Does anyone else suffer low self esteem or confidence?

Ale

Well-Known Member
Feb 8, 2012
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I dont have much of either and its really starting to affect me.

I find I barely talk to anyone because I'm worried about what they'll think of me, I still worry that they think I'm being rude though.

I'm lucky that I have a lovely bf who always tries his best to make me feel good, but I have no friends, so whenever hes out I just sit at home worrying. I talk to some people I work with but we don't really have enough in common to go out.

I try to be nice to everyone I meet, but I just dont have much in common with anyone, even other people who like horses.

Any tips? Or should I just accept who I am and buy lots of cats!
 

clashnoir

Active Member
May 19, 2010
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Nr Edinburgh, Borders
I can be like this and have few friends, more friends from where I came from but after moving to new area and making an effort to meet the local horsey crowd I have given up.
Sick of the false "lets go for a hack" and never caling or returning calls etc.
Met a few nice people on here and a few folk locally but I am not good at getting myself out there either.
No tips apart from try and force yourself to speak rather than avoid people as I have done this before too. I now say hello and rush off thinking they wouldnt want to talk to me anyway.
Sounds awful now I've written it down.
Keep your chin up x
 

lauren123

Well-Known Member
Feb 3, 2007
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East Yorkshire
* Raises hand*

Yepp.

I have always had low self esteem. I dont really seem to have alot in common with the people I work with really. One person at work and we still hardly ever meet up ( always skint and he has a gf) so its hard. I always feel like if i stand up for myself people wont like me or something along those lines.
No advice but your not alone with this :)
 

Ale

Well-Known Member
Feb 8, 2012
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I just seem to spend all my time wanting to be someone else :unsure:

Feel my bf could do so much better than me, as we've had our issues but he's always stood by me. But surely he can do better than someone who just sits at home all the time, especially as he's popular.

I feel like such a weirdo.
 

Dreamster

New Member
Apr 27, 2011
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Ale your boyfriend is with you because he wants to be. Please don't think he would be better with someone else. That is like saying a horse in a field would be better with another owner as that owner might compete, win rosettes and trophies etc. When actually said horse is very happy just as things are.

For years I suffered from low self esteem. Nowadays I am comfortable in my own skin and devote my energy to those I love and who love me. The more you live life in a positive way the more you will attract like minded people who will lift your spirits immensely and give you a much greater feeling of worth.

Horses and other animals are a great way to meet nice people. The odd not so nice one, but generally anyone who truly loves and cares for animals are good people to be around.

Chin up, it is horrible when you feel low and alone.
 

Ale

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Feb 8, 2012
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But we don't really have much in common either, I think he's just still around because he's a nice guy and thats what nice guys do.

I feel a bit out of it on my yard because everyone else is either a kid or a middle aged woman, I'm 22.

And at work, I think people just see me as the weirdo who likes horses. All the girls talk about make up and drinking and the guys talk about drinking and films I haven't seen.

I can understand what you're saying about positive attitude I just struggle to be positive now days because my life is pretty meh and no ones interested in listening about the only thing I'm really interested in which is my horse.
 

LBrider

Active Member
Nov 7, 2010
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Suffolk
Just remember, most of the people you meet who you believe have great confidence - it's all pretend. they're often feeling much the same as you but put on a really good act. And it's a pretty good technique, because if you stand tall, puff your chest out, remember those times in your life when you HAVE felt good about something, or top of your game or whatever, and smile, you may just be able to trick your brain into thinking that you really are confident!
When you talk to people, remember they might be worrying far more about what they are going t say and what impression they are making on you. And as for feeling you don't have things in common with people, well good for you, you are unique!
 

Tina2011

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Mar 23, 2012
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Don't worry about it, I think alot of people are like it at your age. Just be yourself, it can be lonely I know, but things will change. Just stick to what you are interested in and sooner or later like minded folkes will turn up and be your friends etc. I think most men prefer 'quiet girls' anyway for a long term relationship so it sounds like you are on the right track. Just try and be patient and enjoy your horses.

I don't have many proper friends, just lots of acquaintances. I have always been that way but it really doesn't bother me anymore. Don't expect to make friends quickly either, it can take years to get to know some people.

If you get lonely, come on here there is always someone to talk too:smile:
 

eventerbabe

Well-Known Member
Dec 16, 2004
15,065
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I don't suffer from low confidence. Being a teacher i HAVE to be confident and have a thick skin. However my self esteem is very low. My closest friends say that's why i always pick total tw*ts as boyfriends because i don't think i'm worth any better. It's probably where my shopping obsession comes from aswell as i hide behind pretty clothes and hope they'll make me feel better about myself. I can't offer you any other tips other than to get out there, try some new hobbies and activities and don't put too much pressure on yourself. I can be a total hermit and often turn down nights out. I also don't like drunk people so clubs aren't really my favourite place to be! Aim to do something once a month, that's helped my self esteem a little being with people who know me and tell me how I am actually very nice and to stop selling myself short.
 

Ale

Well-Known Member
Feb 8, 2012
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Just remember, most of the people you meet who you believe have great confidence - it's all pretend. they're often feeling much the same as you but put on a really good act. And it's a pretty good technique, because if you stand tall, puff your chest out, remember those times in your life when you HAVE felt good about something, or top of your game or whatever, and smile, you may just be able to trick your brain into thinking that you really are confident!
When you talk to people, remember they might be worrying far more about what they are going t say and what impression they are making on you. And as for feeling you don't have things in common with people, well good for you, you are unique!

very true, I'll give it a go, and really liked the last line :) thanks
 

Ale

Well-Known Member
Feb 8, 2012
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Don't worry about it, I think alot of people are like it at your age. Just be yourself, it can be lonely I know, but things will change. Just stick to what you are interested in and sooner or later like minded folkes will turn up and be your friends etc. I think most men prefer 'quiet girls' anyway for a long term relationship so it sounds like you are on the right track. Just try and be patient and enjoy your horses.

I don't have many proper friends, just lots of acquaintances. I have always been that way but it really doesn't bother me anymore. Don't expect to make friends quickly either, it can take years to get to know some people.

If you get lonely, come on here there is always someone to talk too:smile:

Okay thankyou, maybe I just grew up a bit too fast for all the other people my age.
 

Dark Storm

Well I'll be a Krampus's Auntie! :D!
Jan 4, 2009
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I'm a very different person in public, find it hard to keep conversations going, and often find it easier just not joining in.. your not alone there Ale XX
 

Kite_Rider

Cantering cabbage!
May 18, 2009
10,101
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Ale your boyfriend is with you because he wants to be. Please don't think he would be better with someone else. That is like saying a horse in a field would be better with another owner as that owner might compete, win rosettes and trophies etc. When actually said horse is very happy just as things are.

For years I suffered from low self esteem. Nowadays I am comfortable in my own skin and devote my energy to those I love and who love me. The more you live life in a positive way the more you will attract like minded people who will lift your spirits immensely and give you a much greater feeling of worth.

Horses and other animals are a great way to meet nice people. The odd not so nice one, but generally anyone who truly loves and cares for animals are good people to be around.

Chin up, it is horrible when you feel low and alone.

This ^^^
Also don't be put off by the older ladies on your yard, my best horsey friend is half my age and we get along really well, I don't know what to say that would make you feel better just ditto what Dreamster said above.
And if your anywhere near me I'd be on the list for a meet up too :)
 
Last edited:

Joyscarer

Active Member
Dec 30, 2006
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I my younger years I suffered more from low confidence and self esteem. I was bought up feeling that winning and being the best was the goal so that improvement or being the best that i can be wasn't celebrated. Therefore my life was judged by me by comparing myself to others and always not being good enough.

As the years have passed, I've grown to realise that, in general, others don't deserve the amount of weight I've given their views. I've been let down time and time again which has made me appreciate that me and my instincts are worth a darn sight more than public opinion and I've grown more comfortable with that the older I've got.

Unfortunately for me, my personal issues have manifested themselves in a very public way, my weight! It's testament to my new found confidence in my 30s that I've been able to tackle the cause of my problems which had led to an ability to challenge the symptoms. Whilst I'm not entirely there yet, I now very happy to be able to recognise, appreciate and celebrate these improvements.
 

Flipo's Mum

Heavy owner of a Heavy
Aug 17, 2009
9,616
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Perthshire, Scotland
Yeah I have and still can be quite introverted, but the older I get, the more I realise that other folk aren't wandering about constantly criticising me behind my back - and even if they are, so what?! What I don't hear can't hurt me, so why conjure up what they might be saying? That just makes you paranoid.
I've come to realise ignorance is bliss and as long as you have a healthy self awareness, you can live quite happily not worrying how much you are or are not liked by people. Age should help, you get to feel more comfortable in your own skin. It didn't happen for me until my mid twenties, but now I'm in my early thirties I go about my business with less paranoia about being a loner with a few friends. I'm me, I don't care so much if folk outside my circle don't like me, cause I'm quite contended for the most part.
You'll get there. I apply the rule of spottiness - I don't notice other people's acne problems so that big spot I might currently have will not be the sole subject of their gossip......I'm not that important to need to be talked about in a negative way!
Hope that makes sense?!
 

Tina2011

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Mar 23, 2012
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Nice one Joyscarer,

Ale, don't worry about age differences, the olders ladies would probabley love, your chat, friendship.

I am 54 this year and I find with horses, it dosen't really matter what your age is because you have a common interest. I like my old friends and young friends just the same. Actually, thinking about it, I probably have more young friends, even though I can't keep up with them in some areas I enjoy watching and hearing about their fun.
 

Ale

Well-Known Member
Feb 8, 2012
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Thankyou, have been reading al your posts with great interest, you've all said a lot of reassuring things. Been invited out tonight to a metal club, not really my scene and i need to be up at 5 tomoz for the horse, but thinking i should make the effort to go?

I do find I get on a lot better with the older crowd at work, but I feel the older people at the yard do look down on me. I'll reply properly later, in the canteen at work listening to a girl going on about how she got drunk and got arrested, great.
 
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