Relationship / Mental health help ?

Ceiron

Ceiron

Active Member
Dec 22, 2006
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bedfordshire
i do not know what to do and am desperate for any insight at all.

me and katie are struggling massively.

culmilating iin me moving out last night temorarily pending can solve issues.

i will try to be concise and clear.

my diagnosis is emotionally unstable personality disorder, borderline type.

i am ment to be on citalopram but it has had little effect on me other then impotence so was a mutual decison between me and katie to stop it.

my main problems are i cannot read people, cannot interpret emotions or problems, over reaction, short tempered, frustration etc ..

katie sums it up in arrogant thingy.

she feels i have no respect for her and am bullying.

i am not aware of this and is not my intention.

i admitt i struggle massively and am very defensive and can get very argumentative and hold the high ground.

katie is equally arumentative.

i saw things that i dont mean or try ot explain how i am feeling but cannot express it properly and just upset katie or offend.

i am under local mental health team however thye are useless.

i have not seen anyone in months despite ringingfor appointments half a dozen times with the promise of a return phone call.

i went through pals service and they sent someone out to assess my needs and what thye could do, 2 weeks later they had forgotten her report so sent her again.

this was 2 -3 weeks ago now and was promised na update and some actions, none of which have occurred.

i phone yesteday and she reurned my call today but there was no appointment on the system so they foun one for the 22 november which is really useless given i am currently losing everything.

so i hung up in frustration, stupid i know but just hitting a wall it seems.

half the problem is i cannot work full time, perhaps not even part time but all i want is to hold a job and be the ideal husband/father figure.

but currently at home mostly, i am trying to go through voluntary work but finding it hard to get anything locally that is more then a coupple hours a week so far.

currently help at scouts monday night.

i was ment to ask in charity shpsyesterday but was stressful so did not but sent a few emails but katie see this as a cop out.

i have no idea what to do now, i know therapy would help but i never get this as deemed unsuitabl and antidepressants dont really help as its not depression thats the major problem.

i have been on various meds over the years but none really seem to help with my emotionally state or interpersonal problems.

i know this is not the best forum but i am at the end of the road and if cannot sort myself out then i dont know what i will do other then it wont be positive.
 
Also have a look at the NICE guidelines

http://www.nice.org.uk/nicemedia/live/12125/42869/42869.pdf

which should explain what treatments should be available to you. Might be worth re-visiting your GP when you have read up a bit and talkng about what treatments you think might help you and seeing what they can do to speak to the CMHT.

Also have a look at Amazon for a book called Re-inventing your Life

:)
 
I have asked for dbt numerous times but its not funded here. And cbt etc i never get because its deemed ineffective for me. So i am not sure what i am ment to do as not offerred anyone to even talk to and have no support network.
 
Hi Cieron - cant offer any real advice but Pigletsmum seems to be pointing you in the direction of lots of useful information and access (hopefully) to the support you need.

So sorry you are going through another bad patch and especially as it is such a short time since your happy posts about your wedding. Have had mental health problems in my family and can only say that you really, really need to push for the support and help you need (and are entitled to!)

If you can somehow pull yourself above the feeling of not having the energy to 'demand' help - then things might start to move forward for you. Sadly, that shouldnt be how it is - but IMO that is the fact with mental health care in the UK.:poop: Unless you (or a relative/friend) demand your rights and help in a clear, forceful (but polite of course!) manner then your situation will not improve.

I'm sure nothing I have written will be remotely helpful to you - but just want you to know that I am thinking of you and hoping and praying you find the support you need to get through your problems and have a long and happy life with Katie and your lovely little boy.:twins:
 
My eldest daughter has BPD and depression so I can understand a little what Katie goes through. I would go back to your GP and ask for help. My daughter felt suicidal (again) some months back and voluntarily admitted herself to a psychiatric ward for some help.... it seemed like that was the first time they took her seriously and she's had some major advancements since.... had some therapy, joined a support group and they've changed her meds again... although life was bumpy whilst she was upping the dose to get the balance right.

Hugs xxxxx
 
Hi Ceiron

I really feel for you, you're having a really difficult phase right now. The others have given you some good links and I would definitely second the advice to go straight back to your GP. I would go a step further and suggest that Katie also talks to her GP and/or attends with you - sometimes they need to see the big picture to take on how bad things are in a patient's life.

I'm a therapist in private practice but I wouldn't be recommending CBT for your particular issues from what you've described. The thing that struck me about your post was how much you want to DO something to get better and improve your and your partner's life - I wonder if you realise how positive and powerful that makes you as a person? Drugs and therapy can acheive a certain amount but none can recreate your attitude and desire to get your life sorted out so please hang on to that thought and keep pushing the professionals to do their jobs properly.

I wish you all the best - you will get there x
 
i think thats my greatest frustration and downfall also.

i have a great interlect and intelligence and drive, however i dont have the skills to implement it all effectively if that makes sense.

all i want is to achieve something etc ..

i just seem to have hit a wall and need support to bypass it.

i know i am very complicated and this throws everyone too i think.

its all weird and time apart seems ot have helped a bit with me and katie.

i did contact sept direct so hopefully can assist me as the local cmht is so poor.

there is a complex needs centre near me from the above link so i will phone them tomorrow also.

i think my greatest lacking is an advocate and i had someone willing but they have never come through so perhaps katie may help in that way or someone else who has an inside knowledge albeit few of them.

i am so bored at the minute now though.
 
Not sure how much help I can be as area I work in is autism mainly (although you seem to have many traits of that also by the sounds of it,so perhaps there is an association??),have had some experience of personality disorder with a patient but didn't take as much time as I should have to research it on it's own aside from the autism aspect TBH.

It's so very hard for others to live with,and so very hard for you make it easier to live with,no win situation it must seem at times.
I think the only thing you can do for Katie is keep telling her that you don't mean things how she thinks you do or even how it seems you do.I know she must know that you don't express yourself well,but keep telling her all the same.

Despite your difficulties in how you deal with and interact with people,I think you need to keep at it,although it doesn't come naturally to you,doesn't mean you can't fake it a bit!!
You are clearly intelligent and aware of your limitations,and that's the first step towards challenging them.People *will* make allowances for you,but if you want to succeed in life,work and relationships I strongly believe you need to make sure people don't have to.

Have you been in touch with MIND?? I know several people who have found them helpful,especially for when you're in crisis like you have been the last few days.They are also a good source of support for partners,other family members etc.

One thing that jumps out is your reluctance to take meds,you might want to give that some more thought.
No-one wants to take meds if they're not necessary,but they are a VERY useful tool in mental health,and can make a huge difference to quality of life.Obviously if you were having undesirable side effects from the citalopram then they might not be the best choice for you,but that doesn't mean you should give up on the idea of meds,get back to your GP (assuming you are not under the care of a psychiatrist??) and insist on a change of meds.
Coming off the citalopram yourself BTW could be responsible for some of the feelings and behaviours you are having at the moment (assuming it was fairly recently you came off them??).

Having the support of others if so important,and I hope you and Katie can manage to work things out together somehow.You have to remember to listen to her even if you don't understand what she's getting at or don't see it the same way,it will mean a lot to her that you are trying.
I appreciate that there are certain behaviours and emotions that aren't easy for you to display or understand,but IME that doesn't mean you can't learn to do both with a bit of time,effort and help.

Sorry for waffle and hope it was of help in some way.

I will be keeping everything crossed that you and Katie start to make some progress and can start enjoyng married life soon:smile:
 
Hey, hopefully you remember me:)

I am sorry your going through a hard time, it can be awful when your in a bad place. I agree getting intouch with MIND may be useful. Also theres the CRS if you really are struggling. I never had used them though they did see me once when i was in a bad place. Also theres meds and am sure you know there used alot with mh problems. I was offered them myself in camhs, but i refused as i really hate meds so i went for the talking treatmemts.. its was hard- my cpn was amazing and i did get there in the end. There was a few issues but i got over them.

*hugs*
 
Unlikely given phonecall just had. Got them visiting at 4. Only taken 2 complaints and shouting at them. So illogical. Not that i can understand the woman coming out nor can she understand me. So may end up killing someone in frustration. I have done mind referral but that was 2 weeks ago so still waiting and cant help in mean time. Its worse today with katie. Not sure if can be saved now. Alcoholism seems a good path. Can see how people end up there.
 
Drinking only numbs the pain, it's not the answer, and quite often sobbering up just brings the whole situation back crashing down around your ears..
My mum is bi-polar.. she tried to kill my dad in the bathroom when I was 3, as at the time she also suffered postnatal depression.. double whammy.. she walked out for good not long after..

By the sounds of it you've reached a crossroads, where you're going to have to get help asap, for the sake of you and your new family (How is your relationship with a certain little boy?), for now, try to concentrate on what is good in your life, no matter how small, and use that to block these bad feeling your having, maybe reflecting on your wedding vows, looking into the eyes of your new wife, reading bed time stories to her little boy, those things are precious and may be the key to keeping you afloat in these difficult times XX
 
Ceiron said:
Unlikely given phonecall just had. Got them visiting at 4. Only taken 2 complaints and shouting at them. So illogical. Not that i can understand the woman coming out nor can she understand me. So may end up killing someone in frustration. I have done mind referral but that was 2 weeks ago so still waiting and cant help in mean time. Its worse today with katie. Not sure if can be saved now. Alcoholism seems a good path. Can see how people end up there.
Click to expand...

TBH I really think you need medication to lift you out of this slump and enable you to start thinking forward again.
You are understandably feeling very negative,and that is bound to be having a knock on effect on everyone around you,if your mood lifts I strongly suspect Katie's will as well.

Is there a reason your GP has not been mentioned in all of this??

They are usually the first port of call if you are not under someone else's care (which I assume you're not as you are still waiting on referrals and appointments??),and can certainly help you out with medication and maybe speeding up referrals (when a member of my family was in crisis with bi-polar due to psychatrist messing up and prescribing rispiridone which is an anti psychotic and affected her VERY badly GP was amazing,sorted the meds,phoned pychatrist,arranged a care manager visit that week,and also did a home visit next day just to follow up and make sure all was well),I appreciate some GP's are better than others with mental health but do go see them and insist on some help even if just short term (family member was given diazepam short term by GP for when anxiety was severe,not saying this is appropriate for you but there might be other meds that will help until other more long term help can be arranged and GP's can do this),take Katie with you for moral support and also to express to GP just how dire your sitation and mental state is at present.

If you have already visited GP and had help from them or they are unable to help then apologies for telling you what you already know,but is only thing I can think of that is proactive and is something you can do immediately yourself rather than hanging about and waiting on other people.

I am assuming from others posts that there is a little boy caught up in all of this?? If so then are the health care 'professionals' aware of this?? Can you play on this aspect a bit to get help any quicker?? That sounds a little bit devious but there are so many organisations that provide support depending on circumstances,people involved etc that might be an avenue worth exploring.

Holding good thoughts for you all and hoping you manage to sort something out soon.
 
will update shortly but am busy right now, dont ask.

gp surgery does not do set gps, its like a walk in centre so its quite useless as getting a drs appointment is like mining for gold, literally to see a dr on tuesday i had to get there at 8 and ask to see a dr 3 times at reception as they try to get you to see a nurse and then i had to wait 2 hours before a free slot.

if you phone to book you get told to come to walk in.

i am under a physciatric dr but having as much difficulty getting an appointment.

but have made progress today but long post so will post shortly.
 
Ok. Have appointment to see physch dr next thursday. Have a few refferals to outside orgs.

Mind contacted me today so hopefully see them soon.

Have sorted contact pathways.

They have a huge flaw in that i have no care co ordinator any messages left or calls for appointments just get lost as do communication with the gp surgery.

Spoke to katie and making progress.

So hopefully pulling it all together can make progress.

Honestly thought be a massive post as saw two people for 2 hours.
 
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