What is my problem

[tiamaria lady]

Hi everyone!
I have'nt been on in quiet a while as i have been out of the saddle alot in the last year.I just got back on board yesterday for the first time in 3 months and i loved it.(bit sore today tho).
So here's my problem!I only really got into horses in my mid 20's and I now have two ponios to my name.Love them so much but im now 32 and i cant just cannot pluck up the courage to go anywhere with them.First up i must just say that my confidence in jumping left me never to return after my first mare i ever owned (totally unsuitable).So now i have people asking me to join Riding Club, do hunts,charity rides ect ect and i just cant!! I have no problem hacking out, its just going to events/outings! i feel stupid and i have myself convinced that im going to be the laughing stock of whatever im at and that my horse will be crazy and buck me off in front of everyone!
has anyone ever had this issue? I got asked twice today to do a charity ride on Sunday for a vry special cause and im nearly in tears at how this fear has stopped me from enjoying my ponies
eta: My mare bucked me off last year and its ingrained in my head also that she will do it again.

 

[squidsin]

I know what you mean! I've never competed, either as a child or adult. I've only just got a horse I can take to competitions and will be getting a box and hopefully doing a few in the summer, but it's a big deal to me. It seems pretty daunting doesn't it! The whole environment, lots of lorries and horses and adrenalin and excitement. I too worry it might blow my girl's mind, but having said that, the more I get to know my mare, the less I worry about taking her, as she can be a total twit and act up (bin lorries and tractors with trailers are her nemeses and luckily I am unlikely to encounter these at a horse show!), but within limits. She's basically a good sort who takes care of her rider, ie me. She's been to lots of shows with past owners and has done really well. I don't have any advice really, as I haven't done it yet! But I offer sympathy and understanding. Also, it's really easy to fixate on the one time your horse freaked you out and forget about all the hundreds of times you rode and NOTHING BAD HAPPENED! As a nervous rider, I have a tendency to do this too, but it's just your brain tricking you and giving you a false perspective.

 

[tiamaria lady]

Oh its so lovely to know that someone understands.YES you are so right....im fixating on the one time she was fresh and bucked and not all the fun i have with her.Thank you for your sympathy and understanding. Its really daunting and its even more frustrating when you go to shows (on foot) and see everyone just breezing around on their horses....kids and adults alike , smiling away and its just second nature to them.It would be lovely to have the first show over and to have gone well. that might ease our minds for the future ones.

 

[squidsin]

My mare bucks a fair bit! But not to get me off, just out of grumpiness when I ask her for canter. I've got used to that now. You are totally right about getting the first show out of the way. My plan is to go with a friend and her mare, which she hasn't had long either, as I think it would be reassuring for both me and Roxy to be with friends and familiar faces! We'll enter something really easy. Horse with the cutest face or something. From there we'll build up to walk-trot dressage and maybe some clear round jumping. That is the plan!

 

[Jessey]

I have competed tons, I still get nervous and can't eat before I ride I understand about the not knowing what they might do, I find it especially when taking a new horse out for the first time, or taking an old one to a new enviroment, but even with the nerves, when I get there I enjoy myself.

If you are worried, see if you can tag along with someone to a show, don't enter anything, just take your horse to see how they react to everything without putting tons of pressure on you to suceed. You could even ask people on your yard to simulate a charity ride, have a short route and get people to trot away from you in the distance, then perhaps a little closer or even past you if you feel up to it, get as many people together as you can and have them all just mill about on the yard and see if it unsettles your horse, that way if things get "exciting" you can ask them all to go back a step and then you know what to expect and what you might need to work on.

I recently took a nervous friend to her first pleasure ride on her newish, ex-racer. We specifically chose a ride where its mostly more mature riders and they go at a steady pace and don't hoon past each other and it was a relatively small event too, it worked out great and he was a superstar all day, it gave my friend confidence that he would be okay at a slightly bigger event next time.

 

[newforest]

Why not do inter dressage /inter showing. Its all online. You don't have to go anywhere these days to have fun.
I don't have transport but have had a go

 

[Mary Poppins]

I understand how you feel. I am a nervous wreck hacking out and I really want to ride Ben down the lane to some lovely open fields to have a blast in, but last summer (just after I had NLP to get me to be a 'confident' hacker), he span 180 degrees at my first attempt to take him there and I fell off on the road. I have been that way again in company but not on his own as I am scared that he will spin again and it's not enjoyable for me (nor for him I suspect).

However, I do have a lorry and we go out weekly to dressage, jumping, showing, riding club clinics etc. Several people find it funny that I can take Ben out to all these places, but I can't ride him along the road which is only 100m away from his stable. I guess it is funny, but that's just me.

My advice is to ask yourself what you really want to do, and then plan how you are going to achieve it. I really want to go hacking, but I know that I won't do it again, so I have concentrated on other things instead. What do you really want to achieve from having a horse? If dressage appeals then why not try some 'dressage anywhere' tests, or if you want to jump then start doing some trot poles. Hacking and fun rides are not the only thing that you can enjoy with horses.

 

[Kite_Rider]

All I can say is if you don't want or feel the need to do any of the things people are telling you that you should be doing then don't. If you are happy doing what you do with your ponies than nothing else really matters.

 

[newforest]

Is it the going to or the doing?
That may sound odd but I actually don't like travelling a horse. Its a box on wheels and I am better with a lorry than a trailer. But for me its the travelling itself.

 

[chunky monkey]

Instead of going showing/dressage/hunting where all eyes are on you, why dont you go on a funride. If you go later in the day then there will be less people. Your horse might also be calmer. All jumps are usually optional. I couldnt do show jumping, he'd have me off at the first, my riding technic is awful so I couldnt do dressage. I would be laughed out the ring. Ive had a few group lessons in the past and felt uncomfortable when it was my go, as all eyes were on me. But on funride's no one judges you. I have done something like 18 in the last three years thats how much I enjoy them.

 

[sjp1]

Agree with everything everyone has said. For fun rides and hunting make sure you get loads of work into them the fortnight before you go.

Shows, I took Tobes in hand for the first one and entered nothing. He loved it. He is fabby at shows, stands tied happily with his mates at the back of the trailer and is as good as gold.

 

[tiamaria lady]

thank you so much for all your replies.
Ok so heres what Ive done. I have asked a girl who schools horses and has in the past given me lessons to take Skye out to the charity ride on Sunday.I may have to do this a few times with her depending on how she reacts.In the mean time i have pushed myself to start going over x poles with the help of a friend!Today i did a long solo hack! MP chin up. this i would NEVER have done 2 years ago with Izzy, mare in profile pic,so it will come to you again.At least you get to do all the fun stuff im wishing i could do . And then i was pushed to jump a few small ( and i mean small) jumps.I looked for every excuse under the sun to not do it....but friend has promised to get me through this and kept his word. Im so delighted i did that much now.I have started a little plan and I just need to find my brave pants and get out there.That will be a HUGE big deal to me.I want it sooo much but am equally terrified.
thanks a million for your replies.It really is much appreciated.Lovely to be back here again.Ive a lot of catching up to do.

 

[tiamaria lady]

Why not do inter dressage /inter showing. Its all online. You don't have to go anywhere these days to have fun.
I don't have transport but have had a go

Im in Ireland though. Not sure if we have it here but i'll defo look into it .would suit me perfect

 

[Jessey]

Interdressage is international, so you can be an international competitor from the comfort of home I'd never heard of it before NF shared her experience but it sounds great

 

[tiamaria lady]

found that Jessey! cool thanks .It will keep me occupied whilst Im working through my issues at least

 

[joosie]

Just wanted to add that you shouldn't make yourself feel bad by looking at other competitiors and assuming they aren't nervous! Just because they seem confident on the outside doesn't mean they aren't feeling sick or wondering what on earth they're doing there After 4 years competing in showjumping I am only just getting used to dealing with the nerves, I still get nervous but nowhere near to the same extent as before and it is definitely something that gets better with practise. When I started out I couldn't sleep the night before a competition because I was so worried, couldn't eat breakfast on the day even if my class was in the afternoon (and certainly couldn't eat my lunch before I rode!), I wound myself up in the warmup and most of the mistakes I made in the ring were down to nerves. These days I still can't sleep well the night before a competition, but now it's because I'm excited not because I'm nervous! - and although I still get butterflies on the day I am much more confidence once I'm in the saddle and getting on with it. For many people it is often the runup to a competition / outing that worries them the most, by the time you get there and start riding it already feels better, and when the adrenaline kicks in you wonder what you were so worried about! I'd also like to add that my boss still gets nervous and has self-doubts sometimes, she is a professional rider/trainer and has been competing for 25 years... happens to every single one of us, I promise!

 

[tiamaria lady]

Joosie, Thank you soooo much for that!! I have myself convinced that everybody else is just breezing through competitions ect without a care in the world....and that I would be the only nervous nelly there. I also think some of it could be down to shyness I dont like the limelight, and if i was to be 100% honest with myself (again) it could be alot of it.As in "what if i fall and all eyes are on me"....or "what if my mare acts crazy and draws attention to me". Then theres a girl in the RC who is a perfect model at everything..went to same school as her.Im so imtimadated by her.
Ok...I need to kick my self up the behind now before i end up in the gutters . Those nerves just came from the fact that Ive just (this minute) joined the RC for Tuesday and Im freaking out What am I doing?? I keep telling myself its what i need is to push myself out of my comfort zone.Ive been back riding 7 years and Im going backwards.

 

[joosie]

,I am a shy person too and don't like being the centre of attention, so I know what you mean. I always worried about the amount of people watching, and it felt like all eyes were on me and everyone would be judging my riding and think I was rubbish! But thinking like that is really just your nerves playing tricks on you. In reality most people will be too caught up in what they're doing to be that bothered about you. The more you get out and about, the more you learn to tune stuff out and just focus on what's important - like having fun These days I don't even feel like I'm being watched, when I'm in the ring it's just me and the horse and nothing else matters.

 

[newforest]

Yes Inter dressage is international. Its showing, jumping and dressage. Adult and children split.
Before my lass went lame we did and got placed prelim dressage, handy pony, showing and jumping. The feedback is positive, getting placed is just a bonus

I have made an arse of myself in the ring and fell off. I just got up, took a bow which made people laugh and got back on.

 

[tiamaria lady]

I am defo giving the interdressage a go.It might take my mind off fixating on competing/jumping ect!
I feel a bit undecisive as one min im telling my self "im fine just hacking , stop pressuring myself to do more" and the other half of me is so disappointed Im not out and about!
anyhoo regards the charity ride i was asked to go out on today.....jumps are optional "apparently"! I had a girl take Skye out as I wanted to get her used to been out and about. I did'nt even need to worry about Skye as she was as good as gold but the girl that schooled her for me said there is no way that fun ride was suitable for any novice!It even scared her.!!! And she is an experienced confident rider!! Very wrong of them to say suitable for all levels fom beginners to experienced.They had young kids and all at it. and the drains here in Ireland a re HUGE! It was drain after drain and most everyone came off.Thankfully i didnt cave and go out on it myself!
Here is Skye taking off, (Grey).Was very proud of her and how she handled everything according to the rider.I'm majoly having a *i loovvvee my mare moment *