Diary of a Non-Confident Rider. Will I or Won’t I?

Here I am again, just back from my riding lesson and ready to chart the ‘successes and failures’ of my lessons this weekend. My obsession has reached the level that I went (or rather - travelled, since Kis Vihar’s place is 80 km away from Budapest ;)) riding both Saturday and Sunday.

Arrived on Saturday and got quite bad news – Dora was lame and thus could not be ridden. In my mind (which instantly got overactive ;)) I went quickly over all the options I could have which, I have to admit, were not really happy ones for a wuss like me – Ingrid according to Karin is ‘not normal’ at times, Kicsi – quite green, Fella – not good in school for a novice rider. Hmmm...

To make long story short, I rode Kisci and... loved it. Would be lying if I said that loved every minute of it since we had a bit of difference of opinion at some moments ;) Me – knowing that she is a bit green (and my mind coming up with different possibilities what could happen with a rider like me on a green horse ;)), her – wondering who the h*** is this sitting on her back, oh no, it’s better to follow mummy AT ALL TIMES, but when Karin left the arena, she chose Paul to be the second best, went there and just PARKED in front of him. I was sitting there, feeling totally helpless because Kicsi flatly refused to move. And then I got to know many interesting things about the pecking order :) (Kicsi as it turned out has the top position among the mares) and following Paul’s tips finally more or less managed to establish myself as one higher in hierarchy (quite a chellange for someone who usually feels like being at the mercy of the horse ;)). Did some walk and trot (without Kicsi following Mummy or Paul ;)), practiced dressage test and finally went out for a mini walking hack with Paul leading Kicsi and Karin - Kis Vihar for his very first hack out. In the second part of the lesson I was already really enjoying riding her, somehow I got the feeling that we ...dont know...kind of ‘clicked’.

Today – beginning not so good. Tried to ride Ingrid and was (and felt) totally useless and helpless on her. It was like I had to do every single thing different from what I usually do when riding other horses to get her move. She did move but, as Karin remarked, was half asleep. After 15 minutes or so it became obvious that I was not to be her ‘wake-up call’ today (she did have to wake up though – Karin rode her afterwards). I really couldn’t help myself - on the one hand I was trying to be a bit firmer, but on the other hand thinking– oh, please, just be a nice, calm horse, please don’t do anything DANGEROUS! And she didn’t... instead, she fell asleep ;)

After this quite frustrating beginning (why oh why I am such a coward!?) I had a blissful reunion with Kicsi :) And she was good as gold! I quickly gathered the few remaining bits and pieces of confidence and we had a nice lesson, walk, trot, practising the dressage test and at the end... yay!.. few tiny jumps on a BIG horse as compared to Dora :D Again, seeing Paul putting up the crosspole jump, panicked (my overactive mind saying – errrmmm... BUT I am not riding Dora who is safe... Kicsi is a green horse... big one, too... imagine the distance between me and the ground if I fall!!!..., NOT sure this is a very good idea...), BUT did it several times, the last one I even enjoyed! :) And Kicsi – she was SO happy and excited, having her ‘happy ears’ when going towards the jump, and when I got off her she did another circle on her own, merrily going over the jump just for the fun of it! :)

For the record for myself – have to remind myself to relax at all times, have to work on rising less in trot, HAVE to make my tummy muscles work!! Until now they had been unfairly left out from taking an active part in my riding lessons! :frown: Can’t believe that none of the instructors I have had had never told me any of this! :(

And last but not least I have a confession to make – I am a bit in love with Kicsi! ;)
 
Hello! :D

Poor you....You really didn't enjoy Ingrid much today did you? :eek: We would NEVER put you in any dangerous situation with her....In walk and trot and schooling she is FINE...Just DIFFERENT to what you are used to. I will ride her again in the week and sort out some of her 'niggles' to try and make her a little easier for you. What you lack (which is NOT your fault at all!) is the confidence and conviction in your riding ability to MAKE HER DO AS SHE'S TOLD! :giggle: I had a couple of arguments with her... But as we know, I have 31 years of experience to draw on to know how to deal with a horse which is just lazy and switched off (which she was!)

You CAN'T have Kicsi! ;) I was SO pleased how well she went for you yesterday, and she was even better today. She really seems to like you, and you ride her really well. I will re-itterate what I said to you today.

I let you ride her for the first time yesterday. Kicsi is my 'project' - she is MINE and knows me. I want to train her the way I want her....and I am VERY protective of who rides her. If I hadn't been happy with you on her yesterday, I would have told you that I'd rather you didn't ride her anymore. It's simple! I would have just said no! As it is, I am VERY happy with you riding her - and she is very happy with you riding her. :) She LOVED going over that jump with you. :D

It's just a shame Dora has gone lame again. I'll give her a few weeks off, let her rest in the field, then see how she is in a few weeks' time. We know that she had a recurring problem last year, which I think has resurfaced. She MUST lose some weight.

Meanwhile....I think you are quite happy on Kicsi!

It's a LONG journey for you from Budapest - Maybe next time, if you want to do 2 days of lessons, you can stay overnight in our cat, dog, horse and chicken-infested place! :D (If you can stand it - as you can see, the house is FAR from pleasant...) But the toilet is indoors!! :giggle: And one of the bedrooms (mine) is nice and tidy with no termite-infested walls. :rolleyes:

Really looking forward to your next visit. I really enjoyed seeing Kicsi going so well for you. We'll crack that dressage test - don't you worry! ;)

Anyway....Here's some pics.... These are from yesterday:

On Kicsi...

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With me on KV

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WIth Paul on KV
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AND on KV! :)

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I haven't uploaded today's photos yet....! The internet is worse than awful now. Will try tonight then post them. :)
 
Thank you, KV :)

I really appreciate you letting me ride Kicsi! Frankly, it gives quite a boost to my confidence to know that you wouldn't if I was riding her really badly! :D

I love the way you treat your horses and take care of them. And I really like you being protective. Any other way would just be unfair to them. For me there is so much to learn from how you treat them as well as about horses in general - I feel like having an access to two walking encyclopaedias! :)
 
You are so lucky to learn from Kis Vihar not only are you getting to have a lesson but learning lots of things about the horses as well. It's something we don't get on a typical lesson. It must be a confidence boost to know that Kis Vihar trusts you to ride Kicsi.
I know that horrible feeling your talking about when riding a green/young horse, you spend half your time wondering what might make them jump or just when they might tank off with you across the school, over the nearest fence or simply dump you on the floor.
Really good to hear your lessons are going well and you've got sunshine.
 
pharoah said:
It must be a confidence boost to know that Kis Vihar trusts you to ride Kicsi.
I know that horrible feeling your talking about when riding a green/young horse, you spend half your time wondering what might make them jump or just when they might tank off with you across the school,
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:giggle: at seeing the words 'Kicsi' and 'tank off' in the same post! :D She really doesn't! She's green in the 'I don't know what to do Mum, please tell me again!' sense...! She doesn't do anything wrong...she just doesn't really know what to do sometimes, so looks to her rider for help. :)

Pepilota....Here's some pics (AT LAST - Internet is worse than awful!) from Sunday of you on Ingrid! Check out your position without stirrups! :D :D

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It can't have all been bad...You're smiling here! ;)
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See you next week. :) Kx
 
Sorry Kis Vihar i didn't mean that Kicsi would tank off, i was trying to get across that feeling of when someone says oh the horse is green all those horrid thoughts that run through your head. Some green horses are lovely.
 
pharoah said:
Sorry Kis Vihar i didn't mean that Kicsi would tank off, i was trying to get across that feeling of when someone says oh the horse is green all those horrid thoughts that run through your head. Some green horses are lovely.
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PLEASE don't apologise! It just made me laugh! :D The idea of Kicsi getting up the energy to tank! :giggle: More like 'wander to the middle of the school to me with a blank expression on her face'! ;) Oh she CAN move when she wants....But she is a good girl usually. :D Now KV is still an unknown quantity. So far, so good, but I haven't discovered his 'what happens when I get scared with a rider on' thing yet! ;) That will come, no doubt...With ME on board! :eek: :D
 
Pharoah - I feel really lucky to to be able to learn something about horses in addition to just riding! Like you said, in RS you just don't get it (at least in the places I went riding), but it is such an important part of the whole thing. I am envious of how KV and Paul can 'read' their horses, see things while I am staring at them (horses, NOT KV and Paul ;)) and 95% of the time have no clue what they are talking about until explicitly shown or told :frown:

About Kicsi - I am sure she wouldn't tank off ;), but still - faced with the prospect of going over the jump my mind came up with a couple of unpleasant possibilities ;) It is so stupid, because she is a safe horse and in both lessons didn't put a foot wrong, sweet girl! It's all in my mind really, but it is just so difficult to stop it wonder!

KV - thanks for the pics AGAIN! It seems like I have got an instructor and a photographer all in one ;) See you soon, x.
 
Two weeks later... had 2 lessons again! :) Question of this weekend: how to stretch my small (and I have to add - not flexible at all!) bubble of confidence? Paul gave me a concise 'summary' of my confidence issue: I have a small bubble of confidence within the limits of which I am happy to do whatever (basically it applies only to walk and trot – nice, relaxed trot that is ;)). As soon as I am faced with anything out of my limited comfort zone... eermmm... not good. So we are working on expanding the bubble bit by bit, but, oh boy, it is a challenge! Loads of adrenaline (mine ;)) come (as a package deal) with each new babystep!

Both days rode Kicsi. Really love her (despite our not seeing eye to eye on some occassions ;)). Practiced the dreassage test, but didn’t manage to get a good video. Next week... hopefully! :) We tried to get something done with my messy hands, so I rode on a lunge line, holding... not reins but KV’s tea mug. Well... half of the tea was gone :frown: But - at least didn't loose the teabag ;)

THEN came canter on Kicsi – few strides only. But OMG! That was quite an experience (AND stretching of the bubble!). I tried it (with Paul running next to us, sorry, Paul!) and have to say I had never ever experienced such a feeling before. I can’t canter (as in - really canter), but I have tried it (mainly on lunge line) in the lessons with my Hungarian instructor on the horse I ride, and then a couple of times on Dora. The first one is extremely floaty (as I’ve come to realise now); Dora – wouldn’t call it floaty, small steps, quite an active one, but not too scary. Kicsi.... well, when she went into canter my jaw dropped and my mouth stayed open (literally!). It was SUCH A HUGE canter, I’ve no idea how I stayed on. KV told me next time I could also tell Kicsi what a good girl she is when she canters, and I was like: ‘mmm, but how can I speak with my mouth wide open!?’ With my limited experience (not having enough of it to be able to make a fair comparison), now I think that if I could ever canter on Kicsi decently, I would be able to canter on just about any horse... Probably, not true, but I had a fealing that Kicsi, when going into canter, suddenly turned into ... an enormous, powerful, scary ... something (definately, not just a horse! ;)). Then tried canter on Fellah – different again – really active one, seemed very fast, definately not something you would expect from a gentelmen of quite a decent age! ;) But not really scary (especially, right after Kicsi ;)).

Saturday... practiced dressage test again. And again - either me or Kicsi always managed to do something wrong. Messy hands – again! :( And something new – KV had worked with Kicsi, practicing the test, and now she (Kicsi) decided to take matters into her own hands (or legs?). She would stop at the E and B letters obediently (the places where the turn on the forhand is supposed to be done), actually, even preparing to stop before I ask, and while I am sitting there trying to figure out where each of my legs should go, she quickly turns around all by herself (why to wait for someone who cannot make her mind up what to do?) and happily walks on... Hmmm... MUST try to think faster than a horse!!!

Finally, she got bored with me and the test, and what could better wake her up than... a few jumps? Have to say, I was totally NOT pleased with myself yesterday! :( The good old panick struck in (it was obviously too much for my bubble!). We did a couple of jumps to begin with (with me holding on to the mane – desperately!), but then Kicsi would just trot past the jump, not going over it. I think the sweet girl picked up on my panick and my brain screaming – look out, we are approaching the danger! – and decided to make sure both of us stay safe and sound ;) We managed to do a jump finally – just to finish on a good note. And to finish on another good note – few strides of canter (mind the bubble again!) – well - did not fall off! For me on Kicsi – that’s an achievement in itself, never mind my awful hands, legs, shoulders and all the other insignificant details! :D
 
Hello! :D

Stop putting yourself down, bubble-lady!! ;)

You did VERY VERY well on both days. Shame about the dressage test, but we ALL have off-days...(I've been known to get off the horse mid-test, and walk out of the arena, leaving Paul standing there filming!! :giggle: NEXT weekend we are getting our dressage sorted. ;)

Your jumping was FAB!

I mean...Here it is again!!

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:D

Here's more pics for you from Friday and Saturday. OK...ONE from Friday...the weather was pretty awful!

WET people... (It rained! :()
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Paul talks about 'elastic' and arms and hands and elbows and reins! ;)
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Kicsi in trouble! ;) Kicsi kept breaking into unwanted trot...SO Kicsi had to work! I told Ieva - if Kicsi has time and energy to do what she wants and not listen and do as she is told, then make her WORK! That involved lots of trotting WHEN KICSI WAS ASKED in circles and serpentines!
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Sitting up much nicer than before. :)
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Out for a walk with Paul and Fella (and me behind the camera!) Fella likes going for inhand hacks...but I ended up getting on him, he was nutty! :D
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Miles of countryside...
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Fella gets a carrot! :D
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See you next week. ;) Kx
 
Had my lesson today!:) Am so happy, had already given up the hope of having one this weekend due to horrible weather conditions. As a pleasant surprise, it was sunny today and the school was not too bad for walking and trotting. The snow is gone... for now, at least.

As due to the ground condition jumping and cantering was out of question, I did walk and trot, worked on walk/trot transitions, precision of movements, diognals, etc. Lots of things to learn and practice (and pay attention to), but mostly within the limits of my ‘bubble of confidence’, so not so big adrenaline rush this time ;)

Then, about an hour later... as we were quite peacefully and happily (as I thought) doing different things, Kicsi decided that now it would be a good time to put up our first fight. Karin asked me to halt, then go 3 steps backwards, halt again, then 3 steps backwards again. It was NOT what Kicsi had in mind! She went 6 steps backwards, then sideways, forwards, sideways again, did parts of the turn on the forehand, accompanied with some napping... everything really (thus fully displaying her creativity), except 3 very simple steps backwards, halt, and 3 steps backwards again... As Paul said, Kicsi was saying ‘If you want me to do it, MAKE ME’. I did make...but after a while. She is quite a strong-willed lady as it turns out... ;)

Following my victory (;)) we did something completely new – trying to get extention in trot. After quite a bit of effort from both Kicsi and me, Karin told me that we managed to get... TWO steps almost right :giggle: Oh well... better than zero :) Finally, we trotted over some poles and both of us were quite happy with the result – me - for not panicking and staying on, Kicsi – for getting rid of me right after finishing the excercise.

Actually, I was pleased with myself today! Not so much about the riding istelf (very messy hands and lots of other dissapointing stuff which I begin noticing only now), but about the confidence bubble which is really getting bigger! :)After my ‘fight’ with Kicsi I realised that I had not been panicking about every single step she had done NOT ‘according to the plan’. Three or four lessons ago I would have been absolutely terrified. :happy:

And last but not the least – I DID INTERDRESSAGE WALK/TROT BEGINNER TEST!!! And got my result – 60.91% :D We had planned to video a nice test last weekend, but weather stepped in and ruined the plan. Karin suggested we submit one of the videos Paul had filmed some weeks ago, and I thought – why not? Am really happy to have done it! (Thanks, KV ;)) Can’t believe I got this score for that video, and now am waiting impatiently for the evaluation comments! :)
 
I have just read through this and feel really inspired. I suffer from confidence lapses and reading this has made me feel like getting on a plane and riding these lovely horses myself. It all goes to show that with the right instructor and encouragment, even us nevous riders can ride a variety of horses and make them go well. Keep posting on your progress, I'm really interested to hear how you progress.
 
Kicsi really DID test you and throw a tantrum on that rein-back exercise. :stomp: She KNEW darn well what you wanted, but she was, indeed, in a 'MAKE ME!' mood! I was REALLY impressed how you handled her - as you said, a few weeks ago, if she'd done all that stupid moving around and misbehaving, you'd never have coped. You would have been back in the 'hunched forwards Oh my God HELP' position. Today, you sat, up, put her right, made her listen, and achieved the desired result! I know Kicsi. She'll never test you with that again. That was a battle you HAD to win, and you did!

You also did really well learning the new 'shallow loop' exercise. You are a very quick learner on a horse, really you are. :D You do seem to bond well with Kicsi too. :)

You did REALLY well today! :D You also worked VERY hard! ;)

I think this pic says it all....

At the end of the lesson....Look at Kicsi's eyes! :giggle:

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Mary Poppins said:
I have just read through this and feel really inspired. I suffer from confidence lapses and reading this has made me feel like getting on a plane and riding these lovely horses myself. It all goes to show that with the right instructor and encouragment, even us nevous riders can ride a variety of horses and make them go well. Keep posting on your progress, I'm really interested to hear how you progress.
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Thanks, MP Now I say - it really is all about the right instructor (or two ;)). Someone to encourage and give confidence to try new things. And someone you really trust.

Since I started learning riding, I always felt such a wuss and 'loser' (if you can say it about a hobby). I was crazy about riding and horses, but at the same time was so nervous and felt that I would never become a more or less 'decent' rider. I never thought I would ever try even the tiniest jump... I don't know what it is exactly that KV and Paul do, but it simply feels SO different. I am willing to try things (well, sometimes hesitantly, but I always eventially do ;)) With the instructor I had before I wouldn't have even considered trying most of the things (and I will not mention the two other ones before him, it was quite an experience!). The last instructor was not putting me down at all, he was telling me that I was able to do more, simply I had to 'try to be braver'. But how can one just 'try' to be braver, if you don't feel like it? Where to get the feeling from? Where to start looking for it? Questions with no answer until ... my first lesson with KV. From then on, it happens as if by itself... slowly but surely :)

If I (as I thought, one of the planet's most non-confident riders) can make at least, a couple of small steps ahead, there is definately a good hope for all of us, nervous Nellies, out there! :)
 
Well done on the victory. :wavespin: I know nothing about dressage test but am impressed that you managed to do one and what looks like a pretty good score. It must feel really good and give you confidence to trust KV and Paul to not make you do anything that you are not capable of even though it may be daunting for you. Glad the snow has gone with you, we still have some left here, not on the main roads but on some of the side roads. As always look forward to the next installment.
 
Thanks Pharoah :)

I cannot believe myself I took the test ;) The best thing about it is the feedback you get afterwards. Just received it today, and in addition to judge's comments about each movement there are also a lot of tips/advice how to improve my riding.

The snow is gone but now it's raining constantly. Instead of riding I might have a swimming lesson on Saturday :( But am keeping my fingers crossed! And really waiting for summer, since I started riding I hate winter!
 
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