Hi, this is my first post, you guys seem really supportive and I think I just need to type this out, I hope that's OK. It may be long, sorry.
I'm a 38yr old mum, got back into horses after about 25 years.
Childhood equine experience is riding, grooming, bathing and playing with friends ponies as well as ponies being kept in fields that my Grandparents rented out (amazing summers spent there, calling ponies from the bedroom window and having them waiting for me once I'd dressed and grabbed tack!) No lessons, no guidance, no form, just get on with it and go.
After a bad relationship, redundancy and then lockdowns of 2020 I felt pretty down and missed horses so decided to book a hack which went well and I ended up volunteering there. Soon got some paid work at the yard, poo picking, waters etc, occasionally helping to bring ponies in and tack up etc. Generally left alone though to poo pick and hang out with the ponies which suited me - too much responsibility with the horses made me anxious, as I said, no formal training and already pretty down.
I got to know the ponies and had a special bond with one of them in the herd of 9. She would pop by to get a hug and some scratches, follow me around sometimes. I was told she wasn't really that kind of pony so i was chuffed that she had chosen me. Cue the daydreams of doing more with her and becoming a dream team!
My actual dream is to part loan a quiet pony to hack out and have fun with one day with a more experienced person (I don't have the time, money or experience to own my own). I told my boss one day and she suggested I part loan the pony for free! Basically she has some that are OK for the riding school and a good few who are being brought on, too young or her personal ponies. This one is not suitable for the riding school. I thanked her and instinctively made plans to start from the beginning - a groom, some ground work, target training - very small sessions of 10 - 20 mins, maybe 1 - 3 times a week when I have time and the school / stable is free.
Then I get told about her past. She had a tumour which caused havoc with her hormones and she behaved like a stallion. She was dangerous. She is still very dominant.
I haven't had her being aggressive towards me but she gets easily distracted, spooked by anything going on around us and stroppy, pawing the ground when she thinks we should be doing something (I keep my planned sessions calm - for me as well as her!) I'd assumed this was because she wasn't used to doing anything but field to stable until i was told more about her. To be honest, she scares me! I have twice been shown how I should be handling her and each time the handlers corrected her dominant behaviour she tried to square up to them. I've avoided this myself but probably because I'm taking such small steps I'm avoiding her triggers - probably also subconsciously too afraid to try anything that might trigger this or even in my ignorance missing her dominance and just not correcting it, hence giving her no reason to try to 'battle it out' with me. If she does try it I'm afraid that I won't know how to react and that I'll get hurt or create more problems for her, I just don't have the knowledge, experience or confidence. I don't even know where this behaviour could lead!
So far I'm still practicing leading her around the school, stopping, backing her up etc and all seems fine until my boss sees and tells me I'm doing it wrong. She corrects me but it's hard to see the subtle differences or they don't work! I've watched videos etc and we do some target training which she clicks onto straight away but then gets greedy and stroppy, pawing the ground for treats (I have been advised to use chaff or similar low value reward which I will do from now on). I have never lunged which seems a million steps away anyway but I have never learned groundwork. I had a riding lesson on a different horse and found out I picked up a lot of bad habits 30 or so years ago so even that is not even basic level - feeling like a complete failure!
I haven't even picked her feet myself yet as her energy can sometimes seem uncomfortable (I know, sounds lame). I know i don't have the experience but i've never had so little confidence around a pony I'm supposed to be bonding with!
It's creating a lot of anxiety, it feels like it's always a relief to get something done successfully (even getting her to and from the field as the other 8 usually want out too, it's stressful!) and a relief when we've done and I know I don't have to worry about it for a couple of days... then I'm worrying about the next session! I'm even anxious about going to work there now which seems ridiculous.
I feel very alone with it all, I talk to my boss who is lovely but she is so experienced and straight forwards, I don't think she understands that I don't get what to do or how to be, and always bysy so i don't want to take up her time when she see's it so black and white. She seems generally happy with how I handle the riding school ponies but this is another level, there seem to be more rules, probably because of how dominant the pony can be.
I just don't know where we are heading, and i don't know how to progress. It doesnt sound as though she can be ridden after her previous health issues but that isn't a huge thing for me just now (can't bloomin' ride properly myself and we have a lot of trust work through first anyway). A part of me thinks I should admit that I'm not going to be assertive enough and that I'm the wrong person for the pony. Another part of me thinks we can get through this, just keep taking small steps (it's been about a month, maybe 7 or 8 short sessions, my boss helped with the 1st and another trainer i was lucky enough to get a free session with on my last who Basically said to carry on doing what I'm doing. But I'm scared - I can't work if I'm hurt by her and I definitely need to stick around and be physically fit for my daughter!
I won't be making any quick decision, I'm hormonal and think i have seasonal anxiety at the moment so I Will keep at it. I just needed to type it out to people who might get it, I don't know horsey people! I spoke to my mum and she thinks my boss wouldn't have offered the opportunity if she didn't think i was capable but I'm not sure!
If you got this far, thank you for reading, I appreciate it.
I'm a 38yr old mum, got back into horses after about 25 years.
Childhood equine experience is riding, grooming, bathing and playing with friends ponies as well as ponies being kept in fields that my Grandparents rented out (amazing summers spent there, calling ponies from the bedroom window and having them waiting for me once I'd dressed and grabbed tack!) No lessons, no guidance, no form, just get on with it and go.
After a bad relationship, redundancy and then lockdowns of 2020 I felt pretty down and missed horses so decided to book a hack which went well and I ended up volunteering there. Soon got some paid work at the yard, poo picking, waters etc, occasionally helping to bring ponies in and tack up etc. Generally left alone though to poo pick and hang out with the ponies which suited me - too much responsibility with the horses made me anxious, as I said, no formal training and already pretty down.
I got to know the ponies and had a special bond with one of them in the herd of 9. She would pop by to get a hug and some scratches, follow me around sometimes. I was told she wasn't really that kind of pony so i was chuffed that she had chosen me. Cue the daydreams of doing more with her and becoming a dream team!
My actual dream is to part loan a quiet pony to hack out and have fun with one day with a more experienced person (I don't have the time, money or experience to own my own). I told my boss one day and she suggested I part loan the pony for free! Basically she has some that are OK for the riding school and a good few who are being brought on, too young or her personal ponies. This one is not suitable for the riding school. I thanked her and instinctively made plans to start from the beginning - a groom, some ground work, target training - very small sessions of 10 - 20 mins, maybe 1 - 3 times a week when I have time and the school / stable is free.
Then I get told about her past. She had a tumour which caused havoc with her hormones and she behaved like a stallion. She was dangerous. She is still very dominant.
I haven't had her being aggressive towards me but she gets easily distracted, spooked by anything going on around us and stroppy, pawing the ground when she thinks we should be doing something (I keep my planned sessions calm - for me as well as her!) I'd assumed this was because she wasn't used to doing anything but field to stable until i was told more about her. To be honest, she scares me! I have twice been shown how I should be handling her and each time the handlers corrected her dominant behaviour she tried to square up to them. I've avoided this myself but probably because I'm taking such small steps I'm avoiding her triggers - probably also subconsciously too afraid to try anything that might trigger this or even in my ignorance missing her dominance and just not correcting it, hence giving her no reason to try to 'battle it out' with me. If she does try it I'm afraid that I won't know how to react and that I'll get hurt or create more problems for her, I just don't have the knowledge, experience or confidence. I don't even know where this behaviour could lead!
So far I'm still practicing leading her around the school, stopping, backing her up etc and all seems fine until my boss sees and tells me I'm doing it wrong. She corrects me but it's hard to see the subtle differences or they don't work! I've watched videos etc and we do some target training which she clicks onto straight away but then gets greedy and stroppy, pawing the ground for treats (I have been advised to use chaff or similar low value reward which I will do from now on). I have never lunged which seems a million steps away anyway but I have never learned groundwork. I had a riding lesson on a different horse and found out I picked up a lot of bad habits 30 or so years ago so even that is not even basic level - feeling like a complete failure!
I haven't even picked her feet myself yet as her energy can sometimes seem uncomfortable (I know, sounds lame). I know i don't have the experience but i've never had so little confidence around a pony I'm supposed to be bonding with!
It's creating a lot of anxiety, it feels like it's always a relief to get something done successfully (even getting her to and from the field as the other 8 usually want out too, it's stressful!) and a relief when we've done and I know I don't have to worry about it for a couple of days... then I'm worrying about the next session! I'm even anxious about going to work there now which seems ridiculous.
I feel very alone with it all, I talk to my boss who is lovely but she is so experienced and straight forwards, I don't think she understands that I don't get what to do or how to be, and always bysy so i don't want to take up her time when she see's it so black and white. She seems generally happy with how I handle the riding school ponies but this is another level, there seem to be more rules, probably because of how dominant the pony can be.
I just don't know where we are heading, and i don't know how to progress. It doesnt sound as though she can be ridden after her previous health issues but that isn't a huge thing for me just now (can't bloomin' ride properly myself and we have a lot of trust work through first anyway). A part of me thinks I should admit that I'm not going to be assertive enough and that I'm the wrong person for the pony. Another part of me thinks we can get through this, just keep taking small steps (it's been about a month, maybe 7 or 8 short sessions, my boss helped with the 1st and another trainer i was lucky enough to get a free session with on my last who Basically said to carry on doing what I'm doing. But I'm scared - I can't work if I'm hurt by her and I definitely need to stick around and be physically fit for my daughter!
I won't be making any quick decision, I'm hormonal and think i have seasonal anxiety at the moment so I Will keep at it. I just needed to type it out to people who might get it, I don't know horsey people! I spoke to my mum and she thinks my boss wouldn't have offered the opportunity if she didn't think i was capable but I'm not sure!
If you got this far, thank you for reading, I appreciate it.
