Should I move out of my comfort zone?

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Wobblydeb

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Jul 4, 2004
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Northumberland, UK
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Okay - those people who have read my threads will know that I have a great instructor and am really happy with the way my lessons are going. But..... I am wondering if I should push outside my comfort zone?

I am thinking about expanding my lessons, and also going along to a school nearer me for group lessons. Problem is I cannot bring myself to do it! :eek: I would like to do this because:
- I would get to practice some of my new-found skills on different horses.
- I could ride on the weeks I miss with my usual instructor because one or both of us is busy during my normal time slot.
- I get to ride a different type of horse. My current rides are what I consider to be non-typical riding school horses. They are sharp off the leg, reliable (no bucking or tanking off) and are very responsive - so if my aids are wrong, I go in the wrong direction :) That makes for a lovely time - but I am not learning to cope with horses that need pushing on, or nap back to the others in a group lesson.
- I would get to go hacking over summer.
- They have a lovely looking pure-bred Andalusian I am itching to try riding! Cannot get it out of my head :)

But but but but.....
I cannot bring myself to go into the yard and book the lessons. I've been once before for a try-out session and they were fine (I just couldn't afford to go to both places last year). I just dread getting to know the routines and people in a new place - or what they will think of me turning up again 9 months later.
As for group lessons - I am dreading that idea after the luxury of private lessons! :eek: I think I have a horror of it all being like previous experiences elsewhere - nappy horses, me being the dunce of the class, not being able to opt out if I feel nervous about something etc. etc.

But but but but.....
If I ever buy or loan a horse of my own, this is likely to be the yard I would want them kept at - it is really nearby, seems well run and takes liveries as well running the riding school. Who knows - I may even find a first share there....

Argghhhhh I'm terrible!!!! :eek:
 
New school

HI WobblyDeb - I know how you feel - I recently changed schools - well more precisely - had to go looking for a new one, and get to know new people - which I am not good at - but after a few lessons I felt like I had been there for ages....and I always find people who work with and ride horses generally seem to be a nice bunch!

Most adult riders where I go now all have some form of nervousness about something....and with groups lessons it's not so much of a case where they all stop and look or laugh anyway - you all ride together and at different levels of riding grouped together. And everyone helps each other with advice and tips.

Just think if it was you on the other foot - ie someone who was newer than you at riding, came to your lesson - you wouldn't laugh or want to make them feel uncomfortable - why would you - so why would they? :eek:

Since I have been at this school (lots of group lessons too - which by the way does help because you hear your instructor telling someone else something and you think -oh, thats what she is talking about)....I have made many new friends and also found a horse to look after for, love, and ride, for free, as often as I like. And my instructor has just offered me a spot in Spring for a horse at her grazing property (for me to buy my own horse) - yay!! :)

I went to this school twice and called twice before I made a booking - I wish I had done it earlier. One hint - if you at first get an instructor you don't like - book with a different one - I did and it made all the difference.
 
Yup, feels familiar... :D

I always rode with the same instructor on the same horse. Then last year I 'accidently' booked a lesson with a different instructor on her schoolmaster.
It was fab. I learned so much. But I've found lots of excuses to not book another lesson.

So I say: do they have a phone? If they have a phone, maybe you could leave a message. And then they will call you back. And then you will have to go. And you will have a fabulous time! :)
 
I vote YES you should go past your comfort zone. :) As I am one of the founding Nervious Nells , I know what a great boost this will give your confidence.
What if when you take a group lesson , you may very well see that there are others out there just like you or even less secure. That is what happened to me. :D And guess what I was giving advice.... and guess what else..with every question I was asked my confidence went up.. because I then relized how far I had come... & even if you are the least experenced rider in the group,,they were not born with saddles glued to thier behinds everyone had to start at the beginning..Give your self a chance... they are not going to stick you on a rodeo bronk ,, my guess is that you are a better rider than you give yourself credit for. :)

GO FOR IT.... :D
 
I would say yes - give it a try see how it goes, ask to go in a lesson below your current level just to find your feet and then if they think you can cope with the next level they will hopefully advise you move up - it depends how they run their lessons.

Is each lesson dedictaed to skill levels or when people can go?? If it's the latter you may find it's a very mixed group which has it's blessing whilst your finding your feet but I find it now to be a real chore as I have people in mine that although they would swear blind they can ride they're complete muppet :mad: Sorry shouldn't rant

But definitley give it a go - what's the worst that can happen you don't like it and wasted at most £20.00.

You will hopefully love it and benefit from riding very well mannered horses to less well mannered horses a pretty good balance I would say.

Get it booked, Good luck and let us know how you get on :)
 
I know how you feel. You should really go and book some lessons though. When I took up riding again it took me weeks to call a school and book a lesson and i was in a class of kids about 9 (I was 19) and I was horribly tense. I am always the daft one of the class it takes me longer to learn things and get my confidence up. I now have my own horse and I am the crapiest rider in the whole yard and I do feel a bit silly but I know I will improve. It's just taking that step. You will get to know the other people soon as well and wonder what you were worrying about it will be the best move.

Good luck :D
 
Dont be worried about leaving a school for nine months and going back later. I did.You are right to thinking of it as riding education. At each stage of learning one needs different things and different teachers.

I'm like you; I have private lessons from a teacher at her own yard and use her horse. But I also do as you would like to do, and hack out on riding school horses from a different school nearer home.

I don't like your description of nappy horses though. Or going outside your comfort zone. Riding in a group should be a safe experience for you. And you shouldn't ride a horse you can't manage. I'd go for it and see what happens. But enjoy it.
 
I would encourage you to do it. When I first started looking for an instructor, I watched a lesson given by this British instructor (we live in California) that I loved. But when I signed up for lessons at that place, I was told that the owner's daughter teaches beginners and that this lady only does clinics there for advanced people with their own horses. I started taking private lessons there anyway with the owner's daughter but realized after a while, even though I was very comfortable, I wasn't learning much and paying lots. Then I found out through a friend that the instructor I originally liked taught lessons at a different barn for all levels on school horses. I called her and she remembered me and my OH from 9 months back and was so nice. I just took my 2nd lesson from her. I was so nervous about switching and now I am so glad that I did. My 2nd lesson with her was also my first group lesson-wow, I learned lots just from watching others and it was a lot less nerve wrecking than I thought. Go for it! :)
 
Wobblydeb... I think pushing the envelope of your comfort zone is the best way to improve, and your instructor should know how to do this - however your instructor should know when to stop too, there's no point in pushing so hard you scare yourself.

As for group lessons... well, I can say that as a rider I have always had private lessons (for 2 years now), so when I go on holiday to have some 'intensive tuition', the majority of those lessons are group. I find that although I am nervous and afraid of making a fool of myself, after a couple of sessions, a competative edge sneaks in, and I *need* to be able to do as well as the others. Sometimes a little bit (friendly) competition can make you perform a little better (get that circle *just* perfect, transitions *exactly* on the marker etc).

I'd say, go for it, though if you feel a full group may be a bit too much to start with, try a semi private :)
 
Re Should I move out of my comfort zone

Hi Wobblydeb,
It's not called the comfort zone for nothing! To improve you do need to step outside your comfort zone - just a little way- then in time you step out of it a little further and so on; then your comfort zone will stretch meaning that you will have improved.

You've given lots of good reasons to try the school nearer to you. They won't mind at all that you haven't been there for a while (since your trial lesson). They will be pleased to have your custom I'm sure. I believe that although a good instructer is important, it is the horse that teaches us to ride and different horses teach us different things.

At the end of the day if you book a group lesson and it turns out to be not at all what you expected, you don't have to go back again.

This is what I think anyway.
 
riding other horses

I owned a lovely 15 hand horse ( a brilliant show jumper - would go over 5 foot fences with more experienced riders no problem) He was bad to hack and had the biggest buck. So I didnt ride out on him in case he dumped me and ran home. My next horse was a TBx who I let other ride and show jump(and win lots) which turned her into a fast jumping machine who I dare not ride only at walk and some trot in an enclosed area without sight of jumps and on calm days if she didnt seem to excitable. So I ended up not wanting to hack, jump, and canter and no confidence. I went for lessons (on plods) didnt do me a lot of good as I could ride ok just needed someone to convince me I was fine. So I bought a lovely Andalusian hoping my dream horse would give me a reason to carry on riding. I now hack and ride with much more confidence and I even hope to do showing and dressage next year. What a diffence the right horse makes.
 
I dont believe in going outside your comfort zone. the world is full of people who have stopped riding because they got scared.

I do believe in incentives and breaking things down into small stages. Then the difference each time is so small that it barely seems significant?

There is no problem returning to a school after a break. I did it
.
It is not compulsory to go into a class, and change schools and have a new teacher all at once. You could do what I did and have lessons with two or three different teachers at different schools over the next couple of months,

and then may be go into a class with one of them? Just to see how it went. A teacher may well offer you the chance to join a group?

If it is hacking that attracts you, wait till hacking begins and go for a hack. But start with a private hack to get to know the route and the horses?

The main incentive is that you say you would get more riding and be able to ride when your teacher is away. And ride some different horses. That seems a good idea. And you can be open about it. I was. Tell the school that you have a regular teacher but would now like to broaden your experience, ride some different horses, and get some hacking closer to home?

Every now and then someone may turn round and be disparaging because you are not a unique and regular student at that RS. But ignore them. My experience is that if one knows what one wants, one can buy the teaching one needs -

Which reminds me, I also went with something definite I wanted to learn. Like how to canter round a school? Or motivate a horse with no impulsion, or ride counter canter. It doesnt matter what you choose. But having a definite topic for study seems to facilitate the teacher/student relationship. You go asking for help - whch means you are not obliged to prove yourself or pretend to be perfect. And the riding teacher has a familiar problem to which to set her mind.

And then the teacher is pleased (and obviously you are too) when the learning goes well. And that might be the moment when you both feel it is time to join a class?

But no, I wouldnt go rigid with fear or throw myself into a class unprepared and expecting the worst. What good would it do you? Or the horse?
 
I think you will like the group lessons once you jump in. I had only had private lessons for a while and just started group lessons. There are so many advantages. For one thing, when everyone is doing the same drill, it gives me more confidence to think I can do it as well. Pushing the envelope in small steps is a good thing. If the size of the steps worries you, talk to the group lesson instructor about your concerns about taking too big a step at one time. If he/she is a good instructor, he/she will want to build your confidence and not put you in situations that might destroy it.

In our group lessons, it is under the same instructor, so she knows everyone's skill levels and tailors each drill to expand but not put us in danger. On the last lesson, the drill was to canter to a tree in the middle of the pasture and trot back to the group. Everyone did that drill except my son, who did it all at the trot. This was only his second lesson so Marie knew he didn't need to canter any horse towards the barn, or he'd be taken straight back. She knows her school horses well and puts us on horses that will expand us without being dangerous. Her attitude is, "No, you can't ride that horse, because I don't want to take you to hospital when you fall off. You're riding this one."

I'm all for riding as many different horses as possible. It helps you learn overall good balance and teaches you to be able to adjust to a wider variety of situations. It teaches your back side to move with the horse and to be able to better anticipate sudden movements and chages in direction, speed, etc...

Best wishes in exanding your horizons.
 
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nothing ventured nothing gained.

I don't want to lay on my death bed thinking IF ONLY....I done this that or the other...

Take a deep breath and go for it!

(whole heartedly know how you feel though)
 
A few years ago i had a short sharp shock and now i look though a different set of glasses at life, I have nothing to prove to anyone only to myself, what im trying to say is go for it give it a go, if it dont work it dont work you have lost nothing.

Good Luck
 
Have you given up looking for a horse for the moment then? That would be my step out of the comfort zone, so much to learn when you have your own!
I thought there were quite a few nice sounding ones lately in the Journal and in Scottish Equestrian?

If you like the atmosphere of riding school riding then go along and have fun. Its another way to enjoy horses.
 
Skib said:
There is no problem returning to a school after a break. I did it
.

The main incentive is that you say you would get more riding and be able to ride when your teacher is away. And ride some different horses. That seems a good idea. And you can be open about it. I was. Tell the school that you have a regular teacher but would now like to broaden your experience, ride some different horses, and get some hacking closer to home?

Every now and then someone may turn round and be disparaging because you are not a unique and regular student at that RS. But ignore them. My experience is that if one knows what one wants, one can buy the teaching one needs -

Which reminds me, I also went with something definite I wanted to learn. Like how to canter round a school? Or motivate a horse with no impulsion, or ride counter canter. It doesnt matter what you choose. But having a definite topic for study seems to facilitate the teacher/student relationship. You go asking for help - whch means you are not obliged to prove yourself or pretend to be perfect. And the riding teacher has a familiar problem to which to set her mind.

And then the teacher is pleased (and obviously you are too) when the learning goes well. And that might be the moment when you both feel it is time to join a class?
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I agree with the above.

In answer: it depends on what your comfort zone is...
For what you suggest-I would say go for it as you're not suggesting anything risky. Provided you're not made to feel uncomfortable/unsafe in the lessons go for it. You could try visiting and watch lessons, use the excuse of you were just passing and thought you would like to book a lesson. They may have forgotten you anyway. You could even phone as if you are completely new to make enquiries and find out more, perhaps which lesson would be good to watch, and I'm sure they will be none the wiser.

My instructor is lovely and we've been moving quite slowly only in walk in trot and on ploddy horses that won't run away with me. When I enquired and had a look round the yard, I said I was nervous and the yard owner said, you don't need to worry about that, it's up to us to worry about that. I knew it was somewhere I could feel comfortable after being totally confused and uncomfortable with the last place. They always let me know exactly what is going on - e.g. who I am riding, when they will be tacked up, where to meet up with the horse which I find quite reassuring, and the helper does my girth, asks about stirrups, tells me if I should be doing something different, and I'm told where to "park" the horse in the school or wait for the beginning of the lesson.

I posted a while back (you can search if you want) as I was really nervous. I had a bad experience at a RS, found a new one and had 2 really good lessons, one private, one shared with a lady.
I then couldn't get the bottle to phone up for more lessons, and the longer it got, the more I thought they'd think I was strange for going back again and the harder it got. I eventually emailed, (2 months later?) which led to me phoning to confirm a lesson. I had the added complication of getting over my fear of driving to get to lessons. I could get OH to drive me in rush hour after work for a group lesson, feeling self-conscious, or drive myself to an empty yard in the day, for a private lesson but have the stress of driving.

I'm still a bit nervous with the driving and riding but once I get into the lesson I am fine. It will just take time, and I'm working on my general anxiety which will probably help. I find horses therapeutic in dealing with anxiety and lovely to be around. I don't think I should avoid riding, as it's in a relatively controlled environment and I get a lot of enjoyment.

You could of course try a private lesson at the new place (if they do them), or start with an easy lesson, perhaps even below your level for a short while to build confidence. It's very sensible to get to know the place before keeping/loaning a horse there.
 
Wobbly Deb....

Dont move out of your comfort zone unless you feel 100% ready to do so. It could set you back lots. If you're ready to do it, then go for it girl. Lots of luck. Hope all goes well!
 
Cheko..if I did that I would never do anything!!!
I believe more in taking educated risks.

But then again...I have friends who waited until they were ready for children...If I had done that...I'd still be waiting....luckily I've got 3 accidents!

everybody is different I suppose.

Skib said something about breaking it down into little pieces...I'd go with that. push yourself a little out of your comfort zone at every opportinity but in tiny segments. That works for me.
 
I dont believe in going outside your comfort zone. the world is full of people who have stopped riding because they got scared.
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Yes but you have to explore the edges of the zone to find out where your limits are. Riding different horses lets you discover where you are good and where you have problems as each presents different challenges. To take that experience and move back into the comfort zone then lets you realise what you have learned. The problem comes when you move too close to the edge, and is where you have to be honest with your instructor and have trust in them.

You could try visiting and watch lessons, use the excuse of you were just passing and thought you would like to book a lesson.
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Great idea as it will let you see what you're in for and get an idea of the instruction and the horses and if it's for you.

Have you talked it over with your current instructor and checked that the other school teaches a similar way? Every instructor has a particular way of doing things and you don't necessarily want to end up being taught two entirely different styles of riding:eek:

As for group lessons - I am dreading that idea after the luxury of private lessons! I think I have a horror of it all being like previous experiences elsewhere - nappy horses, me being the dunce of the class, not being able to opt out if I feel nervous about something etc. etc.
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Been there done that and ended up with a mucky T shirt :rolleyes: Sometimes they are awful but then sometimes you can be pleasantly surprised finding yourself on a well matched horse and everything clicks.

I mainly get private lessons now having gone through a phase of only doing groups - private lessons are where you really get teaching. I still get the occasional group lesson though as they are a place where you can (try to) put what you learned into practise without the constant intervention of the instructor.

But but but but.....
If I ever buy or loan a horse of my own, this is likely to be the yard I would want them kept at - it is really nearby, seems well run and takes liveries as well running the riding school. Who knows - I may even find a first share there....
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If you've been there before I'm sure they'll be happy to see you, it sounds like you like the place too, why not give them a chance?

Vince
 
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