Ways of increasing a childs confidence after a fall...

Purple Hugs

Purple Hugs

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Aug 27, 2005
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Nr Llanelli, SW Wales
Hi all,
I'm looking for any tips you may have on improving my daughters confidence.
She fell last week but got back on a few minutes later, and was ok trotting again.

However.. today was her first lesson since the fall, and she ended up in tears twice.

There was a group lesson on in the menage along with Erin in a private lesson. One of the group riders ended up falling after her pony cantered when it wasnt' supposed to and she lost control. She was lucky really as horse was heading towards another horse, when she fell, she fell into the back legs of the stationary horse! :eek: She was so lucky that this horse didn't kick out.

Anyhow.. back to the question.
Erin is struggling to kick on the ponies into trot or even get them walking, she's ok when the instructor is there, but the RI is trying to get her to do it alone, and this is causing Erin problems, as soon as the RI returns to the centre of the menage the pony stops and despite Erin kicking it won't budge.

I don't know how to get her confidence back up other than encouragement - she needs to be firmer with the RS Pony too, but I'm assuming that will come in time. She's 7 in April.

Thanks for any advice you can give me on her confidence, and if any on getting her to be 'in charge' of her pony. :cool:
 
Why dont you try her in a few private lessons on the lunge? Explain your concerns to the instructors.

I think it might be hitting home now that horses are not the friendly giants they are made out to be to children and that they all have different personalities - some very naughty! Try having a quiet chat with erin and ask her how shes enjoying her lessons, find out whats shes scared of. Tell her theres no pressure and that all you want is for her to enjoy horse riding as much as you do. Ask her if she wants a wee break from riding and to maybe sit and watch your lessons and children of her own age having lessons.

You say shes struggling to get her pony into trot, i think shes scared to leg on incase her pony tanks off, i used to get that when i was younger. Make sure her instructor is explaining other aids such as reins and body positions and its not all leg leg leg, because that can get tiring and frustrating!

Good luck, i really hope erin gets her confidence back soon! :)
xx
 
I have the opposite problem - My six year old wants to do it all and thinks she can! She has had a few tumbles because of this - fortunately she is now less keen to jump as she was nowhere near ready but insisted.

You could try another pony that is more likely to do as it is told - although if it is confidence she is lacking then sometimes you need to take a step backward before you can go forwards. Possibly back on the lead rein or private lesson following the instructor on foot.

I have encouraged my daughter to be 'bossy boots' when she needs to and use her 'angry voice' when ponies are taking the mickey - most RS ponies very responsive to voice.

I find Pony Club or watching a higher level class gives great encouragement as my 6yo wants to be like the bigger girls.

If all else fails a trip - If she gets the pony to trot- reward with a trip to the saddlery shop for some Julip!
 
How about asking if there is another member of staff that is able to walk along side Erin and horse, this was one of my jobs at the yard where i worked, i would happily chat away with the young nervous riders to take their mind off it;) and i was always there to assit if balance was an issue too

she is very young and it seems a shame to blow her confidence and enjoyment of riding if there is no one to help out, i have also known mums or dads to do this too, so may be you could ask, although an outsider is probably better, and it is always scary when another rider falls and especially as this was her first full lesson after her fall.

She did well to even return to ride again, she is one brave girl esp for her age too :D she has done herself proud and you tell erin i said so too :D

I hope she is okay and i am still jealous she got a rosette last week, in my 36 years i never ever got one :rolleyes:

I was once told when i was a kid that you had to fall a number of times to become a good rider, ( no deleberate falls either thats cheating ) may be a little pep talk about all good riders have at least 8 falls to their name ;) it helped me as i used to run about saying i was so many falls away from being a good rider :rolleyes:
 
Thanks guys, I don't want to be a neurotic mum, but I can see she's at a low.

It's natural for her to be a bit more fearful now she knows what a falls like, I'm just keen that it doesn't stop what so far has been an enjoyable hobby for her.

I'll have a chat with her RI - she is putting her on the lunge next week - we did speak today as Erin is a bit too shy sometimes and wouldn't say what was wrong when she was crying.

I'll have another chat with her again. Maybe run a reward system for trotting too. ;)

Will also let her know it's ok to have a week or so off.. don't want it lapsing too long though! I know.. I'm not a pushy mum though, if it's no longer her 'thing' I don't mind, I just don't want the fall being the thing to change it all.

I'll also get the RI to teach other aids other than kicking, as I do feel this is the only one she has been taught, and she's not a strong kicker either.
The RI did run around with her in the end today, but I don't think she really wanted to! :rolleyes:

Thanks again for the tips! :D
 
PH your being very sensible about this, and not a pushy mum either but now would not be the time to stop the lessons, if she is so scared next week to even mount and sit there then so be it, but she is no different from any other young rider who doesn't understand kicking, it will all come together, may be next week she can sit and watch you ride and show her how much fun it can be :D

treats are good, would you like to take me riding and treat me if i can trot :D :rolleyes: okay i know i am too old LOL

You have your possible share to visit this weekend haven't you ?? Good luck !!

May be we could start a thread just for erin so we can all post messages for her as encouragement, mummy would have to type replies though, as long as people kept it simple i am sure this would bring a smile to her face ;)
 
You and your daughter have obviously decided that she will learn to ride. So presumably she wanted to? And now is a bit afraid.
In your place I would ask her if she wants to ride again with no suggestion that you think this is a good or bad thing. I'd leave it to her. I had a fall when I was about that age (RS's fault) and as a result was never allowed to ride again. Of course I was upset at the time, but a few months later I was longing to ride. I would leave it to your daughter.
Why is it you dont want it to lapse too long? Would you be happy if she came to you aged ten and begged to ride? To put the time scale in persepective. She is only six. The best BHS school near where I live does not start children riding till 8. The reasons are partly physical to do with development of the hips and partly mental maturity, that at 8 a child is old enough to control a horse in trot rather than just sit on its back. At the yard where I have my excellent lessons they do lead out in walk and trot, but no canter at all.
I strongly believe that children should be offered opportunities but left to follow their own inclinations. My children were keen musicians. We knew nothing about music. Yet we knew plenty of adult couples who were musicans and who were intent on encouraging their gifted children too. You cannot believe how much pressure, expertise, practice time and money was devoted to the musical upbringing of those children - with no good long-term results for anyone involved - nor the parent children relationships.
I have a grand daughter of four who loves horses and likes to ride. The agreement between myself and her mother is that we wait for her to ask to go riding. No one suggests it. When you think she has forgotten riding altogether, she suddenly comes into the room and asks for a ride. It is her life and her risk.
 
Skib you talk such sense!
I didn't realise the BHS won't teach till a child is 8.

Thanks Storm - not sure on treating you when you trot.. who would treat me!? hehe

Thing is, I'm happy for her to 'only' (it's no bad thing) walk and trot, and if it has to be on a lunge then so be it.. eventually she'll step up, but in her own time.

I do feel the RI (although good) is trying to get something from Erin she isn't capable of giving - she's not mentally strong enough to be the boss with a pony, and I totally understand that.

The way I see it, is if she keeps her confidence and continue's riding at her level then there will be progress as she goes along in time. But there really isn't any rush. I'm not looking for her to be in a pony club environment or anything... unless she wants to later on in life.

I thought limiting the gap if she wanted a gap in lessons, at the moment would be good in that it would get her past the fall, and if she chose to stop riding then it'd be because she wants to, rather than because she fell.

Whenever she wants to ride, or not ride is fine, and she's had the odd lesson that has been cancelled at her request. :)

We sat and had a chat earlier, about whether she was worried from the start of the lesson or just when she couldn't get the horse to walk or trot and it seems to be just the walk and trot. And that the horse sort of tripped which lead her to think she'd fall again. I gave her the option of not riding this week, and also of having a break 'for a while' but she's keen to ride, and come with me tomorrow still, so I think chatting with the RI is the way to go.
If they work on her riding position rather than heading for canter then I think Erin will be happy. She still see's trot as fast so any faster would be even more scary and until she's more in control of a pony i'm certainly not wishing it on her either. That would be reckless.

She's not the most boistrous child in the world, she hates running around and ball games etc in sports at school. If riding becomes something she no longer enjoys then so be it. :p

I just want a happy child. :cool:
 
I don't know if it would help, but like Storm, after my second fall when I was younger (first was very gentle and un-traumatic!) the thing that helped m the most was the saying 'It takes seven falls to be a rider!' - Possibly because I'm stubborn, I wasn't about to let it beat me!

Can't really suggest something, but remember that ridings meant to be fun - Does it really matter if she doesn't want to ride for a while? A break can do wonders for your confidence!
 
Doesn't matter at all!

The day we bought her hat, after her first lesson when she wore a hat that 'wobbled' in walk! :eek: I laughed and said to my hubby if she wears it once it'll be worth the money.. that has always been the way I've seen her riding. There is nothing lost if she stops, even if she never rides again in her life.

Me.. now I'm HOOKED but to be honest, I've always wanted it, and love it :p .

But it's entirely up to Erin is she rides or not. :D
 
The BHS do teach kids under 8 - the school where mine go take them from 6 onwards. But between 6 and 8, there is a limit to what you can teach - so it is mainly stuff to develop good balance, gain confidence, and have fun (that last being the most important!)

My 7 year old came off a few weeks back and broke her wrist. Because she was then in plaster, she couldn't ride again for three weeks, and was nervous even though she did also want to get back on.

We started her off on the lunge for her first lesson after the fall; she had some element of control but also had RI as a safety net. Half way through teh lesson she'd had enough of the lunge. They also did some in-hand work - my kids led the ponies in and out of a set of cones, and they had round-the-world races and half-scissor races just to have a giggle while Brani got to build up her confidence again.

It's worked wonders; she was jumping again last week, after only 4 or 5 lessons since the fall.

Try asking if she can have a lesson of nothing more than fun games - it takes the pressure off at the same time as continuing to develop her co-ordination, balance, and confidence around ponies.
 
Ooh I'll ask that! :D She'd enjoy it, she's struggling to mount again at the moment as RI's have been lifting her up since we started at the new school and then today when they asked her to mount from a block she took a few attempts - even though she was great at it in the old school.

So games might be a great way of getting her confidence back! :) Or at least making it fun again.

Hope your daughters wrist healed well.
Thanks, ;)
 
Does she have to be in the school? Why not book some half hour led hacks with her - - just her, the pony and the RI going off for a walk for fun. If she wants to trot, the fine, if she just wants to walk - well the RI gets an easier time!!!!!
I have also done games - catch the instructor (tig) seems to induce giggles in almost every child - and exhaustion in RIs!!! Bending can be frustration it you have problems with control - but round the world and half-scissors are great for confidence.

I wouldn't go for a reward system for trotting - it will add to the pressure. Just go for relaxed fun at the level she is ready for - and enjoy!
 
Chev - I am sorry about your child's wrist. However, you may like to know that my grand daughter (the pony loving one) almost broke her hand too. Not riding as her mother feared, but running around in the kitchen at home a few days later. I say almost broke because the diagnosis was uncertain and the hospital out her in plaster for a couple of weeks as a precaution.
Purple Hugs I am relieved that I did not offend you. I would like to describe the last ride/lesson my four year old grand daughter had.
I too made a false start. Her first ride was a standard lead rein walk out from our local yard. It is what all the children do with their Mums and a junior member of staff. Though her older sister (a born athlete who cares nothing for horses) looked comfortable riding, the smaller child looked nervous. I wanted better for her. It didnt surprise me that it was seven months before she asked to ride again.
So next time she asked to ride, I took her to a real riding teacher I know and paid a bit more. I thought the lesson she had was perfect, it would have been a perfect first lesson for an adult too.
She learned how to mount and sit on the horse. Then she walked sitting. She put out her arm to signal the turns from the road. (a good reason to stop holding onto the saddle). Then she tried walk standing in her stirrups.
Next thing was to learn how to alter the angle at which she sat when the pony was walking up and going down a curb.
Then she did some trotting (sitting). And some walk with no stirrups. By this time we had reached a place where the bridle track passed between two grassy banks. Using what she had learned about going up and down kerbs, she rode down one steep bank, across the track and up the other side, altering her own angle in the middle. This was quite exciting, like switchback, but it was exciting in the sense of having fun. Possibly the changes of angle replicated the hours of riding she has done on her rocking horse.
On the way home she did more trotting and more riding with no stirrups. She was not too certain riding with no stirrups, so she didnt do much.
I was massively impressed by this lesson. It was a lot to take in, for a four year old, but I am told that when her mother got home from work that night, the little girl described the lesson to her in every tiny detail. It doesnt matter if she forgets, as it can be repeated next time she rides, possibly next school holidays.
I am very interested in how things are taught. It was difficult for me to explain to my daughter that in going the normal route I had chosen the wrong place - that I needed to try somewhere else. And it is also significant that the child who has a natural inclination for horses, and who is not afraid of them, may not be the one who immediately looks like a natural rider.
 
happy highlande said:
Does she have to be in the school? Why not book some half hour led hacks with her - - just her, the pony and the RI going off for a walk for fun. If she wants to trot, the fine, if she just wants to walk - well the RI gets an easier time!!!!!
I have also done games - catch the instructor (tig) seems to induce giggles in almost every child - and exhaustion in RIs!!! Bending can be frustration it you have problems with control - but round the world and half-scissors are great for confidence.

I wouldn't go for a reward system for trotting - it will add to the pressure. Just go for relaxed fun at the level she is ready for - and enjoy!
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Thanks :) I haven't put the rewards into place, becuase of htis reason, will save that for later, when Erin is in a more secure place! ;)

Will have to ask about hacks :)
 
Skib - you didn't offend at all! :) can't see why you would have.
Will ask about hacks, hadnt' done so, as figured Erin should be at a certain standard before going out of the school environment.

I have visted a yard this morning further a field, but with lots of re-schooled rescue horses and ponies, I'm looking at a share there, although I think it'll be more of an informal turn up muck out a bit and then ride whichever horses aren't busy on a sunday, or during the week as many as I want to ride. :)

Would be a nice place for Erin to hack though - although I need to get out and hack also.. haven't been on a hack since my teens.. and then it was on a welsh pony determined to get me off.. via many branches! hehe

Erin seemed happy around the horses and ponies this morning, so maybe all is not lost.. she's certainly feeling it in the school though. At least I have some area's to speak to the RS about now. :)

Thanks again. :)
 
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