I'm so angry..what to do?

carn77

carn77

Carn and Jazz
Sep 30, 2008
1,116
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Plymouth
I have just found out today that the 9yr old girl who i have riding carn was seen hitting my other horse jazz with a bucket WTF :mad:

She was walking through the field with a bucket jazz came over to inspect normal behaviour then followed her again normal behaviour and something i woud expect any horse to do if your in their field...anyway for whatever reason she turned and smacked jazz twice with the bucket he hadnt done anything to warrent being hit with the bucket!! And would explain why Jazz has been bit odd with me catching him last couple of days!

I have also found out that she has fed carn whipped cream!!! Now i've have said to them before carn isnt allowed any treats cos he has had lami in the pass, but they have given him mints but i've over looked this as they dont feed him to many, but to find out he was given whipped cream and i also suspect but dont know that she has been adding feed from the other horses into carns feed when i'm not there...

I dont know what to do as the girl is only 9yrs old but her behaviour towards my horse is totally unacceptable...

I have allowed her to ride carn as i've needed a rider for him and she needed a pony to ride so could have more lessons and carn needed schooling...the girl doesnt have a stable home life and is bullied at school so i was happy to allow her to have her 'own' pony to ride but i cant allow her behaviour and her temper tantrums to go without her being held accountable for her actions.

I am thinking of grounding her from riding carn all wkend and she can clean the tack (something she wont do) but how do i approach this with a child how do i say it? I'm not a mother so i dont know how to speak to a 9yr old to tell her off but making her think about her actions??

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i would have suggested sitting down with her and her parents and discussing her unacceptable behaviour but if she's a bad home life i don't know if that would work.
 
First off ask her what happened in the field with Jazz,don't just assume,I made this mistake with one of my own kids once,and turned out to be wrong,lesson learned,always ask them for an explantion before going in with all guns blazing!!

I am thinking that maybe she got a bit intimidated by Jazz being in her space and following her (I know and you know that this is what they will do when see a bucket,but to someone little and young it can seem pretty scary!!),and perhaps did the first thing that came into her head to get him away from her??

Whatever the case you need to get the story from her,so tread carefully,ask nicely,but be firm and make it clear you won't let it rest until you know and can no longer have any trust in her if she won't talk to you about it.

I know you're angry,as I would be,but can't expect kids to behave like adults,and can't treat them like it either.They do silly things without thinking of the consequences sometimes,and although I completely agree you have to make sure she understands why it must not happen again,you will also have to be prepared that she might do other daft things in the future!!

Good luck and hope you sort it out:)
 
Not sure what I'd do in this situation!
It's obviousley not acceptable to hit your poor horse bless him.
I think you should explain to her that if she ever does anything like that again then she's no longer welcome to ride your horse. You've already told her not to feed any titbits etc and if she can't abide by your rules then she has to go.
It's not easy approaching subjects like this is it?
Hopefully others may have some more suggestions
Good luck
 
I dont know the girls parents...
A lady on the yard brings her up and does the lessons/schooling but unfortunately this lady has issues herself she doesnt seem to be on the same planet as the rest of us...
She saw the girl in question hit jazz with the bucket and did nothing and hasnt said anything to me the other liveries have had to tell me
The lady also allowed the girl to feed carn the cream as she fed her horse with it as well..
I just dont know what to do about it i cant allow it go without being mentioned and i need the girl to realise what she done is totally wrong
Ideally i would like to keep her riding carn as its working out for us both especially carn but god how do i make sure she knows not to do anything like this ever again
 
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devonlass said:
First off ask her what happened in the field with Jazz,don't just assume,I made this mistake with one of my own kids once,and turned out to be wrong,lesson learned,always ask them for an explantion before going in with all guns blazing!!

I am thinking that maybe she got a bit intimidated by Jazz being in her space and following her (I know and you know that this is what they will do when see a bucket,but to someone little and young it can seem pretty scary!!),and perhaps did the first thing that came into her head to get him away from her??

Whatever the case you need to get the story from her,so tread carefully,ask nicely,but be firm and make it clear you won't let it rest until you know and can no longer have any trust in her if she won't talk to you about it.

I know you're angry,as I would be,but can't expect kids to behave like adults,and can't treat them like it either.They do silly things without thinking of the consequences sometimes,and although I completely agree you have to make sure she understands why it must not happen again,you will also have to be prepared that she might do other daft things in the future!!

Good luck and hope you sort it out:)
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Thats is cos this is a little girl i know what she will do things wrong which is why the odd mint given to carn i have let go as its a childs way of treating a pony they dont know about lami..carn doesnt get treats from anyone else so i dont worry about that side of things so much..

If she was a grown up be easier to handle but a child i dont know how to handle it at all...

Thats why i thought i could with advice from here i could say something to both the little girl and the lady who brings her up...god so bloody tricky urgh
 
it sounds like she isn't being supervised sufficiently. You could maybe draw up a simple agreement and discuss it with child/supervisor, stating things like only to feed carn certain foods, no treats and what have you. We have similar agreements when supporting difficult children in our classrooms and they can work well as the child knows exactly where the boundaries are.
 
eventerbabe said:
it sounds like she isn't being supervised sufficiently. You could maybe draw up a simple agreement and discuss it with child/supervisor, stating things like only to feed carn certain foods, no treats and what have you. We have similar agreements when supporting difficult children in our classrooms and they can work well as the child knows exactly where the boundaries are.
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No the lady who supervises the little girl probably needs to be supervised herself..:rolleyes:
I have a whiteboard in my tackroom that i have noted this evening that carn isnt to be fed anything but his own food so will draw attention to that 2mrw
I wanna give her a chance as both her and carn doing so well together but i cant have her doing that again to jazz or any other horse for that matter
Christ now i know why they say never to work with both children and animals its all bloody hard work
 
Oh dear, difficult one. TBH it comes across that she is following the lead
of the Lady that brings her up. The lady was feeding the cream to her Horses thereby this girl did the same with Carn.

I also totally agree with devonlass's excellent answer, she probably did
feel intimidated by Jazz following her, blimey I have felt the same as an
Adult in a field of Horses trying to get one of mine out, let alone as a nine
year old. However that does not excuse the way in which she dealt with it.

IF I was you, I would sit down with her, calmly and explain to her that you have been told, and believe, what happened and ask for her explanation.
Don't get cross, she made a mistake, and maybe a genuine one for the reasons devonlass has already explained. You need to tell her how she
can catch Carn without using a bucket OR show her other ways to keep Jazz
away.

I would also use this to once again reiterate the rules regarding feeing titbits
and once again explain WHY its so important. If she has a full understanding
of the risk she may be putting Carn in I am pretty sure she will adhere
to your rules, she really won't want to put him at risk. Just tell her you
will be monitoring the situation from now on and that should she have any
questions or need any help you are at the end of the telephone to advise her, or maybe spend some time with her yourself so that she can learn from
you and not this other Woman, that way she can see how you do things, or
like things done and thereby you will both be doing things the same way
which makes a better routine for the Horses;):)
 
oh dear you need to let her know you know about the hitting of your horse the whipped cream n the mints im sorry but your a nice enough person to give a child from her back ground a pony to ride then she goes by your rules and should never be violent towards your horses because ask yourself what will she do next and she shouldnt be in a field with a bucket she could be the 1 that gets injured thats 1 of my pet hates you would be waisting your time talking to her mum n dad if her home life isnt stable just tack her to 1 side and calmly tell her n keep a close eye on her
 
I'm sorry but to hit a horse in that way is a defo NO NO:eek:
I once was in the same situation as you.. only a 12 year old.... I barred her the minute I found out.. my horse comes first.. My horse was hit with a barging bar, schooling whip.. witnesses told me.. and so did my horse.. he became terrified of the bar.. jumping off the ground all four feet at the same time:(
It's taken 3 years to put right, it's just not worth it..
 
Have a chat with her - she may not realise that she is doing anything wrong. If you allow her to feed the pony mints, she may not see cream as any different... It has to be all or none...

carn77 said:
I am thinking of grounding her from riding carn all wkend and she can clean the tack (something she wont do)
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I do however think this is out of order. If she is getting rides for nothing she should be working for them. She needs to learn that nothing in life is free and you need to work for it. When I was a child my parents used to make me work for my spends. My mum said she used to feel guilty me hoovering the house while she was sat having a brew but it taught me a valuable life lesson. Perhaps making her do a little bit more of the less nice stuff would make her respect the rest of what she does get to do ;)
 
You could maybe sit her down, and explain to her that you have been told that she has hit Jazz in the field and ask her why she did this? And then explain to her what effects it has caused to Jazz and that if it continues she will not be able to go into the field without you being there. And then explain to her about Carns Lami and tell her about what it can do to him and how easily it can be triggered off and that he isnt allowed to have any feed or treats apart from his usual bucket. And then tell her because of her behaviour she will not be riding this weekend and will be needed to help around the yard.
 
Dark Storm said:
I'm sorry but to hit a horse in that way is a defo NO NO:eek:
I once was in the same situation as you.. only a 12 year old.... I barred her the minute I found out.. my horse comes first.. My horse was hit with a barging bar, schooling whip.. witnesses told me.. and so did my horse.. he became terrified of the bar.. jumping off the ground all four feet at the same time:(
It's taken 3 years to put right, it's just not worth it..
Click to expand...

TBH I think thats a bit of a different situation, sounds as though you
found a particularly spiteful 12 year old.:)
 
sorry but i got to say this child not havin a stable home and getting bullied should not have anything to do with the way she treats your pony! you would think she would have more respect for you. being bullied and not havin a stable home life would or should make her more caring and loving towards the pony and horses! i know this as my daughter gets bullied and has difficulties at school as she just found out she dyslexic and she loves her ponies and has total respect for them and the horses. you need to talk to her and the lady who brings her up. at the end of the day only you know what to do about this
 
She's not being supervise properly, so you need to be there when she is dealing with your horse. As the woman with her can't be trusted then that's the only thing I can think of to do. She's only 9 after all, she needs some responsible adult guidance.
 
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