Seperation anxiety

[ladywiththebaby]

I have got a new pony on loan and she arrived last Sunday. The trouble is, she has quickly formed a very strong bond with the other mare in her field.

To help our bonding, I wanted to bring her in every day for a nice grooming session. The problem is, she'd rather stay with the mare! When I attempt to lead her in, she is constantly ahead of me, cutting in front of me and cutting across me to turn back to her mate. The only thing I seem to be able to do is to keep her circling when she cuts across me and then ask her to walk on again in the direction I want once she's completed the circle.

Its a reall battle and means that it takes forever to walk the 100m stretch. Its walk, stop, circle, walk, circle, circle, walk, circle, walk, circle etc etc!! A friend told me she needs a chifney (although she never needed this in her last home).

Anyway, I appreciate that its early days and I'm hoping that the more I bring her in, the quicker she'll realise that it won't be for long.

However, as part of my bonding with her, ideally I wanted to do some groundwork with her in the next field. But do you think this would be a complete disaster seeing as I can hardly get her to put one foot in front of the other when in a different field to her mate?! Should I try it in the same field?

I did think about putting her mate in the stable while I did it but I think she'll be running up and down the fence line and I won't be able to get near her!

Help!!

 

[devonlass]

Please don't use a chiffney,they are not usually necessary and if you don't know exactly how to use them they can be dangerous and cause damage to the horses mouth/jaw.You should also check with owner before using anything like this,if I loaned my horse out and discovered someone had used a chiffney on him I would go beserk!!

Drives me insane how people still suggest chiffney's as a first answer to a strong or bargy horse,there really are better alternatives these day's!! Sorry going off on a tangent there,but it really does drive me up the pole lol

If you feel you need something in the way of equipment just to get her listening to you and get from A to B then get a dually halter.Far more effective than a chiffney,and no risk of damage to the horse.

Is she kept on her own with just this other mare?? I only ask as seperation anxiety in a new place is quite common and hopefully it's just a case of her being insecure,but if she's kept with just one other they can become pair bonded which I have found a nightmare to deal with (mine was with mares as well funnily enough!!).
If you are really having problems with doing what you want to do with her and she is going to get stressed if the other mare is taken out the field as well then I would think about seperating them TBH.You might find they can go back in together eventually when your mare has become sure of her surroundings and new home,but it could be the best solution for now.Or maybe just take your mare in and stable her for a few hours a day,and do what you want to do straight from the stable,so she's not anxious before you even do anything like when briinging her from the field.

Sorry don't have any definite solutions,but have found seperation anxiety one of the most difficult and frustrating things to deal with,and as I have often kept two together have come up against it a fair bit!! The only thing I have found that actually works was seperating them,but I appreciate not everyone likes to do that and even I admit it's only a short term answer not a proper solution,but was needs must in my case (could not get mare to leave field,planted and refused to move!!).Good luck and apologies if that all sounds a bit rambling and abrupt but am very tired and can't seem to type what I actually want to say properly!!

 

[LindaAd]

What about taking it in smaller steps? Groom her in the field instead of taking her away from her friend; do groundwork with her in the field, so that she's listening to you not the other horse; bribery might help too - take her out of the field and give her a couple of apples in a bucket - that sort of thing.

For a horse, being separated from the herd is a matter of life and death, and in a new place she's bound to be a bit anxious. Don't try and force her; just give her time to feel safe with you.

 

[leximac]

What about taking it in smaller steps? Groom her in the field instead of taking her away from her friend; do groundwork with her in the field, so that she's listening to you not the other horse; bribery might help too - take her out of the field and give her a couple of apples in a bucket - that sort of thing.QUOTE]

Second this, Magic has similar seperation issues, we endedup doing everything with her in the field rather than bringing her in...strangley if we groomed and tacked up in the field she would happily walk out to go to the school / hack, but was/ still can be very bargey and anxious if we take her on to yard to get ready and groom on her own.

 

[oumbagirl]

Agree with Devonlass 100% re use of chiffney - please don't do it. Get a Dually they are really effective and do not risk horses jaw/mouth. Blacksmith's/farrers have a love of using chiffneys on horses to keep strong horses compliant, not necessary and there are other ways.

Is it possible to put your new horse in another field away from this other horse? because a horse bonds with another horse does not necessary mean it has an attachment issue with all horses. Does your horse come in at night? is there a problem then? Try to ascertain when and for how long the horse exhibits the behaviour, that way you will be able to try and think around the problem and get an effective strategy in place.

Hope the pressure lessons for you and you can soon start enjoying your new addition!

O)...

 

[ladywiththebaby]

Thanks everyone. I haven't used the chifney, although I do have to use one on the other horse she shares with (not my horse - owners instructions). I would much prefer to get this sorted without one as she never needed one in her old home and she was often seperated from the other 2 horses she was in with, no problem.

Yes she is just iwth one other horse and they are on a private yard so no other horses to put her in with. Seperating them may be the way to go I think.

I really want to get a Dually halter and I have an RA coming out on Wednesday to help me with this. I'm just waiting for her to advise me size wise coz from looking on the website it doesn't seem very straightforward to decide which size she'll need.

Tonight was the worst night ever. I have been bringing her in every day on her own for a groom but as it was raining I wanted to bring them both in for the night. I collected Hetty first (my pony) and she was awful - made worse by the fact that I have had move them to a field further away as the grass was running out - so we had further to go. I was nearly in tears by the time I got her in.

Then went back for Bella - who was going ballistic (she doesn't usually bother). Leading her back in - with her chifney she was snorting, cantering in the spot and then to top it off, reared in my face twice. I was seriously in tears by this point. If I could have I would have just let her go - but knew that I couldn't.

Urgh. Horrible horrible horrible. I also took her out with another very placid, steady horse yesterday (can't ride with Bella atm as her owner is away) and she jogged the whole way round - for an hour. Her owners are mystified. I specifically asked them if they though going out without Bella would be ok and they said she'd be fine. When they got her they only had her for 2 days before she went to Pony Club camp and was fine. They also regularly hacked her out by herself.

I've also asked the owner to come and try and lead her in so I can see if the problem is me and my leadership, or Bella.

But I'm feeling so gutted. I really really really want my own pony but every time I try I get it wrong. :cry: I just can't afford to buy my own.

 

[learningcurve]

Hope Hettys owner can help you out.

I would have been in tears too, sounds like you had a horrible situation to deal with.

Tbh I would have left them out in the rain, don't if that makes me a meanie or a cowardly custard.

 

[ladywiththebaby]

Thanks Learning Curve. I WISH I could leave them out but the person who owns the field and the other horse really wants them brought in if its wet so they don't trash the field.

And I can see what she means - this morning I didn't know how on earth to get them back down to their field. So I just opened their stables and was going to just let them walk into the next paddock. Bad idea. They exploded out of their stables and into the field - hoolying round.

Then I felt bad as I hadn't put them in the field the field owner wants them in so I opened the gates so they could go down to that field and they charged off again. And now all the fields have scorch marks and hoof prints all over them!! :redface:

I just didn't know how else to do it. I have never hoped it wouldn't rain so much in my whole life!!!

 

[Trewsers]

I agree with LindaAd - baby steps. Our pair live together and are terribly upset if one has to leave the other, there is no way around it, because I simply cannot afford to buy another horse for situations where they need to be apart. The solution? Well, gradually over the past three years (they were on yards prior to that so not a problem) we have come to learn at what point stress sets in. By that I mean, for example, Storm will happily school on her own but not hack (she does not feel safe enough with me to hack without Joe and needs to feel that she can see him or at least keep him within her sights). The school provides the necessary environment for this to happen, he is happy tied up where he can occasionally see her as we shoot past cantering circles!

Joe can be put into the school whilst Storm is in her box - he will also trot up for the vet a little further away from her. He wouldn't hack without her tho.

This is a long way from the first steps we took, it was so bad when we moved them home to live that you couldn't walk a few steps away with Storm before she tugged and turned back to Joe and all hell let loose vocally! When the vet came to trot Joe up once she nearly broke her stable door down to try and get to him.

They wouldn't be led down to the paddock separately, if you tried to leave one behind even tho they could see all the way, they would try and barge the door down or break free if tied up on the yard.

I believe it is possible to make life easier when you have two that are pair bonded, but I don't think you can ever really separate them without great stress and difficulty. Perhaps one day I may manage to hack Storm for a short distance, but I don't need or want to push that atm.

If I were you - then I'd try grooming in the field and just spend a bit of time around both of them. Don't push it or overdo it if you feel that trouble is going to erupt. Good luck and I hope that things get better.

 

[Trewsers]

Just another thought, can you get some help bringing them both in? Tis a tall order to manage two if they are even slightly agitated / fresh - OH and I always bring our pair in together. I have and can manage both, but I don't like, they have to be like Donkeys for me to do that (which isn't very often seeing as Joe is a tb and lives off his nerves!).

The trouble I found, if I tried to bring them in at night individually was that the one left behind worked itself up into such a frenzy it was ridiculously hard to lead them back in a calm and safe manner, they just wanted to leap all the way home! arggh. Its so difficult.

 

[ladywiththebaby]

The trouble I found, if I tried to bring them in at night individually was that the one left behind worked itself up into such a frenzy it was ridiculously hard to lead them back in a calm and safe manner, they just wanted to leap all the way home! arggh. Its so difficult.

EXACTLY!!! That's what happened yesterday! I'd like to be brave enough to try leading them both in but just don't know if I can based on yesterday. However, before Bella started acting up I did bring them both in by leading Bella in her Chifney, and Hetty just followed behind without a headcollar or anything. I THINK she'd be ok like that but my friend has warned me it could be dangerous.

i just wouldn't want to be stuck in between a rearing horse and another one going mental!! Not sure what the best way to go about it!!

Once my friend is back we can both go to bring in - its just that wasn't the plan. We both have young children so we were going to be sharing the work - not both of us going up twice a day, which I physically can't do!

 

[juliecwuk]

i am guessing you dont want to move to a different yard?

i have two that are very bonded, they have been together for 3 yrs and are paddocked together without other horses. I bring mine in together, but i am very lucky in that they are calm to lead and have a 'leading routine', plus i am quite lazy and dont have that much time to spend at the yard so i dont want to do two trips. I darent leave one out without the other...it results in her galloping around and going lame :-( i have turned one out and left other in the stable...that wasnt too bad suprisingly, but quite vocal. I have found though that if Rosie isnt given any hay/feed before bringing up from the paddock she does make the walk up to the stables a bit of a battle (this is my 'safe old cob' LOL)....however my younger (supposidely 'fiestier') cob Moet is an absolute angel coming up even if the older one gets joggy.

Moet isnt a great fan of being left in the stable if i take Rosie to the school, Moet does call alot. however Rosie doesnt even notice when i hack Moet out and leave her behind! lol!

i had separation problems with them when i moved up here, but that was to do with hacking, and i could always lead them in together to the stables so the other was left in a safe environment, and i just did baby steps getting them to accept being further apart.

sorry no help!

 

[popularfurball]

For the leading I would experiment with either a) giving her more rope - Silver hates being "held" and did the same as yours, cutting me up, trampling me - until I tied a knot in the end of the rope and held it at the end (knot to stop it being pulled through). And just keep walking, no eye contact. or b) take a schooling whip down with you, leading with your arm away from body to make her stay out of your space and a reinforcement may encourage her that its not such a good idea.