You don't sound like you do a terrible job to me, rather that you put their needs and welfare first.
Please tryto make some time for you next week, you need and deserve it, if it feels selfish then remember you can't help others if you've fallen apart yourself. I think finding somewhere to hack is an excellent idea, not only will it give you something you enjoy and get you back up to speed riding but if you can ride a few different types it will give you an idea of what you want to look for - though no doubt something will turn up saying "me!" irrespective of all plans! I can't remember where you are, but maybe if you let us know when you're ready to start looking then if any of us lknow of something we could let you know if it's not too far away? No point me telling you about something if you're up north!
Please tryto make some time for you next week, you need and deserve it, if it feels selfish then remember you can't help others if you've fallen apart yourself. I think finding somewhere to hack is an excellent idea, not only will it give you something you enjoy and get you back up to speed riding but if you can ride a few different types it will give you an idea of what you want to look for - though no doubt something will turn up saying "me!" irrespective of all plans! I can't remember where you are, but maybe if you let us know when you're ready to start looking then if any of us lknow of something we could let you know if it's not too far away? No point me telling you about something if you're up north!