As you all know, independent thinking is no longer allowed, and is considered to be unacceptable behavior! Here are a few hints and guidelines that I hope you will find helpful in complying with this rule.
Hint 1
Two heads are better than one. Borrow somebody else’s brain, and your thoughts will no longer be independent. Thus, you shall not be violating the independent thinking rule, though you must exercise caution when attempting to acquire your second brain, since decapitation is frowned upon in most modern day societies. I would personally recommend using food bribery to convince your chosen victim to lend you their brain, though be wary, since bribery can sometimes invoke hostile reactions. As such, I advise you to use REALLY good food when bribing your victim.
Hint 2
Avoid all contact with Salmon fish. Unlike most fish, Salmon have an abnormal tendency to jump up waterfalls. This is considered to be going ‘against the flow’ and is likely to be a bad influence on any players hoping to avoid the sort of independent thinking which has been disallowed.
Hint 3
Be sure to think twice before typing. If it has been considered twice, your idea is no longer original, and is therefore less likely to violate the rules.
Hint 4
Don’t say anything unless somebody else has said it first. This is commonly known as the ‘parrot’ technique, and is highly effective in giving others the opinion that you are just a talking parrot on the shoulder of the person you are mimicking. Parrots are cute and feathery, so you are less likely to get into trouble if people think you are a parrot.
Hint 5
Be sure to become highly dependent on the people around you. Repeat their opinions diligently, but never state your own. This is likely to help you avoid violating the new rules, as one cannot be independent at the same time as being dependent. However, you must exercise caution, for if you become too dependent, then you will become unique in your degree of dependence. Uniqueness can lead to ‘independence’ and as we all know, independent thinking is a big no-no!
Hint 6
If you don’t have anything to say that hasn’t already been said, don’t say anything at all.
Hint 7
Going against the grain is not allowed. As such, if you wish to speak of something in a different direction to the direction of your grain, turn your block of wood around before saying it. That way the grain will be facing in the same direction as your opinion.
Block of wood – turn this before stating your opinion.
Hint 8
Silence is golden. Make sure you type any independent thought in gold – that way people will be less likely to notice your crime. Sneakiness is key!
Hint 9
Do not offend anybody. Everything you say must be an opinion shared with everybody in the world. This is not possible, but you’ll just have to do it anyway.
Hint 10
Always agree with the author, even when you don’t agree. Whatever the author of an article says, your opinion must be the same, however you may not lie, since lying is yet another big no-no. As such, if you author of the article likes cheese and you do not, then you will need to attend cheese appreciation classes before commenting. Be warned that it is unlikely that people will appreciate your efforts, so be sure to attend anger management classes as well, since showing frustration at the others’ lack of appreciation is likely to be considered rude, and rudeness is not tolerated under any circumstances.
Hint 11
Always be sincere, even when you don’t mean it. People appreciate sincerity, so you must give your honest opinion, even if it differs from their own, yet make sure you don’t disagree with them – this is a violation of the rules.
Hint 12
Make sure you know who you are. In his recent article. As such, any form of identity crisis is no longer allowed, since this will be considered a disagreement to an article author’s opinion – AKA: A no-no.
Hint 13
Lack of tolerance will not be tolerated. Intolerance of the opinions of others leads to disagreement, and disagreement is not allowed. Be tolerant, even if you can’t stand the person you are tolerating. Repeat: Intolerance will not be tolerated.
Hint 14
Make sure you’re always on your best behavior. We may not disagree with this statement, we must agree to behave. Misbehavior will not be tolerated. Make sure to consult a dictionary for the definition of misbehavior, since differing opinions on the definition of misbehavior can lead to disagreement, and disagreement is not allowed. All rebellion is strictly forbidden! If you attempt to rebel, your rebellious attempts will be considered disagreement, and will be met with rebellion, since disagreement, as I mentioned before, is a violation of the rules.
Hint 15
Dress up in a chicken suit. People will be less likely to take you seriously, and thus your comments will be less likely to be seen as rude.
Hint 16
Misinterpretation of sarcasm will not be tolerated under any circumstances! I strongly advise you to attend sarcasm appreciation classes if you are still taking this article seriously at this point. Sarcasm is REALLY difficult to understand, after all…
I hope that those hints will help you to comply effectively with our new commenting system. Please bear in mind that you are obligated to agree with every opinion stated in this article. Disagreement with the article author, myself, will not be tolerated. This is a big no-no.
Happy commenting, my newly enlightened readers. Stay out of trouble, now!
Tongue in cheek.
Hint 1
Two heads are better than one. Borrow somebody else’s brain, and your thoughts will no longer be independent. Thus, you shall not be violating the independent thinking rule, though you must exercise caution when attempting to acquire your second brain, since decapitation is frowned upon in most modern day societies. I would personally recommend using food bribery to convince your chosen victim to lend you their brain, though be wary, since bribery can sometimes invoke hostile reactions. As such, I advise you to use REALLY good food when bribing your victim.
Hint 2
Avoid all contact with Salmon fish. Unlike most fish, Salmon have an abnormal tendency to jump up waterfalls. This is considered to be going ‘against the flow’ and is likely to be a bad influence on any players hoping to avoid the sort of independent thinking which has been disallowed.
Hint 3
Be sure to think twice before typing. If it has been considered twice, your idea is no longer original, and is therefore less likely to violate the rules.
Hint 4
Don’t say anything unless somebody else has said it first. This is commonly known as the ‘parrot’ technique, and is highly effective in giving others the opinion that you are just a talking parrot on the shoulder of the person you are mimicking. Parrots are cute and feathery, so you are less likely to get into trouble if people think you are a parrot.
Hint 5
Be sure to become highly dependent on the people around you. Repeat their opinions diligently, but never state your own. This is likely to help you avoid violating the new rules, as one cannot be independent at the same time as being dependent. However, you must exercise caution, for if you become too dependent, then you will become unique in your degree of dependence. Uniqueness can lead to ‘independence’ and as we all know, independent thinking is a big no-no!
Hint 6
If you don’t have anything to say that hasn’t already been said, don’t say anything at all.
Hint 7
Going against the grain is not allowed. As such, if you wish to speak of something in a different direction to the direction of your grain, turn your block of wood around before saying it. That way the grain will be facing in the same direction as your opinion.
Block of wood – turn this before stating your opinion.
Hint 8
Silence is golden. Make sure you type any independent thought in gold – that way people will be less likely to notice your crime. Sneakiness is key!
Hint 9
Do not offend anybody. Everything you say must be an opinion shared with everybody in the world. This is not possible, but you’ll just have to do it anyway.
Hint 10
Always agree with the author, even when you don’t agree. Whatever the author of an article says, your opinion must be the same, however you may not lie, since lying is yet another big no-no. As such, if you author of the article likes cheese and you do not, then you will need to attend cheese appreciation classes before commenting. Be warned that it is unlikely that people will appreciate your efforts, so be sure to attend anger management classes as well, since showing frustration at the others’ lack of appreciation is likely to be considered rude, and rudeness is not tolerated under any circumstances.
Hint 11
Always be sincere, even when you don’t mean it. People appreciate sincerity, so you must give your honest opinion, even if it differs from their own, yet make sure you don’t disagree with them – this is a violation of the rules.
Hint 12
Make sure you know who you are. In his recent article. As such, any form of identity crisis is no longer allowed, since this will be considered a disagreement to an article author’s opinion – AKA: A no-no.
Hint 13
Lack of tolerance will not be tolerated. Intolerance of the opinions of others leads to disagreement, and disagreement is not allowed. Be tolerant, even if you can’t stand the person you are tolerating. Repeat: Intolerance will not be tolerated.
Hint 14
Make sure you’re always on your best behavior. We may not disagree with this statement, we must agree to behave. Misbehavior will not be tolerated. Make sure to consult a dictionary for the definition of misbehavior, since differing opinions on the definition of misbehavior can lead to disagreement, and disagreement is not allowed. All rebellion is strictly forbidden! If you attempt to rebel, your rebellious attempts will be considered disagreement, and will be met with rebellion, since disagreement, as I mentioned before, is a violation of the rules.
Hint 15
Dress up in a chicken suit. People will be less likely to take you seriously, and thus your comments will be less likely to be seen as rude.
Hint 16
Misinterpretation of sarcasm will not be tolerated under any circumstances! I strongly advise you to attend sarcasm appreciation classes if you are still taking this article seriously at this point. Sarcasm is REALLY difficult to understand, after all…
I hope that those hints will help you to comply effectively with our new commenting system. Please bear in mind that you are obligated to agree with every opinion stated in this article. Disagreement with the article author, myself, will not be tolerated. This is a big no-no.
Happy commenting, my newly enlightened readers. Stay out of trouble, now!
Tongue in cheek.
