Having a tricky time.....

[Mary Poppins]

To cut a very long story short, I attended a 4 hour NLP/hypnosis confidence session last week. It was truly amazing. I learnt more than I ever thought possible and have ended up with a whole new perspective on riding. The fear that I used to carry with me as a result of my accident 23 years ago has completely gone. It has vanished and now I am sitting much deeper in the saddle, no longer lean forward when I feel fear and feel like a completely different rider. I have a new understanding of horses and hope that this will be a new me.

On the course I managed to hack Ben down the bottom of one of our lanes, past all scary objects and right next to a hay cutting machine. Ben seemed happy and relaxed. I came away from the course feeling very positive that I might be able to hack without fear.

The next evening I was all alone at the yard and with my new found confidence I thought that I would repeat the hack I did on the course. We got to a certain point where I thought he may be a bit spooky and he stopped. I felt no fear, sat deep in the saddle and pushed him on. This resulted in him doing a 180 degree spin and I fell off!

Why is it always one step forward and two steps back? Since the weekend I have been so upset that he did this and I feel that I have lost my trust in him. I took him out jumping at the weekend and he was great, but last night I went into one of our back fields. I really do have none of the old fear that I used to have with me, but I felt that he was spooky and hesitant. We got to a washing line where he went to plant and I dismounted, not because I felt my old fear, but because I was worried he may spin again.

It is like now I have improved my riding position (and I really have), he is confused and acting like a spooky crazy horse. This wasn't supposed to happen. My new position and confidence was supposed to make him go forward nicely and do what I asked of him. Now that I have finally dropped my fear I seem to be left with a horse who doesn't want to hack anyway. Maybe he has always been like this and I have been too self absorbed in myself to notice. My yard manager hacked him for my on Sunday to make sure that he wouldn't spin again and she said that he was tense and hesitant so it's not just me. I guess that after 3 years of not hacking, he needs to build up his confidence as well - I am just so upset as I didn't even consider that this may happen.

Thanks for reading my essay, I am very confused, ache from head to toe from riding in a different way and don't know what I want anymore. If he doesn't want to hack out, then I am not that bothered either. I was only doing it for him.

 

[OwnedbyChanter]

MP sorry to hear that you had a fall and after such an good experience with the NLP as well.

Just out of interest when was the last time you and Ben hacked out. I thought you went round your yard quite often? or is this a new hack you where on?

I don't want to go on any further until you have answered as I don't want to cover something that is not relevent at all.

Hugs to you.

 

[Mary Poppins]

When he span it was past a spooky bit by the haybarn when they were stacking hay. I had never taken him down there before until Thursday on my course. On Friday we tried to do the same thing and he span.

Last night I rode in one of my safe fields but we walked past some washing hanging on the line. Previous to my course I just wouldt have ridden him thre as I would have been scared of the sheet, but now i can see that its just a sheet and sheets are not scary.

I guess he needs to build his confidence up in both my new way of riding and in new situations. I feel like I have created this problem myself, but it doesnt make it an easier to solve. I am not keen on being span with and falling off on concrete!

 

[Mary Poppins]

We ride outside the school almost everyday in the fields and we box out to an event about twice a week.

 

[Mary Poppins]

The difference is that previously I used to turn back or avoid anything remotely spooky. Now I am asking him to move on and walk past things I used to avoid, and he is saying no.

 

[MrA]

Just take it slow. Lead him past scary objects if need be, either on foot or with another confident horse. Be very reassuring if he plants, pats and good boys all round, eespecially when he walks past the object

 

[juliecwuk]

I agree with Ale.

My gut feeling when i read your post was that you have 'trained' Ben to turn around when you see someone spooky. Obviously this was not your intention but subconsciously he has learnt that he turns back/avoids spooky things. He has also learnt that the fields are the limit of your comfort zone (both yours and his), going on new routes is different for both of you, it will take time to get him to accept that there is a life outside of the fields.

does he freeze when he sees something spooky? or jogs and then spins? When Moet sees something spooky she freezes, if i push on her to go past when she is frozen then she will spin, spook, jog etc. If i sit it out quietly and tell her its fine she 99% of the time just walks on by herself, albeit slowly/tentatively, and i reward her with a treat. It results in no drama's for us doing it that way. If i get the feeling we are not going to walk past the offending item (these days it has to be REALLY scary to not go past) then i dismount and remount afterwards.

 

[Mary Poppins]

I think you are spot on. He freezes when he sees somethi g he doesnt like. Before my course I always turned away from the spooky object which is easy to do in a big field with several exit points. When he span with me on Friday he first frooze but I pushed him on straight away and he than span round.

I just dont know if its worth it. I have felt every emption possible this week and i am completely drained. Do I want to hack so badly that I have to go through all this? I was happy the way we were.

 

[Kite_Rider]

Ditto what Julie said. If he's not hacked for three years he is going to find things scary and different especially as you have always avoided anything spooky. Just use your new found confidence to take baby steps going out with him and if he gets worried get of and lead him past whatever it is and then when he's calmed down get back on and continue with your hack. It might take some time but he will get there the more you do it. Just don't turn for home when he worries, do whatever you need to do to get past and carry on the route you had planned. Belle is the same as Moett if she plants and you try to force the issue you'll have a problem but if she plants and you give her time to assess she'll then happily carry on. He just needs a bit of time to get used to all the new stuff I'm guessing.

 

[Kite_Rider]

I think you are spot on. He freezes when he sees somethi g he doesnt like. Before my course I always turned away from the spooky object which is easy to do in a big field with several exit points. When he span with me on Friday he first frooze but I pushed him on straight away and he than span round.

I just dont know if its worth it. I have felt every emption possible this week and i am completely drained. Do I want to hack so badly that I have to go through all this? I was happy the way we were.

If you were happy how you were why don't you just carry on doing what you were happy doing. No law says you have to hack out if you don't want to our are not enjoying it. It's not like you do nothing else is it? You both enjoy all the other things you do so carry on enjoying them and stop stressing.

 

[juliecwuk]

There is an end to this - trust me, i think back to years ago i was TERRIFIED and i mean TERRIFIED, I wouldn't hack, then i wouldn't hack other than in our fields opposite and with certain companions, then we included the village, then we went further and further and further and even though we STILL have issues by the golf course (thats the only route i am still selective about, though do it, just selective about who i ride with down there!). I LOVE not having a limit, not having an 'issue' anymore (though as you know i am working on my cantering in a school issue as i no longer want issues!).

I think you need to think of Ben as needing NLP therapy, would you have wanted to have been pushed and pushed by someone to be forced to ride routes off the fields? NLP was your way of getting past this issue in a kind way. do you ever take him out in hand? i would be walking some sections of the new hacks and getting back on.

If I'm honest though, i think you DO want to ride other routes, thats why you went on to have the NLP therapy, unfortunately you just didnt realise that Ben doesnt realise yet there is a hacking life outside of the fields

 

[Gimp]

really interesting thread, and Im glad to hear the course has worked wonders for you, its like the start of a new riding career for you!

My first thoughts to it ( if I were in your position) is I would get someone confident to get Ben out and about all the new scary things and pushed forwards. I know when I lost my confidence, seeing the horse I was riding from the floor and being able to see what hes thinking from that position helped alot. Perhaps a neck strap for when you ride would give you some added confidence and stabilty to?

 

[Mary Poppins]

Have spent all morning at the yard and mostly in tears but some progress has bee made. We had a fun jumping session in the school, I then walked him past the washing line we had problems with last night and he was fine. I then walked him down the lane where he span on Friday with someone on foot, and although I was crying my eyes out we walked past without incident. We then did the washing line route again and he was fine.

Just need to keep going. Dicussed with my RI and she said that if he freezes again, just sit still and don't push him too much. We are both learning from each other and I need to look forward and stop dwelling.

Its so strange that i am no longer scared of random objects. I am now just scared of being spun with!

 

[juliecwuk]

MP, well done for facing your new demon! Honestly its totally understandable having a fear of being spun with, but don't let it escalate and rule things, stamp it out soon (which is what you are doing). Keep at it I do love how you set your mind at something and just 'do it', only last night the washing line incident happened and today you faced it, you should be proud!

 

[Mary Poppins]

I have to keep going - it's the only way that I am going to get over it. I have to say that everyone on my yard has been so nice to me today. I started crying (not overly sobbing but had tears escaping from my eyes) as soon as I got there. They stopped when I was jumping but returned when I left the school to face my demons. Ben didn't react to anything today - hopefully he is getting bored of doing the same thing already.

It is so strange that my old fears have gone. The dustbin truck came to the yard today and I didn't even flinch. Before my NLP I would have had a panic attack.

Julie - were you as bad as I am at hacking? I have never met anyone with the same fears as me!

 

[juliecwuk]

I remember 5 years ago before i moved to this yard i was on a farm, we had our own fields to hack around (the reason i moved there), and i was just terrified of hacking/riding Moet, i would take her for inland walks, but even then i would put her back in the stable afterwards and just sit and cry i remember clear as day thinking this is useless, i am useless, i have a horse that i can't ride (she was over spooky then, i was over nervous, not a good combo).....eventually i got a bit better and would ride her around a few fields as long as someone was riding rosie with me....but even then there were times where i got off and led and cried! I almost sold Moet at that point, and then decided to move to a new yard with a school and start again - BEST thing i ever did as look at us now!!! it took me about 3 months to actually get on Moet at the yard - i used to insist on leading her off the yard to the fields opposite and then eventually get on. it did take me at least 10 months to go out on a mini solo hack though.....and a good 18 months to do a proper solo hack (that was my real demon then).

Was i as bad? not sure, i know i had my own issues, which to me were like a mountain and i was just never ever getting near the top.....then all of a sudden i was up/over and back down the other side before i realised?!?! does that make sense?!? My current mountain is cantering in a school but this feels like its getting nearer to 'normal', though my RI also organises courses with a NLP person too at her yard, she is getting me onto the next course when she has a date, and after reading your post i am SOOOOOO going on it!!!!!

 

[Mary Poppins]

I cannot recommend NLP enough if you have a particular issue to get over. The effect it has had on me is huge. If I had not fallen off I am sure I would have done a solo hack by now as my old fears have simply gone. I may need another session to get me over this fall though! I can see why some people get addicted to therapy!

 

[Mary Poppins]

I wish that we were on a yard togethr. We could fo mini jumping together and i would love to hack out with someone who understands.x

 

[Jane&Ziggy]

I cannot recommend NLP enough if you have a particular issue to get over. The effect it has had on me is huge. If I had not fallen off I am sure I would have done a solo hack by now as my old fears have simply gone. I may need another session to get me over this fall though! I can see why some people get addicted to therapy!

I am sorry that things haven't gone swimmingly since your session, but I am so glad that it went well for you and was helpful. You must have got yourself a good practitioner. Great news, and I am sure that you and Ben will achieve whatever you want in time.

 

[Cortrasna]

I think you really have done very well, after not hacking for three years you did actually go out and do it didn't you? So it all went a bit pear shaped, well it could have just as easily gone pear shaped hacking around within your normal comfort zone couldn't it? Just a very bad bit of timing on Ben's part.

Quite honestly if I didn't hack Dolly out to different places on a regular basis, and kept her within a very limited comfort zone for three years, she would most certainly throw a huge wobbly if I then threw caution to the wind and hacked her out - you might have done the NLP course but Ben hasn't has he? You have trained him to immediately head away for anything that even slightly worries him, he learnt well didn't he?- so now you must remember how easy it was to train him to do that, and train him to walk forward instead of turning away.

I know exactly what you mean about the sitting deep - when I used to get nervous with Dolly over anything I used to sit 'on' the saddle - as opposed to 'in' the saddle. Now if I feel her get even slightly tense I immediately force myself to sink down into the saddle, and forward she goes. The minute I start to 'perch' even now, I can feel her start to tense up and prepare to reverse at speed! so my point is, my horse isn't nervous passing unusual things, but I can certainly train her to be so if I don't very carefully watch my own vibes that I am giving her.

Something else I wondered, you say suddenly due to the NLP you have totally altered your position and riding mind set, could Ben be nervous because he doesn't recognise the rider on his back? Of course I know he knows it is you, but you are sending a completely alien vibe through your body and through to him - that might also have unsettled him. Where has the rider he knew so very well suddenly gone - how will he cope with this new rider - especially as you are also asking him to do things that you have never expected of him before?

At the end of the day, if you really don't want to hack - then why do so? I have absolutely no desire to go round and round in circles in a school or throw myself and my precious horse over jumps, so I don't.