Question for those who have had babies

dragonfarmgirl

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Oct 26, 2008
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Hi folks,
I am doing research for a book on baby care and wondered if I could pick your brains ?
If you think back to the first 24 hrs, from the second that baby arrived to the end of your stay in hospital (or first 48 hrs if home birth)
- What is the one thing that you wish someone had told you beforehand/or wish you had done differently ?
It can be anything at all, from first few moments, feeding, baby handling, staff attitude, pain relief, visitors, overall experience/ emotions etc
Can I also ask the same question but applied to the first week home, from the second you left the hospital ?
Thanks :biggrin:
xxx
 
Baby number 1 - Came home 6hrs after birth.

In the hospital - wish I'd taken more things to do/read, while contractions were slight.

At home - Wish I'd stayed in hospital longer!

Baby number 2 - Came home three days after birth as he had a rash

In the hospital - Wish I'd got more help on support in the area for mums eg.baby groups etc

When at home - Wish I'd made more of a fuss to the doctor when I thought his breathing was funny (he has allergies which made his breathing bad as a baby which they gave him asthma pumps for)

Baby number 3 - In the hospital - Came home after 4 days. Wish I'd known that after baby number 2 the staff all assume you know what you're doing even if its the first baby you've breastfed!

At home - That I'd had more faith in myself when I said he didn't seem the same as other babies. (He is dyspraxic and had very slight non facial symmetry as a baby)

Baby number 4 - In the hospital - (came home after 7 days due to problems with weight loss and strep B) - That just because you've had a big baby (2nd was 9lb 9) doesn't mean you won't have a small baby! She was 6lb 2oz but dropped to 4lb after a week.

At home - That when you have a small baby it's easier to buy them baby annabel dolls clothes if they are small. Oh, and that if you have postnatal depression you will be irrational but may not know it yourself.

Baby number 5 - (and the last one...ever!) - In hospital for 3 days, came home back in hospital within a week.

In hospital - That if you think there is something wrong with your baby.......there probably is. Midwifes don't always know.

At home - That the heel prick test can come back positive.....They might only happen to a minority but you are not automatically excluded from being one of those!

(Our 5th baby has MCAD deficiency diagnosed via the guthrie test and also as he had 'episodes' of hypoglycaemia thought to be malnutrition before being diagnosed and poor immune system.)
 
Wow Lacy, thats enough info for a book in itself :giggle:
Looks like you have had a huge difference of experience between your brood, all that can't have been easy !
Some really good points, especially the ones about midwives expecting you to know what you are doing by baby no3, and that if you think something is wrong it probably is.
Thank you so much for answering :biggrin:
xxx
 
Wow Lacy, thats enough info for a book in itself :giggle:
Looks like you have had a huge difference of experience between your brood, all that can't have been easy !
Some really good points, especially the ones about midwives expecting you to know what you are doing by baby no3, and that if you think something is wrong it probably is.
Thank you so much for answering :biggrin:
xxx

No probs, I also found different hospitals and different consultants very very different. I also had Obstetric Cholestastis during all the pregnancy's so if you need info on that just ask, basically pregnancy itch but really really bad (is actually a liver complaint and they can blood test for it to say if you have it for definite or not and also give you drugs and extra monitoring and early induction to help with it...it causes stillbirth in the late weeks of pregnancy)

I had my first two babies in 1 hospital (the first was 11yrs ago so Obstetric Cholestatsis and MCADD were things not really known about then) then my 3rd and 4th in a different hospital as we moved house and then my 5th in the same one as babies no 1 and 2.

Oh, and another thing I noticed - with breastfeeding sometimes it can just be that some babies are naturally better at it then others! I breastfed three of mine and my 3rd was SO easy to breastfeed, my 5th was 'ok' and my 4th was a nightmare lol. I don't think it is any cheaper or any easier then bottle feeding but I do feel the closeness is nice. However I also think (personal opinion) that sometimes if you have really bad PND then breastfeeding can actually make it a bit worse.
 
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Baby No 1.
At hospital: When they say don't go in too soon they really mean it - have a bath and take a paracetamol. When you do get to having the baby when the midwife says (in a really sympathetic voice) "would you like an epidural?" this is code for "this is REALLY going to hurt and you are too tired to deal with it". Also - expect it to be an emotional rollercoaster the smallest thing can and will set you off. I remember being sure I had bought the wrong type of nappy because all the other (competent) people on the ward had folded their dirty nappies into neat little bundles and I just could not work out how to do this - I felt like a failure.
At home: While you were pregnant you actually should have made some plans about how you wanted to look after the baby because everyone will think you know.

Baby No 2.
At hospital: Don't leave it too late - they get really arsy if you turn up ready to deliver! And even if your baby is full term he can still end up in the neo natal unit. (Once he is in there - if you put a "help yourself" box of chocolates at the end of your baby's incubator and invite all the staff to have a choccie they will look at (check) your baby when they do.)
At home: Babies are different from each other - what works for one does not always work for the next one - keep on your toes and be flexible.

Baby No 3.
At hospital: Creative visualisation actually can work if you are in the mood for it! After the baby is born get whoever puts the first nappy on to smear vaseline on baby's bottom - it stops the meconium from sticking quite so badly and makes clean up time easier.
At home: Get help! you are not superhuman and do need it.

Baby No 4.
At hospital: Not many midwives have any experience of delivering a breech baby and I'd far rather not be a teaching demonstration - they can turn the baby round and then you have a much better chance of delivering her without intervention.
At home: Again all babies are different - just because you could feed all the others yourself does not mean you can feed this one and despite all the huge pressure to breastfeed, if your baby is failing to thrive you actually have to swallow your pride and give the poor little mite a bottle - she will thank you for it.
 
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I think my favourite saying to the Midwife was "I am sorry MY baby hasnt read your book" and that was my 1st baby :redface:

1st Baby (C section)
in hospital it would be good if there was cosistancy between the staff, the different shifts contradicted each other all the time and treated you as if you were totally incompetant, I was used to babies so I was lucky, but had I been less confident I would have been a wreck in the hospital.

at home
again wish midwives etc would listen, as Lacey said, if you think something is wrong with your baby it probably is!

2nd baby (natural birth)
hospital... its a good idea if they check the baby properly before sending you home, if they need a heatmat in the hospital then they probably wont be able to maintain their own body temperature at home without it too

home, if you think your baby is fine then it probably is, its not a good idea for the doctors and hospital to decide there is something wrong with your baby but decline to explain what they are testing her for! then put her on SCABU and scare the poo out of you for it to turn out to be exactly what you said it was in the 1st place, NOT some life threatening condition

heehee :biggrin:
 
they can turn the baby round and then you have a much better chance of delivering her without intervention.
unless like my baby number one they refuse to be turned :biggrin:

they also frighten you at scans, they said Josh (Baby one) would be over 11lb at full term :banghead: I am size 8 and 5'4", he was 6lb 9oz 3 weeks early

they said Sophie (Baby two) was, at the time of the scan, about 7lb, she was delivered 2 days later at 5lb 2oz
 
The two who turned my 4th baby round burst out laughing because it was so easy! Obviously I was so baggy and saggy inside by baby number 4 there was plenty of room :help:
My SIL had a breech baby as her first and there was literally no spare room - they gave up trying to turn the baby leaving SIL bruised and sore from their efforts. :furious:
 
hope to God there are more than 2 midwives looking after 40 plus women who have just had a baby

and don't expect any help with b/f at all


I remember (mine was born late 2001) the midwife saying don't worry about a full bath just top and tail her - I had NO idea what she was going on about!

The hopsital she came from (where I lived) had a b/f service and no 1st time Mum was sent home till baby was feeding properly and the mother had been shown how to top and tail and bath baby


I'd been shown none! I had no idea how to bath a new born, she'd lost well over 10% of her body weight in a week as she wasn't feeding properly - owing to staffing shortages none of this was picked up on!!!

oh and they told me to NEVER disturb a sleeping baby - she was sick and I left her lying in it in hospital and it "burnt" her face - so they had a right go at me and yet a few hours before they'd told me to leave her alone when sleeping - I didn't know whether I was coming or going!!!!!!!!

I moved house at 38 weeks pregnant so I had her in the hosptial from where I had moved from but my midwifes were from the one I moved to!!


so for me - having enough midwives, having support for 1st time Mums would have made a HUGE difference!!!! Consistent advice as well goes a long way!!
 
I would have loved to come home to a clean and tidy house. I would have like better in depth information on bottle feeding even though I breastfed and bottle fed the information was not available, and if you suggested bottle feeding you where totally abandoned I was like saying you had leprasy. I would have loved to have stayed in the maturnity unit longer. And I would like to of had a husband that fully understood the implications of lifting heavy object and doing to much after a C section!. I had gestational Diebetes so I think I was looked after better than I was with my first.
 
When I had my daughter by section they handed her to my partner and I was supposed to see her then but I was too busy trying to be sick ito the bucket other side of me.
She was then taken to the intensive care unit as im diabetic so her bloods had to be monitored.
I didnt see my baby for the first 12 hours of her being born as they were too short staffed to wheel me and all my drips (3) to the baby care unit, they told me they would take a picture of her then returned to tell me the hospital camera had been stolen.

I also wanted to breast feed, or at least give it a go but they had been feeding her high calorie milk from a bottle so by the time I did have her she wouldnt accept my milk. :(

I was a very young mum at the ageof 18 and because of all this found it very hard to bond with my baby, I think if I had been a bit older I would of voiced my concerns more and demanded to see my baby, feed her myself etc.

The nurses just seemed to make all the decisions for me, they probably took the attitude that because I was young I wouldnt know what I wanted, it really sadens me now when I think about the whole procedure.
 
hope to God there are more than 2 midwives looking after 40 plus women who have just had a baby

and don't expect any help with b/f at all


I remember (mine was born late 2001) the midwife saying don't worry about a full bath just top and tail her - I had NO idea what she was going on about!

The hopsital she came from (where I lived) had a b/f service and no 1st time Mum was sent home till baby was feeding properly and the mother had been shown how to top and tail and bath baby


I'd been shown none! I had no idea how to bath a new born, she'd lost well over 10% of her body weight in a week as she wasn't feeding properly - owing to staffing shortages none of this was picked up on!!!

oh and they told me to NEVER disturb a sleeping baby - she was sick and I left her lying in it in hospital and it "burnt" her face - so they had a right go at me and yet a few hours before they'd told me to leave her alone when sleeping - I didn't know whether I was coming or going!!!!!!!!

I moved house at 38 weeks pregnant so I had her in the hosptial from where I had moved from but my midwifes were from the one I moved to!!


so for me - having enough midwives, having support for 1st time Mums would have made a HUGE difference!!!! Consistent advice as well goes a long way!!

ROFL, I took b/f to mean boyfriend... and I thought oh poor you, what a rotten guy not giving you any help hope you told him off haha... to then read that your hospital have a boyfriend service and I thought gosh you were quick to kick the bithing boyf out :giggle: oopsies :eek:
 
pmsl!

nah, I had my husband with me - who was bringing in food parcels as they didn't get the "I am vegetarian" bit!

Offered me a hamburger for my first meal, then they offered me pork casserole for my tea

For my next lunch - a ham sandwich!!!!!!!!!!!!

so yeah - realising vegetarians don't eat meat - that helps too!!!!!!!!!

I cook meat for the family but its not for me!
 
This is all absolutley fascinating, and very helpful, thank you.

One of the things I want to try and do is to prepare mums as fully as possible for the widely differing standards of care that is encountered in hospitals so all your experiences will help with that.

I also want to give them as much impartial, practical, common sense advice as opposed to the often impractical and incomplete (and completely useless) advice given by 'experts', celebrities, media, family, friends,etc

Thanks again, I knew I could count on NR :biggrin:
Sarah xxx
 
This is fun!

Baby No 1.

- I wish I'd known that's possible to go from water breaking (and no contractions) to transition/delivery in two hours flat . . . and that it's a wild old ride when that happens.

I didn't bring her home b/c she was placed for adoption so I can't comment on the rest.

Baby No 2.

- I wish I'd known that those little charts they use to calculate your due date don't mean diddly-squat and if you have a good idea when your baby was conceived you are probably right and when you say the baby is overdue she probably is
- I wish I'd been forceful enough to convince the doctors/nurses (and even husband) that when I say the baby is coming NOW, I mean it (she was nearly born in the toilet . . . and I do mean IN the toilet)
- I wish I'd listened to all those people who told me to sleep when she slept and bugger the housework
- I wish someone had told me that babies who sleep through the night at 6 weeks are very, very rare (see Baby No. 3!)
- I wish someone had told me how privileged I was to have all those long, uninterrupted days with my baby . . . once work and life intrudes you don't get that back

Baby No 3.

- I'm very glad I took control of my labour and delivery and the result was a calm, wonderful, pain free (yahoo) birth
- I'm also very glad that I took the decision to let her sleep in the nursery in the hospital on the second night so I could get some decent kip before going home to a toddler . . . it's just a shame my roommate didn't feel the same and rang everyone on her phone list at midnight!
- I wish I'd realized that every baby is different . . . even if they are both girls, both born at the same time of year (stupid of me, I know) . . . and that just because one was placid, biddable, a good sleeper and never got colic that didn't mean the other wouldn't
- I regret that (b/c I already had a toddler) I didn't have the same luxury of time to spend with Jules as I did Em

For both 2 and 3, I wish someone had been able to show me how much my love for both of them would grow . . . it seemed impossible to me when they were small, but I love them so much more now (but I'd give anything to have a couple of hours with their little selves again . . . their little heads snuggled into the crook if my neck, all milky breath and snuggly, helpless little bodies).

N
 
There is so much I could add on here, I could probably write a book myself.

Baby number 1: I had had lots of very painful procedures done to me because I was admitted to hospital a week before my baby was born. After that and the trauma of an emergency c-section they asked me how much pain I was in. My moto was 'give me as many drugs as you have got' so they decided to give me a double dose of morphine. This made me violently sick for 4 hours with double vision and left me really confused. I don't remember the first few hours with my baby as I was so drugged up.

I wish I had known that you have to be a pain in the backside to get any attention from the midwifes. When I came out of my drug induced state, I knew my baby was ill. He wasn't feeding and didn't seem right to me. After a long 24 hours I literally had a screaming row with them at 3am when I shouted 'why won't you listen to me' at the top of my voice. They finally decided to test his blood sugar and the reading was 0.2. He was immediately sent to intensive care where he stayed for 11 days. My top bit of advice is the trust your instints because they are always right.

When I got home I wished that I had known that I wouldn't stop crying for several days. I went on to suffer from post traumatic stress disorder as a result of those 2 weeks in hospital which I didn't resolve until a good 2 years later. I wish that I had been offered someone to talk to in the weeks after I got home.

Baby number 2: Went much smoother, but then I considered myself an 'expert' on how to get attention from the maternity staff so I asked for anything that I needed. I wish I had known that a planned c-section is so much nicer and calmer than an emergency one, because it would have stopped me worrying so much. On a lighter note, I wish that I had known how loudly I would snore when pregnant and after giving birth. I used to wake myself up all the time, and 2 of my room mates when into private rooms because I kept them awake.

When I got home, I wish that I had known much more about newborn hearing tests. My baby failed his and the midwife said it was because my older son was in the house making too much noise (which upset him and me because he was very well behaved). Apparently my 3 year olds breathing was too loud!! My baby does have an ongoing hearing problem, but I wish that the health visitor who did the intital test was abit more clued up about what she was doing.

I hope that helps. I will stop now. I could go on forever!
 
When I got home I wished that I had known that I wouldn't stop crying for several days.
OMG yes! that one....
I was banned from watching Animal Hospital or Pet rescue while pregnant, and by lord the PDSA advert on my second day at home had the midwife ringing OH to come home from work, I was in such a state she thought there had been a death in the family :redface: I was incohearant and a total wreck, I was more prepared with 2nd child, BUT they put the Cancer Research advert on directly after the same pdsa one and I lost it completely :biggrin::redface:
 
Haven't had a baby myself but my sister in law had and I feel they have passed on a few things that might be helpful.

1) Don't let every person you know come and see you and baby in hospital within 24 of giving birth. It should be a time to bond with the baby and to try and rest/recover. Tell family to go away :giggle: (big close family and there were about 12 visitors within 24 hours)
2) Don't expect midwives to help with breastfeeding because they don't :( and if you have PCOS you are probably struggling to produce enough milk anyway.
 
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First baby; born in hospital. Wish I'd known that scans cannot easily predict baby size and I could have had a home birth. Baby no 1 was induced ten days early because a scan showed she wasn't growing and had an estimated birth weight of under 4lbs. In fact she weighed 6lbs2oz and that was early. Wish I'd been told how fast and painful an induction can be; my first labour (which I was told would be about 12 hours long) lasted under six and the whole experience was quite traumatic. I also wasn't prepared for breastfeeding - first attempt made me feel like I'd been caught in a vice and then the next problem was the milk coming in on day 3 - I felt like a cow that hadn't been milked for days.

Baby no 2. Thanks to the experiences I had with no 1 I was determined to have her at home. Four hour labour with no pain relief and generally a much more positive exprerience. Baby no 1 prepared me for day 3 weepies and the midwives were brilliant with baby 2. She was born two days early and weighed 7lbs1oz.

Baby no 3. Again I wanted him at home but he went 14 days over the due date and they don't let you have them at home post Due Date + 14. Was booked into hospital for induction in the morning and went into labour the night before. Wasn't prepared for either the fast delivery (start to finish took under two hours - the back up midwife didn't get there in time) or the size - my expected 7lb odd baby turned out to be a 9lb monster who left me with several stitches.

Baby no 4 was also born at home. I had a post partum haemorrhage and had to go into hospital after she arrived but staff were fantastic and let me hold her the whole time.

Genrally I wish I'd been told that feeding on demand was the best way to establish breastfeeding, that by day three you feel like a milking machine and everything will make you cry and that is normal, and that bathing your newborn is not neccessarily the best thing to do. In hospital with no 1 I had to bath her before they'd let me go home. With the last three I was told bathing new babies isn't always a good thing and top and tailing is fine.

Also wish that I hadn't felt pressured into letting every visitor hold the baby - it was too much for both of us and with the last three I limited visitors for the first couple of weeks so both baby and I could both settle down.
 
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