Hey all,
I recently bought my first horse! https://newrider.com/threads/settling-in-a-new-first-horse-tips.257494/#post-3159003
It's not going great...there have been a few hiccups and now I am a bag of nerves. Merlin (/Bambi as I've started calling him to try and see the funny side of his skittishness) is obviously picking up on me being a walking pillar of nervous energy and is acting up accordingly. I simply cannot keep my adrenalin down and relax and instead of bonding I feel like our relationship is deteriorating
Firstly, he has a lovely setup I think. He's on 24/7 turnout with a field shelter, he has horses and ponies to talk to and muzzle over the fence, I top up his water and haynet everyday, salt lick, I paint his hooves with treatment (when I can get near them) and he'd be lathered with affection if he wanted it.
The problem is he is very wary. I don't think that's a new horse thing, he was pretty standofish with his owner (who backed him) when I went to see him. I suppose I thought, naively, it was just because she herself was quite reserved (on a sidenote I wonder if horses pick up the personality of the people who back them? Prob not I wonder if there's an influence), and maybe he'd change with oodles of hands on love.
I've tried not to come on too strong and I'm giving him the space he's asking for. The problem is I need to be able to handle him of course, and everything is difficult! Getting his rug on and off is a nightmare, he stands almost trembling and the second it's undone he bolts off (like my bf described it "like Black Beauty escaping the fire"). On a few occasions he's bolted before I've had a chance to finish the straps and then of course races around freaking out about the rug flapping on him like it's a tiger on his back.
The first time I went to pick his back hooves he kicked me. In nearly three decades of being around horses (with breaks) I've never been kicked, so that really shocked me. Unfortunately it's also made me really nervous around him which has been disastrous.
Riding...I took him on walks in hand for the first couple of weeks, then just slow and small hacks. He's actually very good under saddle (although very spookish). The first time we went into an open space though he started bucking, so again nerves sky high. Also I went out once with another horse here who unfortunately was very nappy. Every time he started napping Merlin followed suit. Eventually Teddy would listen to his rider but Merlin wouldn't respond to anything I did and only moved forward with Teddy. We had a really hairy moment on a busy road (A37) when crossing Teddy napped, Merlin planted and was like a statue with a lorry bearing down on us and leapt over just in time. Really stressful ride.
I'm trying to persevere and get him into a good routine of riding out for a bit each day, getting handled, groundwork etc. Bearing in mind I have kids and a job I am giving Merlin all my free time but I don't have hours of freetime to work with him on hte ground unfortunately. I'm trying to sort extra childcare just so I'll be able to.
Yesterday when I went to tack him up he reared up when I was doing the girth - again a first for me. I was so rattled I ended up taking off the saddle and bursting into tears Which was another decimating blow to the last remaining scaffolding of trust between us.
It's so hard...he seems so sweet, he'll come look at us over the fence (probably for treats, which I have had to resort to for catching him but am weaning off because don't want to create a bargy treatseeker!). He is mostly a lovely ride, very soft in the mouth and responsive to weight aids.
Of course the obvious question is: is he in pain? I did a 5 stage vetting and the vet didn't find anything. The saddle fitter and farrier didn't think anything was up with his back. I'm getting physio out to confirm. I can't just haemorrage money on dentist, vet etc just in case. I've tried the NAFF "magic" calmer, he's been on it for a couple of weeks now.
Just feeling really hopeless, he's a lovely looking and mostly sweet seeming boy but really tricky on the ground to handle. I was so hoping for a placid, friendly family horse that I could pop my daughter on to lead around down the line, and that we could all dote on and groom. Merlin is going on 16 years old - I wonder if his personality on the ground could even change at this stage?
Any advice would be hugely appreciated, but just typing this out has actually made me feel so much better! Sorry for the ginormous essay, if you made it this far thank you for reading!
Edit: I read this and I realize it sounds very melodramatic and moany - I know the truth is Merlin is just scared or in pain. I just want to help him but I feel like he doesn't want me anywhere near him so it's hard to know what to do!
I recently bought my first horse! https://newrider.com/threads/settling-in-a-new-first-horse-tips.257494/#post-3159003
It's not going great...there have been a few hiccups and now I am a bag of nerves. Merlin (/Bambi as I've started calling him to try and see the funny side of his skittishness) is obviously picking up on me being a walking pillar of nervous energy and is acting up accordingly. I simply cannot keep my adrenalin down and relax and instead of bonding I feel like our relationship is deteriorating
Firstly, he has a lovely setup I think. He's on 24/7 turnout with a field shelter, he has horses and ponies to talk to and muzzle over the fence, I top up his water and haynet everyday, salt lick, I paint his hooves with treatment (when I can get near them) and he'd be lathered with affection if he wanted it.
The problem is he is very wary. I don't think that's a new horse thing, he was pretty standofish with his owner (who backed him) when I went to see him. I suppose I thought, naively, it was just because she herself was quite reserved (on a sidenote I wonder if horses pick up the personality of the people who back them? Prob not I wonder if there's an influence), and maybe he'd change with oodles of hands on love.
I've tried not to come on too strong and I'm giving him the space he's asking for. The problem is I need to be able to handle him of course, and everything is difficult! Getting his rug on and off is a nightmare, he stands almost trembling and the second it's undone he bolts off (like my bf described it "like Black Beauty escaping the fire"). On a few occasions he's bolted before I've had a chance to finish the straps and then of course races around freaking out about the rug flapping on him like it's a tiger on his back.
The first time I went to pick his back hooves he kicked me. In nearly three decades of being around horses (with breaks) I've never been kicked, so that really shocked me. Unfortunately it's also made me really nervous around him which has been disastrous.
Riding...I took him on walks in hand for the first couple of weeks, then just slow and small hacks. He's actually very good under saddle (although very spookish). The first time we went into an open space though he started bucking, so again nerves sky high. Also I went out once with another horse here who unfortunately was very nappy. Every time he started napping Merlin followed suit. Eventually Teddy would listen to his rider but Merlin wouldn't respond to anything I did and only moved forward with Teddy. We had a really hairy moment on a busy road (A37) when crossing Teddy napped, Merlin planted and was like a statue with a lorry bearing down on us and leapt over just in time. Really stressful ride.
I'm trying to persevere and get him into a good routine of riding out for a bit each day, getting handled, groundwork etc. Bearing in mind I have kids and a job I am giving Merlin all my free time but I don't have hours of freetime to work with him on hte ground unfortunately. I'm trying to sort extra childcare just so I'll be able to.
Yesterday when I went to tack him up he reared up when I was doing the girth - again a first for me. I was so rattled I ended up taking off the saddle and bursting into tears Which was another decimating blow to the last remaining scaffolding of trust between us.
It's so hard...he seems so sweet, he'll come look at us over the fence (probably for treats, which I have had to resort to for catching him but am weaning off because don't want to create a bargy treatseeker!). He is mostly a lovely ride, very soft in the mouth and responsive to weight aids.
Of course the obvious question is: is he in pain? I did a 5 stage vetting and the vet didn't find anything. The saddle fitter and farrier didn't think anything was up with his back. I'm getting physio out to confirm. I can't just haemorrage money on dentist, vet etc just in case. I've tried the NAFF "magic" calmer, he's been on it for a couple of weeks now.
Just feeling really hopeless, he's a lovely looking and mostly sweet seeming boy but really tricky on the ground to handle. I was so hoping for a placid, friendly family horse that I could pop my daughter on to lead around down the line, and that we could all dote on and groom. Merlin is going on 16 years old - I wonder if his personality on the ground could even change at this stage?
Any advice would be hugely appreciated, but just typing this out has actually made me feel so much better! Sorry for the ginormous essay, if you made it this far thank you for reading!
Edit: I read this and I realize it sounds very melodramatic and moany - I know the truth is Merlin is just scared or in pain. I just want to help him but I feel like he doesn't want me anywhere near him so it's hard to know what to do!