Gutted - Confident Rider CDs didn't work for me

ladywiththebaby

ladywiththebaby

Active Member
Mar 6, 2007
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Cambridge
I'm gutted. I have been listening to the Confident Rider hypnotherapy CDs every day for a week, as directed, but I rode today for the first time since starting listening to them and I was absolutely no better. None whatsoever. My legs were tense and I could not get them to relax. I kept tensing and gripping. I wanted to get off at the beginning of the ride coz I just felt so awful and event thinking about canter made me feel sick. I can't see that happening for a long time. Grr I'm so frustrated with myself. I did walk / trot / canter when I tried my new loan pony but since she's come home she seems like a different horse and its really denting my confidence.

Then I worry that the longer I don't canter her, the more explosive she'll be when and if I finally do!

I'm just disappointed as I'd heard a lot of good reviews about them so was kind of pinning my hopes on them 'fixing' me! :cry:
 
I had the same problem as you!

My advice would be to not worry about progress or lack of it but to do what you feel comfortable with. set yourself little targets like get on walk 10 steps and get off or to walk a lap of the school. Those sort of things. Then you will find our mind starts saying to you "oh, I'm only walking but I really want to trot!" and on it will go.

Take things slowly.

If you're worried that the horse needs more work then consider getting a sharer in or simply offering the ride to someone who you think will suit until you have the confidence to ride for longer yourself.

oh and on really bad days, just do groundwork. :)
 
hi there -- first of all don't panic!

the confident rider CDs work really really well for a lot of people -- but they do not work for everyone!

most of the people I end up doing one to one work with are those who have tried many other approaches that work for alot of people but not for them --

we all learn differently, have different ways of understanding and processing -- and that means not everything works for everyone.

it sounds ot me as if your responses are highly kinesthetic (ie in your muscle and movement sytem) rather than visual -- and so your physical reactions are over r ding the visualistaions and patterns in the Cd.

so it might be that the CDs are not the best tool for you to be using right now -- have a look around and find some one ot one coaching or support that will help you on a level that fits more with your own learning style

best

Cathy
 
Thats a shame! I found the Hacking with confidence CD really beneficial when I had a confidence blip a couple of years ago. I guess different things work for different people.
 
I tried the CDs before my first hack out on my horse after he'd been retrained and while he was still at the training yard. It didn't work one ounce and to make things worse I ended up in a&e.:frown:
Its been three months since then and not only have I now gone out on a few hacks with a foot soldier, I've ridden solo as well. Not saying my confidence is where it could be, we've still got some work to do, but I'm learning to trust my horse, my ability and my luck!
In my panic mode, thinking Flipo reacted to my nerves, I was looking for a quick fix, I hated feeling that way before and during a ride but I loved my horse enough to persevere through it and realised that time, patience and pushing myself out of my comfort zone just a little bit each time has got me where I am. Hope that doesn't sound patrionising but I like what fth says - for me I found my response was for my brain to shut down whenever trouble came our way and I didn't have any time to respond - I had a colleague do some EMDR therapy with me to take the fear out of the situation and so far *touches wood* I've worked through it and stayed on to three spooks(sounds pathetic but thats huge for Flip and I!!!)
Good luck, I recommend EMDR, it won't work for everyone but helped me in conjunction with just getting stuck in at the deep end with my horse.
 
fth said:
have a look around and find some one ot one coaching or support that will help you on a level that fits more with your own learning style
Click to expand...

Hi there Cathy - I'm not really sure what I need to look for that would help with my kinaesthetic style? Can you recommend anything?
I have tried so many different things I can think what my next step could be?

Flipo's mum - what's EMDR? And is it very expensive??! :redface:

But thank you everyone - just knowing there are others out there who are going through it or have been through it helps!
 
Oh, I know all about the tense muscles - it's a downward spiral when that happens.

I remember someone on this board once suggesting doing something really simple until it becomes boring, and that's working for me. I've been hacking out in walk round the block until it's old hat, at which point I've introduced a bit of trot. It's no good to sit on your horse and imagine cantering - your body will tense up at the thought.....

If even walking out is too much then take it back to groundwork and do that until you're gagging to get on board - it will happen, even if you're still feeling anxious, and that's normal.

Don't give up though. A move to a new place must be an immense thing for a horse to go through, and horses can be big, scary animals. With time though, you WILL forge a strong partnership, and if you take it in baby steps you'll get there in the end.

Hypnosis didn't work for me either..:wink:
 
hi there lady with baby

when our horse is worried about something, we can force them past it --which can either work -- or make them MORE worried -- or we can do approach and retreat -- ie go a bit closer then back away, and repeat this until the horse relaxes and builds confidence

Hormonal mare -- I am a great advocate of do something until it is boring. If you do somethingonce - ie you grit your teeth and do it, what your BODY remembers is that tension - so the next time you do it or THINK of doing it -- you go back to that tense state. With kinaesthetic people our memories are in our muscles.

WHat we have to do is retrain our muscles. EMDR works by separating muscular responses from thoughts -- the one to one coaching I do works by reprogrammiong our thoughts and retraining the thought muscle relationship.

One key tip I will give you which is the first thing I talk about to all the poeple I work with: if you are scared, don't do it. You will make your fear worse. Find something you CAN do and do that for ten minutes -- then ask yourself what ELSE you can do that doesn't scare you...

whereabouts are you based? there may be other new rider folk who are nearby who can share things with you.

Cathy
 
Thanks Cathy. I'm in Cambridge, but near Haverhill and also Newmarket. Anyone else round here found anyone that does EMDR out this way? I had a quick look on the internet but I couldn't see anyone that did it round here. It sounds like it could really work for me. I've spent so much money on trying to get over this but they were all NLP / hynotherapy type courses so maybe that's why they've not worked for me?

And I am definitely doing things slowly. I'm happy to walk and trot on the roads - even though keeping to a sensible speed on the way home is a bit if an issue. But I'm not so happy trotting off road as I know when I feel her being speedy I will think she's trying to take off into canter, then I'll tense and grip, then she probably will......you know that downward spiral or self fulfilling prophecy (sp?).

So I'm just walking off road. But what I don't know about the 'just walk until you're bored' or j'ust walk and trot until your bored' idea is, when I do eventually canter will she be so excited about finally doing it that it will be even worse than if I got it over with sooner rather than later? I don't have a school or even a field I can ride in.
 
I agree with laceyfreckle -

Honestly I dont believe in any of these hypnotic or phsychological things. Not when it comes to riding nerves.

Being nervous on a horse is rational self-preservation.
Two things to tackle here. First teach the horse how you expect it to behave and respond - all horses get unsettled in a new home so start small and slow - with ground work if necessary - forget canter.
Then there are your own skills - being sure you are in control of the animal you are riding. Take it step by step with lots of transitions and turns. First in walk then trot and leave canter till you are happy you have control. If you know you can manage, and build up your competence you will stop being nervous.

I am a great believer in breathing deep and slow and relaxing on a horse - but that is to help the horse go easily, to build up close communication between you and the horse you are riding, to feel the movement better beneath your seat. It is not to blot out fear.

Your confidence will come from discovering your ability to control this horse. And if you cant manage it on your own, do find a good teacher.
 
Hi Skib -- I agree with a lot of what you say -- I agree with your comment that KNOWING you CAN have control is the KEY --

the coaching I do is horsemanship coaching which includes some psycholigcal stuff (for example, identifying the reasons why we stay scared even after we know we can stop our horse)...a lot it about not just controlling the horse -- but also controlling ourselves...that last part is where the psychology bit comes in

so for the OP, the key is to do what you are confident doing, and find a step by step way to stay safe

the classical mantra is calm, forward straight -- if you focus on being relaxed and your horse being relaxed then the canter will not be excited as your horse will be in a calm, relaxed frame of mind

how much groundwork do you do? one of the great things about groundwork is you can help your horse trot and canter online and deal with their emotions before you even get on them. seeing your horse online also builds your own confidence.

Nuno Oliveira once said he schooled one horse compeltely in walk for over a year then when he cantered the horse did it in perfect balance physically and mentally...so walking IS great exercise for your horse anyway....

so there ar eno worries about walking for now -- save any worries for cantering for when you are ready to move up to that. Spend your winter walking, doing groundwork and building your confidence together and you will have a good foundation for next spring and summer.

One thing you can do is ask yourself before you do anything -- is this inside my comfort zone? if it is, then do it
if it isn't don't do it -- yet. First sit down and ask yourself what steps can I take that WILL put this inside my comfort zone?

for example, if wlaking is fine but trotting worries you -- don't trot but think what can you do to make trotting safer/easier? the answers could include having a riding lesson on a school horse where you trot, trotting for two strides then walking again -- and doing this lots of times -- see how you can break the sacry thing down into smaller steps which you CAN do?

if I am ever over your way I will let you know - in the meantime, if anyone on here is in that area I am sure they will be in touch!

Cathy
 
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I don't see any reason why the horse should 'explode' if you decide you want to canter one day in the future. Presumably the horse gets turnout? In which case it can canter to its heart's content when it wants to...

Another little snippet that helped me, was when someone told me that the horse has around 23 hours a day to do whatever it wants, but for one hour a day it should darn well do what we ask of it, considering the amount of time and expense we invest in the hairy beasties. I try to pull that one to the forefront of my mind if I'm feeling a bit wibbly. Just think about all that money flowing in the horse's direction - it's very focussing...:happy:

Could you get someone else to come and ride a couple of times for you, while you watch? I find that helpful too ......
 
Ladywithababy - sorry to hear the CD didn't work for you, and do always tell people that Hypnotherapy is not a panacea, it doesn't work for everyone but neither does paracetamol !

It can be an expensive project trying to find out just what will work and there often isn't a 'quick fix' or a definitive answer to the question. If there was, no one would have the problem in the first place! Sometime finding the right solution can be down to pure good luck, more than research, which is very frustrating I know.

Skib – being nervous on a horse is just the same as anyone being nervous about anything that they feel is or could be life threatening, and all the skills and training in the world won’t override the negative self-talk if it comes from deep within the mind. Downhill skiers experience exactly the same problem; loads of lessons, know the technique inside out, but can still freeze at the sight of the downhill run ahead of them ( I know because I've been there). Once the flight or fight reaction has been activated, it’s almost impossible to stop the biological responses that grip the body. The best approach is to try to stop the reaction in the first place and that’s where mind control comes in. When surgical procedures can be carried out without an anaesthetic, and the patient does not experience pain, having used hypnotherapy prior and during the operation, that's proof enough of just how powerfully the mind can override what the body would normally experience. Next time you watch an extreme sportsperson prepare themselves for what they are about to do, watch how they go into another zone as they visualise and experience what they are about to do...they are using mind control...there are just different ways of achieving it, but they certainly do not lack training, technique or skills.

There isn't a human on this planet that can "control" a horse that doesn't want to submit, unless you are prepared to harm it. All we can do as riders is minimise the potential danger to such an extent that we feel it is an educated, justifiable risk!
 
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