**HELP!** Need ideas on confidence builder in handling horses for my daughter...

[iluvhorses28]

My daughter is no stranger to horses, or handling them. She has done well with RI's schoolies and even our TB mare who passed 4 months ago...after that, she had very little handling as she was to sad to even go back riding at the barn after the unexpected passing of our TB mare.... thus no horse handling for 4 months.

Now we just purchase 2 horses, and it seems to me that she is a bit unsure of handling,leading & even grooming them...
She is terrified of even picking their hind hooves, and the horses sense it.... even when she tries to lead them, the younger horse (which will be hers) becomes quite uncontrollable.
Proof was that the other day, a friend of hers came with us at the barn to help her lead her horse(she is a little more experienced and FEARLESS in horse handling)...and the younger one responded well for my daughter's friend!

I think primarily because she lead her w/o acting worried...as my daughter did...
I would like ot help her but have no clue where to even start... I know she can do it as she did it before, I think not having to handle horses for awhile threw her confidence back... she still rides and rides well... it's just the handling part that I think she needs major confidencce building on

We have been grooming them and she's done well, but you can still see her a bit "worried" coming too close and such.

If anyone has ANY advice, I would certainly appreciate it....

 

[CMR]

I think experience is the only surefire way to build confidence. She probably is more confident around the school horses because she knows them and in her subconsious mind knows that they are sort of "dulled" from having all sorts of kids mess with them all the time, whereas you're new horses aren't school horses and don't really have any training(well, the young one doesn't).
You probably just have to give it time. Almost everyone is a little uneasy with new horses for at least a shortwhile, they need time to get to know one another. You could also get your daughter to do some groundwork with her(you can get a print off of the seven Parelli games from their website), so that your daughter knows that she is in "control."

 

[iluvhorses28]

I think experience is the only surefire way to build confidence.

This is my thought of it as well... She is slowly warming up and getting comfortable, but you are right..TIME is the key.

She is generally a cautious girl, and maybe that plays a big part in that as well... Many of her riding firends who are about the same age (10-15 yo) are a little more able to work different horses easier, bt again that is an individual thing...

I will certainly try the Parelli games as well.. hearing many people liking it

 

[ponylover88]

Give her abit of time, is she any better with the older one? Maybe she could lead the older one while she gets some confidence back etc. When she goes into groom the young one, does she put a headcollar on her? Maybe that would be abit of a confidence builder for her as she'll have that bit more control.
I cant really say much, but generally the way ive seen it is that the quieter horse people generally get better results out of their horses in the long run because theyre not fighting for it all the time.
Does she understand that theres no rush with her? Maybe if when leading the younger one if someone more confident stood on the other side as a 'just incase' just so your daughter knows that theres someone to help if things do get a little out of control for her. How about getting two leadropes, one on either side to start with and progressing to having the other person stood without one by the end. Eventually your daughter should be able to lead her calmly and quietly without any fuss on her own.

 

[iluvhorses28]

Give her abit of time, is she any better with the older one?
Does she understand that theres no rush with her? Maybe if when leading the younger one if someone more confident stood on the other side as a 'just incase' just so your daughter knows that theres someone to help if things do get a little out of control for her.

Hi Ponylover88!

Well, Sunday we walked them out to be turned out. One of her riding friends who is a little bit older came with us and helped us...she is a tiny girl but VERY good with horses. She has been my daughter's big sister at lessons, helping her and getting her to understand things on and off the saddle....

Anyway, she lead Fancy (younger) and she did fine! Fancy was not bargy at all! She lead her on a loose lead and all!
My daughter led my horse Savannah, who is the calmer of the two.. she did fine w/ her but was a little frustrated when Sav would try and graze as she walked through.

I think she knows it will take time, but the issue is that she would really like to gain more confidence w/ the horses off the saddle. We have been like I said grooming...etc.
And ofcourse it's only been over a week, I'm sure all this will change sooner or later.

For now RI and friends have been accompanying her when she takes her out, which is a good "just in case" plan. I am hoping that in time she will be able to regain her confidence in handling horses again...

 

[Vicki&Milo]

I really wouldn't worry too much. Since its not ever so crucial (as you're around to help) can you just let her do what she IS happy with for now. Maybe a bit of grooming, face rubbing etc. It will probably come with time.
I'm still not very confident picking up rear hooves, and I'm now 21, but I'll do it now, it was just a case of taking it slowly.
How old is she, you say her friends are 10-15, is she's only 10 or so herself there's loads of time, and a new horse (especially a youngster) can be intimidating to anyone.
Is she back riding at the RS too, this might help, if she can get back in with the ponies she feels safe with, maybe do some grooming, leading etc with them too.
Good luck
Vicki xx

 

[iluvhorses28]

Yes, she is back riding again...for now she is using my horse, Savannah. Which she is fine with. I suppose it is natural to feel intimidated with frisky young ones.

We are currently working on her getting comfortable leading her horse Fancy out. She did fine over the weekend. I understand that it will take SOME time....lots of grooming...or just hanging arund the horses may do wonders as I was told... I am hoping that she will slowly but surely be comfortable with her horse.

 

[Peace]

I used to have this exact same problem with Quanah when he was a young hooligan - and I'm in my forties, so tell your daughter not to feel bad.

It did used to make me feel better to have someone else there while I was handling him - usually my poor patient YO, and I don't know why that helped because the little rascal still bites her.

Tell her to try singing while she leads Fancy - Quanah and I used to be quite a sight around the yard, with him plunging around and trying his best to bite me while I sang "You Are My Sunshine" for all I was worth.

I don't know if this is an option, but the other thing I did was to shut the yard gates before leading Quanah. That way, I knew in my mind that if he got too crazy I could simply let go. I never had to actually let go of him, but somehow knowing I could made me feel more confident, which made Quanah behave better. You may not want to go this route, though, if you think there's a risk your daughter might inadvertently teach Fancy to act up by dropping the lead rope in response to bad behavior.

Experience is the best cure, though.

 

[iluvhorses28]

I used to have this exact same problem with Quanah when he was a young hooligan - and I'm in my forties, so tell your daughter not to feel bad.

It did used to make me feel better to have someone else there while I was handling him - I don't know if this is an option, but the other thing I did was to shut the yard gates before leading Quanah. That way, I knew in my mind that if he got too crazy I could simply let go. I never had to actually let go of him, but somehow knowing I could made me feel more confident, which made Quanah behave better. You may not want to go this route, though, if you think there's a risk your daughter might inadvertently teach Fancy to act up by dropping the lead rope in response to bad behavior.

Experience is the best cure, though.

Thanks PEACE!
They say one year added to a horses age makes them a bit easier to work /handle...not sure if that is a majority, but many people seem to nod heads to this notion

For now we have either our RI or family friends who have a bit more handling experience with us. I am no horse expert, but I am trying my best to learn too. I dont think I do such a bad job.... Or so my Ri says..EVERYONE was a novice at one point in their "horse ownership" lives

Sadly the option to close the gates at the barn is not there, many people come and go and I am a ways away from the gates.... the last time Fancy ran off my daughters hand, she trotted about around us...nowhere far as she wanted to be next to big sis.
However, last weekend I found that when being lead...Fancy was better being lead first and Savannah following in a single file form.... last time I had Savannah lead thinking she is the more docile of the two.... I guess she thought she was being left behind! Thus my poor daughter's lost of confidence after Fancy bolted off out of her hands and she felt absolutely helpless... unsure of whether to catch her, as she did Fancy would not move and inch! Took a few yard workers to help us bring them back in the stall.... It was a sight!

 

[Pink's lady]

Like others have said, 'control' is the key. If she feels outta control, often because she can't tell what the horse is about to do next, she'll be nervous.

Anything that helps her read body language will help, so lots of ground work.

Have her standing in the school with a carrot, and the horse loose/on a long leadrope. Show her how to force the horse away from her, using body language (big, sqaure shoulder, stare them in the eye, flap arms,stamp feet if ness and a deep, load 'no' or 'back') Once she's got that mastered - how to move the horse away from her when she needs to - start working on deliberatly moving the horse is a set direct - back, or round etc.

The arena would be ideal for it - you're daughter will feel like she can get away if she feels trapped.

The more she feels able to control the horse, the more confident she'll become.

 

[pengapenga]

I agree with what everyone else has already said

My daughter had the same problem, she still occasionally has a relapse in confidence though as we all do .

My daughter, M, has had Mysty for over a year and she is a bolshy mare and wants to be the boss and knew that M was fair game for lording over anyway it took ages for m to gain control of the silly mare and it was only when she started showing her in hand that her confidence in her abilities grew. M also got the idea that is it okay to discipline a naughty horse, when she started to fight back at Mysty you should have seen that mares face

Funnily enough M is much more able to control Frits than Mysty and because he is not her horse she is ok about the discipline thing

M and Mysty now have a bond which is lovely to watch I certainly cannot get Mysty to behave quite as well as M does Pink's lady's suggestion is a good one. Perhaps a few lessons in groundwork by a trainer would be of some help, in my case because I am mum my daughter does not always take what I say on board however if someone else shows her she listens and tries it out

Good luck and in time your daughters confidence will be back to full strength

 

[iluvhorses28]

Thanks!

I think that sometimes she is scared to discipline a pushy horse... and therefore the horse pics up the cue as A-HA! I CAN BOSS THIS LITTLE HUMAN AROUND!

I may not be helping any as i get more fearful of handling new horses than her.... but I am also slowly getting the hang of it!

 

[Peace]

LIke Penga says, nothing succeeds like success. It's good your daughter has her friend around - seeing a person her age and size making Fancy mind will probably help a lot.

My trainer isn't big as a minute (as we say around here), and I learned from her that it isn't size or strength but determination and attitude. By watching my trainer, I learned to insist on the behavior I wanted and that if it didn't happen the first time I had to persist until I got my way. The first time it actually worked was a wonderful feeling , and like penga's daughter and her mare I don't know who was more shocked, me or the horse.

Once your daughter overcomes resistance successfully the first time, she'll be more confident the second, and even more so on the third, until she's got Fancy's number.

 

[happy highlande]

If your daughter it up for it you can try handle the horse 'in the style of' - get her to pretend to be a cowboy, her teacher, her friend - anyone who you know who is confident and/or bossy!!!

This will give her a chance to practice body language skills with the horse - she could also practice being a mouse or very old lady (lol) to see the effect this has on the horse.

All of this to be tried in a safe situation of course - and to begin with doing things like feeding a carrot. The laughter of trying to feed a carrot in the style of John Wayne should relax her as well

 

[iluvhorses28]

LIke Penga says, nothing succeeds like success. It's good your daughter has her friend around - seeing a person her age and size making Fancy mind will probably help a lot.



Once your daughter overcomes resistance successfully the first time, she'll be more confident the second, and even more so on the third, until she's got Fancy's number.

Good to hear!!! And I think it is wonderful that her friends are by her side through this too and are willing to help. About Fancy, she is a typical 4 yo. But since she is a Paint of QH lineage, she is more so (or at least her) of a more docile "whatever" nature.... still a typical hyped up 4 yo nonetheless, but more so calmer than other bredds she's been handling at the RS.

I did take consideration to their temperaments before I purchased them, made sure they were not too high strung for us to handle... but it just seems at any rate, new horses/new owners are always intimidated by each other to begin with.

 

[iluvhorses28]

If your daughter it up for it you can try handle the horse 'in the style of' - get her to pretend to be a cowboy, her teacher, her friend - anyone who you know who is confident and/or bossy!!!

This will give her a chance to practice body language skills with the horse - she could also practice being a mouse or very old lady (lol) to see the effect this has on the horse.

All of this to be tried in a safe situation of course - and to begin with doing things like feeding a carrot. The laughter of trying to feed a carrot in the style of John Wayne should relax her as well

GREAT IDEA!
Not that she means it, but I notice her picking up our RI's famous words to the horses..."QUIT IT!" whenever they try to be overly rumbuncius (sp?) . And it does work, come to think of it.