When does it get better...

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Nat171

New Member
Sep 29, 2020
10
4
3
Hi all,

Returning member here, albeit a long break when life took over.
I recently lost my 33 year horse Minnie, having had her for 23 years.
When does it get easier? The loss, the worry, the guilt that you made the call, when you stop expecting the whinnie when you arrive at the field....
I know others have had to do this, but I’m struggling with her loss a week ago today
I know I did the right thing but I miss her and although I have another horse it’s just not the same without her.
Just wondering how others felt and feel now after losing such a connection :(
 

carthorse

Super Moderator
Staff member
Jan 6, 2006
8,227
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I'm not sure it ever does, you just get on with life instead and learn to live with it. I ended up moving yard so I didn't have the constant reminders, and that did help. Big hugs, it's very early days xx
 

Jessey

Well-Known Member
Dec 20, 2004
22,497
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Suffolk, UK
It’s grief, and there’s really no set time for it to take, a week on it’s still going to be very raw, but every day you get a little more used to the grief and those little reminders hit you a little less hard.
I’m very emotionally invested with my horses and it’s probably a year before I can talk about them without sobbing, and I’m not generally a tearful person but my fur babies are the exception.
 

Jane&Ziggy

Learning together!
Apr 30, 2010
17,772
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Surrey Hills
Oh lord, I still miss Ziggy a year and more later, every time I go to the field and don't see his little face and perky ears waiting for me.

I knitted myself a sweater that I cast on on the day he died. It was hard and took about 6 weeks. That got me through the first bit. After that, well, it takes its course.

Whatever you do, don't beat yourself up for it!
 

Trewsers

Well-Known Member
Oct 13, 2004
53,250
13,715
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On an island
I thought that I'd never be able to think about Joe without a lump in my throat. I'm not sure when that happened, but it has and I just every now and again look up and find his star out there. When we moved I worried I'd not be able to find it, but I did! Mr T told me we'd find it, but I wasn't convinced. I can look back now with lots of happy thoughts, but for a time it was so painful. It's a long time ago now, eleven years. You will feel better and you will remember all your happiness it really does just take time. Hard to say how long but every hour that passes and every day takes you a step closer to that.😌
 

newforest

Somewhere in the solar system
Mar 15, 2008
28,105
13,307
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You never forget them, but it gets easier.
There are times when I still miss J ten years on, probably because the current lass is such a tart and he was such an entertainer! They would have loved each other.
You will have happy memories.

Does your other have company? I don't know what your set up is.
 

Nat171

New Member
Sep 29, 2020
10
4
3
You never forget them, but it gets easier.
There are times when I still miss J ten years on, probably because the current lass is such a tart and he was such an entertainer! They would have loved each other.
You will have happy memories.

Does your other have company? I don't know what your set up is.
Yes, I have loaned a pony for him as a companion. I have struggled with that too, seeing another horse in the field and building a relationship with him.
 

Huggy

Well-Known Member
Nov 11, 2018
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I think it gets to a dull ache eventually, but I'm still justifying letting Ramsey go last year, to myself. Grief creeps up on me every so often, and I have a cry. I have a degree of guilt, for loving Hogan as much as I do - it sometimes feels like a betrayal, though it's a very different relationship. You're feeling exactly as you should, and as we all do at the loss of a beloved fourlegged friend. Making that decision is the best and the worst thing we have to do. Be sad - you're allowed. Hugs.
 

chunky monkey

Well-Known Member
May 2, 2007
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...la la land
I struggle to love billy who is my second horse, even though I still have my first horse. Your right @Huggy it does feel like a betrayal, because I'm now riding billy I effectively spend more time with him than I do with chunky. It's so wrong I should spend equal time with them, or more time with chunky because he will in theory leave this world sooner.

When I use to have the goats I had my favourites amount them. Some I miss more than others. It's so strange how some mean more than others. Yet all should be equal.
 
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Huggy

Well-Known Member
Nov 11, 2018
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I struggle to love billy who is my second horse, even though I still have my first horse. Your right @Huggy it does feel like a betrayal, because I'm now riding billy I effectively spend more time with him than I do with chunky. It's so wrong I should spend equal time with them, or more time with chunky because he will in theory leave this world sooner.

When I use to have the goats I had my favourites amount them. Some I miss more than others. It's so strange how some mean more than others. Yet all should be equal.
Ramsey and Hogan are complete polar opposites (still talk present tense about Ramsey!) and that makes it easier I think.
 
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