Sharers...am I being taken for a ride? Sorry long post!!!

[popdog]

I've had my sharer for about 10 months. I'm happy to share my horse, it helps me out when I'm at work. My sharer has to groom, tack up and ride - no chores. I always make sure there is someone for her to hack out with and my friend even picks her up and gives her a lift to and from the stables.

She doesn't have set days, she can ride any week day that she wants. I raised an issue about her riding a while ago and she got very upset (she is a complete novice). I was in a huff and advertised for another sharer, but I decided to give her another chance. That was about three months ago...she has worked hard to improve her riding since then.

My friend who gives her a lift got a text yesterday saying 'Has Popdog advertised xxxx for share, I've seen an advert that looks like it's for xxxx?'. My friend said she didn't know anything about it, which is true as it was just heat of the moment thing on my part. Then out of the blue a couple of hours later I get a reply to my advert from an unknown email (I've had no replys in two months, and it didn't show my name). So it feels like a coincidence but maybe I'm reading to much into it? I've not answered the email...yet.

Then my sharer emails me at 9pm last night (she hasn't ridden for two weeks as my friend couldn't give her a lift as her children are on school holiday) and says she will do two days next week. I say 'fine that's great'. She then emails me back and says she can only do one day next week after all.

Am I being messed with? She never tells me how her ride was, she rarely responds to my emails or texts and my friend is feeling like an unpaid taxi service.

For those of you who share or are sharers...what sort of arrangement do you have? Do you keep in touch via phone/email, and do you think I'm a bit daft for providing tranport and an experienced riding buddy for a novice sharer. Should they be independant? Your opinions on this would be helpful...I really don't know what other people get from sharing

 

[suzanne7575]

I have no previous experience of sharing but if i was a sharer or had someone sharing my horse then i would expect it to different from what you are experiencing. I think you are being very kind and helpful arranging lifts for her and for arranging someone for her to ride with and i don't actually see anything wrong with that, and i think you are great for letting a novice share your horse as it is a great way to gain experience and experience can be difficult to get.

However if i was in a sharing agreement i would expect to be contributing to costs and have a set amount of days for that contribution, i guess if there is no contribution then it's different. The days could be set in stone or it could be flexible and arranged per week or whatever. I would also expect there to be lots of communiciation between owner and sharere, either in the form of a communication book left at stables so each party can write down how their day has been and any problems or acheivements, if they ate their feed etc. or daily communication between both parties. i think it is equally important that the owner contacts the sharer too to let them know how things have been.

As for the emails etc. I'm sorry i have no idea wether you are being messed about or not, it sounds like your sharer is quite young and probably not aware of the commitments of owning a horse yet.

 

[Miriam]

Lack of communication between both owner and sharer can cause a lot of problems. I've been lucky in the fact that the girl who shares Peter with me used to ride Rhi for me. We did go through a phase where things were being said on the yard and she did not want to approach me. Things got on top of her I said something and she started to cry. I knew it could not have been all me but she would not talk to me. I walked away and April (who now owns Rhi) had a word with her and said she had to talk to me. We did. I also spoke to her mum and we sorted it out. We dont communicate after every ride she has. She has her days Mon, Fri and Sun but knows she just has to text me if she needs to change them as I will her if I need him then for whatever reason. I knew we were lacking communication and could not just blame her for it. We get on great

 

[evilgiraffe]

For those of you who share or are sharers...what sort of arrangement do you have? Do you keep in touch via phone/email, and do you think I'm a bit daft for providing tranport and an experienced riding buddy for a novice sharer. Should they be independant? Your opinions on this would be helpful...I really don't know what other people get from sharing

Well, my share is two horses rather than one, which makes things easier in many respects. I ride out with their owner at the weekends, and sometimes in the week (depending on work/family commitments). So we see each other at least once a week, which makes communicating about the horses and how they are going to be kept from day-to-day (moving from one section of the field to the other, ect) very easy. If either of us have anything we need to tell the other during the week then it is either emailed, texted, or left written on the notepad in the tackroom.

I think transport ought not to be your concern (or that of your very nice friend!) - a sharer really should be making their own arrangements for transport I think. Given that your sharer is a novice I think it makes sense to have an experienced friend go with them just to keep an eye, and to alert you both if there are any concerns. Obviously this means that the friend needs to be absolutely trustworthy and also have a similar outlook to you regarding riding and horsecare.

I have set days when I ride, but if I or the horses' owner need to change them then we are both flexible. I am also responsible for the horses if she goes on holiday - and likewise if I'm going away I just need to let her know in advance. I pay £25 per week for my set days which is pretty much the average, from reading other posts about sharers!

I would be concerned that your sharer isn't contacting you at all regarding riding - I think it is necessary on both sides to keep everyone in the loop. I do think you may have shot yourself in the foot by advertising for a new sharer though - if my boys' owner did that without telling me I would be very hurt. She seems to have found you out as well! If I were you I'd not reply to the enquiry, or alternatively make up a new email and respond saying that you've already found the right person.

I seem to have waffled a bit, but I hope that helps you

 

[*millie*]

I have a sharer and she has 3 set days a week. She always texts/phones if there is a problem and we have a notebook in the tackroom where we leave notes to let each other know if there are any changes

It sounds as though your sharer is messing you around a bit as well as your friend who drives her!

 

[westphalenlover]

Hey,

I think your sharer is being so awkward, she gets to ride whenever she wants, gets picked up n taken to the yard for free n doesn't have to 'get her hands dirty' I think she is taking the pee. I think she is being very ungrateful, she is lucky to be sharing your horse/pony.

I think there would be lots of other people out there who would jump at the chance to share your horse/pony.

 

[x.fat-pony.x]

I wish I shared a horse with you!
I make my own way to yard (bus and then a 15min walk) and back, don't rely on anybody.
The fact that you have provided an 'escort' as it were to hack out etc is brilliant, but it seems to me that she is indeed taking you for a ride.

I'd sit down and talk to her and explain how you feel. I would also set some terms e.g she must do 2 days a week, maybe say she can pick the days she wants, and to ask her to make her own way down to help the poor taxi driver! There is always a way to get to a yard (I know that for a fact!) so don't accept any excuses!!!

 

[popdog]

Sharer is 25 years old, she pays £20 per week to share (my livery is £130 per week)...but only leaves me £10 if she rides once or nothing if she doesn't turn up and doesn't even bother washing his bit or wiping his girth (yes, I've asked her to do it...more than once).

I've really tried to communicate, but as I dont see her at the yard I send her the ocassional email/text (once every couple of weeks) but she doesn't respond. I know that text/email isn't the same as face to face so I try to make it friendly and chatty.

When she had a strop because I commented that she leaned to the right when riding (saddle slipping badly, another livery also pointed it out to me because she was worried) and she said 'Well why don't you let 'other livery' ride him instead if she's such an expert rider'...I backed down and said I'd get the saddle checked...she made an effort to improve although never admitted to me there was a problem.

Maybe I'm expecting too much...but to be honest I want more! Surely it's not to much to ask for a response to an email once in a while. He is my horse and I can advertise for a sharer if I want...lots of horses on my yard have two or three sharers and expect them to do full chores on their designated days...I just wait for a phone call from my friend to let me know if my sharer has decided to ride.

Sorry, but I just feel like a bit of a mug

 

[juejue]

sounds to me like she's taking the P!! she either wants to share or she doesn't , if she does she needs to get her butt into gear and get to the stables herself to ride regularly. And as it's your horse that you pay good money to keep you have every right to mention if you think her riding is somehow detrimental to your horse, after all it's you not her that will be paying for a physio to come sort problems if they arise.
I'd be inclined to tell her to sling her hook and find yourself someone who really does want to share

 

[x.fat-pony.x]

Get rid!
The attitude you described of the loanee. Gosh. I wouldn't even consider behaving like that to my loan owner!!!! And she's younger than me! (By a month but still )
Sorry to feel so strongly, I have an issue with people with no manners at the moment and she is a clear case of it

 

[popdog]

Thank you, I felt like a mean old cow...but my horse comes first and if I can't have an open relationship with a sharer I feel that it's really not worth the bother...sent her the following email a while ago...

"Rode out on Sunday with xxxx, she was behind me coming off the sandy track. She said to me 'xxxx the saddle is slipping slightly to the right!'. I'm left sided...so why on earth is the saddle slipping to the right?
Am going to get the saddler out in the next week or so to check the saddle. I might ask for him to remove the flair air bag thingys and flock it with wool like a conventional saddle. I rode tonight in the Ideal GP saddle and it felt much better than the Barnsby we've been using.
I've left it on top of the Barnsby, if you want to ride in it feel free but you'll need to swap the grith and the stirrup leathers on to it. I would certainly recommend that you give it a try ;-)

Have a nice ride tomorrow..."

I got no response, she continued to ride in the Barnsby...please confirm that I am a complete fool Sorry...rant

 

[westphalenlover]

Your not being silly at all n your certainly not being moany. Your pointing out things not only for the comfort n well being of your horse but also to try n help your sharer to improve herself, because if i was her i would want to know that im doing that so i can improve the comfort of the horse and my riding. I would never talk to the owner of a horse i was sharing like that either! Just plain rude, manners don't cost anything.

You have every right to ask her how things are going and point things out its your horse after all and no-one knows him/her better than you and owning a horse isn't a cheap hobby. Not replying to your text and e-mails is completely out of order. I would arrange to talk to her about things. Imo i would politely say that things aren't working out and find someone else.

Sorry to waffle

 

[pepsimaxrock]

Hi there

Just read your original post and not the following correspondence and I do hope the following does not offend, but it does seem as though you are talking to the NR community rather than talking to your sharer.....

.....I'm happy to share my horse, it helps me out when I'm at work.......
....My sharer has to groom, tack up and ride - no chores. ... my friend picks her up and gives her a lift to and from the stables.....

This is your agreement, right? Why is it not written down?

I raised an issue about her riding a while ago and she got very upset ...she has worked hard to improve her riding since then.

she does seem to be trying to please

.......'Has Popdog advertised xxxx for share, I've seen an advert that looks like it's for xxxx?'. ....out of the blue a couple of hours later I get a reply to my advert from an unknown email ..it feels like a coincidence but maybe I'm reading to much into it? .....

does sound like possibly reading a little too much into it. Why don't you respond and find out?

.......Then my sharer emails me at 9pm last night (she hasn't ridden for two weeks as my friend couldn't give her a lift as her children are on school holiday) and says she will do two days next week. I say 'fine that's great'. She then emails me back and says she can only do one day next week after all.

don't say "fine that's great" if you don't mean it..... it's not fair to either of you.

.......Am I being messed with? She never tells me how her ride was, she rarely responds to my emails or texts and my friend is feeling like an unpaid taxi service.

No you are not being messed about. As the acknowledged experienced party you should have instigated a share agreement and communicated with your sharer. She has had nothing but woolly messages from you, and responds in a similar way. You would not expect your horse to respond better to these sort of mixed messages, so try not to send them out to people either.

 

[doolally_tap]

I would definately have it out with her - in a very nice way, of course.

My last share arrangement didn't work out because myself and the horse-owner didn't see eye to eye. She basically wouldn't let me hack the horse out unaccompanied even though the horse was bombproof and I'm a 'capable' rider.

Whatever the case - all share arrangements depend on both the owner and the sharer being in complete agreement about what is expected of them and the lines of communication being open right from the word go.

If I were in your position, I would admit that the advert was yours and that you felt you needed to keep your options open as you were concerned that she was losing interest because she wasn't sticking to the days she said she would do and wasn't always giving you her full contribution amount per week. This is something she should always give you whether she decides to ride or not, as long as you have made the horse available to her. I even pay for the weeks I am away on holiday!

If you tell her how you feel, she'll either end the arrangement or she'll hopefully pull up her socks. If it's the former, you'll find another sharer soon enough - one that makes the arrangement work for both sides, not just theirs.

 

[Dizzy]

I think the arrangement you have is too hitty missy. If she is sharing, there really should be a more solid agreement about how often she rides and how much she contributes - whether she rides or not. Also she shouldn't be reliant on someone else to get her to the yard, that is her responsibility - if its convenient for her to get a lift, all well and good, but when it isn't she should still put in the effort and get there.

The arrangement you have at the moment, appears very onesided on her behalf, she turns up when its convenient for her, and only contributes money when she rides.

I'd have a good talk with her and explain that sharing means she has to accept that she has a responsibility to the horse and you, and if she just wants to hack out now and again, she should go to a riding school or treking centre. You need someone that you can rely on, and that you have a consistant weekly cash input.

Good luck.

 

[popdog]

No you are not being messed about. As the acknowledged experienced party you should have instigated a share agreement and communicated with your sharer. She has had nothing but woolly messages from you, and responds in a similar way. You would not expect your horse to respond better to these sort of mixed messages, so try not to send them out to people either.

I am addressing NR, I value the opinions on here.

I have taken the girl out to lunch to discuss riding (hers and mine), I've explained my training methods and motives to her and specifically asked her for an open dialogue about the horses training with her. I have met a wall of silence...if you could explain how I could do more I'd be glad to know as I like her as a person. But honestly (I'm at a complete loss about this) what else should I say?

Maybe I've just answered my own question! Thanks everyone who responded...it has made me look at things from a NR point of view. This forum is a lifeline

 

[Pink's lady]

You seem to have come the the conclusion I was about to suggest

She is sharing YOUR horse and it is a privalige. She's treating it as her right.

However, to give your sharer the benifit of the doubt , before doing something rash, talk to her. She might be having problems in her life, or can't afford the share or has got the wrong end of the stick. We only have your side of the story - she might be a on forum somewhere going 'OMG, my share owner is such a b!tch, she never.......she always..........' etc.

If she's really is just being difficult though, set down the rules and if she doesn't like them she can find something else. She 25 for gods sakes - plenty old enough to be responsible. Maybe take her back on trial for a month and read the riot act. She WILL follow your rules (assuming they are responsible) or she can forget it! Be brave.......

 

[Skib]

From time to time I have looked into sharing and met two possible owners.

My understanding is that when one shares, the sharer pays a regular monthly amount regardless of whether or not they ride. That is the big difference between sharing and paying for riding school hacks and lessons.
You might make it part of the agreement that they were to ride a certain number of times each week - like at least 2 weekdays - and then discuss the situation if your sharer was ill or couldn't ride for some reason?

At the moment your sharer is messing you around because if she doesn't ride, she doesn't pay you?
That isnt a share. That is hiring your horse out per hour.

Some owners are vague - my opinion is that it leads to nothing but trouble. it is bad for the sharer too.
I went to see a woman advertising for a sharer. I told her I wouldnt visit unless she let me sit on her horse to try it. When I got there her RI was there! and she wouldnt ride the horse herself or let me try it.
She wanted a sharer who would see to the horse on days when she was busy. Again not specified. But I help out in a yard and would know what I was doing.
I told her that she'd already proved so unreliable over the interview that we weren't prepared to go back and try the horse nor enter into any agreement with her. I feared that I would end up being made use of more and more.

With you it sounds to be the other way round? I think you are being taken for granted.
So sit down with the sharer and work out the terms and conditions. Write it down.
There is an example of a loan agreement on the BHS site with the topics that might be discussed.

Apart from sorting out the arrangements and her commitment to ride, it sounds as if you may not be charging the market rate?
Are you in London? People round here London/Surrey charge the day's livery cost - I saw one ad asking for 50% of the livery cost for three days riding (weekdays), plus a share of the shoeing.
If you charge less than the normal rate where you live, your sharer may feel that what she is buying has no value.
That is a real problem with a week day only share. It is what I am looking for but most sharers expect one weekend day. A weekday only sharer is likely to be a woman with no job - so having family commitments to get in the way.

If you are thinking of replacing her as sharer, it would be courteous to tell her. It wouldnt be good for her to hear you'd been advertising behind her back. You could tell her you are going to put the share on a new basis and a new cost and that she is welcome to re-apply?

It sounds as if neither of you is happy about the arrangement as it stands, so both of you will benefit from talking it over and making it more definite.

 

[Afellpony]

It may be just as well to get rid of your sharer. Advertise for another one, or keep your horse to yourself if you can afford it. It's the best way. Sharers are trouble!!! I once shared one of my Exmoors with another girl. She was very nice, good rider, competent and confident - but , I was told by people at the yard that she used to bring a couple of friends up and they would take him out and all three ride him (not altogether though!). So instead of an hour's work, he was doing about 3. So had to get rid of her fast.
As others have suggested, it may be a good idea for you to have a chat with your sharer. If it turns out, that she really isn't interested for whatever reason any longer, then get rid.

 

[Alfies-slave]

Draw a line under the matter.

She sounds over all like a good sharer... you only have to read this board to see the problems that some folks have.

Set some ground rules that your sharer must abide by (whoever that sharer is!) That way you can progress with this sharer or another, with rules in place.

You must make rules for yourself too... everyone must know where they stand in every respect. Then it is like a contract detailing what you and your sharer do, don't do and pay for.

You are right that the horse is yours to do with as you want, however, it is only good manners and respectful to tell your sharer if her share is being cancled or another extra sharer introduced in to the situation.