Help my confidence has gone!

[KB76]

Hi, everyone I'm new here hoping someone can help, I have a loan pony 7y/o backed last year mainly hacked she's brill in all traffic not particularly spooky at all, green in the school mainly in canter, walk, trot fine but I am scared stiff I'd not been riding for a while up until getting her but now I can't get on managed 2/3 times a walk around in the school and a very brief hack out no issues on her part this was about a month ago but now I cannot bring myself to get on at all and to scared to admit things are this bad and ask for help I'm embarrassed that I cannot ride my pony I really don't know what to do .

 

[CharliesAngel]

aww what a shame. If it were me i would book a lesson on her with someone you trust and ask for help. A good RI would be happy to start with groundwork and then perhaps even just walk along side you. Been there x

 

[Taffie]

Yes, perhaps a lunge lesson with a RI who will encourage you? Or a nice friend who could lead rein you? Somewhere safe so she can't go off quickly. Good luck I'm sure it will be fine, everyone has confidence issues at some point.

 

[tiamaria lady]

Hi KB76, I can relate!! Take every day at a time. If it's that bad, start with day 1....just get on and walk 2 rounds. Day 2 , 3 times and 1 trot! Increase it little by little and always end on a good note and on your terms! Which is most important no matter way! There will be set backs...its part and parcel and I agree 100% with the above....have a lesson with a RI, even of its just once a month or forthright, whatever suits you best! You'll find you will be back in action in no time! Best of luck!!

 

[KB76]

Thanks everyone I lunged her today with tack on just in case I decided to get on but was a no go, I got my foot in the stirrup she flinched I decided no I couldn't do it absolutely nothing to do with her all me, I rang an instructor earlier today someone who I have heard of but don't really know who does breaking, schooling, teaches and deals with confidence issues so just waiting for her to get back to me has to when she can fit me in next week the whole time I was on the phone explaining to her my heart was pounding fingers crossed I can overcome this, i've had confidence issues in the past but nothing like this it's awful so close to giving up but really don't want to let's hope it all works out and we can tackle everything confidence, schooling, hacking certainly gonna take time I don't think it's an easy fix especially when I don't know why I'm like this getting older and having a bit of time out the saddle I guess.

 

[squidsin]

I had a confidence crash a few years ago after being repeatedly bronked off by my then-horse. I resolved it by ringing my local riding centre and asking to be put on the safest plod that they use for RDA and just walking round until I started to feel like I could trust horses again! Also had some NLP with a good coach that really helped. If the problem is in your mind, and not the horse, then that's what you need to fix. I think loads of us go through something like this when we get older, and realise we're breakable, and have responsibilities like kids or mortgages which mean we simply can't afford to break any limbs or be out of action at all! It's also funny how people (women, mainly) can be completely confident in their working lives, but a bag of nerves on horseback! I don't know WHY this is but it certainly happens a lot!

 

[domane]

My confidence had been like a yoyo, so I totally understand. May I ask what you fear? What is the thing that is worrying you and why? Has she done something to scare you? What is that very thought that prevents you outting your foot in the stirrup?

 

[KB76]

My confidence had been like a yoyo, so I totally understand. May I ask what you fear? What is the thing that is worrying you and why? Has she done something to scare you? What is that very thought that prevents you outting your foot in the stirrup?

 

[KB76]

I have had a few falls in the past (not with her) but nothing that has prevented me getting back on, I took time out and just concentrated on inhand showing with my daughters pony at the time which I really enjoyed I don't think I could ever do a ridden class lol, but I was offered her on loan/lwvtb off a friend she bred her and she has seen everything from a young age my friend is unable to ride doctors orders so she was only backed last year and just hacked in previous loan home, she's 7 never done anything I even had someone ride her a few times whilst I was there and she's done absolutely nothing hacking out on the gallops etc, in the school she was green (she's never been schooled) she would buck going into canter but this settled after a couple of days, my main fear is coming off I think I have to many what if's going on, on top of me being anxious it just feels like a no go to get back in the saddle I'm hoping that by booking lessons with her I am facing my fear I have in the past found it to easy to say that the horse is not right for me and rather than getting help let the horse go to what I think is a better home where they can go on and do better things and they have without me which obviously as affected the way people think of me changing my horses unless this is in my head to I feel I'm being watched/judged in what I do to the point I have booked lessons with someone I don't know or even knows anyone that I know I'm hoping to come out of this and get back to where I was and I guess show people I can do it or maybe I do have the wrong pony I guess only time will tell but other than her being a bit green I can't see anything that should be making me feel the way I do

 

[HaloHoney]

If she was only backed last year she's still pretty much a baby in her head! Mentally she is probably more like a 3-rising-4 year old.

The thing that will get you past this is lessons.

You have an identikit pony of my friend's mare- she arrived "looking like an RSPCA case" (the words of one instructor), but with careful nurturing is turning into a brilliant little pony, and qualified for the sunshine tour dressage!

My friend felt she was far greener than 7- so found the woman named on her passport on Facebook, and found out that she had only been backed a year ago! Which explained a lot!

She is blossoming into the most lovely pony though. Don't forget, you've got lots of time to figure out your partnership. Get an instructor to help you, and take it steady. You'll get there.

 

[tiamaria lady]

Your last reply....is like I'm listening to me!! Oh my god , I have done and felt exactly the same in my own scenario. To the extent I also try to find a far away instructor in the hope no one finds out about me to judge about current horse ECT.
Do you feel like this with just her? Or is it riding in general at the moment? Maybe it's just a case of getting to know and trust each other and that takes time! So maybe give yourself a chance. Try start a new sheet, forget about past horses not working out, maybe they were just not what you wanted at the time! I have done this twice and yes it does sometimes make me conscious as people have a view of me sitting on a snail (in my case) instead of the type I actually like!
It's your horse, your hobby. And if it feels like a no no to sit in the saddle at the moment, then don't! That's perfectly fine, no one has a gun to your head, that'll come with time! Theres no shame in hiring someone to school her a bit here and there! It will give her confidence too. There's nothing making you have to canter at the moment either which will help you mentally. Remember , take the pressure off you both! Make sure your instructor is kind and understands exactly where you are at! If they don't or tell you to more or less forget, well that's the wrong instructor for you.
If it really doesn't work out down the line, well that's ok too it's a type of journey and a learning experience for whatever the future brings