Why Can't People Mind Their Own Business?!!

sjp1

sjp1

Well-Known Member
Sep 14, 2009
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I have been having a few problems with Toby since I bought him 18 months ago - he has become increasingly dominant, spooks more and more, has bitten my friend badly and had her cowering in a field, has kicked out at me several times and has generally been a bit of a nightmare. His spooking when out riding has got worse and worse, he bucks and his final piece de resistance was when out on a ride and three horses came galloping down a field he completely lost it. He reared, tried to climb the bank and having got off Ijust managed to get him away and back home - and this was with friend and bomb proof cob.

Had a little think, decided against getting rid of him and got a NH instructor. Toby so much better on ground, we are practicing our exercises - we have had three lessons and Toby calmer, happier, less stressed and mid October is next lesson which will be ridden.

Friend and I have DIY livery - we rent a field and three stables with lovely hacking but unfortunately in a retirement village! Today, owner of field and husband wandered across - usually makes friend and I think 'what now!' and then out it came. Oh she said, wondered how you were getting on with instructor. Fine, I said, think he is improving. Well she said, seems to be the opposite of the horse whisperer her way of training. Well, I was absolutely gobsmacked. Yes, Toby has had a couple of clips with the long lead rope - possibly because he was rearing and boxing at her, and yes, he has objected to being asked to do various things and has done a runner and been stopped. No excessive force has ever been used on him, and she herself admitted that she was scared of him and wouldn't walk across the field with him there. She then proceeded to tell me she had watched the Exmoor rescue centre who had used join-up and how well it had worked. I really felt like screaming at her and telling her join-up is a means to and end and for horses that are scared of people (which clearly ponies straight off the moor are) are not like toby who has no respect at all for people.

Bit my lip and said Toby had not liked being my leader clearly and felt happier safer and calmer now I was stepping up to the plate.

Rant over and large G and T for anyone who got through that!!
 
Being new to horse ownership I'm really struggling with this myself - I've no idea why people think they're entitled to criticise, tell you how much better they could do it and offer unasked for advice, even people who know less than I do - and then there's the people who think they know everything and are completely closed off to anyone else's ideas. I've never come across it in any other sport or hobby, or maybe its never mattered to me so much before so I just haven't noticed!

Anyway, hope the G & T is working and you're feeling a bit more chilled now!

Looking forward to reading about your next lesson.
 
Thank you!! No, it is amazing, anything remotely different seems to threaten people - why I don't know. Never mind, as OH says, just rise above it!! Hope Rafi going well x
 
Sounds like your Toby is like my boy!!!

Very best of luck, and let us know how you progress! I am determined to make it work with my big monster, even though I have been advised to sell him (which is tempting on a certain level, but not the answer I feel). Enjoying the G&T, by the way!!! :wink:
 
Horse riding/ownership is the only hobby that I have come across that even complete strangers feel the need to give you their point of view!!

Sometimes (not very often) it can be helpful but most of the time it isnt! Just rise above and continue to do what you think is right for you and your horse.
 
happyhacker101 said:
Horse riding/ownership is the only hobby that I have come across that even complete strangers feel the need to give you their point of view!!

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WELL SAID!!!! It also applies to people who have never been near a horse in their entire lives ... my father being one of them :smug:
 
Oh aren't people just the sweetest?!!:giggle: She's watched it on tv? How enlightened she must be.

Sorry about the sarcasm, I just get fed up of this, my dad is extremely good at telling me 'heeee's a hoooorsseee' every time I discuss an issue I've got with him. I know I tend to mollycoddle him but its getting a bit tired hearing how I must get tougher. We're getting there, our way!
Case in point -
'Why do you have a mounting problem Kirstin, you just get on?! Tie him up then he won't move, whats the issue with that?!'

Arrrrgggghhh -tell you what, why don't you come and give it a go - see how you get on!
 
Flipo's Mum said:
Arrrrgggghhh -tell you what, why don't you come and give it a go - see how you get on!
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Yes I find myself saying this - oddly enough, mostly to my manager at work! If you think you're so brave to get on a 15.3 stroppy cob then by all means, be my guest while I watch and laugh!
 
I did offer some one to show me with Flora once but unfortunately they didn't have thier hat with them!!!!!:tongue:
 
I was once on a fun ride with my mum, she is a nervous rider and her cob was getting a bit antsy trying to follow all the horses that were passing us, so I said we should stop and let the next lot past and then just walk a way behind so he could settle down.
The woman came past us and started trying to give my mum a lesson and told her to shove her legs forward, I basically said don't you dare shove your legs forward and mind your own business, and the woman started telling me she was a pony club instructor ect ect, I just ignored her and told her to carry on her merry way!
I couldn't believe she felt she was justified to butt in when it was her and her horses causing the problem!
 
and then there's the people who think they know everything and are completely closed off to anyone else's ideas. I've never come across it in any other sport or hobby,
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I have come across it in dogs. Used to show my GWP and there was a lot of it. I am certainly the type to want to learn, and to take criticism. I just want to learn. It's the people who sound like they know everything, that annoys me.

Also had it when just out walking the dogs. It happens everywhere, I think.

Helen
 
:biggrin: I was also going to say I have also found it with dogs ... oh, and with my toddler too! :banghead: Lots of "experienced" (or not!) people telling me what I should or shouldn't be doing, where I was going wrong, or what they would do! Aaarghh - bog off and mind your own! :stomp:

Hope you have calmed down now :biggrin:
 
Unfortunately some people are just like that!! For some reason they seem to think that they can just butt it and force their opinions on others. The only thing you can do in these situations is just ignore them, they tend to go away when they don't get any attention!!

I was having a few dominance problems with my youngster a little while ago and was getting a few "helpful" comments then, it just makes you want to hide under a stone!!!
 
Yogi years ago when my younger son was a baby he was poorly due to infection at the hospital & screamed non stop for 22 hrs out of 24 ( yes I do mean non stop ) .I went shopping one morning with Phil over my shoulder screaming into my ear & at the check out a stupid woman said " don't you know your baby's screaming " :stomp: replied that I was deaf so couldn't hear it.Very calm eh did actually mange to get out of supermarket & into car without turning to strangle her,mind I did kick hell out of one of the car tyres. Try to ignore the unwanted help sjp 1 , myself am trying to perfect the " oh dear " & wander off instead of putting blood pressure up :biggrin:
 
I've taken to posting the crap back :eek:

Not a very helpful method, but its endless with us - rugged in summer, barefoot,treeless, to fat to ride her, not on grass, ridden too much/not enough, mean they cant have treats... LOL. My new tack is suggesting they dont spend enough time with their horse ("Perhaps if you spent more time with your horse, than worrying about mine, perhaps you would realise not everything is rosy and that you could do xyz better with him and then maybe he would trust you more :giggle:)
 
Have you ever noticed that it's the people with "advice" you don't want who are the quickest to offer it? The people with somethong useful to say usually wait to be asked!
 
Oh bless you. yeap you just have to ignore it.

People general dont give there unwanted advise to me as I have that perfect 'what the fu%k are you talking about look' on my face when they approach me. but some one quite brave asked when I was going to start rugging by TBX.

Oh the fool.
 
Ok, some questions can be really annoying and/or insulting, and the busybody type is a real thorn in the flesh. But sometimes people genuinely want to understand, even if the way they go about asking is clumsy. This particularly applies to non-horsey people. I've been asked quite a few times this summer why my shetland Eggwub is wearing a "coat" - isn't he too hot etc. When I explain about sweet itch, what causes it and how the hoody helps, they have all thanked me and said something along the lines of "well, I've learned something today" or "I never knew horses could get anything like that".

And what do you do when you see a situation developing, say a horse starting to misbehave out on the road, and you know what the rider should be doing, but isn't and you can see the panic starting to set in? Do you leave them to work it out for themselves? Do you ask if they want any help?

I'm not a particularly pushy person, but my tongue is well bitten at times, telling myself not to interfere. But there has been at least one occasion when I think I could have helped bring things back under control if I had butted in, and possibly averted a fall.
 
Thank you all - was beginning to think it was only me and thinking perhaps I am wrong!! Her latest comment was - its not the horses you know, its the owners. Would dearly love to tell her where to shove her helpful hints, but unfortunately winter is coming and Toby needs a stable!! Have said to BF who I share with, if we move, definately not to a village with OAP's who are there morning noon and night. We now refer to our Toby and my exercises as rope slapping but as he comes thundering down the field when I arrive, he is clearly not too traumatised - well not so much so that the thought of a little feed doesn't cure it! Nasty horrible me!
 
Oh I love the way people dishout advice!lol. Best of all, folk who hardly know you!! I think my particular fav is non-horsey folk tho, they are amusing....see the funny side and don't let it bug you!
 
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