Lost the will to ride!

[squidsin]

Help! I've just totally lost it with riding...There's been one thing after another with terrible weather so can't get Angel out hacking, then her being really nappy and hard to handle, and then getting colic, and me getting ill! And I've really struggled with two horses but Roxy went off on loan yesterday, which was bittersweet for me as I will miss her like crazy but just haven't had the time (or money!) for two horses at the moment with the kids/dogs/full time job as well. And I've got to admit, I'm not happy at the yard we're at - it's just not for me, too big and too bleak up on the hill! Also too far from home, on a practical level. But I can't get motivated to ride Angel at all, and I'm doing this Wobbleberry Challenge thing (or meant to be) this year. I just don't feel me and her have bonded, and although she's a sweet thing, I feel like I've (temporarily) given away the horse I love for one I am quite indifferent to! Argh! Will a change of scene help me and Angel settle with each other? I can't even imagine feeling enthusiastic about riding at the moment.

 

[orbvalley]

Well wasn't expecting that from you @squidsin, I feel for you, I can't imagine how hard it must be to have retired Roxy, bought another only to find out the love of you riding life is still fit That would just make me so sad and up the wall and tbh feel exactly the same as you do right now.
I really don't know what to say, I don't know what I'd do in that situation. However I can't really see how a change of yards would help...............
With you all the way whatever you decide xx

 

[newforest]

The weather is very changeable at the moment. So trying to get to know a new horse can't be easy.
For me I love my groundwork and if I don't want to ride I don't. It's winter after all.
Take the pressure off yourself and maybe do some thing else. Perhaps a dressage test as it gets you running and clears those cobwebs.

If you don't like the yard, I would move nearer home. I don't know why you moved there. Being somewhere that makes you unhappy will rub off on your partnership. If it's unsettling for you then you won't want to spend time with her either.

Had she not settled since the colic?
It is very early days in regards to bonding.

 

[squidsin]

She seems settled some days and not on others. Too erratic to be a season thing. It IS early days. Things are very up in the air with me as we're probably going to move too (not out of the area altogether, just over the border into Oxfordshire) so it's probably me feeling unsettled really! Just want to want to ride again! The yard def isn't right for me - I loved my last one and although this one has great people on it, I've been isolated in a barn on my own so don't really see any of the other liveries. Bit miserable really!

 

[Jessey]

A change of yard won't do any harm in that situation, perhaps if you are more settled she will be too

 

[Lissie]

I think if you're not happy at your livery you won't want to spend as much time there which won't help so maybe a change would be good, it's a lot of money if you feel it's miserable! It is winter so beat yourself up too much about not riding. Has she recovered from the colic now? Can you get back riding? I make myself ride, often have 6 layers on and get on, I rode in the awful wind last night but when I was on board I really enjoyed it. If I'm really cold I don't ride though and I don't beat myself up about it, it's my hobby so I don't have to do it. I do like to go out somewhere every weekend this motivates to ride after work, I also like to get my monies worth there's no point me paying to be on a yard with really good floodlights unless I use them.

Another thing is don't compare her or keep thinking what could have been with Roxy, the only reason we got Charlie was because my older horse went lame and would never come back right to jump and compete. I found it really hard to build up a bond and love him, I didn't realise but I constantly compared him to my other horse, I couldn't get on with him in the same way. After very nearly selling him I had a talking to from a good friend, it changed how I saw him, I now love Charlie for Charlie he's not Bailey he never will be but he's a very sweet talented little horse in his own way, I enjoy the horse I've got instead of wishing he was my other one.

 

[Skib]

I am sorry - but I dont actually think you should beat yourself up for not wanting to ride at the moment.
The weather is not enticing. The horse available to ride is not that attractive at the moment. There is the new yard to adjust to and quite apart from that you have lots of other things going on in your life to take your time, attention and energies.
My Grace wont come sound and my hacking companion moved and I myself have been busy with academic work, with DIY, with furniture moving for the decorator, so I guess there are many people here who have to fit in riding into a life that is already crammed full of things one either has to do or wants to do.

I am not really up to date with your horses. But I do know there is a sort of physical irrational attachment to certain horses and you may have been right to hand over the one you love - but it is still going to be an ache. And my experience was that while Maisie was still alive (though retired) I didnt bond totally with Grace. And when Grace is off work, I have a perfect gelding to ride. The paper facts about horses dont always reflect one's feelings.

As for the new horse. There is no moral compulsion to ride. But my experience of RS horses or horses owned by the YOs, is that I need to ride them at least twice a week and over may be a year before I build up that bond, or even find that one cant build it. And those rides involve schooling the horse to be the sort of horse I like to ride. I cant make predictions for you but the odd thing was that Maisie and my share became remarkably similar in the way they responded and the things they did for me, even tho they belonged to different owners and lived on different yards and had totally different characters. Horses get to understand the feel of one's seat and one's mind, and it isnt always instant (tho it sometimes is). After 6 months of riding Grace we had a canter up on a hillside, that equalled the joy of a canter on Maisie. My theory is that riders create horses in their own image. But that it takes time.

If you think your new horse might reach that point over the summer when you have time to ride, then persevere with it. If your gut feeling is that she wont - I would sell her. Allow yourself time to sort out the rest of your life and then buy another. It isnt a crime to try several horses before you hit on the right one.One of my best RIs was always buying horses to compete. And then passing them on.

 

[squidsin]

Thanks Skib - thanks everyone but Skib that's pretty much how I feel. I do feel she could be the horse for me - I think there have been too many issues and distractions up until now, including Roxy and the guilt I've been feeling about having two horses, which has seemed like a ridiculous luxury as we're not incredibly rich! I've really found this winter hard - harder than usual although that's probably not surprising with two horses on DIY up until now! Hopefully my mood will start to lift as the days get lighter and the urge to ride will return!

 

[orbvalley]

and the guilt I've been feeling about having two horses, which has seemed like a ridiculous luxury as we're not incredibly rich!

Oh how I can relate to this! I've been through that guilt so much in the last 2years since I had to retire my gelding. Shortly afterwards my OH's horse had to be retired too. So, with 2 to livery for life I felt sooo bad about desperately want a 3rd one to ride. We're not incredibly rich either so I know where you're coming from. to add to the banality neither of us had ever actually dreamt nor planned of ever owning. I grew up in central London so the possibility of owning was just out of my dream bubble due to cost.
It also took me a long time to bond with my new youngster , no particular reason why except it just didn't come like a bolt of lightening as with my first. She's not the same character and never will be but she's definitely grown on me in her own difficult way & she's now part of the entourage that eats all our income up!

ETA: forgot the original point of my reply! Why don't you set yourself a "holiday" from horse stuff, say for example "I'm giving myself time off until 1st April" ?

 

[squidsin]

Oh how I can relate to this! I've been through that guilt so much in the last 2years since I had to retire my gelding. Shortly afterwards my OH's horse had to be retired too. So, with 2 to livery for life I felt sooo bad about desperately want a 3rd one to ride. We're not incredibly rich either so I know where you're coming from. to add to the banality neither of us had ever actually dreamt nor planned of ever owning. I grew up in central London so the possibility of owning was just out of my dream bubble due to cost.
It also took me a long time to bond with my new youngster , no particular reason why except it just didn't come like a bolt of lightening as with my first. She's not the same character and never will be but she's definitely grown on me in her own difficult way & she's now part of the entourage that eats all our income up!

ETA: forgot the original point of my reply! Why don't you set yourself a "holiday" from horse stuff, say for example "I'm giving myself time off until 1st April" ?

That's how I feel. My husband and kids are great about the horses and Ian has NEVER said anything to me about the cost of having two but I've still felt guilty about it, knowing I could have spent the money on our house (which is in desperate need of a few improvements tbh!) or the kids etc.

Horse holiday is a good idea. I'm not riding this week as I'm settling into my new job and the pressure of going back to full time work is enough on its own! But she's on ridden livery at the mo, and I'm taking her out for a jump lesson on Sat at the yard we'll be moving to. I know the hacking round there, as it's much closer to home and Roxy's old yard, so much more within my comfort zone.

 

[Trewsers]

Hahaha can I send you my strongest will to ride vibes?!!!I've not had a horse to ride for four months and would give just about anything (legal) to ride her again. Sorry, not very helpful! I do think a change of yard will help you tho. Being unhappy on the yard is rubbish. I grew to dislike the last yard we were on and it reflected very much in my lack of riding.

 

[orbvalley]

T Ian has NEVER said anything to me about the cost of having two

I think that fuels the guilt! Mine has never moaned once and begrudges them nothing which appears to make me feel worse!! I guess if i had a moaner for a husband I could blame him and not beat myself up. Glutton for punishment I guess
I can tell you though that from my experience the guilt does wear off

 

[newforest]

Moving yards will help. I couldn't stay somewhere I didn't feel happy with.
Also giving yourself time to adjust to the new job and see what happens.

 

[chev]

Ah, I've been there. Still am, in fact. For me it was the pressure of having to look after Mr Chev, no time, later bad weather and the fact that she 'outgrew' her saddle meaning that if I did ride it had to be bareback, which I am not confident with. Then I lost Mr Chev and the will to even visit the ponies went out the window. I don't know why.

Then my friend Mad John dragged me out for a lesson again. I really didn't want to go, although after riding I did feel much better. Second lesson after losing him was much the same. And I have another lesson booked for this Thursday and believe it or not I'm still actually dreading it, even though I know it'll do me the world of good. Funny things, people.

Go easy on yourself. You have an awful lot going on in your life at the moment which won't help. Although riding can be a bit of an escape and help us take stock in a way getting back on board is sometimes not easy. Life can conspire against us. Just as I was thinking I could get back on Dolly Cob she died, on the morning of Mr Chev's funeral (don't they just have impeccable timing?!) and I'm at sea again now.

You've made a start with the jump lesson. Small steps start a journey. Maybe the new yard will help too. And don't forget, lighter, warmer weather is just around the corner, which might also help. Don't force yourself, but give yourself chances, maybe when you've settled into the new job. But above all, don't worry! It will come, in it's own time, and there's really no rush.

Good luck with the lesson!

 

[Bodshi]

Nothing to add of any use, but I hope you get back into the swing of things when the weather picks up and the days are longer. I think this time of year is hard for finding motivation anyway, never mind with a new job, potential house move and young family to look after. Your husband sounds amazing by the way, I wish mine were so understanding

 

[CharliesAngel]

echo the others & especially skib. Dont put pressure on yourself, you dont need to ride right now!! so to be getting ready for some big event that requires a level of fitness you need to put in consistent work but my mentor/ri now says to me all the time that it is absolutely FINE to be a bit stop - start ! As long as you accept you wont make any progress as such but she often asks me.. do you need to be? Just enjoy your pony and let her be what you need her to be right now

 

[Lissie]

It's fine to stop and start but sometimes after making yourself ride a few times you'll get back into the swing of things.

I didn't get to the yard until 7pm I've been up out the house since 6.20am but I rode and I loved it. It puts me in a lot better frame of mind ,makes me feel so much happier. So sometimes I think making yourself can be a good thing. If I have too long off I start thinking another day doesn't matter and then it turns into weeks.
Schooling tonight in the cold and dark but we both love it:

Enjoy your ponies folks we are so lucky to have them. And enjoying them doesn't always mean riding, whatever you want to get out of it.

The nights are starting to get lighter and Spring is just around the corner!

 

[newforest]

I think it depends on what you do and your facilities. If you compete over winter you have to school and keep your horses fit.
I haven't had full use of our school since October as in its had machinery in it. We have no floodlights. But I have still been happy to have that little gap to lunge in. Winter for me is downtime and ticking along

 

[squidsin]

Ah, I've been there. Still am, in fact. For me it was the pressure of having to look after Mr Chev, no time, later bad weather and the fact that she 'outgrew' her saddle meaning that if I did ride it had to be bareback, which I am not confident with. Then I lost Mr Chev and the will to even visit the ponies went out the window. I don't know why.

Then my friend Mad John dragged me out for a lesson again. I really didn't want to go, although after riding I did feel much better. Second lesson after losing him was much the same. And I have another lesson booked for this Thursday and believe it or not I'm still actually dreading it, even though I know it'll do me the world of good. Funny things, people.

Go easy on yourself. You have an awful lot going on in your life at the moment which won't help. Although riding can be a bit of an escape and help us take stock in a way getting back on board is sometimes not easy. Life can conspire against us. Just as I was thinking I could get back on Dolly Cob she died, on the morning of Mr Chev's funeral (don't they just have impeccable timing?!) and I'm at sea again now.

You've made a start with the jump lesson. Small steps start a journey. Maybe the new yard will help too. And don't forget, lighter, warmer weather is just around the corner, which might also help. Don't force yourself, but give yourself chances, maybe when you've settled into the new job. But above all, don't worry! It will come, in it's own time, and there's really no rush.

Good luck with the lesson!

I can totally understand why you feel like you do, you've had SO much to deal with. Maybe riding will help you cope and maybe it won't, but it's even more important than it is for me that you go easy on yourself. I really appreciate your advice. Also, sending virtual love and hugs.