You all know by now that I suffer from terrible hacking nerves. We had been doing so well over the last 4 weeks or so. I went for one long off site hack with my yard manager which was slightly terrifying but OK, and since then I have made an effort to hack offsite at least once a week with different people. I am not aiming to go very far, just to the top of our yard and round some woodland. There is no road work and it's only about a 25 minute loop.
So today, I set off for my 4th hack round the woods with some different friends, 3 of us in total. My previous hacks had gone well and I was feeling confident. However, it didn't start well when my friends horse did a 180 degree spin back to the yard, but Ben was fine so we carried on. All was well for 10 minutes or so when I felt him become very tense. It became apparent there was a hedge cutter or chainsaw being used in the distance. They must have seen us and turned it off because he started to relax, but then all of a sudden they started up again and Ben got very scared. He grew very tall - he is 16.1hh anyway but he felt about 19hh. He got very tense and started prancing all over the place. I was scared and didn't know what to do to keep him calm, so I decided to dismount and lead him. After a couple of minutes he calmed down again and went back to his normal self. I found a log and remounted, but I had completely lost my nerve. I couldn't relax and I didn't want to ride him when I felt so tense so I got off and lead him back.
Now I feel useless. In the whole swing of things he didn't behave badly. He didn't buck, bolt or spin. He just got tense and worried. But I couldn't handle it. I couldn't help him and I couldn't ride him. I hate it when my nerves control me and I feel that I am not good enough to have him.
I don't know why I put myself through it and I don't know why I put all this pressure on myself to go hacking. We happily ride over the big open fields on my yard alone and in company. It's not like we are stuck in the school day in, day out. We jump once or twice a week, we go somewhere in the lorry at least once a week, we do everything we possibly can. But I just cannot hack him in confined spaces. I don't enjoy it, he doesn't enjoy it so why I am forcing myself to do it?
So today, I set off for my 4th hack round the woods with some different friends, 3 of us in total. My previous hacks had gone well and I was feeling confident. However, it didn't start well when my friends horse did a 180 degree spin back to the yard, but Ben was fine so we carried on. All was well for 10 minutes or so when I felt him become very tense. It became apparent there was a hedge cutter or chainsaw being used in the distance. They must have seen us and turned it off because he started to relax, but then all of a sudden they started up again and Ben got very scared. He grew very tall - he is 16.1hh anyway but he felt about 19hh. He got very tense and started prancing all over the place. I was scared and didn't know what to do to keep him calm, so I decided to dismount and lead him. After a couple of minutes he calmed down again and went back to his normal self. I found a log and remounted, but I had completely lost my nerve. I couldn't relax and I didn't want to ride him when I felt so tense so I got off and lead him back.
Now I feel useless. In the whole swing of things he didn't behave badly. He didn't buck, bolt or spin. He just got tense and worried. But I couldn't handle it. I couldn't help him and I couldn't ride him. I hate it when my nerves control me and I feel that I am not good enough to have him.
I don't know why I put myself through it and I don't know why I put all this pressure on myself to go hacking. We happily ride over the big open fields on my yard alone and in company. It's not like we are stuck in the school day in, day out. We jump once or twice a week, we go somewhere in the lorry at least once a week, we do everything we possibly can. But I just cannot hack him in confined spaces. I don't enjoy it, he doesn't enjoy it so why I am forcing myself to do it?