Why do we care about how we look?

MrA

Well-Known Member
Feb 8, 2012
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Just curious really why it is such an important thing.

People like to look good I guess as it gives them confidence, but then surely it would be better to feel good from the things we do and how we treat people.

I'm not saying its wrong just wondering why we all bother lol.
 
LOL, some of you do, I know when I'm beaten, Silk purse and sow'a ear and all that.! :D
 
I just feel better when I've made an effort - I think with me it maybe stems from being teased a lot as a kid for being a bit geeky? Rather unfashionable was I, wearing hand me downs (there was 5 of us with big age gaps so the clothes were terribly out of date by the time they reached me as the youngest!lol). I guess I have met a lot of rude folk in my time too - folk that judge you purely on the way you look. It bothers me less as I've got older - when I was younger I was shockingly worried about being fashionable / pretty / having nice make up etc. I used to really get upset if people made comments. Now I would probably just say something equally rude back if I received unwelcome comments!
And yes, it is nice to do good things and stuff and we should feel good about that, but sadly it's not always enough. Humans are a vain old bunch (well, not all of us, but some!!).
 
People treat us differently depending on how we look. People do pick up on how we look and I often use this to my advantage. If you dont believe me go to customer services in a big shop dressed scruffy and then again dress smartly and see how different (although subtly) the way people treat and talk to you is.

Most of the time I dont give a rats arse what people think, but sometimes I dress differently to convey my mood or intention e.g. today Im looking forward to a chilled weekend and things are going well so Ive felt able to go with a 'rock chick' look, often at work if I need to assert myself Ill power dress, if Im off to the field I dress down/for comfort etc etc.

I dont really make much of an effort with hair or makeup unless its for a special occasion. Im generally confident and assertive enough to not need to make the effort!
 
It's funny this thread should come up. OH and I were discussing this morning how it is still expected in most offices that you dress up and wear formal gear - I know the rules are perhaps more relaxed depending on what genre of commerce you work in, but on the whole I think the most you can expect to get tolerated is smart designer jeans and a smart shirt - I don't get why if you work in an office and don't deal with the general public you have to dress up all the time. I am so glad I don't work in an office anymore - I found it quite stressful having to don a sort of office"uniform" just because it was the done thing.
I get that you have to dress to impress from time to time - I guess it depends on who you are trying to impress and what you're trying to achieve. Wonder why it's so important really?
If you were a nurse or doctor then of course it wouldn't "do" to be talking and dealing with patients wearing bermuda shorts and a tee shirt - but I think the average worker has to take themselves far too seriously and wear much stuffier and uncomfy clothes than is necessary.
 
I think when you 'dress up' its not that people such as customer services treats you different because of the way you are dressed, it's that you act more assertive cos of the way you are dressed.
As you get older like me you get a lot more confident ( well I have) for just being who you are and so clothing, make up etc don't make a bit of difference cos you start to feel good in your own skin no matter what's on the outside :wink:
 
Weirdly enough, as I've got older I feel better in my horsey clothes than anything else. I guess it's because they're neutral - ie, neither fashionable or unfashionable?! I do quite enjoy getting dressed up however, but, I don't really have anything that couldn't double up to be worn near the girls - I don't posses a skirt or dress (only my 21st dress which wouldn't go near me now!lol) and I tend to just buy lots and lots of jeans. Hmmm.
 
I tend to be a 'not bother' type now I am older. Occasionally I make the effort if I am going out with family because 'they like that sort of thing' and would make comments like 'why have you let yourself go? are you ill?' etc.

I feel perfectly confident in my own skin and find much more pleasure in helping someone, or achieving something than looking good.

Too me, others may have fancy clothes etc but I have my horses and my family which keeps my heart warm inside.

When I was young, I was a real 'it' girl. Always wearing the best make up, hair, and the height of fashion. I got invited to all the best parties and was 'in' with the 'in' crowd at all times.

TBH it all got very boring and shallow, the clothes where uncomfortable and I don't like make up. I found I had little in common with most.

Being older is much more pleasant in a way, I can go anywhere and not get stared at or have men chasing round after me for the wrong reasons.

I have done all that, been there and got the Tee shirt.
 
That is one thing that I can't stand - people who judge others on dress and appearance get no time from me - clubs with dress code (especially ties) don't get my custom.

I am usually pretty scruffy - jeans/t shirt/ sweatshirt/boots/mountain horse coat - hay and herb treats in the pockets
 
got to look 'presentable' at work (don't ever wear makeup though! don't like how it feels!) eg skirt etc. On the yard I'm horribly skanky! Muddy jods, tatty wellies, Primark trackie bottoms, filthy Horseware Jacket (free from Petplan!!). than God I have really short hair (eg an inch and under!!) so that's not much of a worry :)
 
People treat us differently depending on how we look. People do pick up on how we look and I often use this to my advantage. If you dont believe me go to customer services in a big shop dressed scruffy and then again dress smartly and see how different (although subtly) the way people treat and talk to you is.

So true. I notice a big difference in how I'm treated in shops depending just on whether or not I've gone with 'natural' hair - ie rather frizzy and curly - or straightened and respectable looking hair. You wouldn't believe the difference!

Generally though, I don't really care what people think, although I do like to look clean, unless of course I'm in my horsey gear in which case I'm scruffy, smelly and proud!
 
People treat us differently depending on how we look. People do pick up on how we look and I often use this to my advantage. If you dont believe me go to customer services in a big shop dressed scruffy and then again dress smartly and see how different (although subtly) the way people treat and talk to you is.!


This is so so true, I find that people look down/across/sideways/funny at me when I have my jods and no make up on, subconciously this gets me down and makes me feel pretty bad about all sorts of things (not that I'm bothered what people think of a stranger in a shop, but it has this funny effect on me!) but if I have made an effort, good hair and well chosen clothes I feel better about myself and this reflects onto so many other little things in my life.
 
This is so so true, I find that people look down/across/sideways/funny at me when I have my jods and no make up on, subconciously this gets me down and makes me feel pretty bad about all sorts of things (not that I'm bothered what people think of a stranger in a shop, but it has this funny effect on me!) but if I have made an effort, good hair and well chosen clothes I feel better about myself and this reflects onto so many other little things in my life.

Are you kidding? You have a lovely figure (revoltingly long legs!), lovely hair, very pretty and worst of all nice with it!? You have nothing to worry about! Try being stuck in a 12yr olds body!!! :giggle: :D

I've found since I've been with OH and life has settled (work, horses etc) I've become much more secure in myself. I enjoy dressing up for special occasions, but I rarely wear make up now. I indulge myself in liz Earle face care, and regular hair cuts etc - but no tans/nails etc - I don't have the money and I don't feel the need anymore.

Self confidence is a very funny thing. It can vanish instantly but takes months to build
 
Are you kidding? You have a lovely figure (revoltingly long legs!), lovely hair, very pretty and worst of all nice with it!? You have nothing to worry about! Try being stuck in a 12yr olds body!!! :giggle: :D

I've found since I've been with OH and life has settled (work, horses etc) I've become much more secure in myself. I enjoy dressing up for special occasions, but I rarely wear make up now. I indulge myself in liz Earle face care, and regular hair cuts etc - but no tans/nails etc - I don't have the money and I don't feel the need anymore.

Self confidence is a very funny thing. It can vanish instantly but takes months to build

Thats very kind of you to say that! :redface: Or are you just trying to be nice to me in the hope I forget you nearly took my life by mowing me down on Becky!! :wink:

I sometimes feel in a funny "in between" stage - I was very outgoing, carefree and self confident 10 years ago, but I have noticed in recent years I am much more self conscious and perhaps 'measured', at some times I feel I don't really recognize the person I see in the mirror and I sometimes feel quite at odds with myself. Too soon for a mid life crisis surely!

Interesting thread OP, made me do some thinking - perhaps too deep for a Friday night!
 
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Why is appearance such a big issue though. Obviously it is good to be clean and healthy looking, but why does society think that those wearing stylish clothes and make/up or styled hair are more confident/ better at their jobs?? Or just better people..

I am asking this because I am trying to get a promotion at work. I do not wear make up, style/dye my hair or take much interest at all in how I look. I don't really see it as important. What I do see as important is how good I am at my job, how hard I work and how friendly and polite I am to other people.

I do all the right things work wise, but people who work less than me or are worse at their jobs are noticed more because of the way they look.

Yes this is partly down to lack of confidence on my part and them being more confident. But they are only confident because of the way they look, they are not nessasarily good at their jobs. Confidence should stem from how good of a person you are, how happy you are with the way you are living not from how good you look. So why does it always seem to come down to looks.. Hope that makes sense
 
Why is appearance such a big issue though. Obviously it is good to be clean and healthy looking, but why does society think that those wearing stylish clothes and make/up or styled hair are more confident/ better at their jobs?? Or just better people..

I am asking this because I am trying to get a promotion at work. I do not wear make up, style/dye my hair or take much interest at all in how I look. I don't really see it as important. What I do see as important is how good I am at my job, how hard I work and how friendly and polite I am to other people.

I do all the right things work wise, but people who work less than me or are worse at their jobs are noticed more because of the way they look.

Yes this is partly down to lack of confidence on my part and them being more confident. But they are only confident because of the way they look, they are not nessasarily good at their jobs. Confidence should stem from how good of a person you are, how happy you are with the way you are living not from how good you look. So why does it always seem to come down to looks.. Hope that makes sense

That makes lots of sense, unfortunately I think my reply will just be garbled ramblings!

I dont wear a lot of make up but what I do wear falls in line with one of your false statements - clean and healthy. I wear a little foundation and touche eclat to make my skin tone look "healthier" - cover up bags and blemishes etc.
For me, well fitting correctly chosen clothes do the same - I pick colours to compliment my skin tone, and in a fitting that compliments my shape, makes me look toned and therefore healthy. I like to style my hair in a way that flatters the shape of my face, but is equally practical. All the above combined makes me feel more at ease with myself.

HOWEVER
I do think some people take this too far, and as an employer I'd be more impressed with a staff member who had self confidence (in a natural, true sense rather than meaning outspoken and brash which it often does!!) not to use the "warpaint" and follow fashion slavishly. I think they would perform better and represent my company better.
 
In terms of your promotion; I forget who said it to me, but the conversation went something along the lines of 'people do not buy into what you are saying or doing, they are buying into YOU. For you to lead you have to be aspirational - people will want to emulate and follow you, even BE you. Appearance is a large part of that. Physical attractiveness is an important cultural and social thing and takes many forms.

Being physically attractive within a cultural pretext means having the time and sense of self esteem to make time to look after yourself. It often can say to others 'I care about myself enough to make an effort' It also says this is the image I want to portray of myself, this is who I am, this is the subculture I see myself as part of and this is how I fit into our society. We can make a statement about that or not bother. The way we dress, the clothes we wear, places we go, the way we style our hair, make up, jewellery, tattoos etc etc all place us within sub groups. I clock someone else in riding boots and jodhs from 100m as I feel a natural affinity to them. When i want to appear in charge and powerful I dress accordingly (as prescribed by our particular culture) Thats why it matters - we are making statements about ourselves. Not chosing to take part in the rituals is also making a statement in itself :wink:
 
In all seriousness, I really don't give a fig about what anyone else thinks of me, suppose that's my age, but really if someone doesn't like me as a person because of the way I look well that's their problem not mine.
I can see where you are coming from with the work/promotion thing Ale, I find it quite sad that your bosses are not looking at your work and are judging you and your colleagues by the way you/they look, but that sadly is the way a lot of companies are now.
I have never worn make up (maybe a quick swipe with a mascara wand and a bit of eyeliner years ago) as I hate the way it feels on my skin and have odd skin anyway that doesn't take kindly to lots of chemicals and have to admit that I used to worry about it, but it has never stopped me getting a job or promotion to be fair.
Keep working hard and keep smiling - sod the make up - just make sure you are clean and tidy and don't smell of horse. :)
 
Thats very kind of you to say that! :redface: Or are you just trying to be nice to me in the hope I forget you nearly took my life by mowing me down on Becky!! :wink:

I sometimes feel in a funny "in between" stage - I was very outgoing, carefree and self confident 10 years ago, but I have noticed in recent years I am much more self conscious and perhaps 'measured', at some times I feel I don't really recognize the person I see in the mirror and I sometimes feel quite at odds with myself. Too soon for a mid life crisis surely!

Interesting thread OP, made me do some thinking - perhaps too deep for a Friday night!

No no... It's so I can casually appear one day, and flatter you into letting me take Becky!!! (Compliment was serious though!)
 
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