Feeling VERY awkward...weird... need some support ...

[iluvhorses28]

Hi,

It's been awhile since my last log on NR... Ive been hectically engulfed with our new move.... anyway, sorry this is lengthy...

just when I thought I had the good news that I am almost getting my girls in the next 2 weeks...(2 American Paint Horses)...yesterday I took over their boarding at the local barn since I am already getting them soon...(within early April)
I got so excited and notified the owners that I got two stalls that were not my first choice, but to stay at that barn they are already in, was the only available choice for the price I can afford for 2 horses...
Soon after I got an email from the owner (the man) and it was suppose to go to his wife in response to my news.... (Wife and I have the same name) I guess he clicked on the wrong person...anyhow.... he then was emailing his wife to tell her HOW CAN I CHOOSE THAT STALL...it's $#@@@#, and that what am i doing that for, just to save $60??? How can I do that to THEIR horses....etc.
I was floored and highly offended! I forwarded it back to the husband AND wife to see that they had fumbled and emailed me...Well the woman was very apologetic and said that her husband was under medication & such due to a minor surgery the other day....and gave allother excuses for the fumble....

I love these horses and if I had tons of $$$ to throw out their way for great stalls I would...but I suppose because they were not the most expensive at the barn..I was under such scrutiny....
I feel real awkward and hurt by this... THEY may have the $ for a higher priced stall as they are currently in...but some of us have other priorities too that we have to think of....

Anyway.... I just wanted to see if anyone else would feel the way I do or am I over reacting??? Though I dont think so... I am really hurt by this....

 

[Gilly 101]

Hiya

I dont think it matters what stall the horses are in as long as they are well looked after, cared for and loved. It might be hard but try to accept the explanation of the medication for his reply and dont let if spoil your new horses. You enjoy them and have fun.

Gill

 

[iluvhorses28]

Thanks Gill....
I know that that stall is not that bad.. it just seems to be wetter than most in the rainy days as the land slants down towards that end... but by no means is it harmful.... I know htey are concerned... but was that not a bad way of portraying concern???
Regardless.... I am looking forward to our horses....

 

[CMR]

How can stalls in the same barn be so different? Unless the stalls are dangerous, are floored on concrete, are too small, or there is something else wrong with them, what does it matter?
I would be offended with the e-mail, but you have to remember he was not e-mailing it to you on purpose, if he truly wanted to upset you he would have told you those things directly.
I've read some of your previous threads, but can't remember if this ever was said; are the owners still going to be at this barn? That's what would concern me the most about his e-mail. If he still considers them HIS horses, and they stay at the same barn he is at, I have a feeling you might run into problems. I would feel uneasy if the owner was around all the time, but then again I don't like people watching me do anything with my horses.
Good luck on this situation, and with you're new horses.

 

[iluvhorses28]

How can stalls in the same barn be so different? I've read some of your previous threads, but can't remember if this ever was said; are the owners still going to be at this barn? That's what would concern me the most about his e-mail. If he still considers them HIS horses, and they stay at the same barn he is at, I have a feeling you might run into problems. I would feel uneasy if the owner was around all the time

Well cvreagzayn,
The part that is it just a bit wetter is the only thing.... and thats only in the rainy season... apart from it, it's perfectly fine....
I know he did not mean to send that to me per say... but I neglected to mention in that email ...he tells his wife he is almosted tempted to tell me I CANT put them in those stalls!

And yes...he will be at the same boarding facility... I know, I know it smells like trouble.... but this is the cleanest facility I can find and the nicest one at that... The man is boarding his new horse there, which is arriving soon.....
His wife calls it "sereration anxiety" with the horses....

But I dont want to sacrifice this barn just to get away from the previous owners.... I KNOW that they will peak in at them... I just know it!

 

[Tots N Dots]

no matter what they think, If you have bought them they are yours, from what I have read of your posts I know these girls will be well looked after, I think selling a horse is always very hard, and I would be very offended by his comments, medication or no medication, I would start as you mean to go on and be blunt, if they interfere then (politely ) tell them that they are yours now and it is none of their business

 

[iluvhorses28]

well said TOTS!

I agree.... I am just trying to not let it get me down... but i guess it is getting the best of me, at the moment... I know they are opinionated because I have not yet "fully" bought them.... I dont think they will interfere at the barn if they see them.... but after his "opinions" fell open in email form... I know it will be an awkward moment even at the very day i do pay them in full... The wife did mention he felt just awful about saying what he said... (mainly I think that he emailed it to me by accident...more than anything)

I dont have anything against people's opinions... but I felt like HIS opinion was not a matter of safety, health, or anything to that nature... it just was simply a "lesser" priced stall vs. their "pricier" stall of choice... plain and simple.

But I think that is self explanatory, IF you are able to afford a higher priced stall...why would you pick the lesser?
I am anxious to get this sale over with so I don't have to do this.... I was almost in tears when I first read his email that I was at the verge of backing off the purchases...but I know tht would not be a fair judgement call for the horses that I honestly do adore!

So..onward we go... Why is buying so difficult????

 

[Tehiti_Horse]

Hiya

I dont think it matters what stall the horses are in as long as they are well looked after, cared for and loved. It might be hard but try to accept the explanation of the medication for his reply and dont let if spoil your new horses. You enjoy them and have fun.

Gill

I agree.

Have fun w/ your new horsies

-Mac

 

[Greentchr]

I guess if it were me I would ignore it all together. Pity the wife who has to put up with him every day, be the generous one and forgive him for being a hoity-toity numskull, and let it all slide off your back. We often say things among family that we would never say in public- the things I say about other drivers in the privacy of my own car - and he may have been venting feelings that may not even have anything to do with you.

You live in a very material-oriented state. I grew up in California and was never aware of the extent of feelings that the 'haves' have towards the 'have-nots (or have-less's)' until I moved out here to Idaho and went back 'home' for a visit. It is even more obvious when Californians move here to the 'backwoods' and try to bring California with them . Of course, I am generalizing- there are a lot more good people than bad everywhere. He sounds like a typical more-money-than-common-courtesy type of a guy. If you love your horses, ignore the hurtful things and when you meet him at the stables, be friendly and pretend it never happened! If he is a gentleman, he will apologize himself, if not, that is just the way it is- let it go.

Holding grudges usually hurts the grudge-holder a lot more than the offender. Forgive and forget is the best way to feel at peace again.
best of luck!

 

[Dreamchaser]

So..onward we go... Why is buying so difficult????

I had problems with the last owner as well. You could just forget about the horse and move on and deal with a nicer person, but once you are attatched it is pretty hard to reason with yourself.

I wouldn't be too thrilled about their comments either. But its not all that bad, they could have said much worse. They are just used to their higher priced lifestyle... some people just cannot understand how people deal with the less expensive things.

Although it will be hard, try and forget it. You only have to really deal with these owners for a bit longer, then they will be yours and although they might give their opinion, it will no longer matter.

So chin up and just focus on those two gorgeous horses you will be owning

 

[talia]

I feel that the previous owner still has (and probably always will have) a sentimental attachment to your horses and wants the best for them as well as you do. I know what you mean about giving your horses more if you could afford it. The previous owners did apologize, probably because they realized that you are a caring owner and will give them the best care you can.

Just my opinion...

 

[iluvhorses28]

Thank you all...
I am trying my best to ignore all that...and today, i feel much much better...tanks to everyones advice

I talked to my OH and he was abit worried that i would have this man at the same barn...he was concerned whether this will cause a "bonding" issue with our horses if he every so offen will stop by and say hello to his old horses.... I suppose this cant be controlled as I cannot watch and see all the time.... Has anyone ever had this concern? Not that I mind.... I guess I would feel the same should I be sellign my horse....but under the weird circumstances...this man left a bad taste on me after this email issue.

And one in response to the "California" living... yes, in his case he is VERY much HOITTY TOITTY ... He is somewhat very disregarding of others. He thinks that everyone there at the barn is able to afford the higher priced stalls like he does... I'm sorry but I am about to own 2 ..... I can acommodate what I can without breaking the bank

So I'm sure I will bump into him at the barn.... I'll just graciously brush it off.... get the finances finalized in a couple of weeks and as soon as my girls are ALL MINE.... nothing else should matter.....

 

[Just.Jump]

Let's be honest here. You live in California. In all honesty, you shouldn't even need to put these horses in stalls- if they have sufficient shade, shelter, and water in the paddock, they should be fine in your humid weather (they certainly wouldn't need a stall for the fear of getting chilly). Heck, if they have been in California their whole lives, they should be fine and climatised to the weather. So, why are the old owners complainign about stall quality? Ideally, horses should be outside to live 24/7.

And in all honesty.. it's very affordable the way I think it should be so ignore the nasty guy and get through this gap of time before you're rid of their opinions. The horse doesn't care if the floor has certain mats or if the feed bin is a certian size- a standard stall size and good bedding and food will do any horse fine. They don't have aesthetic opinions like us vain little humans do. ^.~

 

[iluvhorses28]

Let's be honest here. You live in California. In all honesty, you shouldn't even need to put these horses in stalls- if they have sufficient shade, shelter, and water in the paddock, they should be fine in your humid weather (they certainly wouldn't need a stall for the fear of getting chilly).
The horse doesn't care if the floor has certain mats or if the feed bin is a certian size- a standard stall size and good bedding and food will do any horse fine. They don't have aesthetic opinions like us vain little humans do. ^.~

Hi Just Jump....
To clarify-- the stalls are not barn type stalls more so a corral 24x24 or 12x12 corral with some roofing.... They were in the same type stall with the ONLY difference being at the back end all 3 sides of the stall were partially covered.... with roofing.... and MY stall only has roofing...
Yeah! EXACTLY! I dont see why I need ot pay almost twice my boarding for 3 walls being covered when regardless...on a rainy day.. the horses DONT stay in the enclosure... nor are they any drier or any cleaner than any of the other horses at the facility!

I know that the guy is looking out for the horses best interest( in line to HIS expectations) I was just upset that I felt somewhat scrutinized for my choices... a choice I HAVE to make due to my personal finance plan....

Tomorrow I have to go to the barn and make arrangements for their new (LESSER PRICED ) stalls...... I might see the man there as he is about to bring in HIS new horse.... Hmmmmm....

 

[KarinUS]

Thanks for clarifying that. I couldn't figure out what you meant with wet stalls. So it's not a stall at all but rather a tiny little corral with a roof and the difference is that there will be no windbreak. Is that correct?
How long are they in there? Do they get turned out in a bigger field?
Otherwise those little bitty corrals can really turn to mud holes.
To be honest I would be just like that guy and absolutely not be pleased knowing that my buyer doesn't have the means to provide for basic accommodations - BUT I know that very few people could live up to my expectations of how horses should be kept... a major reason for me to never consider breeding or selling.
Since he is selling them he has to make peace with the thought that he will have no control over how they will be kept. If he can't accept that then he probably should keep them...

 

[iluvhorses28]

Thanks for clarifying that. I couldn't figure out what you meant with wet stalls. So it's not a stall at all but rather a tiny little corral with a roof and the difference is that there will be no windbreak. Is that correct?
How long are they in there? Do they get turned out in a bigger field?
Otherwise those little bitty corrals can really turn to mud holes.
...

Yes, they are "technically" corral stalls as they call it.... and there is no windbreak for the stall/corral I am getting.... but I don't really think it's a huge issue for California weather.... we can get cold up where we are...but the previous owners have taken them to Colorado before where they sat out in open pasture in the middle of snow season...and they did fine. SO WHY WORRY NOW?????

Most horses at this barn have their horses rugged...so that is an option too...
Anyway I chose this particular barn due to few things I thought worked for what I needed:
1. For the price, the corrals are bigger than other boarding facilities in our area.(others charge almost double and no turnout at all)
2. The barn is VERY well kept and well managed, family ran, so barn manager/owner lives in the premises of the ranch
3. They have 3 lighted arenas, so I dont need to fight to get in one
4.They have 9 grassy turnout areas... which is my priority so the horses have room to roam after being cooped in a corral....

So regardless of this man's expectations..... I am still trying to get the most I can for these horses..... and if these aren't good reasons to stay where they are...then.... I DONT KNOW.....

 

[michie]

If the sale isn't finalized and money hasn't exchanged hands, you may want to think about biting your tounge until it is. Technically, if he is still the legal owner of the horses, he has the option of backing out of the sale, and if you're really into these two horses, would leave you horseless and unhappy. If I were you, I tried to keep the animosity that you're feeling toward the male owner hidden, even from the wife. Once the sale is finalized and the horses are legally yours, you can do whatever you'd like with them. Despite his "orders" you will be free to make whatever decision you think is best for you and your horses. If the sale is completed, then my advice would be to just let whatever he said go. If you're going to be co-habiting the same barn as the previous owners, it's best to go about amicably as possible.

 

[iluvhorses28]

If the sale isn't finalized and money hasn't exchanged hands, you may want to think about biting your tounge until it is. .

Quite TRUE Michie.... though I am not one for holding my tongue
Least not for very long....

But the thought is noted.... I WILL TRY TO BEHAVE....

Last thing I did was email them this morning just as an FYI that the barn manager set me up on the waiting list for the same priced stalls at a less "wet/muddy" area at the ranch. And basically left it at that.... since it is still legally their horse until sale is completed.

 

[Just.Jump]

If it's got a roof over the entire thing (or even just part of it, I've never seen one), it's practically perfect- no chance of harm from the heat because they would have tons of shade, no direct rainfall if they don't want it- and technically, if a roof is over a large part of it, some should remain dry, or at least safely dry, unless you have some insane runoff, which I doubt. While I'm all for walls for shelter, if you go out look at the herd in a storm, they don't USE the shelters because they feel too enclosed.

I look at it this way- if less than perfectly nourished, less than prefectly bred, and uncared for wild horses can live out in many different types of weather without being stupidly messed around with by humans, I'm sure that a couple of horses in california can stand to live without *walls*. I don't particularly care for blankets and coat trims and shoes and barn stalls all day, while plenty here are fine with it. But believe me- horses can fend for themselves. We already provide amazing diets, good care, fitness, etc. They don't need to be in a giant room with one side free to 'view' the area all day- they need to be living in a realistic horse situation.

Quite frankly, I don't see the point of walling up a corral. I'm all for having a shelter in the paddock, but at my barn the shelters get more use as scratching posts and something to knaw on when bored.

 

[iluvhorses28]

Update!

So I saw the man at the barn...he readily apologized (and emailed) blaming **Seperation ANXIETY** for his behavior. Well taken..... then he continued to say that their stalls/corrals looked fine...

He just got his replacement horse, so I think that took the edge off.
He's too occupied now to care

But I agree w/ JUST JUMP.....I have seen horses out in paddocks that actually have NO form of shade or shelter, and do just fine.... Their corrals actually seem wider and longer than most other facilities offer in my area.

Some people have different ideas for evrything, i guess