Bad day, have I made a big mistake?

Colour_Crazy_Gi

Colour_Crazy_Gi

«.zσℓα.»
Mar 17, 2006
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Bucks
:( What a day...

There this person at our yard, and she really likes Zola and thinks she can ride her so much better than me. She gave me her version of a lesson today. She always does it when shes there and i ride. The thing is, whenever she does it, i can never achieve anything with Zola :( Whenever i have a lesson with my instructor, or when Melia helps me, i get so much out of her and she really enjoys it. But when this girl 'teaches' me stuff, Zola goes so tense there's no point bothering as shes so upset. So when she left today, Zola still didnt chill out, so i put a jump up as she always loves jumping, and she wouldnt even do that :( She just kept refusing and got in a right state.

She always refuses 'scary' fillers, but i really want to take her showjumping more often and i would like to try out for the novice area team this year. But i cant as she keeps refusing, no matter what i do, i cant get her to jump them. I've tried being nice with her, using the whip, growling, shouting, kicking as much as i can, but it just doesnt work. Im begining to think i made a big mistake. She used to be so good at showjumping. Now she wont do dressage, i dont expect her to as im not interested either, but she wont cross country or showjump now. We just keep getting eliminated. :(

I love her so much, i would never give her up over something like this. But i keep thinking i've let her down, if someone who competed more had bought her she would be so good. Now she goes in the ring all juggy and we get eliminated by about the 5th jump :( Ive only been to one big show where we've done well. :(

What can i do? I feel so bad. :(

x x x x
 
Don't be so rough on yourself hun.

If this person is so bad then why let her 'teach' you, she obviously doesn't match yours and Zolas style.

As for the jumping, I'm not really sure, have you overphased her at all that makes her not want to jump??

Sorry not much help but keep smiling

xx
 
Maybe you should just put today down as a bad un. Perhaps you tense when you have this girl teach you and you are passing it onto Zola. If you felt negative maybe she did to? If you get nothing from her teaching don't let her do it and concentrate and the positive vibes both you and her get from the other teacher. Re the jumping, perhaps take a step back. Go back to smaller fences to build both of your confidence. Make it fun again for both of you. Good luck girly x
 
:( Poor you. Lots of sympathy and positive thoughts to you:)

Keep persevering and remember that all people who have competed more than you had to start somewhere.

There are always plenty of people around who "know" how to get the best from your horse and they always seem to bring out the insecurity in people.

My secret when I feel like that is either to take OH or non-horsey friend to watch me ride. They always think I'm fantastic as they can't do it. I have to admit I think i ride better as well because I have more self-belief.

Cheer yourself with the thought that the evenings are slowly but surely getting longer and Summer is just around the corner and those warm lovely evenings of just pottering are nearly upon us:D
 
Bobbin said:
If this person is so bad then why let her 'teach' you, she obviously doesn't match yours and Zolas style.

As for the jumping, I'm not really sure, have you overphased her at all that makes her not want to jump??
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I hate confronting people :( I dont know how to tell her i dont like her.. I get on so well with her otherwise. :(

Before i put the fillers in, she'd already jumped a cross pole and a 2ft 6 upright so i think its the fillers she isnt keen on. She's always disliked them with me. I hope im not the one making her refuse. :(

I just dont know how to get her over them :(

Thanks MrDCBags, that made me feel much better :) I cant really take that many people down to watch me, my friends arent really interested, my mum just keeps shouting at me to slow down when its a perfect speed compared to what she was like. :(

x x x x
 
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She was jumping fine the other day when you were bareback. How about having some lessons with Di? She always seems to know exactly what to do whatever the problem, remember how easily she sorted out Sunny and the scary double on the xc course last year? We'd tried for ages, it took 5 minutes with her help!

Zola's a good little jumper, and is happy to jump quite a height without fillers. She just needs to get used to them and to be more confident with them. Di will know what to do, and then you can get on and start solving the problem before the show season starts. Even if your mum doesn't want to pay for a lesson, you've been working at the yard so you could...

Oh, and who's the 'girl'? PM me!!!
 
With the fillers, try putting them at an angle at the sides of the jump first, so that they're not in the actual jump, but she can see them. When she gets comfortable with that, move them in a bit, ans gradually decrease the gap until they're under the jump properly. But take it slowly, and don't be so hard on yourself - I'm sure you haven't put her off fillers..

Ross
 
Poor you- I love my non-horsey peeps as they make me feel good even when I know I'm not.

You will have to carry all our positive thoughts in you head when you ride and use them to block out yard "expert".

You could charge her £20 per hour for being someone that she practises her teaching skills on!

As for the mother thing- its hard.

I have to hold my hand up to being guilty of that occasionally to the boy who rides -so -much -better- than- me -at -7 -and- has- passed -his -D+ test -and is my son. Every so often I interfere and become overbearing without meaning to and then feel so guilty afterwards. But I know he'e good and so that little demon voice comes out!
 
Hey hun,

Let me tell you something. I have made the mistake of trying to 'help' people before and it wasn't really needed or wanted. To be honest they were doing perfectly fine on their own.

I was blissfully unaware of any upset I was causing and was quite thankful when somebody pointed out that maybe I was doing more harm than good. I've stepped back now and I realise that no matter what good intentions you have unless you actually achieve anything then theres little point.

This person is full of good will but her ideas obviously aren't working for you so thank her and say that you want to concentrate on just one 'instructor' so Zola has some consistency and is taught just one way.

I was thankful that I was told, I was mortified when I found out that I'd upset someone I consider to be a friend and we still get on great now, so no harm done whatsoever.

Tell her.

xx
 
(((((((hugs)))))) don't feel too bad, it's horrible when you have these bad days where nothing seems to go right, but it doesn't mean that tomorrow will be like that, or the next day.

As to the not liking to jump fillers, what would Zola do if you draped something like a jacket over a crosspole? Would she jump that or would that be too scary? Maybe you need to try taking things slowly and building up her confidence with fillers, start off by making a crosspole a bit scarier - by draping coats or bright coloured things on it and see how she takes that. Once she's confidently jumping a crosspole made "scary", try putting in fillers, just at the very edges of the jump first of all, then gradually move them together until she jumps the whole filler. It may take a while, but hopefully she'll get there in the end! You could also try doing something relaxing with her after a schooling session, maybe after she's jumped some scary jumps, take her for a little walk out to relax her.
 
Thanks Bobbin :)

8-legged-pony - Thanks, i think ill try that! :) Ive done jackets over jumps before and shes been fine, but now its got worse, she probably wont like those mcuch either so i can start from there!

x x x x
 
how is she with the fillers when you just free-jump her, or send her over on a line, without a rider ? If you're on the ground, you can get a really good idea of how she's feeling as she approaches these things ... and you can set them really low, or just have her circle around near them, so she gets to see them out of both eyes, then send her closer and closer, until she gets close enough to stop and sniff .. .then send her over. 'Send' as a groundwork exercise is vastly underrated.
 
She's the same being free-jumped. Im thinking of setting up a REALLY small but scary jump in the week and doing some groundwork with her, so i run over and she should trust me enough to jump over too! :)

x x x

P.S Just booked a lesson for saturday :) x
 
i taught the exracer i had to jump fillers by starting off with them at either side of a jump then gradually moving them in, eventually if you practise it enough and as soon as she refuses, move them back out a bit it helps :)
 
Colour_Crazy_Gi said:
Ross - What can i do if i get her to a show though? They dont do that there, but ill still try!

x x x
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No, they probably won't do it at shows, but try and get her over the problem before taking her to shows to jump. Having a huge battle with your horse in the ring is not really a good thing to do, as you don't have enough time to sort it out, so you really need to try and get this ironed out at home first. She'll get there if you persevere (I had exactly the same problem with my horse, and got him over it eventually, but didn't put him in jumping classes until I had).

Ross
 
There is a woman at my yard who thinks she knows best and as soon as either her or her daughter approach the sandschool but my two horses start to misbehave and won't do as I ask. However, my sister in law and I have come to the conclusion that its not the horses its me, whenever these two come near I just know they are watching me to criticise and then I go to pot, the horses sense it and things fall apart!

I reckon something similar has happened with you, you feel that this girl can ride your horse better than you so whenever she approaches you when riding or gives you a lesson, you are passing on your apprehension to your horse.

What do you think?
 
Thanks Ross :)

Loopslou - its a good theory, but tbh she cant ride her better than me. I really hope this doesnt sound nasty and snobbish. But she thumps down so hard Zola's back hollows completely and she just cant physically work with her! :(

Anyway, I lunged her tonight, and she was a really good girl. I'm beginning to think it could have something to do with her teeth as shes due and was chewing strange tonight. She did have a good time on the lunge though, loved it so much, tanked off bucking around me!! Lol! I didnt mind as i could stop her, i love her having so much fun :)

x x x
 
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Oh dear, sounds like this girl is jealous of you - I find these "helpful" types usually are!! Try not to let it bother you - I'm sure you're making progress with Zola just fine - its not anybody elses business, but I know what youmean, the pressure is on when you're riding and there is somebody hanging around who you're not keen on. (I don't know if you're not keen on her, but I wouldn't be if she kept giving me handy hints and letting me know how good was at riding!!!)
To be honest, I really wouldn't bother, you just carry on - I'm sure you're doing fine. Take some pressure off yourself and relax, you'll get your jumpping mojo back!
 
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