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carthorse

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Jan 6, 2006
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there is nothing wrong with it at all, if she doesn't take it, she can go home and go hang as i have had enough

I was going to say you might have to put your foot down and tell her point blank that staying any longer with you isn't an option, that it's this apartment or back to her house with no back up since you can't travel that far every day. The trouble is she's got what she sees as the ideal set up living with you and so isn't interested in anything else.
 

diplomaticandtactful

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Apr 25, 2003
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Well we went to see it again. It is a bright and light room, mid afternoon no lights on, still very bright. Kitchen easy to fix with appliances, bathroom just put up a cabinet on the wall. Sitting room/bedroom, it is possible to put the bed at the back wall and put up a screen of furniture and easy to walk from there with no doors to open to get to loo during night. Sitting area easy to lay out. The big walk in unit will take a lot of stuff plus there are three smaller full length cupboards for linens, coats etc. There is a lot of storage space and it is pretty well designed. Will need painting. When we were there, she was either morose, or then took an interest, or argued that there is no such thing as a 4ft bed which there is. she still wants the 1 bed flat downstairs, which is not available and also is right at the entrance and north facing, so dark and would need blinds down a lot of the time as folks going in and out in front of the window. when she came downstairs she met 5 of the ladies and was jabbering along to them. Conversation later on with OH she was going to take it, conversation with me 10 minutes later why not dump me in and home and forget about me. Don't tempt me. She is bloody well going to take it. There has been nothing to apply for for the last 3 weeks, and if she takes this, it is one month notice, so if anything else turns up she can see if it is better. If you keep messing around the Housing Associations you can banned for a period. Depressed as hell, i now have to go and decorate this place with my bad back and bully her into going but what more can you do?
 
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carthorse

Super Moderator
Staff member
Jan 6, 2006
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If she says again about dumping her in a home smile sweetly and tell her she doesn't qualify for a home place so she'd be dumped back at her own house where you'd be quite happy to forget about her! Well tempting as it is maybe not the last bit, though I'd certainly say you wouldn't be able to visit frequently and maybe not at all if Covid rules change.

Does the apartment really need redecorating? And if the answer is yes can you not get someone in to do it? Chances are anything you do will be wrong anyway . . .
 

Huggy

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Nov 11, 2018
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Hope in a few weeks this will just be a bad spell to look back on. You must be emotionally drained.
 

diplomaticandtactful

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Apr 25, 2003
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If she says again about dumping her in a home smile sweetly and tell her she doesn't qualify for a home place so she'd be dumped back at her own house where you'd be quite happy to forget about her! Well tempting as it is maybe not the last bit, though I'd certainly say you wouldn't be able to visit frequently and maybe not at all if Covid rules change.

Does the apartment really need redecorating? And if the answer is yes can you not get someone in to do it? Chances are anything you do will be wrong anyway . . .
She has been told all this but whether she takes it in is another matter. It does need painting, just a coat of emulsion as it has been patched in places with different shades. It would be quicker to do it myself as i am a fast painter and also waiting for tradesmen around here is like waiting for Godot. The rooms are stripped, so it is just a case of going round it all and it's not an extremely high ceiling so can reach with an ordinary ladder.
 
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diplomaticandtactful

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Apr 25, 2003
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Hope in a few weeks this will just be a bad spell to look back on. You must be emotionally drained.
I went to see my osteo, and on the way back walked the dogs in the woods, leaving mum in the car in a wet weekend monosyllabic mood. I just sat on a tree trunk, wet bum now, and had a good howl. Ironically spoke to some folks who have similar issues with an 89 year old and we offered to swap.
 

Kite_Rider

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May 18, 2009
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If she says again about dumping her in a home smile sweetly and tell her she doesn't qualify for a home place so she'd be dumped back at her own house where you'd be quite happy to forget about her! Well tempting as it is maybe not the last bit, though I'd certainly say you wouldn't be able to visit frequently and maybe not at all if Covid rules change.

Does the apartment really need redecorating? And if the answer is yes can you not get someone in to do it? Chances are anything you do will be wrong anyway . . .
All of this ^^^
There comes a point where you have to be tough and stand up for yourself, you need a life of your own and you need to be well yourself.
 

Huggy

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Nov 11, 2018
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I went to see my osteo, and on the way back walked the dogs in the woods, leaving mum in the car in a wet weekend monosyllabic mood. I just sat on a tree trunk, wet bum now, and had a good howl. Ironically spoke to some folks who have similar issues with an 89 year old and we offered to swap.
Lord love you - the bawling will have done you good. Some people just don't grow old well, and it's their children's misfortune to have to deal with it.
 

Huggy

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Nov 11, 2018
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We seem to have a breakthrough. She is going to take the studio flat 3 miles from us. All i have to do now is decorate it, remove 3 three doors, get appliances, carpets and organise clearing the other house.....
So glad for you - although it'll be hard slog doing all that, you'll be your own person again at the end. If you can, get some professional help - it's an awful lot to do on your own.
 

diplomaticandtactful

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Apr 25, 2003
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So glad for you - although it'll be hard slog doing all that, you'll be your own person again at the end. If you can, get some professional help - it's an awful lot to do on your own.
will probably do the decorating as it will be quicker to do it myself rather than wait for tradesmen. Will get someone to do the moving of furniture but will have to go and decide what is coming and pack up the clothes etc. Go up with the horsebox the day before probably or car and trailer. I moved a business, 4 equines, cats, from sussex to Scotland only to be made homeless as the b builder hadn't finished the houses, so lots of experience. Will be quite easy to do, only moving bed, 2 chests of drawers, living room furniture and bits from bathroom, so not a lot, mainly clothes, kitchen stuff. 2nd stage will be clearing the rest and renting out the house but let the dust settle a bit first
 

diplomaticandtactful

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Apr 25, 2003
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Went up yestrday and brought back clothes. There is a HUGE amount of stuff. the bloody stairlift is stuck on the stairs so had to carry everything passed it and it blocks the front door and can't get in or out it so had to take stuff out the back door and walk around to get to the car at the front, took ages. Car is stuffed to the gunnels and haven't even managed to clear out all the clothes....there are ornaments in quantity, everywhere, there is going to have to be a cull of them....15 pairs of hotter and ecco shoes, all brand new, 10 daks skirts all brand new never worn....such a waste of money. So much still with labels on. Found Dad's ashes so brought them home and will put in safe place.....can't get furniture out until they remove the stair lift.
 
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