Heartbroken
- Thread starter eventerbabe
- Start date
So, so sorry. What a terrible shock. I can't think of anything useful to say except I'm thinking of you. XXX.
Oh god the worst. I had a late miscarriage and can’t even imagine how it compares. I’m devastated to come back to the board and read this. I’m truly sorry. Huge hugs. Allow yourselves to grieve now.
Thank you all for your kind words. We now know via postmortem that he was perfect, no genetic issues that may have caused this. And tests on me show I've no antibodies or other problems that might have caused it. Heartbreaking as it gives us no reason. But positive because there is no reason this will happen again. I'm learning to live with my new normal. Reflexology and acupuncture along with counselling help. We are trying again, my husband is determined our little boy will be a big brother. On the horse front, my highland is fully recovered, Kez is back in Inhand work to build up muscle before going under saddle and Toby has been my saviour, taking me out hacking. Think it was 5 weeks after birth when I got back on board. I don't think you ever recover from this but I am trying to learn to live with the pain
Eventer Babe I am so sorry to read this. It is no light thing to lose a baby and I hope your hospital gave you and your husband plenty of support. Pregnancy care these days should cover all eventualities and all the consequences for the whole family.
I have been absent from the forum for quite a long time eventerbabe, so I missed your heartbreaking post about losing your perfect little boy. I am so very, very sorry you had to go through this tragedy but sincerely hope the future will bring much joy and happiness as you welcome little brothers/sisters for your first born son into your family.
Keep on keeping on as they say - and so glad at least your horses are providing some level of distraction for you at what must be a very sad and difficult time for you and your husband
x
Keep on keeping on as they say - and so glad at least your horses are providing some level of distraction for you at what must be a very sad and difficult time for you and your husband
x
Sadly we've had no help from the hospital/NHS. I am self funding all treatment. They are conducting a full review into our sons still birth to see if they have lessons to learn, which sadly IMO they do. I called three times whilst in labour to report reduced movement and they refused to see me until I'd laid down for 2 hours. That's what breaks my heart even more. I'd been in labour 36 hours before he stopped moving. He was so nearly here. But I'm determined to keep talking about him and raise awareness of baby loss.
If they refused to see you I'd say some answers are needed.
Whilst the health service are good at what they do. I think there is also failing in other areas. I've just gone through two things with my mum. One they deleted her off the system for one of her conditions to see a specialist. No idea why. The other a doctor cancelled a phone appointment as they said the matter had been dealt with and refused to speak to her. When in fact my mum needed answers about her medication and when to take it.
Whilst the health service are good at what they do. I think there is also failing in other areas. I've just gone through two things with my mum. One they deleted her off the system for one of her conditions to see a specialist. No idea why. The other a doctor cancelled a phone appointment as they said the matter had been dealt with and refused to speak to her. When in fact my mum needed answers about her medication and when to take it.
That's awful chunky monkey! I dispared at their computer systems as my GP couldn't access my maternity notes (and as a result I had a week with no blood pressure medication!) and because I'd got married the system treated me as 2 different people?! I have made an official complaint about the maternity triage refusing to see me. This is going to be delt with as part of the review. In all honesty I think he'd gone before I reported reduced movements and the likelihood of a positive outcome as I wasn't in the hospital was low. Which begs the question as to why pregnant women aren't all in hospital as soon as labour starts. I've been told next pregnancy I'll be induced at 37 weeks and kept in, not sent home as is standard for our maternity unit.
it makes it even worse that this was probably preventable and should have been. And the way you are being treated now is even worse. Sadly I am not surprised as my experience of the NHS is that there is little joined up thinking even where things are simple. i.e. why do you have to have 3 appointments for something that could be dealt with in one? I am dealing a lot with geriatric care at the moment and it is dire.
How awful that you have this to carry as well as your baby's loss. You are very strong, holding it all together. I'm glad your horses are well and Toby is looking after you.
Me too - I take my mother to multiple consultants / clinics for basically the same issue with her arthritis, but because it affects different parts of her body we go to different clinics and then we turn up at pain management who ask why she is there .... this is in stark contrast to the Italian system which I have had two experiences of - there you are dealt with by a team and each specialism comes to you as needed.
I think the only way to prevent this is having mums in labour in the hospital on CTG monitoring from the moment labour starts. But they can't/won't. I asked my consultant. I will get that level of care next time, but only because we suffered a still birth. Seems like you need a disaster to get close care.
The baby loss ward we were admitted to was amazing. BUT it's been furnished/stocked by Sands (still birth and neonatal death charity) and not the NHS. Our NHS trust will close the baby loss ward if they want to put staff elsewhere which is barbaric but fortunately not something we experienced.
The NHS directs you to charities like Sands. They abdicate all responsibility for supporting you. I'm lucky I found a local charity that has a counsellor that could help. All my reflexology and acupuncture is self funded. The NHS are not set up to support grieving families. I get they can't help everyone all of the time but as I hold them responsible for what happened, they should at least support us through a situation they caused. Depending on the outcome of the review, we may take legal action.
@newforest yes. You aren't to go into hospital until contractions are 2 minutes apart. When I initially called in to check I was in labour they advised that. We were warned latent labour can last 96 hours plus. Even with inductions they put the cook balloon in (the main method of induction my maternity unit use) and send you away. You report back to hospital when it drops out! My labour was progressing normally with no odd symptoms or issues. So there were no warning signs that something was wrong until I felt no movement.
Sadly being monitored during labour or just routinely doesn’t guarantee a healthy baby.
All the staff can do is react, but even then it can be too late.
I can understand your anger and I totally understand your need for answers but sometimes there just aren’t any.
I’m glad you are starting to pick up the peices even though your funding everything yourself, it’s quite shocking how little the NHS can help. Glad you found SANDS helpful too. Its good that you want to talk about Alfie and that you want to try and raise awareness of baby death, the more we talk about it the less taboo it becomes and the better people who care can begin to understand how this tragic life changing event effects us xx
All the staff can do is react, but even then it can be too late.
I can understand your anger and I totally understand your need for answers but sometimes there just aren’t any.
I’m glad you are starting to pick up the peices even though your funding everything yourself, it’s quite shocking how little the NHS can help. Glad you found SANDS helpful too. Its good that you want to talk about Alfie and that you want to try and raise awareness of baby death, the more we talk about it the less taboo it becomes and the better people who care can begin to understand how this tragic life changing event effects us xx
Have just found this NHS notice on Twitter - for anyone who has had a baby recrntly whatever the outcome.
Women and families are invited to share their experiences of maternity care with their local Maternity Voices Partnership (MVP). You can find your local one here: (link: http://www.nationalmaternityvoices.org.uk) nationalmaternityvoices.org.uk. #BetterBirths @NatMatVoicesorg #MatVoices
Women and families are invited to share their experiences of maternity care with their local Maternity Voices Partnership (MVP). You can find your local one here: (link: http://www.nationalmaternityvoices.org.uk) nationalmaternityvoices.org.uk. #BetterBirths @NatMatVoicesorg #MatVoices
not been active on here for ages
i am truly, truly sorry. There are no words to comfort but i wish you strength, peace and love for the future.
I chose to have my wee boy at the midwife unit in montrose. I arrived, fully dilated.. bleeding very heavily but they put me in the pool anyway. My waters didnt break and despite being fully dilated I made no progress so they hauled me out and whisked me in an ambulance to Ninewells as his heart rate had dropped.
They got him out (naturally) but I ended up in theatre for removal of placenta and the following morning they got us to DRIVE back to Montrose to 'room in'.
That night they MW woke me to say he was in respiratory distress and would be taken by neonatal ambulance back to Ninewells and could we make our own way there. It was all fairly minor and a week later we were both sent home.
I bless every day I have my wee boy and my heart breaks for you. As an older Mum we didnt try again but if I had, I would have done STRAiGHT to hospital. I cant believe the risks that were taken and we were so naive.
i am truly, truly sorry. There are no words to comfort but i wish you strength, peace and love for the future.
I chose to have my wee boy at the midwife unit in montrose. I arrived, fully dilated.. bleeding very heavily but they put me in the pool anyway. My waters didnt break and despite being fully dilated I made no progress so they hauled me out and whisked me in an ambulance to Ninewells as his heart rate had dropped.
They got him out (naturally) but I ended up in theatre for removal of placenta and the following morning they got us to DRIVE back to Montrose to 'room in'.
That night they MW woke me to say he was in respiratory distress and would be taken by neonatal ambulance back to Ninewells and could we make our own way there. It was all fairly minor and a week later we were both sent home.
I bless every day I have my wee boy and my heart breaks for you. As an older Mum we didnt try again but if I had, I would have done STRAiGHT to hospital. I cant believe the risks that were taken and we were so naive.
@CharliesAngel I'm sorry to hear you had a negative experience. I think they take far too many chances with maternity care and a lot of times they seem to just hope for the best. Give my matty hospital it's due, they have a detailed care plan in place for my next pregnancy. But you put your trust in the NHS and I feel completely let down by them because my pregnancy and initial labour were so "normal" I was ignored and the devastating loss we suffered was never picked up
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