I absolutely and utterly give up.

LexxLizz

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Dec 11, 2011
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I quit. Horses, people, everything. I absolutely give up.

Just had a message from Boxers owner saying she is going to let his old loaner (from 2years ago) have him for 2days in the week because she had been loaning another of her horses but he is being sold, so she now has nothing to ride.
This would be fine... It's her horse, her choice.

Exept I have met his old loaner and she is an absolute nightmare -- owner agrees she can be a bit of a ditz.
She used to loan Box but stopped because he was too much of a handful for her.
She hasn't had a riding lesson in her life and is 'self taught', she gave him a sore mouth from pulling.
She gets the horses at the yard to do as she says by feeding them treats as a bribe (a TOTAL false economy because all they mug her off with is 'if I do this and be naughty I get a treat').
She attempted to put Boxer's bridle on and he was playing her up so much she gave up and threw him back in his stable in rage and from then on wrestled with him to get him to take the bit - this is thought to be the reason he has such issues now.
There are numerous other things rendering her un-popular at the yard: mostly that she can be bossy.


I just feel like she is going to totally undo everything I have taught him and been working on him with.


I know it's not my horse, and if it was believe me I wouldn't let her within an inch of him - I just can't understand why owner is doing. But I just completely give up with loaning, with horses and with people :cry::cry::cry:
 

Dizzy Woo

Well-Known Member
Apr 20, 2008
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this^^^^^^
so sorry for you, horrid situation, this was how we ended up with horsies, same thing happened with our first loan for our then little girl, owner kept changing the goal posts and daughter so attached to pony, we had to step in, we were lucky enough to be able to buy the pony and then inherited the grazing too.
I do hope it all works out well for you x
 

Joyscarer

Active Member
Dec 30, 2006
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To be fair, my 2 know my standards even if they would try it on with other people. My (in)tolerance of other people is well known.
 

candyflosspot

bossy boots
Sep 7, 2010
5,255
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if you are that unhappy about the situation then dont continue the loan.

I know i would be uncomfortable handing over my hard earned to an owner who doesnt seem to give 2 :poop: about her pony if what you have said is true. Im shocked that his owner would allow someone to re-loan a horse who has damaged him previously in some way..:frown:

To give another viewpoint ,if you continue loaning Boxer perhaps the other girl who will be loaning him may be unhappy about the fact you have no experience of ground work but will be doing this with him regardless.

Anyway as i said if its not something you are comfortable with then i suggest you look elsewhere..sorry if that is harsh buts its the truth.
 

OwnedbyChanter

With out my boys life would be bland
Apr 16, 2009
7,523
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Raininghamshire
That is ther problem with horses I afriad. everyone has different idea on how to keep them and most people do not agree on most things.

BM and I agree on quite a bit about how to keep our horses but there are issues that I completely disagree with.

This happened with my last loan but I kept my tongue in my mouth as the horse was not mine the laon worked for 5 years until I moved.

So either stick with it or walk away, if you stay you just have to take the good with the bad

Sorry that your lovely set up as gone silly again.
 

Kite_Rider

Cantering cabbage!
May 18, 2009
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Oh dear Lexxi, firstly breathe....calm down hun, right I have seen a few of your threads but not many so don't know the whole story, feel free to shoot me down if you wish, however, I get the feeling that you desperately want your own... totally understand that, but for whatever reason right now is not a good time for you? so your next best alternative is loaning or sharing? The big downside to that is that ultimately the horse is not yours to do with as you wish, I know you are aware of that but I wonder if you are getting so wrapped up in horsey love you are forgetting? I know you haven't been with Boxer long and I know you take great care of him but if his owner isn't worried about loaning him to his old loaner there isn't anything you can do about it. Sad fact I'm afraid but true none the less.
Could you perhaps ask the other loaner to have a joint lesson with you on him just so you both know your singing from the same hymn sheet as it were?
I can't really think of anything else other than helping out at a RS and having lessons instead of sharing or maybe you will just have to go back to looking around again. :(
 

Cortrasna

Grumpy old nag
Aug 5, 2009
10,143
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You do sound fed up - and Im not surprised so would I be. But sadly that is the fact of life when you part loan (or full loan for that matter) - the horse will never be yours and there are very few owners who will let you dictate how their horse is ridden and handled and cared for. That is just the way it works - they have paid for the horse so they do as they please with regard to other loaners or anything related to THEIR horse.

I am a VERY fussy sort of owner and I fear I would be an awful one to loan out - far too controlling with how their done and ridden. But having said that, JJsGirl never complained, must ask her what I was like as an owner? Perhaps she was just too polite to tell me what a bossy old cow I was!:bounce:

Seriously though - I think from this posts and others - maybe your best bet is to carry on with lessons and concentrate on saving enough for your own horse? Then it will be yours and ONLY yours - nobody can dictate to you and all decisions will be yours alone.

Do feel for you though - you sound so keen but cant see loaning will be the answer for you - maybe a little patient saving and then we can all help you find your own neddy?:wink:
 
B

Black Beastie

Guest
Is there nothing else in your area showing for loan??

Might be best to take a step back if this person is as you say as chances are she will blame you for everything that goes wrong.

People are a pain and thats why I am torn between getting loaner for K or not...... I dont DO people, they really annoy me at times :bomb:
 

daisysp8

Active Member
Dec 11, 2009
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Darling, another here who thinks you need one of your own bless you .... If you were willing to put the money into the Riding School horse (and it was a fair bit), is there no way you can look into Having your own ? ?
 

Dark Storm

Well I'll be a Krampus's Auntie! :D!
Jan 4, 2009
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That sounds very unfair, having this done to you after you'd started loaning.. Put a line under it and move on, I'm sure there are other loan horses out there XX
 

carthorse

Super Moderator
Staff member
Jan 6, 2006
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Oh dear Lexxi, firstly breathe....calm down hun, right I have seen a few of your threads but not many so don't know the whole story, feel free to shoot me down if you wish, however, I get the feeling that you desperately want your own... totally understand that, but for whatever reason right now is not a good time for you? so your next best alternative is loaning or sharing? The big downside to that is that ultimately the horse is not yours to do with as you wish, I know you are aware of that but I wonder if you are getting so wrapped up in horsey love you are forgetting? I know you haven't been with Boxer long and I know you take great care of him but if his owner isn't worried about loaning him to his old loaner there isn't anything you can do about it. Sad fact I'm afraid but true none the less.
Could you perhaps ask the other loaner to have a joint lesson with you on him just so you both know your singing from the same hymn sheet as it were?
I can't really think of anything else other than helping out at a RS and having lessons instead of sharing or maybe you will just have to go back to looking around again. :(

This, I'm afraid.

Ultimately he isn't your horse & you cannot control what his owner chooses to do or allow, you either go with the flow or walk away. I'm sorry it isn't working out how you'd hoped, maybe it's time to start looking around again.
 

Flipo's Mum

Heavy owner of a Heavy
Aug 17, 2009
9,616
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Perthshire, Scotland
I quit. Horses, people, everything. I absolutely give up.

Just had a message from Boxers owner saying she is going to let his old loaner (from 2years ago) have him for 2days in the week because she had been loaning another of her horses but he is being sold, so she now has nothing to ride.
This would be fine... It's her horse, her choice.

Exept I have met his old loaner and she is an absolute nightmare -- owner agrees she can be a bit of a ditz.
She used to loan Box but stopped because he was too much of a handful for her.
She hasn't had a riding lesson in her life and is 'self taught', she gave him a sore mouth from pulling.
She gets the horses at the yard to do as she says by feeding them treats as a bribe (a TOTAL false economy because all they mug her off with is 'if I do this and be naughty I get a treat').
She attempted to put Boxer's bridle on and he was playing her up so much she gave up and threw him back in his stable in rage and from then on wrestled with him to get him to take the bit - this is thought to be the reason he has such issues now.
There are numerous other things rendering her un-popular at the yard: mostly that she can be bossy.


I just feel like she is going to totally undo everything I have taught him and been working on him with.


I know it's not my horse, and if it was believe me I wouldn't let her within an inch of him - I just can't understand why owner is doing. But I just completely give up with loaning, with horses and with people :cry::cry::cry:

Lol sorry have to laugh as I read this and thought oh dear, I was self taught, had one lesson from the age of 9-17, and managed just fine with my pony. And I bribe my horse with treats using clicker training. Wonder what folk say about me behind my back!!
The problems you keep coming across all seem to be related to you seeing things differently to others in terms of working and looking after horses. To be frank, get used to it, or get your own. I would imagine you'll be the type who doesn't like anyone else interfering with your horse. That's exactly the reason why I couldn't let anyone else be involved with my big guy and one of the many reasons I bought him. Good luck. Might be an idea to be diplomatic though as you may rely on these people you're meeting in the horsey world when you have your own. Don't go slagging them off to all and sundry.
 

ladywiththebaby

Active Member
Mar 6, 2007
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Aw hun I really feel for you. I totally understand that overwhelming longing for a pony to be best friends with and have a special bond with, rather than a RS pony who can't tell you apart from Joe Bloggs. And I know the frustration that also comes from wanting something that you just can't have. I wanted my own for 5 years before I was in a position to have one. And even now I have my own, it's far from plain sailing and careering all over the open countryside like I dreamt.

I find horses very much like having children - everyone has their own opinion as to what you should and shouldn't do, and their opionion is always the right one apparently! Yes, the decision lies with Boxers owner but that doesn't make it any less frustrating.

It's great that you feel so strongly about someone who might be detrimental to him - it shows how much you care.

I guess if you really really think he's the one for you temporarily until you can have your own, then plough on. Teach him about the bridle and hopefully he'll associate you with behaviours that he doesn't associate this other person with. Take it for what it is - some temporary fun. Enjoy being able to ride when you like on your days and go where you like - which you can't do at a RS. Have fun chilling in his stable. Do all the things you've dreamt of. And try not to think about what's happening on those other days. Maybe this other person has improved or perhaps they won't stick around too long and then you'll be back where you wanted to be.

And in the meantime just keep an eye on those adverts in tack shops.

Chin up chuck. I really feel for you.
 

tazzy-anne

New Member
Sep 27, 2007
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Where abouts are you out of interest?

I ended up with my own horse because I could no longer suffer part loans :( so not exactly what you're going through but I decided I'd rather have a yr or so out of horses altogether in order to save save save! Then got my own. Guess we couldn't really afford the upkeep on paper at the time, but the need out weighed it! We always found the money anyway, even when I realised he had sarcoids shortly after getting him & going through an extremely expensive year whilst trying every bloody 'cure' in the country!!! :D :D
But our finances have improved what with promotions etc, and now we don't have the money issue.
No idea what your situation is - and NOT recommending getting yourself into something you shouldn't, but. Hmm, forgot what the but was now... Nope, dunno what I was getting at!
Guess I'm trying to say have you weighed up ALL your options? I think part loans are there for people to get experience & make them realise that horse 'ownership' is for them! ;)
 

notpoodle

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i'll buck the trend here .... *chill* from your various posts it sounds like you're almost looking for bad/negative/unpleasant things with your horses .... the cob was too boring, then the owner went odd, then boxer's saddle was terrible, then the RS horse arrangement wasn't quite right either and now you have to share boxer with what sounds like a bit of a 'tricky' person ....

BUT! at the end of the day, you still have a nice horse ro ride and if you play your cards right, he'll continue to behave for you i'm sure! i dont think that being handled twice a week by a 'pushover' is going to 'ruin' him for you. you're not that experienced yourself, so im sure boxer will be a good sport.

stick to your guns and enjoy him :)
 

LexxLizz

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Dec 11, 2011
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Lol sorry have to laugh as I read this and thought oh dear, I was self taught, had one lesson from the age of 9-17, and managed just fine with my pony. And I bribe my horse with treats using clicker training. Wonder what folk say about me behind my back!!

I'm presuming you're taking a tone with me because I brought up two things I don't agree with when dealing with horses, and those two things are both methods you employ?
So let me clear few things up -- I don't disagree with people being 'self taught' what I do disagree with though is pulling at a horses mouth and causing unnecessary injury to a horse that is not your own. Her reasons for having lessons are simple - she 'doesn't see what she would learn'. That I find ludicrous!
Secondly, if you find the method of treating a horse to get it to do things such as stand still when you're mounting it and to catch it when in a field, fair-enough, but that wouldn't be my way of doing things, least of all if I was sharing a loan with someone who I knew didn't treat. It's a recipe for disaster.

The type of person I am speaking about is not the type willing to compromise. And all of these things I have said to her face. NOT behind her back.
The problems you keep coming across all seem to be related to you seeing things differently to others in terms of working and looking after horses. To be frank, get used to it, or get your own.
Thanks for this helpful input :unsure:

Good luck. Might be an idea to be diplomatic though as you may rely on these people you're meeting in the horsey world when you have your own. Don't go slagging them off to all and sundry.

Voicing my frustration is what I was doing, not slagging them off and I'd thank you for realising that, either that or explain to me how I wasn't being diplomatic? I have mentioned no names, I have not unkindly called anyone and I've expressed my anguish on a closed forum amongst people who's views I respect... When, that is, they have the 'chat' to back up what they are saying.

I'm sorry you feel like this is a personal attack on you and the way you handle your horse but really, it's not.
 

LexxLizz

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Dec 11, 2011
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i'll buck the trend here .... *chill* from your various posts it sounds like you're almost looking for bad/negative/unpleasant things with your horses .... the cob was too boring, then the owner went odd, then boxer's saddle was terrible, then the RS horse arrangement wasn't quite right either and now you have to share boxer with what sounds like a bit of a 'tricky' person ....

Why would I look for negative things when all I really want is everything to run smoothly?

The saddle is awful, but isn't a big deal -- I just thought I'd ask for opinions on whether it could alter my position.
The RS horse wasn't right, I simply cannot afford that for a part loan, I was sad, but I'm over it.
It may seem like I'm a moaning minnie but all of these things you're saying I'm displaying as 'negatives' are what I consider to have been brought up for discussions sake.
 

carthorse

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Jan 6, 2006
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I'm presuming you're taking a tone with me because I brought up two things I don't agree with when dealing with horses, and those two things are both methods you employ?
So let me clear few things up -- I don't disagree with people being 'self taught' what I do disagree with though is pulling at a horses mouth and causing unnecessary injury to a horse that is not your own. Her reasons for having lessons are simple - she 'doesn't see what she would learn'. That I find ludicrous!
Secondly, if you find the method of treating a horse to get it to do things such as stand still when you're mounting it and to catch it when in a field, fair-enough, but that wouldn't be my way of doing things, least of all if I was sharing a loan with someone who I knew didn't treat. It's a recipe for disaster.

The type of person I am speaking about is not the type willing to compromise. And all of these things I have said to her face. NOT behind her back.

Thanks for this helpful input :unsure:



Voicing my frustration is what I was doing, not slagging them off and I'd thank you for realising that, either that or explain to me how I wasn't being diplomatic? I have mentioned no names, I have not unkindly called anyone and I've expressed my anguish on a closed forum amongst people who's views I respect... When, that is, they have the 'chat' to back up what they are saying.

I'm sorry you feel like this is a personal attack on you and the way you handle your horse but really, it's not.

Whoa!!!!!!!!

LL I was feeling a bit sorry for you because I could tell how frustrated you are & it isn't easy when you don't have much control over a situation, but this is a bit sharp. FM has made, in my opinion, some valid points & I tend to agree with her about some of them. From previous posts I think you mean well, but you do seem very quick to criticize things & closed to other approaches - to be brutally honest I wouldn't want you as a sharer for either of mine as I suspect nothing would ever be good enough & you'd want to change things for the sake of it. Save up for your own horse or accept that you'll have to compromise, & politely at that.
 

Flipo's Mum

Heavy owner of a Heavy
Aug 17, 2009
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Perthshire, Scotland
Nope not taken personally LL, just playing devils advocate and suggesting there's always two sides to every story.
I appreciate you may have misinterpreted my tone already so anything I add in response to your dissection of my post may also be taken in that way. I will therefore say no more. Sounds like you know best.
 
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