Restoring trust and confidence

[MrA]

Looking for any advice, or perhaps the answer will just be to take it slow.

Before Brodie's surgery my confidence was good and I felt we had a nice bond where he trusted me with most things we met out hacking.

During his recovery I've been doing lots of grooming and walks in hand but we've lost some of the trust in each other and my confidence has dropped alot.

I've been taking him out round the roads and he's been very good but feels like he just can't wait to get home. And I've been a little nervous.

Today I decided to try down the bridleway but unfortunately within 5 mins we met the trotter on the road which caused me to have a bit of a meltdown. I hopped off as thought Brodie may panic and he stood there like a rock bless him. The trotter completely freaked (I'm assuming at my hi viz) and skidded across the road and then received a huge crack from the guys whip, poor pony. The whip noise unsettled Brodie but managed to calm him down. Tried to get back on and Brodie turned for home and tried to trot off. Again feel like he just doesn't want to be out with me. I'm going to hack in company next time it's just hard to find people to go with as we've only been going out for half an hour.

Anyway decided to do a loop that meant I wouldn't meet the trotter again (for my sake not Brodie's) We were out for about 45 mins in total and all was fine until we met a log that Brodie has never seen before. He went into complete meltdown and was backing up, snorting and shaking. Not like him at all. I tried to let him stand there and realise it was only a log but he really wanted to run away. So I hopped off again. I'm not sure if I should stay on board but my default is to jump off. I went over and touched the log and Brodie then couldn't care less and came and had a sniff.

I'm just thinking now that I've tried to do too much too soon and should of gone out in company, I'd only planned to go a short way down the bridleway but the trotters scare me so much.

Any tips for what I can do on the ground and in the saddle to help restore both our confidence and trust?

 

[diplomaticandtactful]

Not much help to you but I think he is picking up on your anxiety and loss of confidence so you are in a bit of a spiral as he does something minor and you get worried. I don't think horses ponder whether they want to be out with YOU. I rarely jump off, mainly because I can't get back on from the ground, but also a smart horse can figure out that they can get their way by misbehaving a bit and then you give in. But I am lucky in that I know with Buddy that he will not buck rear or bolt, the worst he does is disappear from under me if he does a major spook, so he is predictable, what isn't predictable is what he finds offensive....Can you try to concentrate on not tightening, not tensing, not reacting? When buddy is very up for it, I try to do the opposite, i.e don't take a pull, relax even more, give him more rein and ask him to just chill out rather than getting into the he tenses, you tense, he gets worse. Perhaps you could get someone to just walk with you a couple of times just to give you both a bit of confidence? Or if you have access to a school or schooling area, put lots of hazards in there, cones, logs, skips, wheelbarrows, umbrellas and work your way around them in hand and then ridden? Just to get him listening more?

 

[Kite_Rider]

I don't know what to say to help you but with me personally the less I ride the worse I become.
Belles been a complete twit the last few times we've been out and I too can feel my confidence starting to slide, you have my sympathy, I too struggle to find company to ride with, but a foot soldier is a good idea if you can find someone to walk out with you.
Just remind yourself you have got this, remind yourself that you know what you're doing, he is a good horse and maybe he's just feeling a little bit insecure because he's not been out much either since his surgery? I never worry about jumping off if I'm worried, I've not done for ages but would have no hesitation if I was feeling wobbly, it reassures Belle which in turn reassures me, so where's the harm?

 

[mystiquemalaika]

Are you happy long reining Ale? He has had a fair break and I personally don't think it's that he doesn't want to be with you but rather he has also lost confidence in himself as well and he will also pick up on your anxiety. If you have been in hand walking then he has had a nanny up front with him so to speak.long reining will help get his confidence back at been the lead horse. If you're more comfortable on the ground (which i understand I have hopped off plenty in my years riding)
I do echo KR though the more you do it the easier it gets but that's easier said than done. if you're not comfortable riding through it yet then break it down, I'd try long reining if it was me and build his confidence 1st then work from there.

 

[Jessey]

If you are happier hopping off do it, but if it gives him the opportunity to fuss for home when you are trying to remount, perhaps think twice before doing it Realistically you are both just getting used to doing something out of the ordinary again, your recent ordinary has been grooming and in hand walks, ridden walks are just a new normal and will take a few try's to get back in the habit of. I would def pick 'easy' routes avoiding possible spook areas (for either you or him) for a good few rides until you feel at ease again, give yourself a running head start to rebuilding that confidence

 

[orbvalley]

I feel for you both as I have terrible problems hacking mine out alone. I've only just started hacking out in company again as I couldn't even face that at one point. Cocaïnes reflexes to "stuff" out hacking is to rear, spin and bolt all before I've had time to blink. But the fear on my part mushrooms. I resorted to going out with my RI in the end as I couldn't even face hacking out with other very good riders. I feel safer with an RI even though they can't do much if she does freak out! I just felt they'd at least be able to witness it and tell me what to do or even that there's nothing I can do but sit to it!
So I'd suggest as others have - a foot soldier up front and moving ahead when possible, an RI to take you out, long reining if you know how.
IMO there's nothing wrong with jumping off, you need to look after your safety & his & if thats the best at that moment then do it. However, mine does take the biscuit with that as she'd prefer it if I walked everywhere so she kind of seems to freak out more if she knows I'll jump off The difference with you & Brodie is that you know he can hack out alone its just a question of taking small steps slowly before you can get back to where you were. Be patient, confidence is a fragile thing and I believe that goes for both horse and rider xxx

 

[Trewsers]

Loads of good advice here, my two penneth is to take it slow, pick short and sweet easy routes and don't ask too much of yourself yet. As already said confidence comes and goes - so start small and build it up. You know he's good - so that's something to keep in mind. Keep us posted on your progress. Am sure it won't be long before you are posting about lots od good rides again

 

[diplomaticandtactful]

Buddy will spook and spin and has been known to take off for a few strides, but he is pretty good. He is worse when he is not ridden regularly. So small routes and regular and build up both your confidences. I don't have the option of jumping off unless I fancy walking all the way home anyway as I can't get back on from the ground unless I can find a very obliging gate and Buddy to stand at him and help me, so I tend to sit it out as it's easier, but then he doesn't really do anything to scare me and listens the 1% of time he is genuinely scared, the 99% of the time he is just checking I am still awake....also pick your time for going out avoid busy times and don't push yourself if you feel it is too much for his confidence as your gut instinct is usually right.

 

[orbvalley]

99% of the time he is just checking I am still awake.....

 

[Bodshi]

I feel your pain @Ale, I've been there myself, only worse, when I started loaning years ago. Having previously always been an RS rider and hacking out in groups, the first time I tried to hack out solo it came as a huge shock to me that horses didn't actually want to go for 'walks', like dogs and that a lot of things worried them. My loan was terribly nappy and my confidence was shot. I would drive to the yard with butterflies in my tummy and spend ages grooming, just to delay the moment when I had to get on. He was ok with a foot soldier but as soon as I tried again on our own we were back to square one. I don't know why I kept trying really, but I did and in the end I could hack him anywhere and thoroughly enjoy myself. I once had to stand on a narrow grass verge on a country lane while a huge wagon squeezed past us with inches to spare. He was a total star that horse, taught me so much. (Actually his only problem was that he was lacking confidence having been an RS horse and not hacked out for ages, and all he needed was for me to man up and take charge, but that's what took the time).

You can get back to where you were with Brodie, it may just take a bit of perseverance, and we all know you've got plenty of that

 

[MrA]

Thank-you everyone, so many helpful replies!

He probably is picking up on the nerves from me, I will try and relax and make sure I'm not tensing!

No chance of a foot solider or long reining him, but good suggestions.

Good point about getting off as he can then be a bit of a pain to get back on I'll try and stay on board for now until we have gained a little more confidence.

I'm hacking tomorrow, going to try and just do the same route as last time and hopefully not meet the trotter or any logs!

 

[Mary Poppins]

I would say that you are putting far too much pressure on yourself. There is nothing wrong with being nervous and what you describe as a lack of confidence, is actually just keeping yourself safe. You haven't hacked for a while, of course both you and Brodie are going to be nervous.

I think that you have to do whatever you need to do in that moment. With horses we can never plan ahead, all we do is take our best judgement at the time. If it feels the right thing to get off, then get off. I don't know why people make such a big deal about this being the 'wrong' thing to do.

I have always been a cautious rider. When I was hacking Ben this summer I learnt to not be so hard on myself if I had a bad day. Sometimes I could walk him anywhere over our 250 acre farm, other days I found it hard to set foot on the track. I enjoyed the good days and didn't beat myself up for the bad days. This made me a much happier rider. So my advice is just to accept the nerves and work with them.

 

[diplomaticandtactful]

I would say that you are putting far too much pressure on yourself. There is nothing wrong with being nervous and what you describe as a lack of confidence, is actually just keeping yourself safe. You haven't hacked for a while, of course both you and Brodie are going to be nervous.

I think that you have to do whatever you need to do in that moment. With horses we can never plan ahead, all we do is take our best judgement at the time. If it feels the right thing to get off, then get off. I don't know why people make such a big deal about this being the 'wrong' thing to do.

I have always been a cautious rider. When I was hacking Ben this summer I learnt to not be so hard on myself if I had a bad day. Sometimes I could walk him anywhere over our 250 acre farm, other days I found it hard to set foot on the track. I enjoyed the good days and didn't beat myself up for the bad days. This made me a much happier rider. So my advice is just to accept the nerves and work with them.

my trainer who did NH work and stunt riding was very holistic about the horses and ambitions and agendas. he always went on the less is more, back off when required, only insist when utterly necessary, when the horse finds something hard, give it something it can excel in and enjoy instead then go back and try the harder bit again. stop the minute they give you the first sign of understanding and leave till next day. I am a safe rider, I work out things to do which are safe for me. when buddy and I went on our first riding club outing this year, a 6 mile ride out about 30 horses, some of them went on another route to canter in stubble fields. I chose to lead the kids on the other route so buddy could be at the front and happy and we just walked. it was the best option for us as he wsa on his toes and very buoyant. it's about judging where you feel the boundary is and usually if you push it that's when you get hurt. The i'll bloody do it attitude is when you really get hurt. If buddy is a bit arsy about loading, which he rarely is, I will take him somewhere and ride him home rather than load him again away from home. Just so we avoid an argument. And he feels he isn't being coerced. I can trust him to load away from home 99% but if he is having a day when he is grumpy, I give him a short route, easy hack and bring him home happy rather than take him for a long one. I think that's being fair to the horse.