Does anyone else feel uncomfortable with demanding friends?

[Ruskii]

this !!!

Totally.

I had a friend who went so far as to change her work pattern after one occassion I was free and a totally spur of the moment thing we rode out together (after being at the same yard for 2 years ! ). The horses behaved well and the company was nice but hacking is my time and time for me and my horse. I'm not hacking out alone, I'm out with my horse !

I received a text later that day saying 'Thank you so much for this morning, thoroughly enjoyed it, so much that I have now changed my rota for the next 6 weeks and we can go together every Thursday now !' I just was speechless. I had certainly not said I would do it again and was also careful to say that I enjoy hacking my horse out on his own. Some people only hear what they want to hear and asking questions direct like that 'Don't you want to hack out with me?' is erring into shades of manipulation and dependancy. I don't like things like that so always always make it clear that I'm totally flexible and change things all the time so no one expects me to be available for services for them (again for things like turning in and turning out)

There was a small fall out when I sent a text back saying 'That's great news that you can change your days off like that, but I won't be able to ride each Thursday as I do have other commitments - you know what family is like !' That left it clear that I can't ride and if I did ride when she was there, I would say I'm doing some schooling riding as he was turning into a bit of a toad. :wink:

 

[Dark Storm]

I enjoy schooling him twice a week, 3 days hacking out, 2 days off.
I've always been a solo hack sort of person, but don't mind the odd hack in company. It's when it becomes a regular thing and starts taking over my quiet days that I start getting uncomfortable.

 

[newforest]

How friendly are you because it appears that you are not able to say you want some time alone?
Mostly I school alone because then I can focus on what I am doing without worrying she could eat her companion! She dislikes friends horse big time.
But just say I can't hack with you today, I want some me time, nothing wrong with that. Friends should understand that. Anyway sometimes you don't feel like riding-well sometimes I don't and I have a really fun lunge session with poles and stuff.

 

[squidsin]

Ah it's a tricky one, because most riders I know - including myself - prefer to hack in company. Still, if you don't want to ride every time with her, either get to the yard really early and be out before she's arrived (path of least resistance) or just be honest with her! She could be a nervous hacker and really wanting not to be alone (not that that's your problem.)

 

[Dark Storm]

Ah it's a tricky one, because most riders I know - including myself - prefer to hack in company. Still, if you don't want to ride every time with her, either get to the yard really early and be out before she's arrived (path of least resistance) or just be honest with her! She could be a nervous hacker and really wanting not to be alone (not that that's your problem.)

Nail on the head there, she is a nervous rider and doesn't really want to hack alone.
NF, it's because I don't want to offend her that I'm struggling to broach the subject.

 

[newforest]

Nail on the head there, she is a nervous rider and doesn't really want to hack alone.
NF, it's because I don't want to offend her that I'm struggling to broach the subject.

Wait until it pops up again. Maybe hack with her one day but not both. Has she an instructor because they would help her nerves, or foot soldier.