I am a horrible person..

ladiva

ladiva

New Member
Aug 4, 2009
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East Anglia
I am a bad forum member - hardly been coming on here recently and firstly want to say sorry for that.
I feel like curling up in a ball somewhere and havent wanted to do anything. It is all woe me and i dont want sympathy as it is my own fault.
I have come to a decision about my relationship and feel just awful. My heart isnt in it anymore...i love her but am not in love with her.
My partner hasnt done anything wrong and i am sure must have an inkling but it is obvious she doesnt feel the same way i do.
We were good friends before, and i finished the relationship after a couple of weeks as i know what i am like and didnt want to risk losing the friendship further down the line. Then we started again and it has now been a couple of years.
I know i cant do this without hurting her. It is selfish of me to keep it plodding along as i am too chicken to say something, but i dont know how to start a conversation where i will end up breaking her heart.

I dont like this getting older malarky...life is far too complicated x
 
Big hugs - relationship difficulties are the very devil to deal with.

I have been married nearly 40 years, and in that time there have been a number of bad as well as good spells. Obviously I can't say whether your present dissatisfaction is temporary or permanent, but if you still love her there's a chance the "in love" bit will return. Some say that as a relationship matures the "love" element is more important and enduring than the "in-love".

None of this is probably helping, but I think I am suggesting that if neither of you has someone else, it may be worth trying the weather the bad patch. Either way, it's not going to be easy. Be strong.
 
most relationship breakdowns one of the parties doesn't want it, doesn't see it coming, and is heartbroken - i left my partner after 15 years, i tried very hard to give it second and third chances and on the surface no one else saw it coming, but i just felt that we had lost the spark and it just didn't make me happy any more, he was very upset and shocked and i felt dreadful.

you can only do what you think is right. it would be wrong to stay together for a long time, if you feel it just isn't going to be for you, and she gives up chances of family etc, then gets dumped. that would be much crueller.

i don't know what age you are but to be honest it is horrible no matter how old or young you are.
 
From being the one on the receiving end of being told to leave (after 13 years together :( ) what I'd suggest is be honest. Please don't make any blame for anything, no matter how trivial.

Breaking up like this needs a mourning period afterwards, too, so be aware of disbelief, anger and grief frist, before acceptance, from your partner. How you split up your household will be the worst, so please, please, give them time to move out - or likewise, ask for time if you are the one leaving - since this is also part of the finality of it all.

Photograph albums are the worst :(

Sorry to not be much help to you, but please be patient, too.
 
No advice to offer, just sending you some good vibes and hope that things aren't as bad as you think - it won't / can't be easy, but if it isn't right, then so be it.
 
Well it is done. On thursday night..lots of tears from both of us. She knew something was up as i did ages ago but neither of us actually said anything. She asked if it was worth having a break but i said not. I have had the niggling feeling for over a year and it just isnt fair on her to keep trying. Being in the spare room listening to her crying was the most painful thing i have ever done and i wish dearly i could do something to make it better but i cant. It is all my fault...she has done nothing wrong at all..i just cant help the way i feel. I know she feels worse than i do so all i can do is try and minimise the pain as much as i can, though not sure how.
She can call the shots with regards to my moving out..if she wants it now or in a few weeks it is up to her. It is all rather amicable at the moment and i sincerely hope it can stay that way.
 
Aww big hugs I really feel for you. I ended my previous relationship for the same reasons but at least we didn't live together so my heart goes out to you, it must be so tough. Hope you manage to keep it amicable and it goes as painlessly as possible.xx
 
Big hugs, sorry i don't have any words for you...other than just to let you know i'm thinking of you :(
 
Hugs.

Its never easy. I have been there.

You never know where life will take you. Nothing is guaranteed to be forever. If your heart isn't in it, its for the best. You only get one shot at life, you need to do what will make you happy even if it hurts in the short term.

Do it as kindly and gently as you possibly can so you can both move on with as little baggage as possible.

Good luck. x
 
I'm so sorry to hear this, I hope that you are ok. Ive been on the receiving end and also on the giving end in this kind of situation and its never ever easy for either partner.

If your heart isn't in it then the kindest thing, as you've done, is to end it in a mature manner. It's going to be painful for both in the short term but with time I'm sure that you'll both look back and realise that it was for the best.

Big hugs

x
 
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