Hacked further out on the trail...BUT....

iluvhorses28

iluvhorses28

New Member
Jul 29, 2005
821
0
0
California
I felt so horrible today... hacked out with the girls (my daughter and her friend) and I basically **chickened out** on going further out... we just started hacking OUTSIDE the barn the last 2 weeks...building my confidence slowly... today the girls wanted to go a bit further out our usual trail... I felt uneasy as I was alone with the kids with no other "adult" with us... granted they ride A LOT better than this old lady... but I still felt unsure...

I stopped the hack only to want to head back home after a bit of a ** Nervous ** attack.... which I felt really stupid about afterwards...

I guess I was scared of being out alone... the cars, the dogs if they happen to come out barking... I just did not have the same confidence as I would have hacking with another adults "re-assurance":(

The girls...well.... were being girls... wanting to go out further with no hesitations at all... and poor old mom was as I felt...pulling them back because of my own insecurity.... :(

Although many riders tell me that if I felt "uncomfortable" at a situation, it is always best I follow my first instinct, instea of pushing a situation I am not ready for, hence causing more complications... I suppose I was worried that should anything happen... I was alone with the girls at a trail we've never been at...miles from the barn .... and well, you get the picture....

I dont feel comfortable letting my daughter ride out alone with her friend, as even if her friend is more experienced a rider, and she is too... she is on a 4 yo mare that still can be a bit naughty at times, and I feel that she should always take all precautions rather than thinking she is on an absolute bombproof horse... as she isnt. Fancy is well behaved, but given the opportunity..she can test her rider, and be quite uncooperative.

Ive been trailing round about a 10-15 minute trail alongside the barn area... and it's done great for my confidence~ BUT now I feel like the girls wants to advance further...and I am holding them back...:( On regular lessons, they only do their usual jumps, groundwork,flatwork stuff...and not much trailing...so their only real opportunity is along with me on days we go riding on our own outside of a lesson. A few boarders have come to ride along with us, which ofcourse makes me feel better.... but this does not happen all the time... I guess I am just feeling somewhat confused if I am being a total Nervous Nellie.... or am I just being right be heading my instincts to be more careful???:confused:
 
I agree with the above. Follow your instincts. If you didn't and something happened your confidence would be shot to peices. The girls will only be frustrated for a few minutes. You need to do it when you are ready. :cool:
 
I can TOTALLY appreciate where you're coming from!

As you point out, you're an adult, you're the responsible member of the party, and you certainly will be held accountable if anything happened to anybody. Kids can't see that, they don't appreciate the burdon of potential consequences relating to such responsibility and (obviously) don't have children of their own that they have such instinctive feelings to protect.

You did the right thing, I'm a boring old 'lets go back now' type when it comes to unfamiliar territory :eek:

:D
 
You have a double problem. You did right.
Horsewise, dont push yourself or the horse. It may take a little longer but we slower ones get there in the end and are often happier riders for it.

But you also have the anxious mother side. In our genes. When I take my grand daughter to pony ride I worry a lot because her Mother, my daughter, doesnt like horses and riding and is fretting about the whole thing. Riding is risky.

You are probably not the best adult to take your daughter out hacking. If you trusted another adult owner enough to go with the kids?

But you have the third element you mentioned: your daughter's young horse? Just setting out and hoping for the best isnt going to address that. But perhaps hacking out in a clover leaf pattern, (search previous threads for this) going farther each time might both teach the young horse and build your confidence too.

The different is in "presentation". That the children dont perceive the frequent turning back as you curtailing their ride, but as a series of exercises to teach the horse. Discovering how horses learn and how to teach them, is a real turning point in learning to ride.
 
Last edited:
How old is your daughter, and her friend? I agree with the others, you did the right thing, but if the kids are confident it would be nice for them to get out and about with a confident and competent adult escort.

Around here is seems about 14 is when kids are deemed sensible enough to go it alone? Depends on what hacking/horses you have though!

aj xx
 
My daughter is 11 (riding 4 years), her friend is 14 (riding 6 years)-

The horses are well behaved...but thats not exactly a permenent 'comfort' as horses are unpredictable...

We run the horses in the arena freely for about 10 minutes to get the edge off~ and sometimes they are quite fine... but like yesterday.... my horse seemed antsy.... and I got scared to push her further.... she was just not her quiet self yesterday and I was mortified to keep pushing and hoping she was going to stay good! So I told the girls to head on back....

The 14 yo friend is a much more confident rider, so she is usually the one pushing us to try to go farther, but still she is 14~ And even if she is a better rider than me... does not mean she can do anything should trouble arise.... the new are we are trekking at is about a mile or so awway from the barn... I am not familiar with that neighborhood, should dogs be roaming about... which happened before , a group of dogs came charging at us and the horses...luckily our horses stood still and did not even flinch... but you never know.... Some days our RI rides out with us... and I agree... I feel quite helpless going that far... a round about the barn and back for 10 -15 minutes is fine...but going that far does worry me.

Maybe it's better I stick with the immediate area and wait until other adult riders are able to ride out with us....:confused: As a mom...this just seems to me the more logical and SAFE approach, especially with my daughters young horse.....
 
I can quite see why you're worried, iluvhorses ... it is a scary feeling being the only adult with a couple of kids. I think I'd have let my daughter go out with a fourteen-year old friend when she was 11, but only because she had an elderly and reliable pony ... I'd be worried if she had a youngster.

Fourteen year-olds are often as competent as adults, though. I think both your daughter and her friend should understand about not going too far with a youngster. Have you worked out exactly what could go wrong, and how they should deal with it? Do they carry phones? I suppose the worst is that something - dogs or whatever - spooked your daughter's horse, she falls off and the horse takes off .... Is there any training they could do - and maybe you too - about first aid and dealing with accidents? If they'd done that, everyone would be a lot braver. Could you find another adult, either to go with you all or just to go with them?

It's a tricky one, really But I don't think you should feel guilty, whatever. If you're not confident, then the children just have to live with that. Some children have to live with parents who won't let them ride at all. And even an un-confident horsey parent is a thousand times better than a non-horsey one! You have a right to enjoy it too, and to go just as far as you want to, no further.

Linda
 
Can you walk out with them on foot while they ride? I did that with my son today, and it worked quite well. It meant he had to stick pretty much to walk (no bad thing), but there were places where I could say, why don't you have a little canter to the top of that hill, and then walk back down to me, or go ahead and trot that loop of trail, and I'll wait here... He's 16 and a competent rider, but I *still* worry about him getting overconfident and getting himself into something sticky with my horse. I'd let him go out with a responsible adult on a sane horse, but I don't like the idea of him going out alone yet. I tell him, "Worrying is my job. Deal." He accepts that ;)
 
LindaAd said:
I can quite see why you're worried, iluvhorses ... it is a scary feeling being the only adult with a couple of kids. I think I'd have let my daughter go out with a fourteen-year old friend when she was 11, but only because she had an elderly and reliable pony ... I'd be worried if she had a youngster.

Have you worked out exactly what could go wrong, and how they should deal with it? Do they carry phones? I suppose the worst is that something - dogs or whatever - spooked your daughter's horse, she falls off and the horse takes off .... Is there any training they could do - and maybe you too - about first aid and dealing with accidents? If they'd done that, everyone would be a lot braver. Could you find another adult, either to go with you all or just to go with them?

Some children have to live with parents who won't let them ride at all. And even an un-confident horsey parent is a thousand times better than a non-horsey one! You have a right to enjoy it too, and to go just as far as you want to, no further.

Linda
Click to expand...

Thanks Linda!
That makes me feel better.... knowing I am just not an old worry wart!
But that is EXACTLY my hesitations.... dogs + spook MAY or MAY not happen BUT....its much more LOGICAL to be prepared and avoid pushing something that doesnt necessarily need to be done so soon (Hacking further)

Then there is the 4 yo mare.. who by comparisson to many newly trained 4 yo's is quite calm and collected... she works very well with my daughter and is generally responsive to her cues, and along with me horse...BOTH horses trail out quite comfortably.... BUT other aspects on the trail aren't necessarily within my control.... cars...motor bikes.... etc.
And even though the 14 yo is a good rider... I still CANNOT as an adult put my faith in just that . We do on occassion, find friendly people at the barn who come and ride with us... and it's been great... I have more of people MY AGE and I feel like I am getting SOME assistance in the situation.So yes, that has been some option from time to time....

At this stage, I want to make sure that the 4 yo and my daughter further their bond and communication with each other. If that means more arena work than hacks for the moment, I think I'd be a better mother AND a smarter rider for choosing this route than forcing a situation just beacuse the 'kids' want to ride out further, and have no concept of the fears and consequences there could be SHOULD anything go wrong.... I suppose it is unfortunate we ADULTS are set back sometimes due to our fears and hesitations.... I can say I envy children and their naivity about that...which makes then strive further and fearlessly than we can... on the other hand... WE adults are put in the picture to be the ones to forsee dangers and WE are made to protect the children... so BOTH do work hand in hand...

And YES, I do beleive my daughter appreciates the fact that I am a HORSEY mom.... :p She doesnt need to tell me twice that we need to see the horses... and her friend is thankful that I am...as her own mother is not an barely devotes any time taking her to the barn, hence me being the HORSEY CHAUFFER for the task..... but we all have fun.... I enjoy my time with the kids and our horses... I guess I only really mean for them to be SAFER than sorry....:eek:
 
Grace O'Malley said:
Can you walk out with them on foot while they ride? I did that with my son today, and it worked quite well. It meant he had to stick pretty much to walk (no bad thing), but there were places where I could say, why don't you have a little canter to the top of that hill, and then walk back down to me, or go ahead and trot that loop of trail, and I'll wait here... He's 16 and a competent rider, but I *still* worry about him getting overconfident and getting himself into something sticky with my horse. I'd let him go out with a responsible adult on a sane horse, but I don't like the idea of him going out alone yet. I tell him, "Worrying is my job. Deal." He accepts that ;)
Click to expand...


Well... we do not really hack out THAT far.. so I suppose I could...

And I hear you with your son too! Kids can 'forget' safety in riding out QUITE EASILY~
And we are risking enough to accept this sport in itself... IF taking precautions are what is needed.... THATS WHATS NEEDED... I tell my daughter (though I see her rolling her eyes as I say this..) " This is a sport that you MUST be prepared, ALERT and RESPONSIBLE- ALL THE TIME!...ON and OFF the saddle... if you want to continue it...you need to be SAFE anytime you are near your horse...that is my only requirement that is why I agreed for us to buy our own horses.... that this rule remain CONSTANT for us both!"

And I try to remain faithful to my instincts of being SAFER than SORRY... some may call me a wimpy rider... but I am no expert and neither is she.... we are just learning... if it means taking longer than others due to SAFETY reasons... I have all the time to learn..... BUT one mistake should I forget that agreement.... may be something I may regret forever....
 
hi,
For what it's worth, i totally think you're right not to push it.

I once went out on a hack with a 16 year old as a guide and nevertheless she was an excellent rider she did some dangerous things on the beach (galloping between children and people). I think this is because as a teenager, you simply don't see the danger.

i read somewhere that your brain is not developed enough at that age yet to asses dangerous situations. So, not being that old myself to still be able to remember the difference in the way i was thinking then and the way i am thinking now about taking risks : YOU ARE COMPLETELY RIGHT!
 
pruts said:
hi,
For what it's worth, i totally think you're right not to push it.

I once went out on a hack with a 16 year old as a guide and nevertheless she was an excellent rider she did some dangerous things on the beach (galloping between children and people). I think this is because as a teenager, you simply don't see the danger.

i read somewhere that your brain is not developed enough at that age yet to asses dangerous situations. So, not being that old myself to still be able to remember the difference in the way i was thinking then and the way i am thinking now about taking risks : YOU ARE COMPLETELY RIGHT!
Click to expand...


Quite true....! Even the most well meaning teen/pre-teen can be quite susceptible (sp?) to being a bit lacking in the safety first department... I see plenty of children (teens too) that given the opportunity to be without any adults around, will do something quite dangerous and not even know it.....

Some children at the barn went out on a hack through the desert and 'played' HIDE and SEEK through the trees... Ummmm.... I am no expert, but to hide WITH your horse behind trees while someother person sneaks around on their horse look for you ...Hmmmm..... can you just imagine the level of danger that is as horses will surely spook!

And at that time.. one Arabian did and ran off with a little 10 year old girl, who was badly injured! Sometimes, we try and give children the benefit of the doubts.. but regardless...they are still very young to 'always' consider what is right first and fun after..... :rolleyes:
 
newrider.com
Top Bottom
Back