Charlie's advert

Jane&Ziggy

Jane&Sid these days!
Apr 30, 2010
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Charlie has lost the long guard hairs from his winter coat, so it'll be time to put him on the market soon.

I drafted an advert. I didn't know how! Amazing for someone who has written professionally, but at least I have all of you to put me right.

Feedback on this draft very gratefully received, with suggestions for a title, please! I will ask my RI for help with taking some good pictures and videos at our next lesson.


"Meet Charlie, an exceptionally well grown, handsome and graceful young horse.

Charlie is just 3 (birthday 20 March 2018). He was bred in Cornwall by a 16hh TB stallion out of a 14.2 Highland X Cob mare. He currently stands at 14.2/3 and will make a solid 15 hands, possibly more. His build is sturdy, with a broad chest and strong short back but with long legs. He is a dark chocolate brown with a small white star and snip and one white fetlock.

Charlie is a brave, bold, inquisitive youngster. He is forward thinking and energetic, with a long easy walk, a rhythmic active trot and a fluid, steady, beautiful canter. He leads, never naps, stands to be groomed, loads and travels well and is good for the trimmer, with really excellent feet. He will try anything, has walked out on our lanes, led over poles and through mazes, worn a surcingle and numnah (I have no saddle to fit him) and opens his mouth and takes the bit, though he hasn’t worn a bridle yet. I have leant over his back and bounced up and down and he is not remotely fazed. He knows the “touch” command and will touch a new object with his nose when we are out and about.

He lives out unrugged all year with minimal feeding: although his winter coat is more like a TB's, he is sturdy and weatherproof. He lives with one other horse but has been in with others and is sociable and friendly, though pushy unless he is put in his place. He is a good doer, greedy, and he will do anything for a net of haylage.

With his brave heart and have-a-go attitude Charlie will make a brilliant all rounder. I am selling him because I am a novice with youngsters and although he is not tall he is mighty. He tries hard, learns quickly and remembers what he has learned, but his trainer needs to be able to ask him strongly, clearly and consistently and not back off. I know I won’t be firm enough for him, and I would like him to go to someone with more experience of youngsters who can help him become the truly exceptional horse I know he can be.



For more information, pictures and videos please get in touch.



£3,500 ono.
 

carthorse

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I'm afraid it's not an advert that would really appeal to me, I like them short and to the point rather than wordy. So I'd be looking more along the lines of :

3yo dark brown 14.3 gelding by a TB out of a Highland x cob. Nice paces and good to handle. Loads and travels, is good with trimmer and has walked out politely in hand on the roads wearing a surcingle and numnah. Lives out all year round in company. For sale as I'm not experienced with youngsters and feel he needs someone who knows how to bring him on properly. £3,500

The order could probably be juggled around, I've just pulled it out of your advert. It may well be other people will disagree and prefer your advert, I think it's a very personal thing. I'd rather have a couple of decent photos than description of type since my idea of sturdy and yours may differ and I'd rather make my own assessment of conformation. I'd be wary of saying he'll make a brilliant anything just in case someone comes back in a year or so complaining he didn't and threatening to sue! Phrases like "not tall but mighty" and "needs to be able to ask him strongly, clearly and consistently and not back off" would have me thinking that there was a problem or two and would make me suspicious - is he a tank? Does he resist and put up a fight if the handler persists?

As I say it's very personal, some people just want the facts so they can decide if it's worth a phone call, others may like a life story. If you do go for the long ad then be careful not to use phrases that could be read as an issue, or to say things you can't be sure of.
 

Jane&Ziggy

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That's really interesting. I have always liked adverts that tell more of a story, particularly if the horse is being sold by the owner, but the 2 of you agree so I think I should have another go!
 
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Sparky Lily

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I read your post, then went away to think how to say what I thought. Now I have come back and found Carthorse and Frances have said it all! Include that you have photos and videos, and offer to give more information in a phone call. Just wish I was younger, fitter and more experienced with youngsters.
 
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Jessey

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I’m afraid I agree too, that’s more the level of info I’d expect if I (as a buyer) chose to call/message after seeing an advert and was having a chat.

I don’t really much care for the sellers opinion or feeling in an initial advert, I want facts, short and sweet. And a really good full side on picture, not ones of how pretty they are with the sun setting behind them or whatever, because I want to look at conformation. Sorry if that sounds harsh, I just want to quickly judge from the ad if the horses training level and physical characteristics meet my criteria, his story can come later.
 

Frances144

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If you can, have Charlie stood up, like in a show.

Example photo, though I prefer the head more down to show "outline"
In Europe, they like a back leg forward. I like them square.
 

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Jane&Ziggy

Jane&Sid these days!
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Thank you @Frances144 , yes, I understand how the pictures should be. Fortunately he naturally stands very square. I am going to ask my RI to help me get some good shots and ideally some video of his paces. I may try to get him working free in the school to show trot and canter.
 

Jane&Ziggy

Jane&Sid these days!
Apr 30, 2010
19,313
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Surrey Hills
I’m afraid I agree too, that’s more the level of info I’d expect if I (as a buyer) chose to call/message after seeing an advert and was having a chat.

I don’t really much care for the sellers opinion or feeling in an initial advert, I want facts, short and sweet. And a really good full side on picture, not ones of how pretty they are with the sun setting behind them or whatever, because I want to look at conformation. Sorry if that sounds harsh, I just want to quickly judge from the ad if the horses training level and physical characteristics meet my criteria, his story can come later.
There you are, the more experienced the horse person the more they want plain facts! Understood, I will get out my blue pencil.
 

Ale

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Feb 8, 2012
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All is not lost though as I imagine if anyone contacts you asking for more info you could send that across for them. It says to me very loved horse that has been well started and owner knows very well, so genuine sale.
 

Frances144

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Take lots of photos and choose the one ”wow” photo. You want him standing up, stacked out, with clean headcollar that compliments his colouring, ditto rope, on flat ground. Ears pricked forwards. Take a crunchy empty crisp packet and get a friend to wave it behind person holding rope. Photographer should be crouching or slightly lower than horse With camera.
 

diplomaticandtactful

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Apr 25, 2003
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Take lots of photos and choose the one ”wow” photo. You want him standing up, stacked out, with clean headcollar that compliments his colouring, ditto rope, on flat ground. Ears pricked forwards. Take a crunchy empty crisp packet and get a friend to wave it behind person holding rope. Photographer should be crouching or slightly lower than horse With camera.
with your camera skills if it wasn't for covid off you go and do a shoot
 

diplomaticandtactful

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this was Bud's advert when i bought him. I overlooked the hideous picture of him over bent in the school though that was how he was shown to me by the owner. His description is accurate in that is what he has done. Fails to mention a notorious spooker, game player, comedian and general rogue. Probably just as well. Best £700 spent ever.


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Bud is a 15.3hh Schoolmaster Cob that is 19 years old. He has done hunting, pony club, unaffiliated eventing ,common rides, show jumping and hunter trials. Bud is a genuine all rounder horse. There are loads of miles left in him despite his age. He is good to school, hack out, box, clip, load and shoe. This horse is a perfect gentleman in everyway. Loving homed required for this family favourite. £1250 ono including saddle and wardrobe of rugs
 
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