I always feel I have to please people..

[Dark Storm]

And it's leaving me constantly stressed, and worrying..
I moved my horse to help create harmony between me and my horse, and a proper routine for him, but I'm still not getting that balance in my life I was desperately need.. I feel despondent with my riding today, and that I'm always going to be held back by my doubts that i'll ever be good enough.. and lack of strength to deal with whatever is thrown at me..:frown:

 

[Dreamster]

The fact you have posted this says that you are more than good enough. You clearly love your horse deeply and want to be the very best owner that you can be. Take the pressure off of yourself and go and have fun with your horse. Whether riding, groundwork, playing at Horse Agility or simply enjoying being there together.

Don't worry about other people, true friends will appreciate you just the wa that you are. Don't try to change the essence of you trying to please others, be yourself and hold your head up high.

 

[Wally]

How good a rider do you have to be to enjoy yourself? Horses don't care if the head groom at the Royal Mews is delivering their food and grooming them, or a person in scruffy jumper driving a beat up old car.

When you are old and crabbit like me you will have learned that you cannot please everyone, so long, as you are happy at the end of the day, without it being at the expense of others, that's all you can do. Occasionally it will have to be at the expense of others, that's life

 

[Scoobydoo]

What everyone else has said. As long as you are happy, your horse is happy.

 

[Nookster]

How good a rider do you have to be to enjoy yourself? Horses don't care if the head groom at the Royal Mews is delivering their food and grooming them, or a person in scruffy jumper driving a beat up old car.

When you are old and crabbit like me you will have learned that you cannot please everyone, so long, as you are happy at the end of the day, without it being at the expense of others, that's all you can do. Occasionally it will have to be at the expense of others, that's life

Wise words!

The older I get the more I realise that there are few people that take precedence in my life and they are family and a handful of friends. Life really is for enjoying as much as possible within your means any added stress or worry really needs to be put to the side and sadly that can mean removing people also. Doesn’t mean you have to be cold hearted but be more questionable of who you help and why you’re helping.

We have all been there at some point in time so don’t feel alone– guess its how we need to learn these things But we can either learn from it or continue to have the added hassle, you are able to change it and have control and with more time to yourself you will enjoy the things you used too

 

[Dark Storm]

It's been over 4 years since I last went to a local show, me and my horse have come along way from hitting off on the wrong leg in canter and our show resembling a car crash, my lessons have undone the traditional RS methods and introduced a better way to communicate with my horse, producing some surprising results, a Cob who is becoming light in the hands, and since the move has become more willing under the saddle to work to his full potential..
I'm starting to think that re-learning my way of riding and re-schooling him, is a lot to do at once, that perhaps is why i'm struggling, in my lesson on Monday it be came quite apparent that having ridden on a badly uneven surface (the old yards menage) for two years has effected the way I've been learning, and he has now had to start re-learning to find his balance again, as now the surface in this new menage is perfect, I feel as though we've both just taken a two year backward step..
I'm really hoping though that it's going to take a much shorter time to regain what we had, and more, I just need to untangle my thoughts and teach myself to be more flexible (stiff elbows and shoulders spring to mind)..
I think that may be what's wrong... the feeling of going backwards instead of forwards in my lesson yesterday?
Thanks guys XX

 

[Dark Storm]

I think maybe a need a good slap :smile:

 

[Wally]

Slap duly administered,

Dear god When Frances and I go to a show, we just go and have a bit of fun. There are pot hunters out there who are out to win, we are out to have a hoot and if we get placed it's a bonus.
Get used the the fact horses will show you up and you'll end up with a red face more often than not. Just smile and have fun. Don;t take it so seriously, folk who do generally do at the expense of their horse.

 

[Jane&Ziggy]

And really, don't worry about what "people" think.

If someone offers you helpful, well thought out observations of something you could do better - then maybe you should listen. But the horse world is full of snipers and carpers. You'll never please them, so ignore them and enjoy yourself!

 

[Cleanboots]

I am the same Dark Storm........I try and please other people and never put myself first!
I like to see other people happy, and I like to think that I made them happy but often the favour is not returned.....I know you are a Leo and so am I.

I think it must be our astrological signs that make us want to please others?

 

[Dark Storm]

I think i'm aiming too high, for some thing that because of my faults (upbringing) is becoming an obvious hinderence.. I lack the skills needed to make the grade, and I know deep down their there, just ever so slightly out of reach..
There is a deep connection between Shadow and me, it goes back 8 years, and he hates it when I'm not down for a few days, although he tries not to show it..
His character is starting to glow again, I hadn't realized just how suppressed he was in that small herd, it's clear there was some bullying going on, but not from the source I thought it was..
He's at the bottom of the pecking order, and back to avoiding trouble My safe sensible Shadow :angel:
He walked to his stable on Monday, with a renewed vigor and a bounce in his stride that I haven't seen in a long time, the excitement of spending a few hours with a haynet :giggle: truly showed:wink:
I think maybe I need to take a backseat for a while and just hack him for a few months, and see if I can find that happy medium again..
My leader ship skills really suck CB :giggle: years of suppression, maybe my horse is trying to show me how to free myself of it? In his own little way..

 

[Wally]

Okay, what do you enjoy doing, what are you now doing that you feel you are not quite making the grade?

Is it time to ask yourself whether what you are doing now really is that enjoyable and it's maybe time to try something totally different?

Friend of mine was obsessed with dressage, her horse was not, she would go out time and time again and get mediocre dressage marks, and she'd be so upset. One day they did an endurance ride and the pair never looked back, going on to win many, many gold and 1st place awards and grade ones.

 

[Dark Storm]

I've always been a happy hacker and think I'd just be happy with a few local shows, starting with Equitation classes, after all, that's what I was doing a few years ago, when I took him to a couple of shows for experience, the last one, he spooked at a bin bag tied to the string fencing and ran into another piece of fencing trying to get away (Heard some lad say "I'm not going near that horse, it's physco!")... he's done a few jumping classes with a friend the other year, and has over come this..
Being told my horse has potential to do something big, I find a bit over my head so to speak, he moves really well for his breeding (Shire X Cob), and when behaving and doing what is asked of him, he looks fantastic (Wish I could see that myself, think I'll ask my Instructor to film him next time so I can see how we work together), we've both been learning together, and it's been a fantastic experience, finding that point where we both connect, and start to work together..
But at the moment, I feel as though I'm holding him back, and I shouldn't feel like that.. When I look at the wider picture, it makes me look like i'm still a long way from getting to that point (people learn at different rates), and although I make progress every time, I don't think I take it in 100%, and that makes me feel thick :redface: I'd liken it to thinking through thick fog at times?