscarer said:
As the years have passed, I've grown to realise that, in general, others don't deserve the amount of weight I've given their views. I've been let down time and time again which has made me appreciate that me and my instincts are worth a darn sight more than public opinion and I've grown more comfortable with that the older I've got.
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That has put into words exactly what has happened with me as I have got older.

And also Ale, just read your last post that you are having to listen to some twit go on about how she was drunk and got arrested...well hey, to repeat what I said earlier, why would you want to have something in common with someone like that? Sounds to me like you are mature beyond your years, frankly.
 
Thankyou Trewsers, its nice to know others have felt the same and overcome it. I dont seem to get alot of respect from anyone, everyone expects everything from me and I get nothing in return. I feel like an odd one out with the other girls. I don't wear make up, I'm not really into chatting about how nice a guy looks or bitching about people. This isnt just youngsters round here, the older people are the same! Talking about how they were drunk and cheating on their husbands etc :O I do get on better with guys and have a laugh with some of them but then a pretty girl walks by and they forget they're even talking to me and that doesn't make me feel valued tbh. Sorry went into a bit of a rant.

LBrider, you're quite right, I don't know why people find behavior like that so fasinating? Yes I drink sometimes and i love having a laugh, but I'd never want anyone to get hurt by my actions, if I ever got arrested I'd be truely ashamed, not bragging about it! Guess I've just been kind of lonely lately.
 
Joyscarer said:
I my younger years I suffered more from low confidence and self esteem. I was bought up feeling that winning and being the best was the goal so that improvement or being the best that i can be wasn't celebrated. Therefore my life was judged by me by comparing myself to others and always not being good enough.

As the years have passed, I've grown to realise that, in general, others don't deserve the amount of weight I've given their views. I've been let down time and time again which has made me appreciate that me and my instincts are worth a darn sight more than public opinion and I've grown more comfortable with that the older I've got.

Unfortunately for me, my personal issues have manifested themselves in a very public way, my weight! It's testament to my new found confidence in my 30s that I've been able to tackle the cause of my problems which had led to an ability to challenge the symptoms. Whilst I'm not entirely there yet, I now very happy to be able to recognise, appreciate and celebrate these improvements.
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Start sounds exactley like me! Very reassuring post Thankyou, and well done, glad you feel more confident now!
 
Ale said:
Thankyou Trewsers, its nice to know others have felt the same and overcome it. I dont seem to get alot of respect from anyone, everyone expects everything from me and I get nothing in return. I feel like an odd one out with the other girls. I don't wear make up, I'm not really into chatting about how nice a guy looks or bitching about people. This isnt just youngsters round here, the older people are the same! Talking about how they were drunk and cheating on their husbands etc :O I do get on better with guys and have a laugh with some of them but then a pretty girl walks by and they forget they're even talking to me and that doesn't make me feel valued tbh. Sorry went into a bit of a rant.

LBrider, you're quite right, I don't know why people find behavior like that so fasinating? Yes I drink sometimes and i love having a laugh, but I'd never want anyone to get hurt by my actions, if I ever got arrested I'd be truely ashamed, not bragging about it! Guess I've just been kind of lonely lately.
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Get yourself on a self-assertiveness course. You are fine, there is someone for everyone. Most people aren't 'goodlooking' so what, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Any one can pile a load of makeup on and look 'up for it' young men will go for anything that hits their hormones. Long term relationships are different. I am not trying to blow my own trumpet here but when I was young, I was stunning. It didn't help me an inch. I met all the wrong types and sorts and the 'nice' guys were to shy to approach me. I was just as lonely but in a different way. I wanted someone to love me and I love him and be soul mates. I didn't meet him till I was 27 years old, many disasters later. I didn't no him from adam but we were engaged within two weeks and married within the year. We are still together after 26 years and still in love. Just enjoy your 'now' time and be patient. Enjoy what you like and leave what you don't
 
Tina2011 said:
Get yourself on a self-assertiveness course. You are fine, there is someone for everyone. Most people aren't 'goodlooking' so what, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Any one can pile a load of makeup on and look 'up for it' young men will go for anything that hits their hormones. Long term relationships are different. I am not trying to blow my own trumpet here but when I was young, I was stunning. It didn't help me an inch. I met all the wrong types and sorts and the 'nice' guys were to shy to approach me. I was just as lonely but in a different way. I wanted someone to love me and I love him and be soul mates. I didn't meet him till I was 27 years old, many disasters later. I didn't no him from adam but we were engaged within two weeks and married within the year. We are still together after 26 years and still in love. Just enjoy your 'now' time and be patient. Enjoy what you like and leave what you don't
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Good advice!

Perfect Confidence by Kelly Marks is a good book as it deals with your confidence round horses, but also with people (two for the price of one!)
 
Meh I've really been trying but I still feel as bad as ever. If I made no effort I could easily go every day without talking to anyone..

I will buy the book when I get paid, thanks for the recommendation, hope it helps :)
 
Ale said:
Meh I've really been trying but I still feel as bad as ever. If I made no effort I could easily go every day without talking to anyone..

Is :)
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Well, stop trying for a wee while and see what happens! Sometimes we can try too hard with things. (Just a suggestion!). Talk to your horse, they are the best listeners and I find the best company in the world......
 
I come across as confident but I actually have an Anxiety Disorder! No one would ever guess it (well, OH but he lives with me) as I hide it very well, so don't think just because you are quiet you are the only one that's feeling worried!

If you're worried, just smile!
 
Trewsers said:
Well, stop trying for a wee while and see what happens! Sometimes we can try too hard with things. (Just a suggestion!). Talk to your horse, they are the best listeners and I find the best company in the world......
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Worth a shot, might stop me worrying about things so much. My horse isnt really a good listener, he'd rather stand on my foot or chew me instead lol
 
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