Problem with another livery

Lissie

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Jan 18, 2016
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Hi everyone posting for a bit of advice, the yard I'm on is very small and friendly. Totally uncompetitive and no one cares what anyone else is doing, something I really like. A little over a month ago we had a new livery who has upset the yard dynamics a little. She is full of tips and advice yet is hardly the next Mary King herself, competes 70cm. Dumbs down what other people do but in a nicey nice way although easy to see through, if you've been to Tenerife she's been to elevenerife kind of person. Walks in when people are schooling and starts giving instruction. Has made a few cutting comments about Lottie and given me schooling exercises to do with her. I am very happy with Lottie and the way she goes, she is perfect for me. I'd like to be ready with something to say next time anything is mentioned but without being rude. I've done the smile, nod and ignore and to be honest I'm fed up hearing someone basically tell me my horse is x,y or z when she's not. I was thinking something a long the lines of "Oh thanks but I've got an instructor" I don't want to be rude but I also want her to realise the comments regarding Lottie and any advice is not wanted as I'm sick of hearing it.
 

MrC

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Nov 10, 2014
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Hi everyone posting for a bit of advice, the yard I'm on is very small and friendly. Totally uncompetitive and no one cares what anyone else is doing, something I really like. A little over a month ago we had a new livery who has upset the yard dynamics a little. She is full of tips and advice yet is hardly the next Mary King herself, competes 70cm. Dumbs down what other people do but in a nicey nice way although easy to see through, if you've been to Tenerife she's been to elevenerife kind of person. Walks in when people are schooling and starts giving instruction. Has made a few cutting comments about Lottie and given me schooling exercises to do with her. I am very happy with Lottie and the way she goes, she is perfect for me. I'd like to be ready with something to say next time anything is mentioned but without being rude. I've done the smile, nod and ignore and to be honest I'm fed up hearing someone basically tell me my horse is x,y or z when she's not. I was thinking something a long the lines of "Oh thanks but I've got an instructor" I don't want to be rude but I also want her to realise the comments regarding Lottie and any advice is not wanted as I'm sick of hearing it.

Being perfectly honest she’s not the type that is going to take a hint from ignoring her.

If it were me I’d tell her I don’t need her opinion and frankly I’d rather she left me alone and looked after her own horse. If she doesn’t take that pretty obvious signal I would literally just walk away. I’ve done it before.

There is a person like that in my yard and she knows not to try to educate me. Especially from Wikipedia
 

Lissie

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Jan 18, 2016
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@MrC Yes I'm finding the ignoring isn't working. She seems the sort of person that wants to be seen to be doing, for example I was emptying my barrow and she called me over to the arena to say "look how big I've jumped, this is the biggest I've jumped on her, not the biggest I've ever jumped though of course, I've jumped 1.50metre before" I really do not care nor am I interested. She also gave me loads of tips for hunting like she was a master then let slip she'd not been since a teen, she's in her 40's. Kept asking me if I was nervous almost like she wanted me to be and seemed disappointed when I said I wasn't.

Not sure I've got the balls to say that straight out, wimp aren't I! I just feel it would make it awkward and I'm the sort of person who worry about it after, I don't like not getting on with people.
 

MrC

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I used to be like that. However I have learned how to be selfish as I pay enough for my horse not to be enjoying him my way without others unwanted input. :)

Infact over the last three or four years Ive learned that if you don’t open your mouth people just assume their behaviour is acceptable and carry on regardless.

I’m a blunt person always have been but I used to hold it in check a little, now I just say it as it is and class it as done :) it’s a problem we Brit’s seem to have, we would rather accept rude or unacceptable behaviour from someone than tell them to stop it
 

Lissie

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Jan 18, 2016
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@MrC sometimes I wish I could be more like that, although when it comes to the horses I'm pretty good but me, useless. Yes think it is a British thing!
 

Ale

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Feb 8, 2012
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Do you have a yard manager who could step in and just have a gentle word?

There's a chance she is oblivious to how she comes across. But we also have one of those on our yard and she is also the yard owners best buddy so very difficult. She can be downright rude sometimes and lots of people avoid her but she doesn't seem to notice that. If she starts on me I tend to just steer the conversation onto her and then she will just waffle on for a bit and I escape making up a job I've got to do!
 

newforest

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Mar 15, 2008
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Its a shame you can't say where is your hat show me. Just pop her over that hedge there because she locks on a little ;-)

Someone has said about sitting on mine and really waking her up. I said get your hat but they didn't. I know she is lazy, I actually don't have an issue with this, like your Lottie, you like her as she is. Plus it's a new horse anyway. I would find that comment more rude from someone who barely knows you about a horse you haven't had long.
 

Cortrasna

Grumpy old nag
Aug 5, 2009
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Oh my! You are very polite and patient aren't you OP? :eek: I can't even bring myself to type what my response would be but suffice to say not nearly as polite as has been suggested here. :p Put it this way - this one is spoiling the enjoyment of your own horse and your own private time - totally unacceptable and I would be dealing with that head on.

Slightly off topic but there is a slight possibility for various private reasons that Dolly might be going into livery sometime in the next few months - I cant even imagine how long I will last on one before I am thrown off.....or how long I can learn to hold my tongue when people make helpful suggestions about how I keep and ride Dolly. Hopefully I can morph into a quiet and unassuming little old lady who wouldn't say boo to a goose for the duration until I am able to have her home with me again.....its not going to happen is it?:rolleyes:
 
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Jessey

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Some people are just like that and oblivious that it's bloody irritating. My sarcasm would probably win out, "thanks for that" or something equally conversation ending.
 

Lissie

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Jan 18, 2016
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@Ale no yard manager it's a very small low key yard that's also a farm don't think they'd want to hear about yard politics tbh.

@newforest I'd be too scared she would take me up on the offer thinking she could tame the beast lol and I wouldn't put Lottie through that.

@Cortrasna I think I need to be more lile you and @MrC I just don't like to come across rude or make things awkward as I would feel awkward seeing her of I said something too obvious.

Just annoys me how she tries to pee on other people's chips or has done everything when she clearly hasn't. Someone told her I was interested in team chasing which I am, it's really up Lottie's street and she'd make a good lead horse. She then told me she used to own the best lead horse ever and how she'd done them all blah blah blah. And saying how Lottie has longer back legs than her front so won't be a careful jumper so I should set up certain jumps to improve her. She's never seen her jump.
 

PePo

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Jun 4, 2014
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I'm having teething issues at my new yard & honestly, I just take down headphone's with me ... !

Plus, I try to tell as little information as I can so they've got literally nothing to go on.
 

newforest

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Mar 15, 2008
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I would have asked what the difference was. That probably would have ended that conversation.
I had similar comments in regards to ones pins and I passed that person a tape measure:p We made a big joke of it, you could actually try that tactic if ignoring doesn't work.

As for jumping you need impulsion, spring and balance. I would have thought long legs would assist in all of that. I can see you team chasing
 
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Lissie

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I'm having teething issues at my new yard & honestly, I just take down headphone's with me ... !

Plus, I try to tell as little information as I can so they've got literally nothing to go on.

Good idea on the head phones will defo do that.

I try to do that too, but when I'm stood talking to my friend she comes over and joins in and picks up on what's being said. And comes in the school whilst I'm riding and makes comments which really annoys me as I don't want to change Lottie, I like the rawness, I like how she goes.
 

tiamaria lady

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Jul 2, 2010
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Lissie I can totally relate. I had my brothers girlfriend in my home yard over the summer exactly the same!!! I did the polite smile and nod thing but I snapped and told her get her horse and leave :eek: which was extremely out of character for me :D:D your post sounds like me word for word except it wasn't a yard ( which I was always on ). If I had my time back I would have told her from day one that I know my horse and go concentrate on her own problems that she has ! Which I think I kinda was toward the end. And as Mrs C said about information from Wikipedia.....spot on!!!!
I
 
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mystiquemalaika

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Jan 7, 2013
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I wouldn't be polite, been there and im afraid they were told straight in a non too pleasant way. Funnily enough though they left me and my horse well alone after that but continued it with the others who weren't so blunt as me. People like that need a sledge hammer to take any notice.
 

CharliesAngel

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Jan 15, 2010
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IME experience trying to be subtle with someone like this wont work ;) you dont have to be rude.

just take a very deep breath and ask her if you can have a word, tell her it’s nothing personal but please could she stop offering opinions and advice on your horse/riding as it really isn’t welcome. If you feel unable to do this, write her a note along the same lines.
 

Lemme

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May 22, 2008
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bite the bullet and just tell her how you feel and ask her to back off - politely at first but if needs must you are just going to have to call a spade and spade and get on with it - some people just need to be told.
 
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squidsin

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Feb 16, 2013
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I'd just go for 'thanks for the advice but it's not needed, we're fine.' Said firmly. You don't want to make your yard an un-fun place to be with tensions with another livery, but you do need to shut her down. Although you get these types on every yard - the know-it-alls. Invariably they don't actually know anything. There was one know-it-all on a yard I was on that bandaged up a horse's leg that had cut itself and told the livery not to get the vet out. The cut got infected and the horse was on box rest for months!
 

joosie

lifelong sufferer of restless brain syndrome
Oct 28, 2004
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I would be right up there with Cortrasna and MrC telling her to shut up and mind her own business :rolleyes: And her ability and knowledge or lack thereof aren't relevant as far as I'm concerned. Does Mark Todd just walk up to random riders and start telling them what they're doing wrong and how much better at it he is? I don't think so.
 
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