I would really like to build up a great bond with a horse at my yard, as he is currently quite bargy and has little interest in me. I obviously dont want to resort to treats as this is just cupboard love. What sort of things can I do to help?
How to create that unbreakable bond
- Thread starter NuttyMare
- Start date
Call me a cynic, but there are no magic tricks.
An 'unbreakable bond' (which is in itself an impossibilty and silly hippy talk..) can only be created over a period of years, with consistent kind but firm treatment and a relationship in which both horse and human have input.
If the horse isn't interested in you, you probably aren't saying anything interesting to you. Horses have different personalities, some of them like to be left alone. If the horse is in a busy yard situation it may well be that he just wants to be left alone and not pestered.
Barginess doesn't need an incredible bond to solve, rather clear setting of boundaries and a fair reprimand when the clear boundaries are crossed. I'm sure doing a search for barginess on here would reveal some ideas.
Re. Cupboard love and real love, in my opinion, horses can't love in a human way. It all boils down more to dependency than anything else, horses will appreciate you, they can put their trust into you, but they don't really love you.
An 'unbreakable bond' (which is in itself an impossibilty and silly hippy talk..) can only be created over a period of years, with consistent kind but firm treatment and a relationship in which both horse and human have input.
If the horse isn't interested in you, you probably aren't saying anything interesting to you. Horses have different personalities, some of them like to be left alone. If the horse is in a busy yard situation it may well be that he just wants to be left alone and not pestered.
Barginess doesn't need an incredible bond to solve, rather clear setting of boundaries and a fair reprimand when the clear boundaries are crossed. I'm sure doing a search for barginess on here would reveal some ideas.
Re. Cupboard love and real love, in my opinion, horses can't love in a human way. It all boils down more to dependency than anything else, horses will appreciate you, they can put their trust into you, but they don't really love you.
i dont think it 'silly hippy talk' but then again i might be a silly hippy
my horse and i have a great bond, ive had her for just over a year and she loves me. she will look past people to try and see me, and she will walk away from other people, she is MY horse.
my dad actually remarked yesterday that i have too much of a bond with her.
i dont think ive done anything special with her, just loved her and given her nice tack and plenty of attention. shes only just started eating treats so it wasnt the treats.
my horse and i have a great bond, ive had her for just over a year and she loves me. she will look past people to try and see me, and she will walk away from other people, she is MY horse.
my dad actually remarked yesterday that i have too much of a bond with her.
i dont think ive done anything special with her, just loved her and given her nice tack and plenty of attention. shes only just started eating treats so it wasnt the treats.
I agree with Tasha for once ( <---joke 
) Given time and patience you can build a beautiful bond with a horse, hippy or no hippy. It starts with respect, though. A horse doesn't bother getting involved with someone who's not a good leader. Get his respect first, and all the good stuff will follow. You gain his respet by moving his feet. First on the ground, then under saddle. I would suggest doing a heap of groundwork with him. He's not your horse is he, NuttyMare ? How much of anything will the owners allow you to do ?
) Given time and patience you can build a beautiful bond with a horse, hippy or no hippy. It starts with respect, though. A horse doesn't bother getting involved with someone who's not a good leader. Get his respect first, and all the good stuff will follow. You gain his respet by moving his feet. First on the ground, then under saddle. I would suggest doing a heap of groundwork with him. He's not your horse is he, NuttyMare ? How much of anything will the owners allow you to do ?
I , too, believe that a horse is capable of love. Even love toward their human partner. It takes time though, lots of patience and a sense of humour but love is attainable, if one is dependable , consistent and fair.
It takes time and hard work. The thing that worked for me was making my horse walk back whenever he got a little bargy or he started leading me around. Kelly Marks perfect manners is a good place to start. By teaching your horse to respect you he can begin to see you as leader then he can trust you.
*Sez*
Salsa & Solstice Twilight
I think I have a pretty good bond with Salsa. He knows I'm his "person" and will call to me across the field, or when I come into the barn in the morning. However, a lot of it has built while he was unable to work, so I spent hours and hours talking to him, grooming him, doing groundwork and generally messing around with him. But I wouldn't say it was "unbreakable". I'm sure that if I was forced to sell him tomorrow, he would probably be very confused and miss me for a while, but he is such a friendly soul that he would want to be friends with his new people very quickly. It takes time and patience as any friendship does and with horses a big part is consistency - they need to know exactly what you're asking for. Trust is something that is earnt, not expected, so spend plenty of time with this horse, groom each other (be careful not to mistake it for nipping), and let him get to know you. You wouldn't force another person to be your friend over a short period of time, so let the horse come around in his own way, at his own speed. It's really worth it in the end.
When I first got Rosie, she hated me, hated everyone. She was bargy, sullen, switched off, turned her back on people. Just hated everyone and everything. We did NH with her, and being a bright bunny, she learnt fast.
I can now make her back up by just laying a fore finger on her chest and saying back and she will get out of my space.
She has two eyes - the hard shark stare which means bugger off don't meddle with me (this was the 100% eye when we got her) and the bigger gentle eye that says I quite like being with you. She switches between the two in seconds.
She will never be a cuddly cuddly horse, she dislikes being stroked on her face, hates being touches on her face, but quite likes her ears being pulled, and her neck scratched. I have a strong bond with her now after 3 years - I know and understand her. She would never openly admit she likes me but she shows it by calling to me, pricking her ears, not being aggressive. She is also good with my OH - but less respectful of him.
You need to build respect, boundaries, so that the horse knows what is required at all times, it had to be totally black and white with Rosie (and she is a piebald) and she is never ever ever allowed to transgress. give her an inch and she would take a few miles. but she doesn't bother to try it on now, it's almost as if I can't quite be bothered.
Molly is different. Have had her since 1994, she is very bonded with me but very neurotic. Earlier this week, I thought she had had a stroke (she has brain damage) as she was completely gone, lost, didn't know me, but she is a bit better today, seems more responsive. Molly is like someone with Alzheimers which is what I think she has - she just can't quite work out why who where - she forgets her stable, she stands vaguely, a bit out of it. She loves me to rub her udder, scratch her neck, and I know she is bonded with me and with her home.
You couldn't get two horses more unalike.
I can now make her back up by just laying a fore finger on her chest and saying back and she will get out of my space.
She has two eyes - the hard shark stare which means bugger off don't meddle with me (this was the 100% eye when we got her) and the bigger gentle eye that says I quite like being with you. She switches between the two in seconds.
She will never be a cuddly cuddly horse, she dislikes being stroked on her face, hates being touches on her face, but quite likes her ears being pulled, and her neck scratched. I have a strong bond with her now after 3 years - I know and understand her. She would never openly admit she likes me but she shows it by calling to me, pricking her ears, not being aggressive. She is also good with my OH - but less respectful of him.
You need to build respect, boundaries, so that the horse knows what is required at all times, it had to be totally black and white with Rosie (and she is a piebald) and she is never ever ever allowed to transgress. give her an inch and she would take a few miles. but she doesn't bother to try it on now, it's almost as if I can't quite be bothered.
Molly is different. Have had her since 1994, she is very bonded with me but very neurotic. Earlier this week, I thought she had had a stroke (she has brain damage) as she was completely gone, lost, didn't know me, but she is a bit better today, seems more responsive. Molly is like someone with Alzheimers which is what I think she has - she just can't quite work out why who where - she forgets her stable, she stands vaguely, a bit out of it. She loves me to rub her udder, scratch her neck, and I know she is bonded with me and with her home.
You couldn't get two horses more unalike.
You can form a bond with any animal if you do right by them, treat them fairly, give them confidence in you as leader. Dont take the p...out of them by using them as your slave or money making machine - ie jumping, dressage, or whatever without giving anything back. Too many people these days and in the past use horses to make a name for themselves because they have no brain to do so off their own back!
I don't know if our two love us - but they definitely see us as their humans - Storm will come eagerly towards me from the field / paddock as will Joe - they always greet us and on Sunday Storm let me sit with her on her "bedroom" floor - a first for me, I've seen her lying down once, but she let me sit right up next to her and be cuddled. So, I think we've bonded - and I think she likes me just a teeny bit......
Agree with the others - you have to set boundaries and gain respect before anything like this will happen. As someone on here said, some horses are indifferent and some want to be left alone. I'm lucky in that ours are quite touchy feely.........
Agree with the others - you have to set boundaries and gain respect before anything like this will happen. As someone on here said, some horses are indifferent and some want to be left alone. I'm lucky in that ours are quite touchy feely.........
Oh gaawwd... I hate this humanisation of animals. 'Love' is not a survival technique on any level, 'trust' is. Sure, we love our horses, I can't even contemplate that they reciprocate entirely. Mind you, this may be reflective of me as a person, I personally think that 'love' is only really dependency, disguised by some dodgy hollywood movies.
Hate to say it, but nothing makes me cringe more than people being taken for a bit of a wander by their horse, and squealing "oh he loves me, he loves me, see he's kissing me!" which instead the horse is vaguely looking for some food and getting in their personal space.
Ferdie prefers me to everyone else, but it's for no reason other than I see him every day without fail, feed him regularly and treat him kindly but firmly, and most of all, consistantly.
When I was younger I was too touchyfeely with the ponies I would ride, I realise I now that I was just irritating them. I'd prefer a horse to request some scratches, rather than keep hounding after them giving unneccessary attention.
Hate to say it, but nothing makes me cringe more than people being taken for a bit of a wander by their horse, and squealing "oh he loves me, he loves me, see he's kissing me!" which instead the horse is vaguely looking for some food and getting in their personal space.
Ferdie prefers me to everyone else, but it's for no reason other than I see him every day without fail, feed him regularly and treat him kindly but firmly, and most of all, consistantly.
When I was younger I was too touchyfeely with the ponies I would ride, I realise I now that I was just irritating them. I'd prefer a horse to request some scratches, rather than keep hounding after them giving unneccessary attention.
Good point Rachelevent! I'm not keen on letting my boy rub his head all over me as I think he needs to respect my personal space too. And true enough being too touchyfeely can irritate a horse most of the time they can't walk away (ie tied up, in stable).
A girl groomed my boy for me the other day and said she didn't think he liked her as when she was brushing his stomach he kept threatening to bite her. Something he did with me when I first got him. Now after a year I can safely brush his stomach up the insides of his legs and even touch his sheath.
Just being around alot on the yard so the horse knows who you are. Is this horse yours?
A girl groomed my boy for me the other day and said she didn't think he liked her as when she was brushing his stomach he kept threatening to bite her. Something he did with me when I first got him. Now after a year I can safely brush his stomach up the insides of his legs and even touch his sheath.
Just being around alot on the yard so the horse knows who you are. Is this horse yours?
RachelEvent said:
Oooooh, you're so cold!
So you never give your horse a special scratch or hug??? (and no, I'm not a silly dreamy hippy - I'm a silly 36 year old who is extremely happy with her horses
)
I'm not quite as cold a person as that sounds, honest It's just a bit of a pet hate, and worse, because I know that I used to be like that when I was younger 
It's just a bit of a pet hate, and worse, because I know that I used to be like that when I was younger 
There was a humorous story in our local newspaper from the archives.The story was about a horse that used to take his gentleman farmer owner home on a Saturday night, after a night on the town{the owner that is}
in the dead of night with no street lights or road markings the horse never failed to get his plastered owner home in one piece.
Luck or indeed do horse really care for their owners,I personally believe they can, but respect and maners are earnt and taught.I agree totaly about being carefull with treats,can make the sittuation a whole lot worse.Always reward good behaviour and doing things right, be it "well done!" or a scratch in the favourite place and let the horse know you dissaprove of barging etc.
I may be classed as a old hippy type,but believe most horse problems are indeed us
in the dead of night with no street lights or road markings the horse never failed to get his plastered owner home in one piece.
Luck or indeed do horse really care for their owners,I personally believe they can, but respect and maners are earnt and taught.I agree totaly about being carefull with treats,can make the sittuation a whole lot worse.Always reward good behaviour and doing things right, be it "well done!" or a scratch in the favourite place and let the horse know you dissaprove of barging etc.
I may be classed as a old hippy type,but believe most horse problems are indeed us
Agreed 99 percent of problems belong to the human... those human problems can often be ones resulting from trying-too-hard as well as from other faults...
I might not beleive in spiritual stuff, but I am a fair-trade supporting vegetarian so get the hippy names thrown at me often enough Ferdie has got me out of a sticky situation more than once, think i've heard of similar stories of horses who take their tipsy owners home. There is a caring aspect to it, but it is also to the horses benefit to get themselves home. Is that 'love' though.. I don't really think so.
'Unbreakable Bond' is a misnomer to me, because all bonds are breakable, really. Having an unbreakable bond could be a problem more than a great thing
I might not beleive in spiritual stuff, but I am a fair-trade supporting vegetarian so get the hippy names thrown at me often enough
Ferdie has got me out of a sticky situation more than once, think i've heard of similar stories of horses who take their tipsy owners home. There is a caring aspect to it, but it is also to the horses benefit to get themselves home. Is that 'love' though.. I don't really think so.'Unbreakable Bond' is a misnomer to me, because all bonds are breakable, really. Having an unbreakable bond could be a problem more than a great thing
Y
Yann
Guest
To begin to create a bond with a horse I think you need to make the horse respect your personal space and be able to move its feet. You don't necessarily need to get heavy to achieve this, but you do need to be consistent and firm if needs be. Some horses do need you to be black and white, some are more forgiving. The problem is that if you aren't the only regular handler or carer and other people don't work along the same lines then this is going to be more difficult, horses like to know what the rules are, even if they're the ones making them.
I do however think that spending quiet quality time with your horse touching and stroking them, essentiallly showing them love, is often not wasted at all, I think most do genuinely appreciate it. After all it is an important part of their social interactions amongst themselves, so if we replicate it it will surely benefit the way they view us.
I do however think that spending quiet quality time with your horse touching and stroking them, essentiallly showing them love, is often not wasted at all, I think most do genuinely appreciate it. After all it is an important part of their social interactions amongst themselves, so if we replicate it it will surely benefit the way they view us.
Oh no
surely you don't mean that! I'm not dependent on my husband, son, daughter, grandson, sisters or parents but I am ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that I love them with all my being.
You see, I just don't think like that. My family isn't like that, I am not religious, and i've had a bad week There's being 'loving' ("agape") which is understandable, but that whole "one true love" thing, ... I won't beleive it until I see it.
But in regards to horses loving or not, if the dictionary definition of love is "A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness. " .. I just don't think that horses are really quite like that (we often superimpose our perceptions on top of reality)
My horse is treated as an athlete, as a teammate and as a friend, but nothing more. He treats me like a teammate, but he doesn't follow me around nose to tail - I wouldn't want that.
There's being 'loving' ("agape") which is understandable, but that whole "one true love" thing, ... I won't beleive it until I see it.But in regards to horses loving or not, if the dictionary definition of love is "A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness. " .. I just don't think that horses are really quite like that (we often superimpose our perceptions on top of reality)
My horse is treated as an athlete, as a teammate and as a friend, but nothing more. He treats me like a teammate, but he doesn't follow me around nose to tail - I wouldn't want that.
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