My world is falling apart.

chev

Moderator
May 7, 2002
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right here, right now
Twelve months ago my OH was diagnosed with cancer and given two years to live. He was started on hormone therapy and had biopsies taken and scans done. He's been seen a fair amount but today he went back for a review and the results of the latest tests.

His Gleason score was 9. 1 being normal and 10 being the most aggressive. Prognosis is far from good. He'll start on radiotherapy around October time and that will hopefully stop it from spreading. At the moment if it has spread the cells are too small to be seen on a scan yet but there are no guarantees that they haven't. When we asked if the prognosis had changed we were told no; any extra time now is a bonus. They're hoping the radiotherapy will help but they can't cure it at all.

I don't normally post personal stuff on here but I am looking at losing the man who has been there for me for the last twenty years and I don't know what to do. We have all the Macmillan nurses and support from the hospitals but it doesn't change the fact that I'm losing him.

I know some on here have experienced cancer either themselves or in friends or relatives. How do you cope? I just don't know where to go from here.

Thanks if you got to the end of this and sorry for the moany post.
 

Ale

Well-Known Member
Feb 8, 2012
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I have nothing helpful to add, just wanted to say my thoughts are with you and your OH, can't imagine what you are going through xx
 

eml

Moderator
Apr 29, 2002
12,796
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Leicestershire
www.ivanhoeequestrian.net
Oh Chev I feel so sorry for you. My husband died suddenly from undiagnosed cancer, feel free to rant to me by pm if it helps. I actually found my GP was the biggest support as he knew the family situation better than hospital staff.
 

Sparky Lily

Well-Known Member
Nov 27, 2008
1,825
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83
Yell, Shetland
I'm so sorry Chev. I don't know you in real life, but from what I've read in your posts here, you are a very strong person. You know you will need all your reserves in the coming months, but do find time to get some support for yourself. Thinking of you and your OH x
 

Cortrasna

Grumpy old nag
Aug 5, 2009
10,143
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Ireland
I am so very sorry to read this. I have lost people very close to my through this dreadful disease, and still have the long term questionable outlook for two of my closest and dearest relatives. Every hospital check up is a day that rips you apart and leaves you drained and emotionally exhausted, whatever the latest news might be, good or bad.

I cannot imagine how you and your OH are feeling right now, as it is so individual for every person how they deal with this and manage to get through it. IME the Macmillan Nurses and their palliative care are the strong shoulders that carry you through the very worst moments and days - and unbelievably under their care it is still possible to smile and enjoy time with your loved one and for your loved one to enjoy their time with you.

I am sure none of this goes anywhere near touching on your anger and deep sorrow, but you will get through this and you will carry on and you will come out the other side. If nothing else you will do it for your OH and can take the time to heal yourself at a point somewhere in the future. All my thoughts and prayers are with you. xx
 
P

pinkheather

Guest
There is nothing that i can say or do that will ease your pain but having lost a father and brother to this dreadful disease all i can say is that you do cope because you have to. We all cope in different ways but what is essential is that you have to try and stay strong for your loved one which i have no doubt you will manage and at the moment that is all you can do. I hope and pray that you find the courage to remain strong.
 

Trewsers

Well-Known Member
Oct 13, 2004
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On an island
I feel so sorry for you - I cannot imagine what it must feel like to be faced with this. OH lost his Dad when he was young - his Dad was only just turned 50 - OH was 21 at the time and it was very tough for him. It's a truly dreadful thing - there aren't really any words to help you - just lots of sympathy and I am sure I speak for all on here when I say we are all here if you want to rant / moan / discuss. Truly wishing there was something I could offer - but instead please feel that you have my virtual support. Txxxxxx
 

Tina2011

New Member
Mar 23, 2012
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Gateway to europe
It is very difficult. All you can do is take things day by day and try to stay strong.

I hope you have people around you. I find the help and support of others very beneficial at times like these. Prayers also help enormously.
 

carthorse

Super Moderator
Staff member
Jan 6, 2006
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I'm so sorry Chev. I don't have any words of wisdom, just a lot of sympathy. You'll both be in my thoughts & prayers x
 

Wally

Well-Known Member
Apr 16, 2000
35,300
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I don't know what to say, There's nothing I can say to make things better. You are a very strong person though.

Everyone experiences things like this differently. One day at a time.

I am so very sorry.
 

popularfurball

Learning all the time
Jul 18, 2005
12,709
666
113
North west
I am so sorry to read this - nothing we say or do can fix things but please know we are here whenever you need us. ((Hugs))

My cousin was sadly taken from us at a young age leaving her husband with four girls aged 6-16. It has now been seven years, and it was incredibly hard - her girls miss her terribly, but they are positive, bright, gorgeous girls who are a real credit to her.

I think one of the things I struggled with was grieving for her before she was gone - I felt terrible about grieving "in advance" but she was so poorly for so long - it is a very natural thing to feel and please don't beat yourself up if you ind yourself feeling this way.

Please take time to reach out for support for yourself - be it joining a yoga class, counselling or reaching out to friends and family. You cannot, and do not have to cope alone - if nothing else, we are here for you.

If there is anything we can do, please let us know - be it a break, some company, some horsey time or dinner out - I'm sure people will readily be there.
 

Calluna

Well-Known Member
Oct 14, 2010
1,125
269
83
Leicestershire
God knows how my mother coped because she did not tell us children until it was nearly the end for my Dad. I think it is bloody and I think that you only cope because you have to.

I think Mum desperately wanted everything to be as normal as possible for as long as possible. Perhaps that's the way to do it - don't look for the end just seize the day? It is so very personal. Decide between you what is most important to you both each and every day and do it if you can.

You are allowed to reach out for help though. You do not have to cope alone. Probably your friends want to help but don't know what to offer and don't know how to ask and will be so pleased if you ask them.

Where's that new hug smilie? :hug found it - you need one!
 

Gimp

Gimpy Gimp Gimp
Jan 19, 2005
12,862
2,169
113
how heartbreaking for all involved, I'm so sorry to read this Chev. Thoughts are with you and your family. Life is so unfair sometimes.

Take care Chev and I hope you have lots of support around you and that your husband responds well to the treatment offered x
 

Jane&Ziggy

Jane&Sid these days!
Apr 30, 2010
19,299
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Surrey Hills
God Chev, how awful. I feel for you.

My father died of cancer not that long ago. He was very philosophical about it and not sorry for himself, which made the awful process easier for everyone, but there was nothing that could help my mother when she lost the person she loved most.

If there's anything any of us can do, I am sure we will. Otherwise we just send you all the strength and sympathy we can.
 

chev

Moderator
May 7, 2002
10,840
1,171
113
right here, right now
Thank you all. Just knowing there are such lovely people here helps. Had to tell my mother this evening and will have to tell OH's mother soon too. It just get harder.
 
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