I rode for about a year in my 20s, and started again 6 months ago in my 40s. It’s so much harder this time around, in every way. My body is not in as good of shape, but I’m also much more fearful. My instructor is so patient, and I am very grateful. But sometimes I feel like I’m going backwards. My ankles were sore at my last lesson, so she had me drop my stirrups. I suddenly felt so out of balance without my “training wheels”, and started trembling with fear of falling off. I was never in any danger, the horse never went above a walk. Why am I so scared all the time? And how do I get over this?
Why am I so scared?
- Thread starter autumnly321
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Oh this rings so many bells with me! I learned to ride as a child, then took it up again in my 40s. All my confidence and balance had gone, and I had developed a horrible fear of falling. You will feel sore at times, as your body adapts, but with time and patience, you will learn to balance and move in tune with the horse, and then your confidence will improve. Make the most of your patient instructor, and do as much work without stirrups as you can. It really does help. I found doing without stirrups more beneficial than lengthening them. Too long, and you lose balance reaching for them. Much better to find your balance independently. Hope it all comes good for you.
Are you having private lessons or group ones? Either way I'd have a chat with your instructor and explain how you feel, and if you're having private lessons I'd ask her to walk alongside the horse for now as that may reassure you. Do some simple stretches before you get on, they'll loosen you up physically and also put you in a better frame of mind. Try some pilates at home too, it can work well for riding. Are you riding just one horse? Sometimes we just don't get a good feel from a horse no matter how safe it is, you might feel better on another one if they have something suitable.
The more you do without anything going wrong the safer you'll feel. Remind yourself that you're on safe school horses in a safe environment and with an instructor to hand. If there's a trekking centre near you why not book a few quiet rides there? Trundling round the countryside in a relaxed fashion will stop you trying too hard and when you relax your balance and hence confidence is going to improve - at the moment you're caught in a vicious circle of being nervous, which makes you tighten up, which damages your balance, which makes you feel insecure, which makes you feel nervous . . .
The more you do without anything going wrong the safer you'll feel. Remind yourself that you're on safe school horses in a safe environment and with an instructor to hand. If there's a trekking centre near you why not book a few quiet rides there? Trundling round the countryside in a relaxed fashion will stop you trying too hard and when you relax your balance and hence confidence is going to improve - at the moment you're caught in a vicious circle of being nervous, which makes you tighten up, which damages your balance, which makes you feel insecure, which makes you feel nervous . . .
If you are scared when riding a horse, that makes me wonder why are you riding?
It is human nature to react to any threat to ones life or ones safety. Riding is a fairly high risk recreational sport but unless you enjoy it, frankly I would just stop.
If you do decide to continue, I would suggest riding in a helmet and body protector.
I would then suggest finding a teacher who will teach you 1 on 1 and simply lead you round and round the school in walk. Forget your feet in the stirrups and concentrate on the weight in your seat bones, Almost all riding depends on the weight of those seat bones in the saddle. You should feel them rise and fall alternately left side and right side with each step taken by the hind legs of the horse. Breath deep in and out and count the 1 2 3 4 rhythm of the steps. When you feel safe ( and it may not be the first lesson) remove your feet from the stirrups and continue that slow walking. Hold onto the front of the saddle, if you must, but try not to stiffen any part of your body.
After a few lessons doing this, you may feel ready to try trotting. May be just 6 steps. Put your feet in the stirrups, Stay sitting and think about that side to side movement in the walk because it is exactly the same in trot.
If you’re not a little bit scared occasionally you are a liability, fear is just natures way of keeping you safe and we’re more aware of risks as an adult, so remind yourself that a little fear is ok. Obviously you don’t want to be terrified though, so work on things to make you feel safer as carthorse suggests, strong core muscles help keep you stable which really helps you feel safer. Maybe book a simulator lesson somewhere so you can concentrate on yourself without worrying about the horse, it is definitely very transferable back to the real thing.
I had an 8 year break from riding when i had nothing to ride, and bought Buddy. I wasn't sure when I went to try him if i still had the bottle to ride but i was fine confidence wise, just a sack of spuds in terms of riding! Terrified of riding in front of others, i hate that, so i hacked him out solo and he was a good boy. . And that was me starting off again age 58. I had a gap from 20-30 when i was too busy and then found horses to share as i had been riding racehorses before, and was riding short, went for some riding lessons and hated it. I was used to riding with in a different style and i just didn't fit how the school wanted me to ride. So found a horse share instead and slowly my stirrups came down a bit over time and I now have gone to the other extreme of being semi western. I use western stirrups with a foam insert which is great for my creaky joints. I have a neck strap on my saddle just in case i feel my balance is a bit off and I can avoid pulling on the horse's mouth and it was good on club rides when Buddy used to be a total eejit to just have a balance strap so he could cavort and be a wally. Just take your time.
My guess is self-preservation; that, as we get a bit older, we realise we’re also more fragile and have to start taking care of ourselves more! Or sensible people, anyway. I’d say I’m actually relaxing more than when I was a teenager, but a) that’s probably just because I was so ridiculously tense at times to start off, b) I’ve been working on relaxing in other hobbies as well since then and c) I may just be a freak.
Things that have helped me become more relaxed are breathing exercises and yoga. Oh, and just constantly reassuring myself/gently telling myself off where necessary! Talking to other people can help too. You’re not alone. There’s a clear difference in most children and adult learning to ride. Other than the fragility which gradually creeps up with age, most children and even a lot of teens seem to think they’re invincible up until a certain age (I don’t ever remember a time when I don’t remember knowing I could get hurt, but hey ho - that’s what the educational psychology seems to suggest!) They’re also shorter, so are generally on smaller mounts/ponies and not 15hh+. Closer to the ground = the prospect of falling can be less scary!
I personally totally agree re: trekking centres. I feel like my riding has improved a LOT over the past year - rightly so, given I’ve been riding at least once a week most weeks for most of the academic year! Including proper private lessons - but I feel mixing lessons with hacks is what’s been the magic formula for me. In the lessons, I always have fifty million things to think about at once (and am being reminded of them, too). When hacking, I am reminding myself of things, but I don’t have that other voice there or the eyes which are just on me - yes, people are checking I’m okay, but it’s much less intense. Please note, though, that I’m not a real beginner any more. However, you wouldn’t/shouldn’t be cantering as a beginner, anyway, and there are even some places that allow you to/make you just stick to walk for your whole half hour or hour ride (usually an hour for adults of any age), as a beginner. Also, trekking horses/ponies, especially if they are rarely if ever used for lessons, can be/are often so pre-programmed to follow certain routes that you don’t need to know the first thing about steering, as they’re just following their buddies in front, anyway. Not even having to think about steering has its advantages and disadvantages, but, as a walk on a suitable horse, you should be about as safe in the trekking scenario as you could be anywhere else on horseback.
I did 1-3 hourly hacks a year from 9-17. That’s really how I learned the absolute basics of balance and confidence. I think lessons are massively helpful as well, and definitely to be recommended, but getting out and about makes life more interesting/scenic and…it’s just a different atmosphere than lessons. Also, the people you’d go with may have totally different goals for their riding/may well have learned mainly or occasionally even solely through trekking. Only working in a relatively restricted/small arena is dull for both horse and rider. I firmly believe that variety is the spice of life, if you can get it! I swear my lessons + hacks now.
This is good advice - I wish someone had told me I should be moving with the horse before…last year! As someone who mainly grew up on quite a strict diet of ballet, I was previously very tense and certainly not allowing my upper body to move with the horse’s motion. It was a total revelation when it finally clicked! I always loved riding, but this made such a difference for me and upped my enjoyment factor tenfold again.
I'm starting again in my 60s. I rode a lot before the break, so not the exact same situation as you really but I still felt like a very little sack perched very high in the air the first few times! Also I was very stiff afterwards, which is normal and a good thing - it tells you your body is changing & adapting.
One good thing about being an older learner is you have more confidence with other people. Keep telling the instructor how you feel & tell her which horses & tack make you feel safer. For example, having a neck strap there is good for confidence, even if you rarely use it. Every horse has a slightly different way of moving & you will gel more with some than others.
Try to work on your physical fitness generally. People speak highly of pilates or yoga.
Try to concentrate on the movement of the horse. Try to breath in time with its strides. If you find that difficult sing a song to yourself in your head with the right rhythm. If you can get to feeling more involved with the horse's movement you wont feel as high up.
I agree with Nierva and Carthorse, that some trekking would help you. Chatting with other beginners will relax you and walking up & down hills on less even ground is good for your fitness.
Don't worry. It will come with time.
One good thing about being an older learner is you have more confidence with other people. Keep telling the instructor how you feel & tell her which horses & tack make you feel safer. For example, having a neck strap there is good for confidence, even if you rarely use it. Every horse has a slightly different way of moving & you will gel more with some than others.
Try to work on your physical fitness generally. People speak highly of pilates or yoga.
Try to concentrate on the movement of the horse. Try to breath in time with its strides. If you find that difficult sing a song to yourself in your head with the right rhythm. If you can get to feeling more involved with the horse's movement you wont feel as high up.
I agree with Nierva and Carthorse, that some trekking would help you. Chatting with other beginners will relax you and walking up & down hills on less even ground is good for your fitness.
Don't worry. It will come with time.
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I did not find this. I was scared of my first riding teacher and rigid with fear of doing something wrong.
This was the magic for me too
I had a conversation with a ballet dancer, a Russian who had just been mounted for her first ride. She was unhappy sitting on the RS horse and explained that in ballet one balanced on ones feet, and very often on ones toes. She felt very unsafe balancing on her seat. She also pointed out that in ballet the supporting surface is stable and firm. Or is a male dancer with whom one can talk. Not a bit like a saddle resting on a living animal.
She had arrived to ride with a friend who rode regularly and they eventually and amicably agreed that she would not ride.
Thanks for sharing that - made me chuckle, I must say! You would not believe how hard it is for me to just…sit on my bum/sit bones. The easiest bit for anyone else, probably. To me, the instruction “sit up” means I have to tuck my bum in! So that’s been a real step forward in my riding too. Learning to actually sit on my bum.
It’s like back when I first tried to learn to move my hips for belly dance after only having ballet experience…achieved a chest isolation before I could work out how to move my hips!
I've had my own horses for more than 10 years now and every now and again when I have a lesson my RI will say to me, "Are you sitting on your seat bones?"
And I reflect on it and say, "Um, no. I'm perched."
Then I have to consciously relax my lower body (think sack of spuds) until I am actually SITTING on the saddle rather than hovering above it.
So you are not alone!
Hey there!
I completely understand what you're going through. Transitioning back into horse riding after a long break can be challenging, both physically and mentally. It's common to feel a bit out of shape and more fearful as we get older, but the good news is that you're not alone, and there are ways to overcome these fears.
Firstly, it's fantastic that you have a patient instructor who understands your concerns and supports you. Having a supportive environment is crucial in building confidence. Remember to express your gratitude to your instructor for their patience and understanding.
Feeling like you're going backward can be disheartening, but keep in mind that progress is not always linear. Riding is a journey with ups and downs, and setbacks are a natural part of the learning process. Be patient with yourself and focus on the small victories along the way.
Regarding your fear of falling off and feeling out of balance without stirrups, it's important to recognize that fear is a normal response when we step out of our comfort zones. Riding without stirrups challenges your balance and requires additional core strength. Start by acknowledging your fear and reminding yourself that you're in a safe and controlled environment. Trust in your instructor and the horse you're riding.
To overcome this fear, consider these tips:
- Take it one step at a time: Gradually increase the duration of riding without stirrups. Start with short periods and slowly build up your confidence.
- Strengthen your core: Engaging in exercises that target your core muscles can help improve your balance and stability in the saddle.
- Visualization and positive affirmations: Before and during your rides, visualize yourself riding confidently and smoothly. Use positive affirmations to boost your self-belief.
- Breathing exercises: Deep breathing can help calm your nerves and center your focus. Practice deep, slow breaths to relax and release tension.
- Set realistic goals: Break down your riding goals into smaller, achievable milestones. Celebrate each accomplishment along the way, regardless of how small they may seem.
Lastly, I wanted to let you know about a Free Webinar that addresses common challenges faced by riders, such as fear, perfectionism, and performance anxiety. It might provide valuable insights and strategies to help you overcome your fears and continue progressing on your riding journey. Here are the available dates:
- July 24th at 8 PM CEST
- July 26th at 3 PM CEST
Remember, you're not alone in this journey, and with patience, practice, and the right support, you can overcome your fears and enjoy riding to the fullest again. Best of luck!
A couple of weeks ago i wrote the similar, i was on the lead rein now for 6 months. every time i wanted to go off my baby refused to walk on. got alot of advise on here and from lots of friends and people. i had to overcome my fears of another bad fall and enjoy it. my horse could feel my nerves and protected me. well this past weekend we took another baby step. I went off the lead rein and we went forward.
you are not alone in this. one thing i have learned the last year and a half if there is one thing that is real is confidance and nerves sometimes even anxiety. deep breathes clear mind and baby steps. work at your own pace.
i have attached 2 pics of our accomplishment of Sunday.
Goodluck will be thinking of you and keep us posted
you are not alone in this. one thing i have learned the last year and a half if there is one thing that is real is confidance and nerves sometimes even anxiety. deep breathes clear mind and baby steps. work at your own pace.
i have attached 2 pics of our accomplishment of Sunday.
Goodluck will be thinking of you and keep us posted
Attachments
Congratulations on your success! It's wonderful that you were able to overcome your fears and take another baby step. It's inspiring to hear how far you've come in the past year and a half, and it just goes to show that with some hard work, dedication, and a little bit of confidence, anything is possible. You should be incredibly proud of yourself! Keep us updated on your progress.
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