BM/Field mate has told me she never want to be friends anymore...

OwnedbyChanter

OwnedbyChanter

With out my boys life would be bland
Apr 16, 2009
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Raininghamshire
For those of you that did not read my thread about feeling guilty because BM/field mate horse was in hospital and I was pleased as Chanter was now on the field on his own and not being bullied/bitten/kick out at any more and also my bad back was better and I could better monitor his grass/hay intake and Chanter and I had re-bonded with me as herd leader.

We B is back from the vets and I recommended that they are separated when B is turned out as he has a tube still sticking out of his face and bandage up, B also using Chanter to rug his head on and I thought it safer and fairer on Chanter as B would be only out for a couple of hours only.

There is a whole list of reasons why I wanted a fence put up to give then their own area. B has been home for one week and they are both settled in their separate fields, nether are bothered when they are brought in turnout. B is in at night and Chanter is out 24/7. As this was working out I told BM that I would like to keep them this way and explained all the reasons why.

OMG she went mental telling me that I was sick for waiting until B was at the vets being operated on and then removed his home and his friends:furious: what the FU%K. I have put up an electric fence (not even switched on) 3ft high they can still touch and see each other. I started that nothing else would change and I would still help her in the morning/evening etc.

She sent me some curt/rude/accusing emails then blanked me at the yard. I did explain that when push comes to shove MY horse needs to be happy and he was not he was stressed/panicking at feed/hay time and I was getting stressed.

Tonight she blanked OH and I again so I went to speak to her and said that I assume from her behavior that she now wants nothing to do with me and that out 3 year friendship is over. She said yes that was the case.

I really believe that she is being OTT over the whole thing it is just a fence and I made sure that B was settled in his half of the field before I mentioned it. If he had been unsettled or stressed over it I would have said anything. My other mates at the yard and OH cant believe how she is reacting.

I am gutted we were really good friends or so I thought. I didn't realise that friendship was one sided and as long as it suited her and her horse it was OK but the first time is does not suit me and Chanter I am suddenly the devil women.

Sorry I did not mean to go on cookies and drink of your choice for those that could be bothered to read
 
What an awful situation. I think that you have been more than fair but at the end of the day, your priority is Chanter and if it is best this way then quite simply, you must do it.

I think perhaps she is feeling a bit overwhelmed as her horse has been ill and came back and everything had changed. However, I hope that in the fullness of time she will understand that it just works better.

I hope it does not take too long. It must be an awful atmosphere. Just keep reminding yourself its for the best xx
 
CMP I completely understand about her being overwhelmed it was me that took 2 days off work to take and collect him from the vets. I waited until I knew he was home for a week and settled and that he did not have to have any further treatment.

I had asked for them to be separated at Christmas and she told me then that our friendship would not survive if I wanted that to happen.

I did not know that Chanter would settle with B being away for 2 weeks she did not care if he was bolting around their field screaming for his mate and stressed out all she cared about what B which I understood. as it happens Chanter was excellent and settled at once.
 
hopefully she will calm down and see sense, try to continue being the better person and try to continue as if nothing has happened! easier said than done of course.

tbh she sounds extremely selfish and fickle and sounds like the friendship wasnt as strong as you perhaps thought. At least everyone else is on your side!

are you not being involved then anymore with her horse's turn out/in routine as you were?
 
I think she'll be feeling a bit left behind and rejected. I know nothing much has changed from your point of view but the fact that you've been the one to decide to go it solo so to speak, has hurt her. If anything, it maybe shows that she does value your friendship, she's just not very good at showing how she feels and puts up a barrier instead.
Hopefully with time and understanding she will thaw out - in her shoes it can't be nice to feel like someone doesn't want to have their horse in with hers anymore....even though there may be very good justification for it, it still hurts.
Just be polite, friendly and there for her. Hopefully she'll come round eventually.
 
OwnedbyChanter said:
CMP I completely understand about her being overwhelmed it was me that took 2 days off work to take and collect him from the vets. I waited until I knew he was home for a week and settled and that he did not have to have any further treatment.

I had asked for them to be separated at Christmas and she told me then that our friendship would not survive if I wanted that to happen.

I did not know that Chanter would settle with B being away for 2 weeks she did not care if he was bolting around their field screaming for his mate and stressed out all she cared about what B which I understood. as it happens Chanter was excellent and settled at once.
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I think she is being incredibly selfish since you transported her horse and made sure he was ok. I understand that you made sure that both horses were settled before saying you didnt want to share again.

This must be so disappointing for you after all that you have done. I was also forgetting that Chanter HAD to cope alone while her horse was away.

I know its hard but you have been a great friend to her and that does nt need to stop just because she does not share your field. I hope it is sorted soon and it does not effect your Chanter time :biggrin:
 
Stick to your guns Mrs. What you have done is perfectly reasonable. Don't worry if she doesn't talk for a bit, she will come round. Its typical yard stuff. Different situation but all the girls at my yard stopped talking to me a few months back. I had to block them all on FB because they where all bitching a it was like being back in school. I knew I was doing the best for someones horse at the time, so I didn't care what they said, or didn't say. I just let them get on with it. Know they realise I did the right thing. First one, and now all the rest are mates again :rolleyes:
 
I think flipo's mom worded it very well. Although from a practical point of few: if it's electric tape fence i'd turn it on. Beats them trying to get through and getting tangled up.
I just spent 2 months bandaging my horse after he cut up his hind leg tangled up in electric fence tape (it wasn't on so he had tried to go through it)
 
Honestly some friend OBC, would just leave her to her wee strop, she will snapo out of it and see how much af a twit she is being, yes her horse is ill but you dont take it out on other folk who are loking out for their own horses.

Not much of a mate being honest x
 
Black Beastie said:
Honestly some friend OBC, would just leave her to her wee strop, she will snapo out of it and see how much af a twit she is being, yes her horse is ill but you dont take it out on other folk who are loking out for their own horses.

Not much of a mate being honest x
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Have to say I agree with this^^^^^^^
 
I agree with everyone else. Just to say, get the electric going, otherwise they will trash it before you know it and be back in together. If its only 3' high they will still be able to do the socialising 'nose sniffing' stuff over the top, no worries:wink::smile:
 
Thanks guys,

Julie I did state to her that nothing else changes I would still do the lions share of the work, morning turn out in winter, rug change poo pick, ragwart in summer. But she wants nothing at all to do with me.

The horses have never interacted with each other, B has never been interested in grooming Chanter they have always just sniffed each other and walk off. I watched them yesterday for a couple of hours they sniffed over the fence when I put Chanter back and then went there seperate ways to graze. They have never gone through any fencing.

OH has been great he too states that she has a short memory for all the things we have done including painting her kitchen, setting her up with her now husband, taking B out in my trailer to hack different places etc.

It is literally just a fence but she has made it so much more. If she does 'come' round I am afraid it is to late for friendship but I will as always be polite as I am just not a nasty person regardless of what she will tell people.
 
OwnedbyChanter said:
I had asked for them to be separated at Christmas and she told me then that our friendship would not survive.o
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Sorry but this is blackmail, manipulative behaviour. I think perhaps you are better off without them. I am sort of in touch with someone who does this. Everything goes ok until i have a view or disagree.
 
I am all for keeping them in herds, but not when it's not working. IF you need to keep certain individuals apart for their own good and your bank balance and peace of mind, so be it, it's not worth that kind of drama.
 
Black Beastie said:
Honestly some friend OBC, would just leave her to her wee strop, she will snapo out of it and see how much af a twit she is being, yes her horse is ill but you dont take it out on other folk who are loking out for their own horses.

Not much of a mate being honest x
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I agree with this as well. She sounds extremely immature and comes across like she has spat the dummy out.. As FM suggested i would continue to be polite but keep your distance from her. You are better off without energy drainers in your life

Not sure of your circumstances but could you move fields/or last resort the yard? :unsure:
 
I can request a field move but then they would be completely seperated and althrough I don't think Chanter would mind at all I don't want B to be stressed by not evening seeing him.

What we had was and is a two horse field that was empty when I moved in to it I out up the middle fence years ago to split the two so that when someone else came they would have one half. When she came she did not want B on his own as he had always been in a herd so I agreed. We used one side for winter and one for summer. When B came back from the vets I suggest he went in to one half so that Chanter would not rip his tube out and then said that is how I wanted it to stay. So no massive change he is not in a different field etc.

I will not move yards I was here first and I am there because it is it is 1 1/2 miles from my house and they have an indoor/outdoor off road hacking etc of which I use it all every day. She does not ride except for an 1 at the weekends and only then with me as she does not like most of other people at the yard. I on the other hand ride with anyone so I will contiune to ride avery day.
 
OwnedbyChanter said:
I can request a field move but then they would be completely seperated and althrough I don't think Chanter would mind at all I don't want B to be stressed by not evening seeing him.

What we had was and is a two horse field that was empty when I moved in to it I out up the middle fence years ago to split the two so that when someone else came they would have one half. When she came she did not want B on his own as he had always been in a herd so I agreed. We used one side for winter and one for summer. When B came back from the vets I suggest he went in to one half so that Chanter would not rip his tube out and then said that is how I wanted it to stay. So no massive change he is not in a different field etc.

I will not move yards I was here first and I am there because it is it is 1 1/2 miles from my house and they have an indoor/outdoor off road hacking etc of which I use it all every day. She does not ride except for an 1 at the weekends and only then with me as she does not like most of other people at the yard. I on the other hand ride with anyone so I will contiune to ride avery day.
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no offence OBC but she sounds a right piece of work especially as it seems she is not a well liked person on the yard. Stick to your guns about this and please dont let this person make you feel bad for doing right by Chanter. It doesnt sound he is great friends with the other horse anyway but tolerates him being there.

I dont know this person but i am guessing if the shoe were on the other foot she'd be looking out for her own horse and not giving 2 hoots about you or Chanter. Horrid situation to be in though. I really feel for you :(
 
You've gone beyond what's expected of you for this woman and she throws it all back at you! :banghead: I'd continue with what you normally do at the yard like rug changes, turn out, ragwort etc but perhaps say to her that if she wants a companion to ride with, she'll have to come to terms?
 
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