Trying to get a rounded experience- confidence knocked

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Loobylou

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Nov 7, 2016
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Hi, I returned to riding after a 15 year break (makes me feel so old writing that!). As a teenager I really struggled with gaining a confident relationship with an instructor. I used to have lessons somewhere where it would be a case of whoever could step in to take the lesson that day would do it and would often be a complete stranger to me. However I used to help out on a different yard, felt totally at ease handling, grooming, tacking up, mucking out etc I really enjoyed the care side of things. So taking this into consideration when looking for a school now I ideally wanted a small, friendly environment where I felt that I could regain my confidence with the same instructor every lesson. I also really wanted to be able to volunteer on the yard a few hours a week to a) refresh my knowledge and b) feel more comfortable actually handling horses. I thought I'd found the perfect place and have been making good progress in lessons but my last lesson was a complete disaster and it's just left me scratching my head to be honest so would welcome some input.

When I arrived for my lesson my horse wasn't tacked up, I thought this would be an ideal chance for me to have a go but my instructor (YO) was fairly dismissive of it- I wouldn't have minded this eating into my lesson time as to me it's still learning and being taught. She explained that she was painfully understaffed and only had one other person with her today who shed not really trained up so I just took it that she just needed to crack on and took it on the chin. I really wanted to ask if I could lead the horse out myself but I daren't because of the vibe I was getting. Anyway as I mounted she told me how well I was doing and that I'm actually a great rider (confidence going up). Lesson started fine and RI explained she was desperate for extra staff- I really wanted to ask if I could volunteer even if it was just mucking out because I really wanted the experience but I didn't know if I was reading the situation right so I decided to keep quiet for the moment and ask at the end of my lesson if I could stay a bit to help. Anyway after about 5 minutes the horses in the next field were causing a problem with a fence and the other girl who was working really struggled to bring them in. RI asked if I would be ok if she went and got them in quickly. Without going into too much detail (and at the risk of not much of this making sense) what happened next was all a bit chaotic and I offered to stop my lesson so she could deal with the situation because even I could feel it was turning bad. RI was very shook up and apologised profusely. I felt so bad for her and the other girl but I just felt so useless and it really opened up this huge feeling that I've had that I'm riding great but I just don't really understand the horses- like I have no relationship with them.... does that make any sense at all??? It's really made me feel uneasy about asking if I can help out and I was hoping to be able to look for a loan towards the back end of next year but it's just made me feel like that may be untenable. Should I just continue to ride and enjoy that side of it? I just hear so many people say that people aren't willing to put in the hard work and learn- I feel like that's what I want to do but can't. Anyway if anyone is still reading this well done :D feel free to tell me I'm asking too much I will gladly collaborate myself :D
 
A couple of things stand out.
1. It's amazing how many people who actually make a living running riding schools or livery yards have no people skills, and are incredibly rude and disrespectful to their customers. You were treated badly. This isn't your fault.
2. What happened in that lesson has no bearing on your riding. It's intimidating beginning to learn to ride, it requires you to trust that the horse isn't going to dump you and run off. Watching someone struggling with horses isn't going to instil confidence in anyone! You need a reliable riding school and a calm, professional environment to get you going - not that utter shambles. Understaffing is no excuse. That woman was taking your money for nothing. Go somewhere else! Whereabouts are you in the country, maybe someone local on here could recommend somewhere?
 
My take, she felt rushed so wanted to tack up herself for speed, did you tell her you would be happy for that to be part of your lesson? she may not have realised and thought it would make your lesson run late effecting her next lesson or what ever.
She was short staffed, which all the best will in the world happens once in a while at every small business, it is a risk with going to a smaller establishment compared to a big place where 1 person being off doesn't cause a big problem, she asked before she went off to deal with bringing the horses in (which implies faith in you ability to be left alone to me) and she apologised .
You don't describe what happened to make you feel useless, just that you felt bad for them, so its a bit difficult to be able to give any input on that.
 
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Thanks Squidsin you're response really makes so much different to me. I've tried talking to my (non-horsey) husband but he just doesn't get it. I think you've probably hit the nail on the head when you mention watching someone struggling with the horses. It really made me feel a bit panicky if I'm honest and I'm not really scared of horses at all but it's definitely made me doubt myself and my ability to handle one especially since I've not been given the chance to recently. I was bought some vouchers mistakenly for a different riding school and I had booked a lesson with them next week as well as my normal lesson so I will definitely see how I go there in comparison. I did feel desperately sorry for my RI and I did really want this to work out but the sense of disappointment and sadness driving home totally threw me- I didn't think I was as involved in this hobby as I am.
 
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Jersey thank you so much for giving me some idea from the other side of it- like I say I did feel very sorry for her situation. It really wasn't meant as a dig at the RI or what happened and I apologise if that's how it came across- I'm very easy going and showed complete empathy to the situation to her at all times. I wrote the post really trying to gain some support in how I feel about handling/ caring horses rather than just riding them around a school. I understand this is about me communicating this to my RI and her being confident in my ability. I have booked in for my lesson next week- I will continue to support her but I am looking forward to seeing how I go at the other school next week too.
 
Loobylou said:
Jersey thank you so much for giving me some idea from the other side of it- like I say I did feel very sorry for her situation. It really wasn't meant as a dig at the RI or what happened and I apologise if that's how it came across- I'm very easy going and showed complete empathy to the situation to her at all times. I wrote the post really trying to gain some support in how I feel about handling/ caring horses rather than just riding them around a school. I understand this is about me communicating this to my RI and her being confident in my ability. I have booked in for my lesson next week- I will continue to support her but I am looking forward to seeing how I go at the other school next week too.
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I didn't see it as a dig at all, just giving my take :) she may be extremely grateful of the offer to show up early or stay after your lesson, especially if she knows in advance so can plan her time to show you the ropes for some basic tasks initially so you can get used to the flow of things and eventually get more hands on with the horses, you'll see theres been a few posts recently on here about how doing the 'chores' can take a lot of time and if she's strapped for time someone willing to get stuck in might then free up enough of her time to work on handling with you :) you don't know if you don't ask :p
 
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Loobylou said:
Thanks Squidsin you're response really makes so much different to me. I've tried talking to my (non-horsey) husband but he just doesn't get it. I think you've probably hit the nail on the head when you mention watching someone struggling with the horses. It really made me feel a bit panicky if I'm honest and I'm not really scared of horses at all but it's definitely made me doubt myself and my ability to handle one especially since I've not been given the chance to recently. I was bought some vouchers mistakenly for a different riding school and I had booked a lesson with them next week as well as my normal lesson so I will definitely see how I go there in comparison. I did feel desperately sorry for my RI and I did really want this to work out but the sense of disappointment and sadness driving home totally threw me- I didn't think I was as involved in this hobby as I am.
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It's too expensive a hobby not to enjoy it!

Don't worry that you saw someone struggling with horses - yes it does happen, but there can be loads of factors that caused the issue, from the person trying to do too much, to trying to lead horses that don't lead well together, to not taking proper safety precautions. It's tempting to think 'that looked scary and I wouldn't have been able to cope' and actually that's fine because you're a novice so wouldn't be expected to cope. So much of horsemanship comes from being around horses a lot. Lots of riding schools offer lessons in stable management - might be worth looking into if you want more experience of the horse handling side of things.
 
As already said don't worry about seeing other people struggle, or even worry that you won't be able to manage, the very fact that you want to learn about handling on the ground means you'll be okay when it comes to sharing or loaning or owning your own. It is frustrating when you don't get chance to do things like tacking up, I has a similar experience at a place where I took lessons. In the end I used to hover abou after the lesson and made it clear I was available to help muck out etc and they were very good to be fair and soon realised how much I wanted and needed to learn all aspects not just riding. I think at first they didn't want me to tack up because they saw it as me not getting value for money if I wasn't actually riding.
 
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O dear -for anyone who tries to learn to ride in the UK (as I did) this is all too familiar.
Dont let your confidence be shaken, this was nothing to do with you.
Yes, smaller riding schools do have problems sometimes with staff or fencing (as you saw) and she really should have re scheduled your lesson or refunded part of the cost. There are RIs on this list who hate it when I put down the truth - that riding school lessons need a good horse and the right teacher and their undivided attention - in the right space. But one doesnt always get it.
I have had teachers break off the lesson (with no refund), I have had teachers not turn up and have a teenager instead.

When you offered to tack up and lead the horse and they said No, that could well be down to RS insurance which doesnt always let a student be alone with a horse unless a member of staff is present. Particularly if you are tacking up as most RS riders (myself included) dont have enough regular practise tacking up to be able to put the saddle and bridle on efficiently and correctly. I can now but only after helping on a yard for a time and then sharing.

Learning to ride, to work with horses from the ground, and to tack up etc takes time and you need to be very very patient. Take lessons in the grooming and tacking up and managing horses from the ground, as well as in riding. Once you have followed some sort of study (a BHS Stage 1 course which I did is some guidance if you are in the UK,) by all means offer to help out at a yard.

What you saw - RIs dealing with a problem, isnt the end of the world. Because horses can get out of hand. One can see the best trainers having a crisis moment now and then. Most of us in the situation get a professional trainer in to help. But on an average day with average RS horses, problem solving with horses is what it is all about. Most horses prefer a calm and ordered routine. You will start learning how to manage horses from the start and each small step forward will add to your experience.

Of course it is scarey watching someone in a racing car whizz round a circuit - but one's first driving lessons arent like that. After a year or two - in which you can set up your own rider education - you will find your liking for horses really pays off. Once you know roughly what you are doing they will start to like you back.

I could tell you most frightful stories of how I learned and failed to learn to ride - but in the long run, fifteen years later -riding and horses bring me all the pleasure I hoped for, and more. Just keep plodding on with the task of learning and it will be the same for you.
 
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@Skib post is excellent and she is RS rider and has been for year pretty much seen good and bad schools.

Horses can be difficult I have two and they lead in and out every day together like a dream even with me pushing a wheel barrow....until...... Tuesday when someone had out bags of haylage outside their field. One minute I had two ponies (both 16.1) then next I had one!!!!!

It happens.

I am on a RS yard and the students do not tack up as the owner believes they are paying to learn to ride the horse is handed to the student at the school gate. Students that have been for a long time are allowed to walk the horses to the school.

There are a lot of private horses on the yard and the do not want a private horse kicking a RS horse or the other way around on a busy yard.

They do offer stable management courses.
 
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