how can I make unhorsey OH change his mind

pepsimaxrock

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Sep 29, 2004
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....... and become a horse lover?

I don't have my own horse; but I ride 2 or 3 times a week at our RS and am thinking about the medium term future (and possible retirement years) when my dream is to buy horse (or pony) for me and spend lots and lots of time with it.

But I want to spend time with my dear OH too and he is completely non horsey. He says - god get a bath and get rid of that stink - whenever I come in. Most of my gear is in my car - and he complains about the smell of the boot. He refuses to come and watch me ride - even when its just half an hour and we could go out for the day or even just for lunch afterwards...:mad:

He HAS - to his credit (and mine!!) been on an instructional riding holiday for a weekend (to the dear EC at Wrexham) a long time ago and he actually enjoyed it. But now its a case of been there done that... even though he managed to canter on his second day! :confused:

I am now on a mission to get him to come and groom for / with me when I do a wee dressage test on BH Monday. His nose is turning up but he hasnt actually said no yet.;) So its watch this space for now - and any tips would be most most welcome. :)
 
sorry, no chance of changing OH.

25 years together, married for 12 of those, children (?) of 21 and 17(she rides too).

The riding is much newer than the relationship.. thats only 9 years on.

Any more tips?
 
Why does he have to have the same hobby as you? :confused:

You can't make anyone want to do something they don't have a love for.....you can spend time with a horse and an OH. Get him to go and do what he likes, you do the horses then spend time together afterwards.

But that's just my opinion, I've never wanted to share my hobby -prefer to keep mine all to myself so it is an escape, a luxury just for me :)

I think trying to change other people is always a waste of time, you can only control yourself ;)
 
O/H Training

Get him a set of golf clubs.... and enjoy your time with horseys,,,,
love my o/h to bits, been together 20 years,, but,,, we enjoy time apart too,,,,
oh sorry only one down side to this,,
he is ALWAY on the golf channel on TV so no horse and country or what ever for me,,, altho lots of time on puter for New rider forum.,, ha ha
:p:p:p
 
My OH is not very horsey. In the 10 months I have owned C he has probably visited him 3/4 times. He doesn't come to shows, help look after him when I'm working away, rarely asks about him and also complains that I look and smell like a farmer:cool: but TBH, I don't care. Riding is my hobby, my relaxing activity and I'm certainly not about to caddy for him while he walks round the golf course. I like my own space, perhaps it's better just to accept that he's not that interested and focus on enjoying your hobby!:)
 
thanks everyone - his is badminton, not golf, and yes I do play sometimes and have loved watching it on the Olympics.

I would just love us to have a few more interests in common - I do appreciate personal time and space.

Anyone who has a horsey OH?
 
OH will come and "help" with the horses if he really has to!! he is totally non horsey and always will be - can do the basics for when/if I'm ill but to be honest - it's my hobby and I value the time I spend with the horses and dont really want to share it with him - sorry if that sounds a bit harsh on him - its not meant to;)

He's only got involved since the horses have lived at home - would struggle to get him to ride one but he will come to shows etc and spent months driving round looking at horses to buy! But its very much my hobby:)
 
I think it was a great mistake to think we can change our partners.
Why is it to your credit that he has been riding?

Why are you so set on his grooming for you? I believe the first step is to accept that your riding life is your own?

I don't know why your car and you smell do bad? Even when I helped out at my RI's yard, I didn't have a problem. I kept work boots and work jeans, gloves and even an old hat just for helping and I changed as soon as I got home in the evening.
I never wear riding breeches and boots in the kitchen as a matter of hygiene. Also I am a great cook and don't want my riding or stable clothes to smell of the cooking.

The history of my OH is this. At the time we married he was working in Africa - riding was not safety conscious, and neither was private flying. He asked me not to ride and he agreed in return that he would not learn to fly.

You talk about riding in retirement. After he retired - post feminism, post 9/11 and with our kids grown up, I was more housebound because he was suddenly home all day. I booked a riding lesson locally and he did not object. I paid for my riding myself.
It was only when I was badly bullied by the RI, that he stepped in and took me to visit other possible schools. We walked all the local bridle ways too, to explore hacking potential.
Far from encouraging him to ride, I organised my riding with him in mind. So that I could ride in half a day. I turned down the offer of a share which involved a longer journey time.

Fast forward 5 years and he decided to ride. This did not come from me, nor from my leaving him at home when I was riding.

I think everyone's decision to ride has to come from their own positive interests. He had always been a fan of Western films and the American landscape. We were going to Montana, to the spectacular Glacier Park on the Canadian border and to the Grand Tetons - He was no longer young and decided that trail riding was the best way for an elderly gentleman to see the landscape. He saw small kids leave when I rode out on a Western trail ride and rightly thought that he might go too.

It was a good thing he did take this decision because on one ride just the two of us with an escort, we encountered a young bear which the Wrangler's shouting was unable to shift from our path. My OH went into coxing mode his commanding yell got the animal out of our way.

Different people ride for different reasons. My OH has never pretended to be interested in horses, nor even fond of them - though he rides gently and with consideration. His view is that 150 years ago, horses were a means of transport. Any professional man would be able to ride a horse and those who could afford it, owned one.
He is not horsey. Riding gave him passage into the high mountains. For him, riding took second place to his encounter with the bear?

Riding gave him a spectacular glimpse of the Western wilderness. Akin to going to a Western art gallery. Or listening to cowboy songs on CD.

It rewarded something he had wanted for a long time. To understand how cowboys rode, how they used horses. And on a tourist level to visit that scene himself.

It is too soon now for you to worry about retirement. Or to picture how you will both feel and look in your sixties. No one can predict how any of us will be then, nor what your OH will want to do with his free time?

Neither I nor anyone else ever pictured my OH in the saddle.

This is the hard bit for me. Just as I never encouraged him to ride, so now I have no right to tell him that he cant?
 
My OH isn't horsey but appreciates how Joy makes me complete and encourages that so that I can be as happy as possible.

Having said that I am very careful to keep plenty of family time free and not let the horse impact on that too heavilly. If I didn't have the time to do both then it's the horsey time that gets trimmed back to bare basics and I personally feel that's the way it should be.

I don't try to change my OH and only ask him to come up the yard if I need to help me do something and that is rare.

As for the car, I keep that as a mobile tip. I don't worry about keeping it clean. He has the posh car that was expensive and he can show off with but that's not very me! We have mine for doing tip runs and the horses.

I make a point of reinforcing to hubby when we do a tip run or go to B&Q how lucky he is that i'm not car proud like he is and how usefull it is to have a practical car. :p
 
My OH is non-horsey but will help out when he feels like it. He's been acting as my foot soldier to help with my nerves but the other day he said he didn't want to walk out and I was on my own. That sent me into a huge panic but he actually did me a huge favour, we went out without him and had the nicest, most relaxed ride out ever.

I wish my OH was horsey so that we could enjoy rides out together, as he loves being outdoors and since having my part loan, we've come across areas whilst out hacking that we would never had explored before. But, although he's said he likes being around horses, he will never get on one and I'm just grateful for the help he does give.
 
My OH is not very horsey but he comes on hacks with me and will come to the yard occasionally, and he does love Misty. TBH I wouldn't want him to get too involved. I like my 'me' time, and he has his photography so it works out very well.:)
 
My OH is very non-horsey and when we first met I was at Uni so didn't have the time/money to ride. About 2 years ago I decided I wanted to ride again which caused a few issues with the OH mainly that I smell need to shower etc- which i always have done when coming back from riding anyway. His other issue is that he feels as though I spend more time with them than him- which i don't. Anyway at the moment we are compromising with each other- i get to go riding, he can do whatever he wants in that time, I get back then we do something together or i cook for him!

He's non-horsey but has never actually tried it, won't even stroke a horse or anything, I'll sometimes get him to come to the yard but I don't push it in a major way as I actually think he's quite scared of them, bless.

I think it's all about compromise and making sure your partner knows how riding makes you feel- My OH is only just beginning to.

By retirement stage you'll be sick of each other anyway- he he and will want your own space and time!

Good luck though and do keep us updated.:)
 
I think the answer is not getting him to be horsey but getting him to understand how much horses mean to you. My husband thinks horses are stupid but he does come and groom for me when I can't find anyone else or he isn't busy and will look after Bry if I am away or ill.
 
if you've ever read men are from mars you'll understand that you cant poke a man with a stick to make him do what you want him to. i'm afraid if its not his bag then no amount of badgering him will make it his. in fact he'll resent it.
 
if you've ever read men are from mars you'll understand that you cant poke a man with a stick to make him do what you want him to. i'm afraid if its not his bag then no amount of badgering him will make it his. in fact he'll resent it.

echo that! mine has ridden, can walk, trot, canter, jump, has even done XC. knows about feeding and stable chores. But he just ain't interested and 6 years down the line i don't push him at all. i get my horsey time and he uses that time to spend with his mates, doing his weight lifting or playing his PS2. his interest in my horses died when we lost bonnie. he hasn't gelled with my other 2 horses so we just leave it at that.
 
Mine isnt horsey at all, but he stumped up part of the money for me to buy mine because he knew it was important to me, which was a really generous thing to do.
Like Joyscarer, I try to make sure there is "us" time - I NEVER ride on a Saturday - we go cycling or walking together. When my daughter was keen I took her with me to the yard, and previously for 18 months, ferried her miles to her loan pony. When she wasnt, I tried to support her in doing other stuff. Now shes 15 she doesnt want me around much anyway!
Loving horses is one of those things you cant force. I have friends who said: "Why are you getting a horse - you will have to stand in the rain and walk across muddy fields"! Each to his/her own.;)
 
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