Complete evaporation of confidence!

[AmandaW]

Hi,
I am just wondering whether anyone else has experienced their confidence dissappearing over night almost.

Since losing Leah I have been riding other people's horses more often. Yesterday I rode a friends cob out, although he is quite green and can be boistrous I am very fond of him. We only went down the lane a little way before we decided it was really too slippy so went in to the top field where the ground was okay. I was not comfortable at all, and said he felt like he may take off with me. He has a habit of snatching the bit and sticking his head down, it is then like sitting on a precipice!! He did settle and was very good when I cantered up the hill but on the way back round he kept snatching the reins and trotting down the hill, then dropping his shoulder as if he was going to run back. I am sure my tension was making him worse.

It is unlike me to worry about things like this. Leah was by no means a novice ride, but she didn't scare me with her antics, I just used to ride through them. Since she has gone I can feel myself getting anxious about riding. I was never gun-ho but wouldn't worry. People have said I need to find my own horse again, so I can build up a trust, but I am scared I will never find a horse that I can trust like I did Leah. I know I can not replace her and wouldn't want to.

I have booked a lesson on the cob in the week so I can address some of the issues with my instructor. But has anyone out there been through this and come out the other side?

Many thanks,
Amanda

 

[Kerry's Partner]

Well, for very different reasons - and so the differences may be significant, I became terrified probably for most of the time and didn't know why - I still don't know in fact. That feeling is so dreadful I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy in fact.

BUT I have come out the other side and I am obviously SO pleased about that. I am now really enjoying what I do. Can't do everything, in fact there's loads and loads of mileage still to go. Whilst the experiences have been extremely unpleasant I've also learned loads. In fact every little change for the better is a bit of a treasure that I didn't fully appreciate before.

 

[Esther.D]

I have! When I first bought Rupert I was like that as he is very fizzy and inclined to bounce around a lot - 20 years of pretty confident riding went down the pan and I was really nervous (and wondering whether I had made a mistake buying him)! But I have got over it and we are fine and happy, I don't know why it happened but it went away again when I got used to him...

 

[rusk]

Don't worry

It happens to most of us at some point, so try not to get mad at yourself. I have had lots of horrible scary times since I lost my first horse and probably I will never again be quite so confident, but I am getting better all the time. Just give yourself space.

 

[virtuallyhorses]

Urrggh yes, you can be going along fine, making good progress and then something happens to make you nervous and lose confidence. Definitely, you nervous tension will get to your horse and make you less stable - awful isn't it! Just when you need to be at your best your mind and body conspire against you!

Good idea to take a lesson, that's usually what get's me over the hump. Try to tell the instructor about the 'moves' that the horse uses that make you scared - he\she will be able to use this info in your lesson when evaluating your riding. You may simply need to sit back more or push your knee down or whatever to make you more secure - best of luck I'm sure you'll get through it

 

[CityGirl]

Amanda:
I'm sure the feelig you have is related to not knowing/trusting your friends horse. I'm sure once you take a few lessons/ride this horse a few times, you will build up a level of confidence. I am always a little nervous getting on a new horse, even if s/he's advertised as "bomb-proof". For me, it's all about knowing a horse's quirks & spooks which takes a little time. I think it sounds like a great plan to take a few lessons. Good luck & keep us posted!

 

[Laetitia]

Been there, done that, got the xl 't' shirt. Actually went back onto a lead rein ! Still get nerves. But the more you do, lessons, hacks, the better it gets, so keep at it and you'll sail through. L

 

[AmandaW]

Thank you all for the positive feedback. I do feel mad at myself for letting my nerves get the better of me, it is such a horrible feeling. I was completely useless the other day legs and arms wafting around like a total beginner! Awful, not what a young green horse will respond well to anyhow. My lesson on him is this morning, I will let you know how I get on.

Losing Leah has coincided with the yard owner having the most horrific life-threatening accident out riding too. I guess I am not as tough as I thought I was and am rather emotionally frail at the moment. However I am determined to get through this and start enjoying my riding again.

 

[rusk]

KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!

I was so scared after my accident I couldn't ride my own young horse! Fortunately it didn't last long and the answer for me was lesson, lessons and more lessons. With someone there telling me what to do I almost forgot which horse it was! It definately helped me. I schooled a lot on my own too but kept it short to start with.

 

[AmandaW]

Rusk, you are right! The lesson went really well today. Just having my instructor there, knowing that she wouldn't let me wimp out was a real boost. I really got a hold of him today and made him do what I needed him to do. Bless him he was making a real effort for me too. He is a youngster, but broken late, so he is very much a horsey horse. He wouldn't and doesn't think twice about stopping dead mid canter, putting his head down and rubbing his head on his leg because he had a tickle on his nose. He doesn't have any malice in him, he is just a very cuddly equine thug!!

Everyone at the yard, as always has been very supportive. Over the next few weeks I am having lessons on a wide variety of horses owned by the other liveries. I am very lucky to have that opportunity! Next week I am doing some more flat work on a friends schoolmaster.

 

[Susan C]

Yup Been there as well!

50 yrs and still learning! but the confidence still is lacking, not so much in how I handle a horse now, more in what I beleive I can do.
I returned to riding properly 4 yrs ago. I say properly, as I was taught the Old School way, whcih meant I had no seat, no balance. I relied on the reins and gripping the sides of the saddle, which of course resulted in losing my seat even more, plus I was always losing my stirrups.
I was determined, but scared! I has lessons on my friends school master. I was going on fine, then I had an accident p[laying Rounders! yes at my age buit resulted in a badly torn cartlidge, operation and crutches off, riding out for near 5 months.

I had taken on loan at the later part of my recovery! Yes I hear mad women. A TB ex steeple chaser, Yes even more bonkers.

He had an accident as he arrived so he was box rested for 6 weeks! So we spent the time bonding! which we did, but when I went to get back in the saddle, I had lost more confidence then I had in the first place.
I would be lead in walk! I panicked at the thouight of trot!

BUT 2 months later I did my First ever Dressage Test!
I have to admit I am crazy, I must have been. BUT I was so determined. It was not a good test but to me, it was wonderful.

I had that horse near 2 years he taught me so much, but most of all he taught me to beleive in myself more.

I have since gone on to buy my own a youngster. We have had a lot of experience of keeping ponies & horses as I was the ground support for my daughter. We felt it was time it was all our work.

My horse is something I am very proud of.
It shows you can do it, with the right horse, the right support, and more then that, the will to say I can do it.
I have had brilliant instructors, I have been away on a classical training weekend., even vaulting!"!!!!!! now that teaches you about your seat and seat bones!

I just wish I could BUY the Confidence stuff in bottles, still have a way to go.

We all can do it.
This was my 1st jumping lesson on my Youngster last Year! His 1st Year