I have been keeping a diary this last week of my progress at overcoming my debilitating fear of riding past my field and down the lane where I had my accident last April and think I will now keep it on NR (I so want to come out of confidence club) so rather long first post......
16/01/12
First day of me with my new confidence training - big thank you to C
Learnt today how my sub conscious is probably well peed off with me for not listening to it and putting myself in danger and how I need to speak out loud to it so it stops controlling me.
With that in mind determined to ride Daisy down the lane today instead of staying in the safety of my field but they are cutting the turf and the big horrid orange machine is there. Think to myself I will just ride to the trough - a few yards - but make it to the corner of the lane before I feel my panic levels touching 5/6 so decide to turn back but make Daisy stand first before heading back to the field. Realise I am happier once I have turned her as a big part of my 'fear' is to do with her spinning - REVELATION!
Get back to the field with relief and think I will just have a pootle around now as I have done the lane today, but end up doing it 2 more times, getting further down each time, 2nd time didn’t feel good at all, 3rd time felt pretty ok.
Very happy with today, spoke to my sub conscious (Wagbo) and would have none of its negativity.
17/01/2012, 19:39
Worked today, had planned to walk Daisy further down the lane tonight after work but just not enough time. Riding tomorrow.
18/01/2012, 10:25
Raining today so no riding :-( may take Daisy for a walk down the lane after school today as it should have stopped by then. No rug = soggy ponio
Did get a little ride in this afty, rode in the field and then rode down the lane with Lydia on Caiti, daisy led, got past Bentleys poo heap and I spied a large mouldy mushroom thing and Daisy spooked at it(she would never have done this before) she only spooked and stood still but I went up to a 9 or 10, I rode her on a bit more and then got off and led her on down the lane to the road and then back home again, thought I would let her sniff the mushroom thing but she wasn’t interested - it was a good oportunity for her to munch grass next to it, so it obviously didn’t bother her at all. How can she know that I have seen it and then react in the way I am expecting her to react and why cant I expect her not to react like it used to be???
Rode in the field again -fine.
Realised when I looked back over tonights ride that I did not speak to Wagbo at all.
20/01/12
Had riding lesson today on RS horse - did ok, going to start taking Daisy from now on.
Have had an invitation to go on a hack with someone on the farm next Friday, she is very experienced with a lovely safe horse but she has suggested we meet at the exact point on the lane where I had my accident,(she doesn’t know this) this has sent me into a panic, actually the thought of hacking out has sent me into a panic even though everyone tells me her and her horse are great, it will be my first time out with her and Wagbo is already speaking loads of negatives to me.
Rode Daisy this afternoon, it was not a good afternoon weather wise - extremely windy but I was determined to ride her down the lane which I did, once, talking to Wagbo a lot, I think I stayed at about a 4 until we got to the mushroom thing then 5-6 but I talked it down (first time) and we rode almost to the end before turning back and returning to my field. I cant believe I am now so proud of such a simple task, although I was able to talk down to a 4 or 5 I know I was still extremely pleased to be back in the 'safety of my own field'
Not sure if I should be going on this hack?
The lane seems to have become my nemesis?
22/01/12
:dance: Decided this morning enough is enough, I used to ride out every day mostly on my own and I am not going to become a prisoner in my own field, plus field is becoming worn out and needs a rest from all our plodding around it.
Walked Daisy in hand right down the lane today, she didnt want to go into the bit where I came off but we did eventually get there, took her all around turf field twice and along main road twice, once she had gone past the scary bit she and me relaxed and all was well - well pleased with our progress.
Rode her in the field and just before hoping off had the urge to go a little bit down the lane, talked to Wagbo all the way and couldnt quite decide where to get off or turn back as I am now getting concerned about if I keep turning back before going anywhere I will set up Daisy to think its ok to nap back. Anyhow we didnt turn round and we didnt stop, we just kept going :dance: rode way past the scary bit and onto the turf field, past all my worries, Wagbo didn't really bother me and I am one HAPPY BUNNY
now I know I can meet my friend next friday for a hack and I can sleep tonight without worrying about it, almost looking forward to it now and still have 5 days to work on confidence before hand.
Also looking forward to taking Daisy to RS on wednesday instead of riding Bob the Cob.
16/01/12
First day of me with my new confidence training - big thank you to C
Learnt today how my sub conscious is probably well peed off with me for not listening to it and putting myself in danger and how I need to speak out loud to it so it stops controlling me.
With that in mind determined to ride Daisy down the lane today instead of staying in the safety of my field but they are cutting the turf and the big horrid orange machine is there. Think to myself I will just ride to the trough - a few yards - but make it to the corner of the lane before I feel my panic levels touching 5/6 so decide to turn back but make Daisy stand first before heading back to the field. Realise I am happier once I have turned her as a big part of my 'fear' is to do with her spinning - REVELATION!
Get back to the field with relief and think I will just have a pootle around now as I have done the lane today, but end up doing it 2 more times, getting further down each time, 2nd time didn’t feel good at all, 3rd time felt pretty ok.
Very happy with today, spoke to my sub conscious (Wagbo) and would have none of its negativity.
17/01/2012, 19:39
Worked today, had planned to walk Daisy further down the lane tonight after work but just not enough time. Riding tomorrow.
18/01/2012, 10:25
Raining today so no riding :-( may take Daisy for a walk down the lane after school today as it should have stopped by then. No rug = soggy ponio
Did get a little ride in this afty, rode in the field and then rode down the lane with Lydia on Caiti, daisy led, got past Bentleys poo heap and I spied a large mouldy mushroom thing and Daisy spooked at it(she would never have done this before) she only spooked and stood still but I went up to a 9 or 10, I rode her on a bit more and then got off and led her on down the lane to the road and then back home again, thought I would let her sniff the mushroom thing but she wasn’t interested - it was a good oportunity for her to munch grass next to it, so it obviously didn’t bother her at all. How can she know that I have seen it and then react in the way I am expecting her to react and why cant I expect her not to react like it used to be???
Rode in the field again -fine.
Realised when I looked back over tonights ride that I did not speak to Wagbo at all.
20/01/12
Had riding lesson today on RS horse - did ok, going to start taking Daisy from now on.
Have had an invitation to go on a hack with someone on the farm next Friday, she is very experienced with a lovely safe horse but she has suggested we meet at the exact point on the lane where I had my accident,(she doesn’t know this) this has sent me into a panic, actually the thought of hacking out has sent me into a panic even though everyone tells me her and her horse are great, it will be my first time out with her and Wagbo is already speaking loads of negatives to me.
Rode Daisy this afternoon, it was not a good afternoon weather wise - extremely windy but I was determined to ride her down the lane which I did, once, talking to Wagbo a lot, I think I stayed at about a 4 until we got to the mushroom thing then 5-6 but I talked it down (first time) and we rode almost to the end before turning back and returning to my field. I cant believe I am now so proud of such a simple task, although I was able to talk down to a 4 or 5 I know I was still extremely pleased to be back in the 'safety of my own field'
Not sure if I should be going on this hack?
The lane seems to have become my nemesis?
22/01/12
:dance: Decided this morning enough is enough, I used to ride out every day mostly on my own and I am not going to become a prisoner in my own field, plus field is becoming worn out and needs a rest from all our plodding around it.
Walked Daisy in hand right down the lane today, she didnt want to go into the bit where I came off but we did eventually get there, took her all around turf field twice and along main road twice, once she had gone past the scary bit she and me relaxed and all was well - well pleased with our progress.
Rode her in the field and just before hoping off had the urge to go a little bit down the lane, talked to Wagbo all the way and couldnt quite decide where to get off or turn back as I am now getting concerned about if I keep turning back before going anywhere I will set up Daisy to think its ok to nap back. Anyhow we didnt turn round and we didnt stop, we just kept going :dance: rode way past the scary bit and onto the turf field, past all my worries, Wagbo didn't really bother me and I am one HAPPY BUNNY
now I know I can meet my friend next friday for a hack and I can sleep tonight without worrying about it, almost looking forward to it now and still have 5 days to work on confidence before hand.
Also looking forward to taking Daisy to RS on wednesday instead of riding Bob the Cob.
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