Being realistic!

cobmum

Member
Sep 13, 2009
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18
Middlewich
So in summer i bought a lovely cob he had been in a hacking home for 1 year (previous owner had no arena).

Upon buying him it became clear his saddle didnt fit and had actually caused muscle wastage, so many physio and massage sessions later a new saddle, teeth done and weight and muscle gain after schooling with my instructor and myself he is very much a forward ride (upon trying him he was ploddy but think this was due to pain and lack of muscle bless him)

I have been made aware his previous previous owner had done arena eventing and some hunting and described him as a 'sports cob'.

He is extremely sweet, good to bath, clip and shoe not bolshy and will hack alone BUT essentially i want and need a plod!!

I feel he is wasted and bored and realistically wont be the slow ploddy cob i would enjoy long term or originally wanted.

The better he is getting in his work and health the less confidence i am actually feeling.

I have inadvertently now over horsed myself, but so glad he is strong, healthy and no longer uncomfortable.

So the quandary being where to go from here? I am realistic in my ability and confidence or lack there of and also what my original and current wants in a horse are.

Potentially selling him fills me with dread but prehaps inevitable?
 
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A horse is never wasted, they have no concept of their potential, they are just happy to be a horse. Your confidence is a whole nother thing though, if you feel you are loosing it because of him then you definitely need to consider your options, but if you’re just feeling like he could do more and you’re feeling guilty because he’s not doing it then I’d look very closely at that because he doesn’t care, not a jot.
 
Jessy is right.
But you have more than that in your favour.
A horse will normally do what it believes its rider would like. But they are genetically geared to save energy. I can turn any horse into the slowest drift along hack, just be asking for nothing more.
Have you asked him to plod?
And have you asked him to plod by breathing deep and relaxing and lowering your own energy?
Have you been for a hack in walk only?
Have you ridden transitions within the gait, like walk slower (plod) down the long side of the school and use a bit more leg and sit up more on the short side?
If his health and energy have improved, and he is too energetic, on our yard, the food would be reduced.

I woud add regarding the safe plod horse. A fit horse always has the potential to be more than a plod. And you have the potential to be quite bossy out hacking. Ride very exactly, taking decisions about speed, destination and placing of the feet. The more instructions you give to the horse the fewer decisions he will take on his own.

However, if the horse frightens you, dont ride it. I dont ride a horse that scares me or which I cant get to obey me in a stable yard.

But I do like a forward horse. I am old. I dont want to have to kick forward at every step. But I would be interested to know more about this "forward". If you ask for 10 steps of walk, will he give it without your using leg? And will he halt after 10 steps if asked? Will he halt for 4 seconds and then walk calmly on for 20 steps? Will he do the same in trot? Can you choose a letter on the school or a clump of grass out hacking and halt exactly at that decided place?

One should do these things not only out of curiosity to see what the horse will do, but to ensure the horse is listening to you. Doing things with the horse schools the horse to do the things you want.
 
I would disagree that all horses are geared to save energy, some of the horses we have today are a very long way from the wild and some breeds and lines have been bred to be flamboyant and energetic. If you get one of those you can still usually turn it into a safe reliable horse for a capable rider, but the chances are it'll always be an alert type that's looking for a go option just as others are looking for a stop or dawdle button.

"Forward" covers a wide range of attitude from @Skib's not having to kick every stride to those who a slight shift in the rider's body so they've stopped saying "wait" is enough to produce an enthusiastic upward transition and no amount of quiet work will change that - indeed it can make matters worse. I don't know what level of forward you're talking about @cobmum?

I totally agree with @Jessey about horses not feeling wasted so if that's your big concern then don't worry. If you really like him but feel he's been used to being busy and misses it then how about finding a sharer who'd like to do a bit more with him? If they wanted to do some shows you may find you like going along as the proud owner :) , and if he's working a bit harder you may find he's calmer inbetween and so you get the quiet hack you want. It depends on how you feel about him as a person, if you don't feel particularly attached to him you might be happier selling him and finding something else, but finding the ideal horse can be far easier said than done.
 
A horse is never wasted, they have no concept of their potential, they are just happy to be a horse. Your confidence is a whole nother thing though, if you feel you are loosing it because of him then you definitely need to consider your options, but if you’re just feeling like he could do more and you’re feeling guilty because he’s not doing it then I’d look very closely at that because he doesn’t care, not a jot.
Absolutely true. Never feel guilty because a horse "could do more". They don't care either way. Mr Zi is a prime example! He's about as well bred as it gets, manners to die for and has done both dressage and eventing. He will take care of pretty much anyone and every rider that sits on him. But does he care that he only gets pootled and pottered about on? I think not!
 
Thank you everyone, he is a good boy and so far has always 'come back' with a half halt in the arena or on hacks- although we haven't ventured too far hacking or been in open fields as yet.

He has a lot of energy despite having turnout 6am-4pm in winter, soaked hay and a handful of balancer. He will pull to jumps if they are up in the arena and my instructor and i both feel he is disillusioned with schooling and walking out hacking so i am looking into the option of a responsible part loaner (it's hard to find a decent one though that likes jumping!) as i would be happy to take them out to shows and farm rides etc.

My previous cob (heart horse) was a kick a long type who liked life in the slow steady lane which really suited me, my new horse will plod of occasion but his nature and personality now is definitely more forward and fresh and so far always safe but it isn't doing my confidence any good.

My nerves really kick in with forward horses owing to a bad accident although with regular lessons i am getting better essentially the enjoyment isnt there.

I dont yet have a strong bond with him maybe as its only been 6 months. I am doing more bonding work with him and just spending time grooming or sitting with him to improve this but still cannot shake this gut feeling and subsequently feeling guilty about it!!

I really want to do the right thing by him and me i want us both to be happy and feel at the moment we are not compatible.
 
Try not to feel guilty, sounds like you are doing everything you can and also sounds like you've turned him around from pretty dire condition, you should be giving yourself a pat on the back. Do you think you could potentially get to the point where you would enjoy him in the future? You could consider getting sharers or even loaning him out and continuing with lessons or sharing another horse if so.

It sounds as though, being honest and from what little I know of the situation, that you 2 are not right and it may be better to sell going forward. Only you can know really but it's not something you should feel guilty about
 
When I say bred to save energy, I meant horses in general,the DNA going back to feral herds.
They are prey animals. The herd will exclude an animal that raises false alarms, they need to be able to run when seriously necessary.

The book I often refer to is Budiansky, The Nature of Horses; Their Evolution, Intelligence and Behaviour.
But actually I learned most of this stuff from Mark Rashid and Kelly Marks
 
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I felt bad when I decided I had to sell my youngster, intended to be my perfect last horse, because it was apparent he was going to be too much for me.

I was careful about selling him and found a person who can handle his ups and downs and loves him, and I have bought a 12 yo traditional cob who is just perfect for me. I am much, much happier, and the youngster is too.

Sometimes it's the right thing.
 
@cobmum you don't sound convinced that he is, or will be, the right horse for you, or that you've formed a strong attachment to him and would hate to let him go. In that case I'd say the same as some others have, that there's no shame in selling him on to someone you think will suit him better. Maybe start looking around for another first because that could do one of two things - convince you that he really isn't for you or make you realise you're happier with him than you think and wouldn't like to let him go. Either way gets things clearer in your head.

It may or may not help you if I say I bought my cob nearly 7 months ago and already I'd hate to be without him, and from the way he looks to me I suspect there is at least some feeling from him too. We've had a few hiccups, mostly because he was unhappy and unsettled at my old yard which made his very reactive (he's always going to be sensitive but this was going to end up with someone hurt) but it never crossed my mind to sell him, just to find somewhere that suited him. In my mind if you're already thinking along those lines then deep down you believe it's a partnership that's unlikely to work.

What does your instructor say if you ask for their honest opinion?
 
@cobmum you don't sound convinced that he is, or will be, the right horse for you, or that you've formed a strong attachment to him and would hate to let him go. In that case I'd say the same as some others have, that there's no shame in selling him on to someone you think will suit him better. Maybe start looking around for another first because that could do one of two things - convince you that he really isn't for you or make you realise you're happier with him than you think and wouldn't like to let him go. Either way gets things clearer in your head.

It may or may not help you if I say I bought my cob nearly 7 months ago and already I'd hate to be without him, and from the way he looks to me I suspect there is at least some feeling from him too. We've had a few hiccups, mostly because he was unhappy and unsettled at my old yard which made his very reactive (he's always going to be sensitive but this was going to end up with someone hurt) but it never crossed my mind to sell him, just to find somewhere that suited him. In my mind if you're already thinking along those lines then deep down you believe it's a partnership that's unlikely to work.

What does your instructor say if you ask for their honest opinion?
My instructor thinks the more we do together (i have just purchased a trailer) we will start to click a bit more but has voiced her concerns about him become to fit for me to cope with. She hopes my confidence, balance and fitness will improve over time (i am not convinced) but said she understands he is not the ploddy slow cob i wanted and need and he will not ever be that as it's not his nature so deal with it or dont 🤣.

I think i really miss my previous horse aswell she was a true plodder so always compare which isn't a good thing and unfair to my new
 
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Yep im always comparing my two cobs. Total different. I was so lucky with my first horse. My second i havent been so lucky with. I had intentions when i brought the second but that hasnt worked out. Im determined that when i find another i will get him out more, have those lessons that i should have. Im seriously considering having something different so i dont compare.
Six months is no time really though. Winter is never easy so i would possibly hang in there for a bit longer. Get the horse out to a few lessons and hacks and decide in the spring how you feel.
 
I'm slowly coming around to thinking about buying a new horse after sadly losing my horse of a lifetime in August. I know exactly what you mean when you say you want 'a plod'. I take this to meant that you want something safe and reliable, something that you feel completely connected to and 100% safe on. The only problem is that after having such a horse, will anything ever live up to the one you have lost?

I am learning that grieving for a horse takes a significant amount of time. I have cried my heart out today for my horse who I lost 4 months ago. I can never replace him and I think it would be a mistake to even try. I need to look forward and I am trusting myself to know when I am ready. I will never replace Ben, I have to start again. I have to forge a new relationship with a new horse and have a new mindset. It is really difficult but in my eyes the only way to move forward. Can you see a relationship with this horse at all? Is there anything connecting you to him? If not, the decision is made.

I just re-read your post and i see that you haven't actually lost a previous horse, I'm not sure why i thought you had? But my comments still stand. Listen to your heart, if there is nothing there then it is time to move on.
 
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Jessy is right.
But you have more than that in your favour.
A horse will normally do what it believes its rider would like. But they are genetically geared to save energy. I can turn any horse into the slowest drift along hack, just be asking for nothing more.
Have you asked him to plod?
And have you asked him to plod by breathing deep and relaxing and lowering your own energy?
Have you been for a hack in walk only?
Have you ridden transitions within the gait, like walk slower (plod) down the long side of the school and use a bit more leg and sit up more on the short side?
If his health and energy have improved, and he is too energetic, on our yard, the food would be reduced.

I woud add regarding the safe plod horse. A fit horse always has the potential to be more than a plod. And you have the potential to be quite bossy out hacking. Ride very exactly, taking decisions about speed, destination and placing of the feet. The more instructions you give to the horse the fewer decisions he will take on his own.

However, if the horse frightens you, dont ride it. I dont ride a horse that scares me or which I cant get to obey me in a stable yard.

But I do like a forward horse. I am old. I dont want to have to kick forward at every step. But I would be interested to know more about this "forward". If you ask for 10 steps of walk, will he give it without your using leg? And will he halt after 10 steps if asked? Will he halt for 4 seconds and then walk calmly on for 20 steps? Will he do the same in trot? Can you choose a letter on the school or a clump of grass out hacking and halt exactly at that decided place?

One should do these things not only out of curiosity to see what the horse will do, but to ensure the horse is listening to you. Doing things with the horse schools the horse to do the things you want.
Sounds like an excert from a book! Quite condescending aswell to be honest.
 
@cobmum have you decided what you want to do? He sounds like a lovely boy and if you do decide to sell him I'm sure you'll have no problem doing so, he sounds like the type I was looking for and judging by how fast they went if they were advertised there was no shortage of demand.
 
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