Older but not wiser... Oh my god what have I done

G

gingermonkey

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Nov 17, 2007
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Right now I am having a bit of a panic attack. :eek:I have taken the plunge and agreed to loan a 16.2hh dutch warmblood mare with an option to buy later on in the year.

Why am I panicking I hear you ask? Well my heart is saying 'no problem' but my head is saying 'What have you done you silly old fool!' You see I have not had my own for 22 years and things have changed so much. The yard seems friendly but I remember that a large group of women can be extraordinarly bitchy especially to novices. Posts on this site have shown me that things haven't changed that drastically and I am no good at bitchiness and gossip and am definitely too old for it.

This beautiful girl is what I imagined my ideal horse to be. She is an ex brood mare, who is coming back into work, but has been perfectly schooled in her pre-breeding days. I have ridden school horses over the last 6 months, but found it a bit boring and basic. I am happy to get on anything and I don't usually lack confidence but I am now feeling sick at the thought that I might do something to ruin her, or not be up to scratch for her. The yard owner has been really reassuring and has said that I will be ideal for her as we both will be learning together. We will be taking 1:1 lessons improving the technical side of my riding and dust the rust off both of our schooling skills.

What are everyone elses experiences of getting back on 1:1 terms with a horse? Is what I am feeling normal or am I really doing the wrong thing? Your advice, experience and suggestions would be gratefully received?
 
Hi Ginger Monkey welcome to the board and welcome back to the Horse World. Yes 22 years is a long time to be away from riding but as you have ridden before, it shouldn't be too much of a problem. Styles have changed since you last rode, no more lower leg forward etc. From what you say in your post, I guess you'll be taking lessons with a qualified trainer. Hope everything goes ok for you. Please keep us posted about your progress and let us see a piccie of your horsie.
If the other women at the yard get bitchie, just ignore them, they are the sad ones - but you may be pleasantly surprised and they could be very helpful. (Hopefully)!!! Anyway look forward to hearing about how you and your horse get on.
I certainly dont think you have done the wrong thing, quite the opposite.
Unfortunately, cant give you any experience of getting back into riding after a break as I've never had a break from it really. I'm sure you'll be fine though.
 
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I've been out of riding for over 20 years, also. My "re-initiation" was to buy a 3 year old Percheron filly, trained to drive and ride. *lol* No lessons first, no NOTHING....Talk about being worried that I might "mess her up!" :eek:
Anyhow, 6 months later, she's fine, I'm MUCH more confident, even if a bit banged and bruised over the months...I've found that the BEST way to figure your way through things like this is find someone by you that has a really well trained horse, that you can watch and think "THAT is what I want to accomplish!!" and ask the person (hopefully a nice individual that's willing to help) how they did it. I've found that the ego boost s/he gets doesn't hurt at all, and you'll learn SO much along the way.
Also, if you have your own tack and grooming supplies, be careful to take especially "mobile" things home with you...by us, fly spray, vet wrap, shine enhancers, spot removers, shampoos, etc....all seem to grow legs and run away from home quite often. These are things I won't leave there, anymore....and since it's quite cold here now, I also take my tack home. No use letting the leather go to pot while the saddle sits, unused...I'm not really afraid someone else will use or permanently 'borrow' her halter or bridle, as she's the only draft, but the saddle.....well, it's a high quality one, and a 'standard' fit for horses. No use taking chances. ;)
BEST of luck!! Enjoy your horse, ignore the gossip clowns, and give THEM something to envy! Your relationship with your new horse!
 
Hello and welcome.
After a similar length of time off, I would just say, dont panic and give yourself lots of time, dont expect to do it all smoothly again straight away.
I felt very similar to you about the idea of being on a yard!:eek: Ive always been hopeless at hanging out with groups of women though do have some very close women friends. Horsey women can be wierd and as in all walks of life, some definitely lack social skills, but some are really nice. Ive been lucky enough not to encounter any prize bitching (touch wood) and I hope you will have a similar experience. Someone told me it takes a year to get used to looking after a horse and that feels about right, although obviously there is a gradual increase of confidence and knowledge over that year.
Good luck.:)
 
Hey I've been away for 40 years! I am only part loaning my mare, but it has been a real learning curve and I am taking my time in getting back into the swing of things.

Our livery yard has its fair share of cliquey women, who all look at you when you arrive but hardly ever speak let alone smile! I just call out in my loudest voice, 'morning/afternoon' and sometimes get the obligatory grimace and grunt, lol! Wherever you go, there will be those people who are small-minded, small-hearted, but saying that, I have made some lovely friends, mainly older women who can spare me the time to talk and have a laugh.

Good luck with your mare, have some fun, learning along the way - life's too short for too many 'ifs and buts' just love what you are doing.
 
pepsimaxrock said:
just be really really nice and don't expect to get close to any of them
Click to expand...

That's excellent advice!

There is almost sure to be a yard b!tch who has time on her hands and nothing to think about and who will therefore try to make your life a misery...just ignore the sad old thing! At the yard where I have been for 18 years, we do have some right horrors but I have made some lovely friends there too. When I first went up there, everyone thought I was really weird...now they know I'm weird but that my horses are really well and happy and I will always help when I can. Smile, nod, don't be afraid to ask for help and always sweep up just a little more mess than you made and you'll be welcome aywhere!

I hadn't owned a horse before I went to that yard, and my training was v old-fashioned so I just asked people about things I thought looked good - e.g. how one girl makes such fantastic beds, where another person got a really cool rug, who trains a girl who rides a difficult pony with success. People like to be admired!
 
I would be upset with you if you didn't..

You have the riding confidence, you're concerned about a bunch of dumb hens that cluck over anything/anyone. :) The clucking does stop eventually. Just ignore them and enjoy this excellent opportunity wtih a horse you click with.

The YO clearly thinks well of you and will be a supportive hand. I think it will work out great for you.
 
omg

Oh GM, I feel for you. I also had a break of a few years then shared a big mare with a friend. When she was in foal i thought perhaps it was time to get my own. I ended up buying an ex racer who seemed fine at the time and then she decided to have a nervous breakdown about a week after I got her. We have had lots of ups and downs over the past few years and my confidence was shaken really badly. There were many times when I thought, omg what have i done, i don't have the experience for this, i am not good enough for her, i have no bleedy idea what i am doing. etc etc. I also came across my share of the nasties. We are pretty good now although I still have my wobbles (she is absolutely fine) but we just get on with it. I am so glad I stuck with her as she is my big darling girl. I stay clear of negative people and just enjoy my horse (and sons wee pony). I also ride out with people i like and who are positive. just enjoy yourself. If you don't feel like riding for a day, then don't, groom her and just enjoy her company.. She sounds lovely Good luck with it all.
 
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Gingermonkey, i would just like to say goodluck and WELL DONE, you have made that brave step that i am just so terrified of doing.

You sound like you have a gorgeous horse there and some wonderful support, i am sure you will do fantastically.

Gx
 
Big Day tomorrow

Thanks for the support everyone, tomorrow's the big day. I feel like the new girl at school, I have had to buy a whole lot of new grooming kit and riding stuff. I've put my name on it (as stuff seems to go walkabout quite quickly up at the yard).

My OH told me not to be so silly when I said that I was tempted to roll in the mud with my new kit so it doesn't look so pristine, he thinks I might be taking it a little bit too far. Sadly, the cats and the children are now hiding just incase I try to brush them again, just to get a few hairs in the brushes you understand, lol.

I will let you all know how I get on. I will certainly take on your advice and use flattery and hard work to endear myself to the yard stalwarts.
 
Congratulations! Its a big brave step you have taken, and your mare sounds lovely. It can be a steep learning curve ... been there, done it and still doing it! I went to work with horses at the age of 39 having always worked in big city law firms! I had my own pony as a child and hadn't ridden from around age 18 to 31. I had no idea how to "square" a bed off and do my banks properly. I learned a lot from the youngsters on our yard - and I think in return they have learned a lot from me. We do have bitching going on - every yard does and occasionally its me doing the bitching! I take advice when appropriate and listen politely when the yard "know it all" lectures me on horse, dogs, child, life etc (inside I seethe but I have perfected that glazed over smile!!).

The most important thing is to enjoy your horse!
 
The Big Day

How's it gone? I'm sure you'll be great. Like everyone has said, ignore the small-minded people and concentrate on building a great relationship with the horse. That's all that matters. Have confidence in yourself too.

Don't forget to put some pics up too!
 
we got a pony after a 20 year gap

I was upfront and said, I was experiened, but I've had a 20 year gap so am somewhat rusty and OMG haven't things changed!

I haven't tried to make out I know stuff I don't and I haven't tried to bluff my way either

I've found that overall, the girls on the yard have been superb. A couple are less than nice, but they are like that with everyone so I don't bother taking any notice of them.

I am sure you will be fine - you must update us on how today went.
 
Hope this isn't a bit long-winded.

Phew, what a day! I couldn't sleep last night and watched the clock go 'round, it's a good job we stayed up late for New Years Eve.

Got to the yard about 9:30am and it was lovely and quiet. Dina is kept at grass I so had a 15 minute trek up to the field she was in, hoping I could remember which big Chestnut Mare she was. One of the lads said she could be difficult to catch if she doesn't know you, so I was glad I had my bread and sugar in the 'old trusty noisy bag in my pocket' and had my fingers crossed that she didn't need the 'whats the bucket trick'.

I stood and watched her at the gate for a little bit, rattling my bag. I think it helped that a couple of the other horses came up to have a look, and so when I finally went in she was actually coming towards me. I gave her a treat and it was no problem from then on she let me put the headcollar her straight away, and walked nicely to the gate and down to the yard.:D

I fed her and groomed her and had forgotten just how long an hour takes to pass to let breakfast digest and so killed time by going on a charm offensive by chatting to some of the stable girls in the yard and offering to help. The YO had generously arranged for another one of her ladies to take me out on a hack around the lanes. So after a little while in the school, just to get a feel for her we went out. She is, as I imagined a gorgeous ride, very comfortable and responsive. You could tell she has been out of work for a while, but so have I, as we both got really sweaty on our 40 minute round trip. (Daily gym sessions had not prepared me for this, I can tell you.)

When we got back there were more people at the yard and many of them came up to me to introduce themselves and say Hi! So that was cool.

The only downside today was that she was trying it on a little bit, as everytime I tried to put the bridle on, she stuck her head up in the air. I am only 5'4 and when her head was pointing skywards I had no chance of bringing it down sufficiently to get the headpiece over her ears. It meant that I struggled big time, and felt a right short ar*se and had to go and find some help. I didn't want to stress her out as I didn't know if she was Headshy or not and so I thought I'd better go and ask. The lady that did it for me stood on a step stool while I held Dina in a headcollar. Does any of you have any suggestions?

I have got a black eye though through my own stupidity by not moving my head away from her knees when I was brushing her legs. :p Oh and I really need a bath because I am now stiffening up. Thanks for beign so supportive I have had a brilliant day, Happy New Year.:D
 
Well done - sounds like you had a great time.
The bridle thing - one approach is to put hte bridle on without putting the bit int eh mouth - then undo a cheekpiece and slip the bit in the mouth.

If you are going to be with her a lot, you can train her to drop her head on command - say a word 'down' and give her a treat really low - eventually you can say down and hte head will come down. Clicker training might help here too.

Hope you continue to have a good time - and that the bath works!!!
 
Brilliant. Bet you feel great now. well, apart from the aches and pains.
Happy new year.
:D
Chestnut Mares are just the best!!
 
Oh dear, welcome back, black eye and all:D

I too had a mad moment and went and got an Arab on a months trial after not having ridden for 12 years, at he age of 50:D Unfortunately it did not work out at the end of the month and he went back. I then went one better and went and bought myself a 2 year old:D STEEP learning curve, but loving every minute.

Look at your positives, today you went and dealt with a horse then rode out on a hack on a horse you hardly knew. You will be suprised how quickly it all comes back, unfortunately along with the stiffness:D but that soon goes.

Have fun, thats the main thing, and as for any bitchiness you may encounter, ignore, you are not there for them, just be friendly to everyone and make your own mind up about people, most people are friendly and willing to help as you found out today:D

Hope it all goes well for you. ENJOY, thats what its all about. What a great start to the New Year. Happy New Year gingermonkey.

Don't be worrying about your NEW kit, it will soon get messed up, you'll see:D
 
Day 3

Thanks Happy Highlande for the advice about putting the bridle on without the bit, it worked a treat. I will try this for a little while until we get a rapport.

We have had a really good day today, Dina actually trotted over to me from the other side of the field. I must be doing something right! :D We had a canter and a small gallop in one of the big fields but I didn't want to push it too much but I am on a bit of a high from it.

Does anyone have any recommendations to help calm her when her field partners pass when she is tied up/or the stable while I am getting her ready. She calls constantly, worries and paces about quite energetically. I have been trying a distraction technique such as talking to her and stroking her, or giving her a treat. What do you suggest?
 
Hey, glad everything is going well for you. There's always teething problems so try not to worry to much about it. When i got my mare she perfected the bridle avoidance technique. She used to beat me to it before i could get hold of her nose, stick it in the air and then just keep it there. I struggled on until i got her teeth and back checked. Her teeth were a bit dire and her back/hips were out so once all that had been put right she was def. a lot lot better. And the more she got to know me the better she became. A lot of issues e.g mounting and her shooting off, tacking up etc. became easier once the pain issue was removed.
Maybe you could get her a distraction whilst she's in the stable and her friends walk by? Maybe a lick or something that she could focus on. But make sure it's not in there very long and she's supervised. Also the more she knows you and the more groundwork you can do e.g moving her over, backing her up etc. will focus her on you instead of her friends hopefully. I'm afraid sometimes they just seem to get it on them. I always found with libby it would be a case of the wind picked up, they might have all been charging round and full of it etc.
 
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