Everything's changing again!

[squidsin]

Just a little bit of a muse here - and general thoughts required! I've applied for a great full-time job with an excellent salary that it looks like I'm going to get. Exciting! But I've got two horses. I'm struggling enough as it is with working part-time, the kids, the horses, the dogs - but I need the money from a full-time salary. Not just me, our household does! My husband is very keen for me to take the job, as it means a decent raise in our income. It means finding after school care for the kids, but that's doable, I'll be finished at 4.30 so afterschool clubs should cover them. It's the horses that are the real challenge. I was planning on moving them anyway, as the yard they're currently at is in the complete opposite direction to work - and still will be with the new job. I was going to move them to a yard somewhere between home and work. Hopefully that will make things easier - but have I bitten off more than I can chew with two horses? Part of me thinks I have, really. But I do love them both and don't want to part with either.

Anyway! Any advice from people who manage a full-time job with two primary school age kids, two horses and two dogs, who don't have parents close enough to help out?!

 

[Kite_Rider]

Can't help really as although full time I've no kids, no dogs and only one horse.
I will say my mum always believed anything was possible if you wanted it bad enough.
Congratulations on the new job too.

 

[domane]

Could you loan one out whilst you adjust to working full time? Congratulations, by the way. Or consider a sharer or two to take the pressure off?

 

[Bodshi]

No. I do have four children who are now all grown up, but when they were young there was no way I would have found time to have a horse, even on full livery. Mind you I didn't get a lot of support from my OH either - he worked long hours back then and played cricket every weekend so wasn't available for looking after the children much.

I take my hat off to those who do manage it, I don't know where they find the time!

ETA - sorry was interrupted by OH who came home and interrupted my flow!

Meant to say I think having a supportive OH will make all the difference - I just didn't have anyone to look after the children and no way could I have taken all four to a yard with me, just taking them shopping was a nightmare!

Good luck with the horses and congratulations on the job

 

[Trewsers]

No kids, but did keep two horses on diy at a yard whilst running a very demanding business for two years until we moved them home. I think if you aren't a complete fuss pot about them like I was then full livery has to be your friend. Looking back I don't know why I didn't take advantage of it more, I could easily afford it, but I stubbornly wouldn't let go! Lord only knows what would have happened if we had been lucky enough to have kids happen - maybe I'd have had to admit to needing help more and asked mil!lol
Many congrats on the super new job btw

 

[Jessey]

Congratulations on the job no help from me though, no kids here.

 

[hormonalmare]

What about looking into assisted livery? Then someone else will turn them out and bring them in, but you still get to do the other stuff...
Good luck with the new job!!

 

[Mary Poppins]

I would be looking at full livery with exercise included if I were in your situation. I have 2 children and work part time (2 days per week) and still find it a challenge to make sure everything gets done with just one horse.

 

[squidsin]

I would be looking at full livery with exercise included if I were in your situation. I have 2 children and work part time (2 days per week) and still find it a challenge to make sure everything gets done with just one horse.

I couldn't afford two in full livery with exercise - that would cost about £1600 a month. I am thinking about some kind of 5 day part livery though. Roxy can just be ridden at weekends, Angel needs a bit more consistency with her work - ideally sharers would be great but I have found so far that the people who apply are novices who want to practice on a non-riding school horse, which in reality means I have to supervise, which completely misses the point of having a sharer to take the pressure off me!

 

[chunky monkey]

I found like you I was struggling keeping two exercised. Working full time and running the farm. I was on the verge of break down. But couldn't part with the boys.
I was looking for someone to help me exercise the boys/ideally a light rider for chunky for his kissing spine but again needs to be able to handle him.
Ive been extremely lucky and slightly landed on my feet. I have two riders. One is 11 and can confidently ride chunky. Her mum also comes up, so can help tack up for her daughter to ride. She does one day at the weekend.
The other is 15 year old. In the summer she came up 3 nights a week after school and rode one day at the weekend.
I don't ask for any money. I just ask that they help me to do the poo picking. It means that instead of me spending 4 hours if I poo pick and exercise 2. We can share poo picking and hack out both the boys all in 2 to 2 1/2 hours.
The trick is finding someone confident. I also don't trust people to take my horse out without me. I've heard too many stories of shares taking horses out and cantering them in places they shouldn't. Next thing horse is lame. So if I hack out with them at least I know they can't do anything wrong.
I have no school to ride in. Winter is hard at the moment obviously the 15 year old is at school and it's dark in the evening. The boys are only getting 3 days a week at present. I have a part day once a week so im there on my own which takes the 4 hours and with the two girls, one each day for the weekend it ensures the horses have 3 days exercise.
Once the nights draw out the 15 year old will be coming up again after school, so the boys will be back up to 5 days a week.
Just keep looking for someone or maybe 2.

 

[squidsin]

I found like you I was struggling keeping two exercised. Working full time and running the farm. I was on the verge of break down. But couldn't part with the boys.
I was looking for someone to help me exercise the boys/ideally a light rider for chunky for his kissing spine but again needs to be able to handle him.
Ive been extremely lucky and slightly landed on my feet. I have two riders. One is 11 and can confidently ride chunky. Her mum also comes up, so can help tack up for her daughter to ride. She does one day at the weekend.
The other is 15 year old. In the summer she came up 3 nights a week after school and rode one day at the weekend.
I don't ask for any money. I just ask that they help me to do the poo picking. It means that instead of me spending 4 hours if I poo pick and exercise 2. We can share poo picking and hack out both the boys all in 2 to 2 1/2 hours.
The trick is finding someone confident. I also don't trust people to take my horse out without me. I've heard too many stories of shares taking horses out and cantering them in places they shouldn't. Next thing horse is lame. So if I hack out with them at least I know they can't do anything wrong.
I have no school to ride in. Winter is hard at the moment obviously the 15 year old is at school and it's dark in the evening. The boys are only getting 3 days a week at present. I have a part day once a week so im there on my own which takes the 4 hours and with the two girls, one each day for the weekend it ensures the horses have 3 days exercise.
Once the nights draw out the 15 year old will be coming up again after school, so the boys will be back up to 5 days a week.
Just keep looking for someone or maybe 2.

Thanks, it's good to find someone in the same situation. I agree about the hacking - for safety reasons, I wouldn't let either of mine get hacked out without me or someone I trust riding with them. I'm struggling to find anyone, but going to wait to advertise until I've moved again. I've found a really nice little yard by the M40 which is perfect for work (as I need to get straight into the M40!) and the lady who runs it is eccentric but seems lovely, and is well respected as a local riding school teacher. So I'll have someone to teach me at the yard (there's a school with a nice surface) and she's happy to do the services I need on week days. The potential downside is that there's currently only one other livery at the yard (she is a happy hacker though which is good as I just need a hacking buddy) although the YO is looking for one more. And there's a herd of mini Shetlands which are desperately cute but hopefully the stallion won't a) make my girls all hormonal or b) somehow get loose and impregnate them (even though they're not kept near each other)! Although I think that would physically impossible without a stepladder! Hopefully Angel will be happier there as she's really not happy at the current yard - it's huge and windy, so I've gone for small and sheltered this time!

 

[orbvalley]

@squidsin - sounds absolutely ideal for you

 

[squidsin]

@squidsin - sounds absolutely ideal for you

I certainly hope so! No yard is perfect but the yards I've been at before that I've really liked have been small ones in valleys! I definitely prefer a smaller yard myself. And the YO has plans to grow loads of veggies all round the yard and I absolutely love growing vegetables (not interested in flower gardening so much - I do the veg patch and get my mum to do the rest for me!) So hopefully we should get on well.

 

[Lissie]

Congratulations on the job, what a good start to the year. I work full time with a 45 minute commute and have 2 horses but no kids. I'd definitely consider moving them to a yard nearer to home and work, as long as it's somewhere you're happy with, assisted diy would really help. I think you'd have to very committed to keep 2 in full work, doable but hard work.

 

[squidsin]

Congratulations on the job, what a good start to the year. I work full time with a 45 minute commute and have 2 horses but no kids. I'd definitely consider moving them to a yard nearer to home and work, as long as it's somewhere you're happy with, assisted diy would really help. I think you'd have to very committed to keep 2 in full work, doable but hard work.

That's the problem, I keep going over and over it in my mind. Doesn't help that I can't really ride at the moment because the yard is frozen solid and I can't hack either of them off it alone at the moment either.

I either need a sharer, or to reduce down to one horse, really.

 

[chunky monkey]

I think you have to except the winter months if you don't have a menage to ride in. Just remember that if you have moved jobs for the better pay, it could be swallowed up by going for assisted livery. Then you have to ask if the job move has given you a better life after all. As you aren't any better off.
I didn't advertise for help. One of mine came through talking to them whilst out on a hack. The other was word of mouth through a friend.
As i want to also persue the driving side of things with both boys, I have realised that the girls will not be completely suitable to continue there driving education(they have offered to help but I can already see that there availability isn't going to work with my time to be able to drive) so I am currently considering possibly finding a 3rd person to help with just driving.

 

[Flipo's Mum]

I'd be reluctant to rely on a sharer for help long term as you never know when they might give up unexpectedly leaving you in the lurch. I think its a good idea to go for assisted or something so at least you've got a fall back plan if you did get a sharer. I guess this is the unpredictability of life isn't it. I only have the one and do eventually want a second, but I'm nervous of doing so because of what could change in my personal situation and I know I'd hate to part with either of them, I'm sure you don't either. I don't, however, have children as well so I don't know how you manage it, and maybe it would be the right thing to let one of them go? I always wonder with these types of threads if that's what the poster is angling at subconsciously, like you're looking for agreement that this is the best thing to do as it feels like you're giving up if you do sell. In reality, if that is how you're feeling, you shouldn't (and seeing how you write on here, I'm sure you don't think this way), need agreement from us. You're the only one in that situation that can tell what is best for all concerned.

 

[squidsin]

I'd be reluctant to rely on a sharer for help long term as you never know when they might give up unexpectedly leaving you in the lurch. I think its a good idea to go for assisted or something so at least you've got a fall back plan if you did get a sharer. I guess this is the unpredictability of life isn't it. I only have the one and do eventually want a second, but I'm nervous of doing so because of what could change in my personal situation and I know I'd hate to part with either of them, I'm sure you don't either. I don't, however, have children as well so I don't know how you manage it, and maybe it would be the right thing to let one of them go? I always wonder with these types of threads if that's what the poster is angling at subconsciously, like you're looking for agreement that this is the best thing to do as it feels like you're giving up if you do sell. In reality, if that is how you're feeling, you shouldn't (and seeing how you write on here, I'm sure you don't think this way), need agreement from us. You're the only one in that situation that can tell what is best for all concerned.

I don't think I am looking for confirmation for something I've already decided - not planning on offloading a horse. They're being spooky nightmares at the moment, which isn't helping, but nothing has changed for me in terms of horsey goals for the year, I still want to get on and do this BE80. Right now, though, I totally lack the energy and impetus. It's a combination of the bad weather, the horses not settling at current yard, and feeling genuinely just freaked out by everything changing suddenly - even though the changes are ones that I've instigated!
I agree about sharers being unreliable! I wouldn't rely on them financially. What I SHOULD do really is put Roxy out on loan and have just the one horse to focus on, but I am stupidly attached to her. She probably doesn't feel the same but there it is! I do worry that she's a bit wasted at the moment, but she doesn't care if she's ridden or not. I do have a tendency to bite off more than I can chew - well in fairness I do somehow manage to juggle it all, but it's not easy! Roll on summer. I think my mojo is directly linked to the sun!

 

[Star the Fell]

Congratulations on the new job! What a great start to the year x
In your situation and the very least you need assisted livery. I think you are taking a heck of a lot on. I have no kids and only one horse. I am out of the house for work at 7 in the morning ( at the latest 3 days a week i go to the gyn, so leave at 5.30) and I get home at 5.
I then do the horse, poo pick ,ride in good weather and get home at 8. Usually shattered, but still have to tidy up, get stuff ready for gym and work the next day. I only sit down for an hour at night. If I had kids, I would never see them!
I would accept from the start that you would be able to ride each horse only once during the week, that would keep them ticking over and would give you three days with your kids. If you get a sharer then you could ride one horse twice a week. It is possible, because anything is. Hope it all works out for you.

 

[KP nut]

I used to do it . Now work part time and wonder how! In winter the routine was yo fed and turned out in the morning. On a diy yard another livery did it for £2.
Then after work I'd either take the children to the yard with me or leave them with OH or a play date and go do the horses. In summer they lived out so it was easier. So it was one visit a day to the yard not 2 even in winter.