Losing confidence for no reason

JOJOBA

Fluffy Bunny, apparently
Did anyone else lose their confidence for no reason at all?

I was thinking about this over the weekend. According to Pink's Lady I come across as fairly confident on here (despite the fact I mention what a fraidy cat I am practically every time I post :p), but Im actually not at all. I definitely fall into the 'nervous' category! :rolleyes:

This weekend I was riding Jack in the outdoor school and PL was riding King. I felt Jack tense up a tiny bit and arch his neck up. I couldnt see anything so I walked him over to King and halted. He was a very slightly tense and staring at something behind the school. King was totally relaxed and gazing over the same way. I was all for getting off because I get so panicky when I feel them tense up, but Mel wouldnt let me :eek:. After a few seconds a herd of bullocks ran into view, they were having a mess around and sliding about and Jack had obviously heard them behind him before he saw them.
He stared at them and blew at them a couple of times, then got bored and stared around a bit, but he was completely relaxed. I, on the other hand, felt like I was having a minor heart attack.

If I think about it logically, even if Jack had leapt forward and bucked, spun round and started playing up, the chances of me falling off him are pretty slim *touch wood*. He's spooked a couple of times with me so far and each time he's just had a little jump sideways which Ive laughed off.

Thinking about this I have realised I am working in reverse to most people.
I shall explain this :p.
If you put me on a naughty horse I would deal with it. When they actually shy or play up with me I always sit it fine (because Im not actually as rubbish a rider as I tell myself), and I am excellent in a crisis situation - once Hector spooked and ran across a road with me, then cantered almost on the spot all the way home nearly wrenching my arms out. When that happened (according to my mum, who was watching), I dropped into a perfect riding position and never moved a millemetre in the saddle. I sat like a beanbag on him all the way home and was too busy pulling him back and being angry to be scared!
However once I got home I felt faint thinking about what could have happened. If you put me on a super safe plod I wont trust them and will be really tense. If you put me on a horse that I know will be naughty I sit relaxed because I know I have to calm it down.

Is that weird?

Plenty of people have their confidence ruined by a naughty / spooky / silly horse. I was wondering if it's only me that has had their confidence ruined by a safe horse? :eek:
Because if you have a horse who only plays up once in a blue moon then that spook / buck / whatever suddnely becomes a MUCH bigger deal. Like falling off - the less you do it the more scary it is. You start to think you will fall off and shatter into a million pieces - never mind the fact that each time you have fallen off in the past you have survived fine, shatter free. :p

Im also better if Im not the most nervous person there. If I am, I have nothing else to think about, but if I know someone else is having a worse time than me I turn a bit mother hennish because I know I have to look after them - I relax much more!

I have never been a hugely outgoing rider but I was relatively confident when I was younger (and more likely to fall off!), and used to hack out my loan pony whenever I got the chance (and he was quite spooky). So why am I dreading taking out Jack, a horse which the police would quite happily kill for?

I had a huge crisis of confidence when I was horse searching because I convinced myself I would buy something and ruin it by being too nervous. My mum gave me a talking to though ;) and made me carry on looking.

I would quite happily do walk - canter - walk - canter - trot - shoulder in - canter - simple changes - shortened trot - extended trot on Hector in either of our schools.Then if I saw someone turn a horse out in the field nearby I would get off. I mean, what did I think he was going to do that would unseat me??

Crazy ramblings today I know, but I was wondering if Im the only person who's scared of confidence givers! :D

xxx
 
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I think you are being too hard on yourself :) You and Jack are just getting to know each other, as you already know, this can take a while with a new horse. It's only natural to wonder how Jack will react to new situations and maybe anticipate the worst (even though you know he's rock steady deep down)
I think it's probably this that's making you tense up, rather than you being nervous per se.

I'm a nervous rider on all new horses until I get to know them! Even on the ground a bit :p However, once I know they are not out to kill me, I can relax about them being scared, or a bit cheeky as I know that they are not trying to get me off! does this make sense?

And yes, sometimes being the most experienced rider can make you forget your fear, take charge and show the others how its done. Kind of fake it to make it :D
 
I am nervous per se, :p. I only hacked Hector a handful of times in the 7yrs I had him, for the same reason.

Im not expecting myself to be amazing with Jack straight away, we barely know each other ;). But Ive had this problem for years, to the point where I burst into tears during a lesson because I didnt want to ride Hector on grass (because he sometimes tripped, not because he ran off or anything).

xxx
 
Crazy ramblings today I know, but I was wondering if Im the only person who's scared of confidence givers! :D
Yes .... lol :D

Actually I think there is some logic in there somewhere - once a horse is playing up the worst has happened, and you're into survival mode. No need to be terrified about what might happen any more, and the mental effort is replaced by physical control (probably with a good dose of whatever survival hormones your body pumps out! :p Better than any old rescue remedy...)

However if you're riding a reliable horse, they rarely act up, so perhaps you're body is constantly in a state of alertness? I can see that happening - it must be exhausting :D

The very worst ones are the horses that are utterly unreliable in their behaviour. I cannot ride them :eek: I'd far rather know that something always gets a bit strong in canter (because then you know what will happen and when) than be wondering whether I'm going to have a calm ride or a fireworks under bum day :p
 
No, you're not alone. You are doing a Trace the Ace special. The reason that we are nervous on a safe horse is that you don't quite know when they will go. On a horse that you know will throw tantrums you completely understand what you are getting.

He is just new. In 6 months time you'll have him sussed and know what makes him tick. At the moment you are waiting for something to happen because logic tells you that it will. I would be exactly the same.

Good luck and stop beating yourself up over it. Go with the flow. :D
 
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I burst into tears during a lesson because I didnt want to ride Hector on grass (because he sometimes tripped, not because he ran off or anything).

LOL........I completely relate to that. I get distressed if my RI puts me on a certain horse that has certain bounce to it - because it unerves me.......fabulous horse though......
 
Skeeter is a confidence giver. He does not scare me the way you described, but I actually get happy when he gives a wee prance or does something non-ideal (like his head issues when I was first trying to get contact). Or I even get happy if he trots instead of walking faster if I put on too much leg aid. It makes me learn how to handle these kinds of non-requested or non-planned situations. He is generally sooo calm so I don't get a lot of practice, but I get happy when I get to practice! :)
 
LOL........I completely relate to that. I get distressed if my RI puts me on a certain horse that has certain bounce to it - because it unerves me.......fabulous horse though......
And I'm dreading riding the little TB at my RS as winter sets in because although she's been a darling all summer, last winter she was very jittery in the dark and took off with me in canter, bucking across the school :eek: *mumbles to self* I AM a better rider now, I understand her better, I must be calm....
 
I think this is part of the way you ride, you are very aware of what the horse is doing and what it might go on to do from that point, so you can feel it tence slightly and you feel that, and then you extrapalate what this might mean. Add this to a new horse and your view of what the horse might do in a given situation will expand since you have yet to get to know him.

This is a new relation ship and Jack is not King or Hector, so yes, feel all you feel, but don't let it get in the way of what you know, or in the way of your progression forwards with Jack.

I think you need to take more of a Zen approach to riding, let what will be be. Infact, you should go down to Nottingham for a couple of western lessons (especially now you can drive), I have found them great for relaxing on horseback.
 
I'm like that with jumping, put me on a mad horse that rushes, pulls, refuses, etc and I enjoy jumping. I rode for years a horse that went so mad with jumping (excitement and bad manners) that meant you had to turn into fences max 3 strides out and although he was very forward really ride on or he would refuse. Consequently all our jumping was hugely scary to watch but I absolutely loved it.

I'm now learning to jump again 6 years on and can't cope with riding into a fence from say 10 or 12 strides out at a calm, collected canter, I get anxious, and start playing with the stride etc becasue it feels like there is nothing to do - I don't trust the normal, well behaved horse approach to a jump - I feel like something bad is going to happen so I bottle it! :rolleyes:

I think Jo you're a bit of a control freak (meant in the nice way, alot of us are :D ). If you are busy managing a difficult horse you are actively doing something and therefore feel in control (of sorts), when you ride something that is good you don't have enough to do so start anticipating behaviour and waiting for something to go wrong.

Sorry probably not explaining that very well at all, and hope you don't feel offended. To me you sound (and look) like a superb rider, a bit self critical, but I'm sure your lack of self confidence at the moment is made worse because of all the horrible stuff you've had to deal with.
 
Yes I can really relate to you. I used to lack confidence riding my own horses, (absolutely fine riding anything else)
If my horse looked at something I froze, then of course my horse really thought there was something to worry about. I conditioned my horses to be spooky.
Luckily I moved yards and had a fabulous YO/RI, when I froze she used to shout 'ride the horse!' A coulpe of months later I realized my nerves had gone.
Yours will too, just ride the horse!
 
Personally - I think you needs someone to push you and give you something else to do until you get over it. And you will get over it. Right now you THINK Jack won't do anything silly if he get's a fright but until you've experienced it and know him better, you won't KNOW.

Until you get there you needs something to do to take your mind of it. What your doing right now (just a gentle wander around the school) is the WORSE possible thing you can do - you're going in with the sole intention of finding out if he's going to do anything silly. Of course it's going to prey on your mind;) And he's much more likely to be silly too - he's not got much else to concentrate on.

You need to go in with a much more positive frame of mind and have a very firm plan in your mind of what you want to acheive today. Something that pushs and stimulates him a little and gives you something to think about. I.e working on lateral work, getting him to lighten in the front, get him going forwards;), even working on trotting over poles nicely to lift his legs a bit etc. Have an entire schooling session planned out in your hand and stick to it.

Having someone on the ground giving you things to do will focus you and give you purpouse. Although I felt your Mum, as kind as she was being to you, wasn't really helping you - she was sympathising too much, reinforcing, unintentionally, your fears - agreeing that 'something might happen'. She's have been more helpful if she's been a little pushy and told you to trot, or practise 10m circles or something. I was itching to give you a simple 'walk/halt/trot/change-rein' type lesson but (unusually for me;)) didn't want to interfere. Oh, and yell, 'go jack go'!

There is a big difference between bullying and just pushing. I think you really need someone to push you a little. They need to accept that you are worried and a little nervous but make you face that fear and help you with it by giving you things to do that allow you to prove to yourself that you can do it.

And you respond well to a gentle push - when I told you to stay on you did, and felt better for it afterwards. You didn't need to - you could have got off. And when you were told to go and canter Pink bareback, with a little persuasion you did and managed just fine (not sure Pink though so;))

Anyways, I will be back down in two weeks possibly;) and we'll test the theory:p
 
I had a huge crisis of confidence when I was horse searching because I convinced myself I would buy something and ruin it by being too nervous. My mum gave me a talking to though ;) and made me carry on looking.
xxx
Thats me all over. I keep thinking i've spoilt Aramis by being nervous, and i think i have to accept i have.

He's a new horse at the end of the day. The problem is that confidence-givers never test the boundaries and just plod along, whereas the more fiery ones do and once you've dealt with it you'll know how to next time, which will give you confidence.

I tend to feel safer on the ploddier ones because, even though the fiery ones dont unseat me or anything, they unsettle me, and even though i have the knowledge and capability to deal with it next time, the experience shakes me and stops me from getting into the same situation.
 
Jo, you are well aware that you are in the early days of owning and riding Jack. Do you ride tense??? Are you aware that you ride tense?? I wasnt aware that I rode tense. I have only after 5 yrs of several RI's learned to ride relaxed. I wasnt scared or worried, just trying too hard. Which made me tense. I am sure that they do Confidence Boosting Courses in your area. Perhaps a hadnful of these will help you a bit at the moment. Then when you start to push yourself up another level another course just to put you on your cloud with confidence will help again.
 
I think that Pink is right, after all she has seen you. We are all guilty of slipping into believing what our fears tell us. Believe me, I know... I didn't ride my horse in the school for 2 years cos he bolted badly with me and I watched 2 other people suffer too.... But I had someone who told me that this could be changed - to push myself- to not do it by myself. I gained confidence by being pushed by someone. OK, the problem was the opposite to yours, as in he was flighty, but I managed to get over it.. taking ages but in your case, you are waiting for him to do something and like the old adage; if you fear something you will force it to happen!

After all, you are just getting used to him and him to you. you are now at the point where you can teach him fear or complete confidence (wish i had followed my own advice but that's what forums are for..)

you will be tense because you are waiting for that breaking point, which you will then force purely cos you are communicating to him that that should happen.

I am still a wuss (i think) and am not keen on riding other horses. I now know my horse inside out and I don't want to smash my confidence by riding another... as my boy is the most important thing.

we all get strucken by fear. just push yourself. Get someone in who will push you. Pinks thinks you can do it. You need to self help and do it (this is me as confident Kate.. there's no telling if I shall be changed in 2 weeks.. horses have the ability to do this!)

good luck. Keep relaxed, it's the most important thing
 
I found it helped me to have a plan for the week. i would set myself goals as to what I wanted to achieve. I.e collection in trot and walk. I would then make sure that week i would spend the majority of three days riding doing that and then would break it up with getting a better seat in sitting trot or no stirrup work or just a hack round the field on the others days or inbetween the gruelling work. i brokeit up so Sericaia and me didn't get bored.

I used little bits taken from dressage test to use in the schooling or poles if any were set out etc. Having a plan gets our mind in an active mood and gives you a challenge to work for and achieve. Plus you get a buzz when you do it which also adds to your confidence.

Don't be harsh on yourself but do give yourself a friendly boot up tut rear occassionally to keep you and hos stimulated.
 
Im also better if Im not the most nervous person there. If I am, I have nothing else to think about, but if I know someone else is having a worse time than me I turn a bit mother hennish because I know I have to look after them - I relax much more!

ive found recently im like that, at the fun ride i was a bit nervous then i heard the girl i took say she was pretty nervous and i was ok then and made it as easy for her as possible, chatting away before we go on and made sure she was happy with everything on the way round etc

would rather be on a well behaved horse though but seem to be able to deal with drummer if he takes a dislike to anything
 
Well I had my lesson this morning and my riding instructor made me get after Jack and spend nearly the whole lesson in trot, and do you know what happened...??
Nothing.
:rolleyes:
He felt to me like he was really running off, we were in the indoor school which is quite small and he's a big horse and he was being heavy on my hands - but every time I asked him to stop he did (and a couple of times when I didnt!). RI said he was just in an active trot. This is going to take some getting used to! He kept hollowing through his back but I think that was me tensing up. He also kept throwing his left shoulder but I think that was me too - when Im a bit tense I tend to sit on my right seatbone and raise the left which gives him an escape route out of that side.
When we finished I was really hot and sticky but when I got off I looked at Jack and he had steam rising off him and a sweaty neck and girth, which was strangely satisfying. So even though he didnt work anything like as nicely as when I tried him out at least he went! RI says I should be schooling him like this all week until my next lesson.
He did have one spook when she bent down to put the mounting block away - just jumped forward a stride and made a big thud smacking his hindlegs down, and I just gave him a pat on the neck and said 'slight overreaction there Jack'. See - when the spooks happen Im fine - but as I was trotting him round I had all these visions of him getting wound up and bucking. :confused:
I forgot to take my rescue remedy too, that was today's plan :rolleyes:. But no, he was fine - the times he went best were the times I pretended in my head that I was someone else. I do that sometimes - get on and think 'Im a top dressage rider getting on a new horse for a client'. Works wonders :p.

xxx
 
the times he went best were the times I pretended in my head that I was someone else. I do that sometimes - get on and think 'Im a top dressage rider getting on a new horse for a client'. Works wonders

what good idea, i tried this ages ago and have since forgotten about it - can i pinch the idea again as well :) ps loving your updates x
 
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